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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527478">The White Queen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evendale/pseuds/Evendale'>Evendale</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adventure, Alternate Universe - 19th Century, Angst, Dancing, Drama, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, courting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:55:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>106,774</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evendale/pseuds/Evendale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>England, 1815. The last thing Lord Sergio Marquina wants is a wife, but then fate forces his hand and brings Raquel Murillo into his life. He has no idea how she will turn his life upside down, dragging him -- willingly or not -- into danger, adventure... and maybe even love.</p><p>Update 02/05/2021: this fic is now on a short hiatus.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raquel Murillo/Professor | Sergio Marquina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1716</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Two Pawns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone! I know this story is very different from anything I've written before, but I'm very excited about it! 😄 I'm aware that not everyone likes historical AUs, but I hope you'll give this one a chance! It won't be all dialogue and soirees, I promise! 😂 I have a fair bit of action planned as well. And of course a lovely Serquel slow burn! </p><p>A slight warning before you start: this setting is completely different from the setting in canon, and the characters have been adapted to their new circumstances. They are, therefore, not exactly the same. I have done my best to preserve their essence though!</p><p>Starting a new story is scary, and I'm so grateful for the encouragement and enthusiasm of my friends! A HUGE thank you to thegirloverseas, Loreak, heartunderfire and Meg, for proofreading, for encouraging me, and for discussing story, summary and title with me! You are all wonderful, and I feel so blessed! 🥰</p><p>An extra thank you to thegirloverseas, for being the best 💗</p><p>I am so in love with this story :') I hope you will love it too. Happy reading! 💗</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“I’m telling you, Sergio, she’s <em>perfect.</em>”</p><p>“Please”, he said dismissively. “I’m not interested.”</p><p>Andrés continued anyway.</p><p>“She’s twenty-four, pretty, clever, she has a reputation beyond question, and she comes with an <em>enormous </em>dowry and a fixed yearly income.”</p><p>“If she’s so perfect, why isn’t she already married?”</p><p>“Her parents have been holding out for the right match. Her father recently made an absolute fortune in trade and now they want their daughter to marry up.”</p><p>“I don’t have any money.”</p><p>“They don’t want money, they have <em>plenty </em>of money. What they want is an aristocratic connection. That’s where you come in. I’m telling you, you couldn’t marry a better girl.”</p><p>Sergio shot his half-brother a disgruntled look.</p><p>“But I <em>told </em>you, Andrés, I don’t want to marry at all.”</p><p>He turned towards the fireplace to warm his hands. Despite the spring sunlight streaming through the windows, the big hall was still cool, and Sergio had asked for the fire to be lit. His brother leaned forward in his chair on the other side of the hearth.</p><p>“You’re almost thirty, man, what are you waiting for? Time to start a family.”</p><p>Sergio glanced down at the chess board on the little table in front of him – he’d been in the middle of a game when his brother came in, and he rather wanted to continue it.</p><p>“I don’t want a family.”</p><p>“Are you really going to spend your entire life alone?”</p><p>“I’m not alone, I have you and Tatiana and the children.”</p><p>“For two visits a year.”</p><p>“Which is plenty. A wife and children would interfere with my work.”</p><p>Andrés waved a hand.</p><p>“You could still work, you only have to spend as much time with them as you want to.”</p><p>“How about no time at all? I’m telling you, I don’t want to get married.”</p><p>“But this girl…”</p><p>Sergio frowned. “Why are you match-making, all of a sudden? You’ve never shown any interest in my love life before.”</p><p>In fact, why was his brother here at all? He generally didn’t come down to the country except for their regular arranged family visits at Christmas and in the summer – if Sergio wanted to see his brother at any other time, he had to make the trip to town. And yet here Andrés was, unannounced and alone, talking about marriage.</p><p>His brother cleared his throat, then said carefully:</p><p>“You know we’re not rich.”</p><p>“True, but we both get by.”</p><p>Andrés shifted in his chair, and Sergio narrowed his eyes at him.</p><p>“What are you not telling me?”</p><p>“Well… I might not be as comfortably situated as you think I am.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“There may be some debt.”</p><p>Sergio sat up straighter, alarmed.</p><p>“What kind of debt?”</p><p>“The kind that will get me thrown in debtor’s jail if I don’t pay it.”</p><p>“How much?” Sergio asked curtly.</p><p>His brother hesitated. “Let’s just say it’s… a substantial amount.”</p><p>“<em>How much?”</em></p><p>Andrés mentioned a number, and Sergio felt himself go pale.</p><p>“How did this happen?” he whispered. “I know your father didn’t leave you much, but the settlement my father arranged for you before he died should have been enough to support you and your family, and you live rent-free in my town house.”</p><p>“I may have… fallen in with some bad crowds.”</p><p>“What kind of bad crowds?” Sergio said icily.</p><p>“Gambling.”</p><p>Sergio gave him an outraged look, and his brother quickly continued:</p><p>“It was never much! Just little bits here and there, but it added up over the years and now I’ve run out my credit and they want to get paid. Soon.”</p><p>“But how can I possibly pay them? I don’t have that kind of money!”</p><p>“No, you don’t”, his brother said, giving him a sly look. “But you could have it soon…”</p><p>The pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell into place and Sergio’s eyes went wide as he realized why his brother was suddenly match-making.</p><p>“You want me to marry that girl for her <em>money</em>? That’s disgusting, Andrés.”</p><p>“Why?” he shrugged. “Everybody does it. And I’ve met her, she really is pretty.”</p><p>Sergio waved his hand. “I don’t care about that. I’m not using her for her money.”</p><p>“She’s using you too!” Andrés said, leaning forward. “You have aristocratic connections and a good name, and she gets to be a lady. You both get something out of it. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.”</p><p>“I still don’t want the hassle of a wife and children in the house! There would be noise, and mess, and the expectation of conversation.”</p><p>“A wife comes with advantages as well. She could manage your household.”</p><p>“I have a housekeeper for that.”</p><p>“She can keep you company.”</p><p>“You’re always complaining that Tatiana only wants to talk about dresses and hats.”</p><p>Andrés waved a dismissive hand.</p><p>“Not all women are like that. And besides, it’s nice to have someone to keep your bed warm.”</p><p>Sergio stiffened.</p><p>“I’m perfectly fine with a blanket, thank you”, he said with dignity.</p><p>His brother grinned. “Oh come on, Sergio, you know what I mean…”</p><p>“I’m telling you, Andrés”, Sergio said heatedly. “I <em>don’t</em> <em>want </em>a wife. There must be another option!”</p><p>“Of course”, his brother said smoothly, leaning back in his chair. “You could always sell the town house. Then me and my family could come live here with you.”</p><p>Sergio froze. Andrés smiled and pushed his advantage.</p><p>“Yes, wouldn’t that be nice? Me and Tatiana and your six nieces and nephews, always here.”</p><p>Sergio frowned. “Seven.”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“You have <em>seven </em>children, Andrés.”</p><p>His brother blinked. “Since when?”</p><p>“Since Tatiana gave birth again three months ago.”</p><p>“Well yes, little Robbie makes six. There’s Andrew, Rose, Nathaniel, Winston and Elizabeth.”</p><p>“You’re forgetting Delia.”</p><p>“Right!” Andrés said, slapping his knee. “She’s so quiet, you barely notice she’s there. Unlike the other five…”</p><p>“<em>Six</em>.”</p><p>“… they’re real rascals. Running around the house, setting up a racket at all hours of the day and night, dragging in mud, getting into your study and messing up your papers…”</p><p>“Fine, fine!” Sergio said hastily. “You paint a vivid picture.”</p><p>“Believe me, Sergio, marrying a nice girl and having two or three quiet, well-behaved children of your own would be preferable for everyone. And her dowry really is enormous, it would erase our debt immediately and there would still be plenty left over to upgrade your lifestyle a little.”</p><p>“What do you mean ‘our’ debt?” Sergio grumbled. “This is <em>your </em>debt, why do I have to pay for it?”</p><p>His brother nodded soberly. “You’re right, of course. This is my problem and I shouldn’t expect you to solve it for me. But you know I have no way of finding that kind of money, and if I don’t… well, it’s a one-way trip to prison for me. Is that what you want?”</p><p>“No”, Sergio said quietly. “No, of course not.” He ran a tired hand over his eyes. “But I still really dislike the idea of having to marry.”</p><p>“Well”, Andrés said, reaching forward and moving the chess pieces on the board on the little table between them. “Life is like chess. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a piece…” He bumped Sergio’s knight off the board. “…to win another.” He held up the white queen.</p><p>“But I don’t see what I’m <em>winning</em> by making this sacrifice.”</p><p>“Why don’t you at least meet the girl? Maybe you’ll like her.”</p><p>“And maybe pigs will fly”, Sergio mumbled, but his brother ignored him.</p><p>“I’ve been talking to her father, and her parents are very keen on making the match, but they insist that their daughter has a say as well.”</p><p>“As she should”, Sergio said drily.</p><p>“Quite”, his brother nodded. “A lot depends on this, Sergio, so at least <em>try</em> to make a good impression tomorrow.”</p><p>“<em>Tomorrow?” </em></p><p>“Yes”, his brother said lightly. “They’re having a soiree tomorrow and we’re both invited. I took the liberty of accepting.”</p><p>He groaned. “Oh, perfect.”</p><p>“I’m telling you, this is the best solution all around.”</p><p>“I suppose”, Sergio said, heaving a big sigh of resignation. “Well, what’s the name of this girl?”</p><p>“Raquel”, Andrés said. “Raquel Murillo.”</p><p>…</p><p>“Sergio Marquina”, her mother said. “<em>Lord</em> Sergio Marquina.”</p><p>“We met his brother”, her sister supplied. “Well, his half-brother, really. Lord De Fonollosa, you remember him, we saw him in town at the Pembertons’ Winter’s Ball in December.”</p><p>“Yes, I remember him”, Raquel said. “Rather arrogant, wasn’t he? I didn’t know his brother lives this close by. How come we’ve never met him at a ball?”</p><p>“He doesn’t frequent balls”, her mother said.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“I’ve heard he likes to keep to himself”, Laura shrugged. “And maybe he wasn’t looking for a wife.”</p><p>“That’s not a bad thing”, her mother said quickly. “A lot of men wait until they’re a little older before settling down.”</p><p>Raquel nodded. “So what kind of person is he? Is he like his brother?”</p><p>“I’ve heard they’re nothing alike”, her mother assured her.</p><p>“Apparently he’s quite handsome”, Laura smiled.</p><p>“What about his character?”</p><p>“He’s very respectable”, her mother said. “We’ve made inquiries, and there are no rumors about him at all. He has no known vices, and he only goes into town to visit his family every once in a while. He’s quite the scholar.”</p><p>Raquel raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Mother, stop, you’re making him sound almost <em>too </em>exciting.”</p><p>Her mother squeezed her hand.</p><p>“Sweetheart, I know it might not sound very thrilling, but it’s better to have a dull and trustworthy husband than one who gambles or drinks his money away.”</p><p>“Or who goes around fathering bastards on the chambermaids”, Laura muttered.</p><p>“Laura!” Marivi chided her daughter, but Raquel could see that really she agreed.</p><p>“But just imagine, Raquel”, her sister sighed, her eyes sparkling. “To marry an actual <em>lord. </em>You’ll associate with all the gentry in the county and be <em>Lady </em>Marquina. Wouldn’t that be splendid?”</p><p>Raquel couldn’t say she cared too much about that, and there was something that bothered her.</p><p>“Why is he interested in <em>me</em>, though? Why isn’t he courting some lady of his own rank? He’s as poor as a church mouse, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Well”, her mother said carefully, “of course your father has inquired into his finances. They are solid, but he is far from rich. Perhaps he would like his heirs to be a little more comfortable.”</p><p>Raquel pulled a face, and her mother hastened to continue:</p><p>“I <em>know </em>that’s not the most romantic thing, sweetheart, and of course if you don’t like each other, there will be no talk of marriage whatsoever. But perhaps you <em>do </em>like each other, and then there’s no reason why the arrangement can’t be beneficial in multiple ways, both to you and to him.”</p><p>Raquel sighed. She wasn’t so naïve as to think that her considerable dowry made no difference to her suitors, but it still wasn’t a pleasant thought that men were primarily interested in her for her money.</p><p>“And then there’s the fact”, her mother continued, “that both our families have Spanish ancestry. I don’t know if it matters to Lord Marquina, but I know it would mean a lot to your father.”</p><p>“You’re so lucky”, Laura grumbled. “You get courted by a lord, while I had to settle for a wool merchant.”</p><p>Marivi gave her a sharp look. “Don’t act like we forced you to marry, Laura, George was an excellent match at the time and you chose him yourself. He’s a dutiful husband to you and you want for nothing, so don’t be ungrateful.”</p><p>“And anyway”, Raquel said, “we’ll have to see about the courting. Maybe he won’t like me.”</p><p>“Perhaps if you tried to be a little less outspoken, dear…” her mother said carefully, but Raquel shook her head and said calmly:</p><p>“No, Mother, I don’t want a husband who can’t stand it if his wife has an opinion.”</p><p>“Better prepare for spinsterhood, then”, Laura mumbled.</p><p>Raquel laughed, but said: “I’m sure there are men who won’t mind.”</p><p>While her mother and sister started discussing this, Raquel let her thoughts wander. Despite her having turned down all suitors so far, she really would like to get married soon. It wasn’t that marriage and children held such an appeal to her, but as long as she was unmarried, she was stuck in her father’s house, and as much as she loved her parents, she felt ready to start her own life. Once she found a husband, she’d be able to go out unchaperoned, talk to whomever she wanted, travel abroad and meet interesting people. If her husband was modern and open-minded enough, he might even allow her to join societies or run a charity or two – and that was exactly the kind of husband she hoped to find.</p><p>That brought her to Lord Marquina. At least he would be different from the merchant sons who’d been courting her until now, showing off their new-found wealth at every available opportunity, swaggering around and boasting loudly, all flash and no substance. If he was a scholar as her mother said, then she supposed she could at least expect a decent conversation. She knew her parents had been hoping to make a good match for her, and she was well aware how pleased they would be if she married an actual lord, and one with Spanish roots and an impeccable reputation as well. In fact, aside from sounding a little dull, he seemed rather perfect, and she allowed herself to be cautiously optimistic.</p><p>“Anyway”, her mother said, snapping her out of her reverie, “Lord Marquina will be at our soiree tomorrow.”</p><p>“Alright”, she said. “I look forward to meeting him.”</p><p>…</p><p>They got out of the carriage at sunset and stepped into the well-lit portico of the Murillo country home. A footman took their coats at the door, and inside the hall, Mr. and Mrs. Murillo waited to greet them. Sergio was feeling distinctly uncomfortable as he looked around the crowded room, where servants in impeccable uniform were maneuvering between men and women in all their finery, drinking, laughing, conversing with friends and acquaintances. Usually, he avoided these kinds of things like the plague, but it was the only proper way to meet Miss Murillo, so he supposed he’d just have to endure this night. He was grateful that this wasn’t a ball, at least, just a soiree with conversation and music. He didn’t want to disappoint his brother… after the death of his parents, Andrés had always taken care of his younger brother, and Sergio felt like he owed it to him to try his hardest to make this plan work. It really would be the most elegant solution to their troubles, even if it did mean that he’d be stuck with a woman in the house for the rest of his life. He squared his shoulders. Alright. Time to try and win the queen.</p><p>…</p><p>Laura pointed them out the moment they walked through the door: two handsome men in their thirties, both well-dressed, one of them exuding confidence and flair, the other looking ill at ease and awkward.</p><p>“That’s him”, Laura whispered, and Raquel gave him a closer look. His hair was unfashionably long and wavy, but she rather liked that, and she liked his dark eyes as well. He seemed out of place in the crowded hall – she could easily imagine him behind a desk or in a library, much more comfortable with books than with people. He looked so uncomfortable that she felt rather sorry for him – she wished she could go over and just talk to him, but she would have to wait to be introduced to him, and even then she couldn’t talk to him without a chaperone. Luckily, they had already met his brother before, and as a married woman, Laura could chaperone her sister in the conversation. So when Lord De Fonollosa spotted them, he nudged his brother and came over to them with a broad smile.</p><p>“My dear Mrs. Benson, Miss Murillo, a pleasure to see you again!”</p><p>“And you, Lord De Fonollosa”, Laura smiled.</p><p>“May I present my brother Sergio?”</p><p>Lord Marquina bowed with a solemn expression while Raquel and Laura made a reverence. <em>He looks so serious</em>, Raquel thought. She caught him glancing at her, but the moment their eyes met, he looked away, and she suppressed a smile. <em>He’s shy. I wonder what he thinks of me.</em></p><p>…</p><p>She was very different from what he’d expected – though he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d expected. A frivolous young girl, probably, simpering and empty-headed, but instead the woman standing in front of him was observing him closely with dark, intelligent eyes, and he immediately feared that she might find him wanting. He knew he should say something witty or charming, but his mind was a blank, and he was glad when his brother jumped into the breech and started talking.</p><p>“Miss Murillo, could you tell me who made the exquisite drawing on the wall over there?”</p><p>She smiled. “That would be me, sir.”</p><p>“Truly?” Andrés said. “You’re an artist, then. That drawing is wonderfully executed.”</p><p>He nudged Sergio, who quickly said:</p><p>“Uhm… yes… quite nice.”</p><p>His brother threw him an annoyed look, but Miss Murillo smiled at him. He quickly looked down again.</p><p>“Do you have any other interests?” his brother enquired politely.</p><p>“My sister is quite accomplished”, Mrs. Benson said. “She can draw, sing and embroider, her writing and French are excellent, and she’s been taught to keep household accounts.”</p><p><em>Subtle</em>, Sergio thought, but when he glanced at Miss Murillo, he saw that she looked properly annoyed by her sister’s boasting, and one thing on the list had caught his attention.</p><p>“You sing?”</p><p>“Only a little”, she demurred.</p><p>“Actually”, Mrs. Benson interrupted, “she has a lovely voice.”</p><p>“Sergio plays the piano”, Andrés said. “Quite well, in fact.”</p><p>Really, could they be any more obvious about wanting this match? He felt like they were just two pawns in a game he didn’t want to play. To his relief, Miss Murillo put a hand on her sister’s arm and said:</p><p>“We should really go greet the Churchills, Laura. It was a pleasure to meet you, Lord Marquina.”</p><p>“And you”, Sergio said, feeling the tension leave his shoulders as Miss Murillo firmly steered her sister away from them.</p><p>His brother gave him a disgruntled look.</p><p>“You really couldn’t have been a little more forthcoming than that?”</p><p>“I’m sorry Andrés”, Sergio said, annoyed. “I honestly tried my best, but I really don’t want to do this.”</p><p>“Look”, his brother said, “you don’t <em>have</em> to do it. It’s fine by me if you’d prefer to sell the town house. Would you?”</p><p>Sergio hesitated, a picture in his mind’s eye of his house overrun with swarming children and a permanently disgruntled Tatiana.</p><p>“No”, he said reluctantly.</p><p>“Then buck up and make an effort. You can’t court a woman halfway, Sergio – either you’re in or you’re out.”</p><p>“You’re right”, he sighed. “I suppose I’m in. But that still doesn’t mean that I know what to say to her.”</p><p>“Well, you’d better think of something, then. We’ll try again later.”</p><p>…</p><p>She was aware of him at the edge of her vision throughout the night as she talked to friends and acquaintances – a brooding figure: tall, silent, looking a little helpless in this social setting. He kept close to his brother and didn’t say much, and she was starting to suspect that he was very dull indeed. When she and Laura were alone again at a certain point, the brothers approached them again.</p><p>“This is a wonderful soiree”, Lord De Fonollosa said, and the sisters politely thanked him.</p><p>Then Raquel saw him nudge his brother, clearly encouraging him to say something. Lord Marquina cleared his throat, then directed himself towards her.</p><p>“What do you think of the abolition issue, Miss Murillo?”</p><p>Raquel raised her eyebrows in surprise, and she saw his brother shoot him an incredulous look.</p><p>“Miss Murillo doesn’t want to talk about politics, Sergio!”</p><p>“<em>Actually</em>”, Raquel said. “I feel like it’s time that Mr. Wilberforce’s Slave Trade Act became properly enforced within the British Empire.”</p><p>She enjoyed the look of surprise on Lord De Fonollosa’s face – men never expected young ladies to read the newspaper – but to his credit, Lord Marquina didn’t look surprised at all. He merely nodded.</p><p>“Then we are in agreement.”</p><p>“You’re an abolitionist, sir?” she enquired.</p><p>“Yes, I am.”</p><p>She felt rather excited. Being in favor of abolishing the slave trade was often a sign of progressive thinking in general. However, most men were only interested in abolition as a political issue, so she asked the crucial question:</p><p>“<em>Why</em> are you interested in abolition?”</p><p>“Because it’s morally indefensible to enslave another human being.”</p><p>That was the exact right answer – she felt that it showed a kind heart and a well-developed morality, and she gave him a closer look, suddenly much more interested in him. He didn’t seem inclined to elaborate, however, looking at the ground like he’d done his duty in the conversation. His brother was shaking his head, though, so she asked him:</p><p>“What’s <em>your </em>opinion on the slave trade, Lord De Fonollosa?”</p><p>He shrugged. “I’m not that interested in politics.”</p><p>“Would you say the enslavement of an entire race of people is a purely political matter though? Isn’t it rather a moral question?”</p><p>“Raquel”, her sister said lightly, putting a hand on her arm, “this is hardly a matter for a social occasion like this.”</p><p>She shook off her sister’s hand. “No, I’d like to hear Lord De Fonollosa’s answer.”</p><p>He grinned. “I’m not that interested in morality either. Who needs morals, really?”</p><p>“Morals are what makes us human”, Lord Marquina said quietly, not taking his eyes off the ground. “Without morality, we’re no different from animals.”</p><p>Raquel gave him another close look. Maybe he wasn’t so dull after all.</p><p>“Don’t start lecturing the ladies, Sergio”, Lord De Fonollosa said, then he turned to them with a disarming smile. “In the family, we call him the Professor. You’ll have to excuse him.”</p><p>“Actually”, Raquel said, “I’m interested in what he has to say.”</p><p>Lord Marquina looked up at her, surprised, but then he immediately looked down again.</p><p>“I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you, because that’s all I had to say on the matter.”</p><p>Raquel raised her eyebrows – that wasn’t a very proper thing to say if one wished to keep the conversation going, and Lord De Fonollosa immediately intervened:</p><p>“It’s been a while since my brother was in such refined company as yours, ladies, I’m afraid he’s forgotten his manners.”</p><p>“I’d rather have a man without manners than one without morals”, Raquel said lightly, earning her an alarmed look from her sister, but Lord De Fonollosa merely laughed.</p><p>“Touché, Miss Murillo, I deserved that.”</p><p>She saw Lord Marquina throw her an amused look, and she caught a glimpse of humor in his dark eyes before he looked away again. <em>No</em>, she mused, <em>no, I don’t think he’s dull at all. He’s just awkward.</em></p><p>At that point, people started settling down for music, so they went their separate ways and found seats so they could listen to the young ladies in the room show their proficiency on the piano. Though she kept her eyes on the performers, Raquel’s thoughts were mostly on Lord Marquina and whether or not she should permit him to start courting her – if he asked, of course.</p><p>…</p><p>He couldn’t keep his attention on the music – he kept glancing at her as she was listening attentively, and he considered his options. She actually seemed like an interesting person: intelligent, witty, accomplished. Unenthusiastic as he still was about the idea of marrying, he supposed she might be tolerable, at least. If he <em>had </em>to choose – and apparently, he did – then he guessed he’d rather have <em>her </em>in the house than Tatiana and the children. She appeared to be well-mannered, and she didn’t seem like the kind of person to be loud or abrasive, to interfere with his work or make unreasonable demands of him. He didn’t relish the idea of having to provide conversation at every meal, but it seemed like a reasonable sacrifice to make if it got his family out of debt. By the time the evening drew to a close and guests started leaving, he’d made his decision, and he had an answer ready when his brother drew him aside.</p><p>“So?” Andrés asked. “What do you think?”</p><p>He nodded. “She’ll do.”</p><p>His brother’s eyes lit up. “You’ll try courting her?”</p><p>He grimaced. “With the emphasis on ‘try’, but yes.”</p><p>“Good man”, Andrés laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “Then go ask her.”</p><p>He looked over to where she was talking to her sister, then took a deep breath and walked up to them, nervous. If she refused him now, he’d have to find another girl and he knew it wouldn’t be easy to find another prospect with this kind of money. He hoped he’d made a good enough impression for her to at least allow him to initiate a courtship. He reached the sisters and cleared his throat, his eyes on the ground.</p><p>“My apologies Mrs. Benson, Miss Murillo. I have a… question… to ask you, or… perhaps more of a request…”</p><p>He glanced up to see their expressions – Mrs. Benson’s hopeful, Miss Murillo’s open and questioning, and that gave him the courage to go on:</p><p>“May I… may I call on you tomorrow?”</p><p>She gave him a long, considering look that made him fear the worst, so he said:</p><p>“We could… we could talk more about abolition.”</p><p>The corners of her mouth twitched.</p><p>“I would like that. You may call tomorrow at two.”</p><p>He felt a rush of relief as he bowed.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>He turned around and walked back towards his brother, who was grinning broadly at him. Now that the first step had been taken, he felt rather resigned to his fate. He’d made his opening move – now he just needed to play the rest of the game skillfully enough. Fine, he thought, since he had no other options, he would try – he would genuinely try – to make Miss Murillo his wife.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Courting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so blown away by and grateful for the response to the first chapter! 🥰 Really, thank you so much to everyone who's left kudos or a comment so far, I can't tell you how happy I am that you seem enthusiastic about this story that I'm so excited about myself! 😄</p>
<p>I'm on holiday right now, and writing is going very well, so you can probably expect multiple updates a week for this story for the next two weeks or so 😊 I really hope you'll enjoy it! I've done a lot of reading about the time period, so most things should be more or less historically accurate, even if they seem strange. For example, an engagement really would last only three weeks, since weddings were simple and didn't need much preparation.</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg, for proof-reading and for her enthusiasm and encouragement!</p>
<p>And as always, a massive thank you to thegirloverseas, for discussing everything with me from plotting to character names, for always making my stories better, and for everything else 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
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<p>Raquel took extra care with her dress and hair that morning. She wasn’t entirely sure yet if she really liked Lord Marquina – he simply hadn’t said enough last night for her to form an informed opinion of him – but she knew her parents really wanted this match and she felt like she owed it to them to make an effort. When she came downstairs for breakfast, Laura was already there. Her husband was at his office most of the day, and they hadn’t been blessed with any children yet, so her sister spent most of her days in her parental home. Usually, Raquel didn’t mind, but today she rather wished her sister could have stayed away – she had the sense that Lord Marquina would be more comfortable if fewer people were present. The best way to get to know him would probably be to speak to him alone, but she knew that that was absolutely out of the question. As a proper gentleman, Lord Marquina would only request to speak to her alone if he wanted to propose marriage – until then, they would always need at least one chaperone.</p>
<p>“What time will Lord Marquina be here?” Marivi asked.</p>
<p>“Two o’clock”, Raquel replied.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe he’s actually coming to court you”, Laura said, equal amounts of excitement and envy in her voice.</p>
<p>“Well, his brother did declare his intentions beforehand”, Marivi said. “We already knew he was interested in the match.”</p>
<p>There was still something nagging at Raquel.</p>
<p>“You’re <em>absolutely </em>sure he doesn’t just need money, Mother?”</p>
<p>“Very sure”, her mother said firmly. “Your father reviewed his finances very thoroughly. As I’ve said before: he’s not rich, but he lives comfortably, and he’s very careful with his money.”</p>
<p>“And what about his brother?” she asked suspiciously.</p>
<p>“Of course we looked into his finances too. There’s some debt there, but not much. He should be able to pay it off without much trouble.”</p>
<p>Raquel nodded, satisfied.</p>
<p>At two o’clock exactly, the footman announced the arrival of a caller.</p>
<p>“Lord Sergio Marquina”, he said, handing Marivi the card. “And Lord De Fonollosa.”</p>
<p>Raquel felt a distinct sense of disappointment. If Lord Marquina had brought his brother, she knew who would be doing most of the talking. And indeed, Lord De Fonollosa entered the room with a charming smile and compliments all around, while his brother merely hovered silently at his shoulder, barely nodding at the ladies. They all sat down, and there was some light talk of the weather and last night’s soiree – nothing substantial, nothing particularly interesting. Lord Marquina said nothing and kept his eyes on his hands. After a while, Raquel began to feel a little annoyed – how was she supposed to get a sense of his personality if he didn’t say a word? She decided a direct approach would be best.</p>
<p>“Lord Marquina”, she said crisply, and he looked up in alarm. “When we talked about abolition last night, you said you were in favor of abolishing the slave trade. Would you say you are a progressive thinker on other matters as well?”</p>
<p>Her mother and sister threw her reproving looks – it wasn’t really proper to enquire so directly after a man’s political opinion, but she didn’t care.</p>
<p>He blinked. “I… I would say so, yes.”</p>
<p>“What do you think of married women spending time outside of the home?”</p>
<p>She knew it wasn’t subtle, but this matter was important to her, and she didn’t want to waste time on courting only to find out later that he was conservative when it came to the activities of his wife – better to get this straight right from the beginning, for both their sake. To her annoyance, though, it was Lord De Fonollosa who answered.</p>
<p>“A woman’s proper place is in the home, with her family.”</p>
<p>“You are a truly revolutionary thinker, sir”, she said drily, and then turned to his brother. “Do you agree with him?”</p>
<p>“No”, he said succinctly, and she perked up.</p>
<p>“So you think women of rank should be allowed to join societies or… or even direct a charity?”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “Why not?”</p>
<p>Her heart leapt, but she wanted to be absolutely sure.</p>
<p>“You would allow your wife to pursue her own interests?”</p>
<p>He looked up at her, seeming surprised by the question.</p>
<p>“Honestly, I would encourage it.”</p>
<p>At that point, her mother intervened and steered the conversation back to a more socially acceptable topic, but Raquel stopped paying attention. She felt a warm sense of elation as she kept looking at Lord Marquina  – he clearly was a lot more modern in his opinions than any of her previous suitors, and that was exactly what she was looking for in a husband. He suddenly looked up and caught her eye, and instead of immediately looking away again, he gave her a subtle nod and she felt with a rush of satisfaction that they understood each other perfectly.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Andrés, I’m not sure I can keep doing this.”</p>
<p>They had just gotten home from their third visit to the Murillos, and Sergio was exhausted. For their past two visits, there had been other callers beside him and Andrés, and it had made him extremely uncomfortable. He’d lived alone in his house for years and years, spending his days in quiet contemplation and study, and the sudden increase in social interaction – with strangers, no less – was overwhelming.</p>
<p>“Why not?” his brother said, seating himself in front of the fireplace with a catlike air of satisfaction. “It’s going <em>amazingly</em> well. She’s an enchanting creature.”</p>
<p>Is she? Sergio thought. He couldn’t say he’d been able to form a real opinion of Miss Murillo other than that she was quite intelligent and rather more outspoken than was proper for a young lady – not that he cared. But apart from that, he’d been so focused on following the many, many rules of proper social conduct that he hadn’t been able to spend much time observing her. He knew that one misstep, one word or gesture that would be seen as improper could disqualify him as a suitor, so he tried to say and do as little as possible, only answering direct questions, trying not to spill his tea. As far as he was concerned, there was simply no opportunity to really get to know <em>anyone </em>at social calls, and he couldn’t imagine that he was making a good impression on her.</p>
<p>“She’ll never like me, Andrés”, he said, frustrated. “I can’t speak in those situations, I just don’t know what to say! Maybe we should just give up.”</p>
<p>“Nonsense”, his brother said. “You’re clearly exactly the kind of husband she’s looking for.”</p>
<p>Was he really?</p>
<p>“I don’t know…” he said, leaning back in his chair, feeling utterly drained. “Don’t you think she should marry someone who actually <em>wants </em>to marry her? She seems like a nice girl, and I’m just using her for her money.”</p>
<p>“And she’s using you to get a title! She’s not stupid, Sergio, she knows why you’re interested in her, and it doesn’t seem to be a problem for her, so why should it be for you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that I would be a good husband to her…”</p>
<p>Andrés snorted. “From what I can see, she just wants a husband who will stay out of her way and who will let her do whatever she wants. I feel like you should be able to manage that.”</p>
<p>He hesitated – perhaps his brother had a point. Perhaps this was just as much a business transaction to her as it was to him, just in a different way. Perhaps she was playing her own game of chess, perhaps she was trading money for freedom and, intelligent as she was, she was undoubtedly aware of what she was doing. She seemed like a sensible girl – perhaps she didn’t expect any romance at all.</p>
<p>“And anyway”, Andrés continued, “my debt will be due soon. We don’t really have time to try to find another girl – and it would be stupid anyway, when this one is so perfect.”</p>
<p>Sergio did have to admit that he didn’t like the thought of having to start the game over with someone new – every courting visit was a nerve-wracking experience for him, and the sooner this was all over and he could go back to his normal life, the better.</p>
<p>“Fine”, he sighed. “Let’s just get this over with, then. How many more visits do you think we’ll need before I can propose to her?”</p>
<p>“If we can keep up two or three visits a week, I think a month or two ought to do it.”</p>
<p>Sergio groaned. Two more months of this torture? Even the thought of one more social call made his skin crawl, and he suddenly wished it would all go away, he wished he never had to see any of the Murillos ever again. How had his life suddenly changed so drastically? He just wanted to get back to his books… He rubbed a hand over his eyes and sighed. Two more months. Well, he reflected, at least that gave him some time to get used to the idea of marriage – though he rather wondered if he’d <em>ever</em> get used to it.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Fate, however, had other plans. Two days later, Sergio was sitting in front of the fireplace playing chess by himself. He didn’t mind that his brother was staying with him, but soon he would never have the house to himself anymore, so he was enjoying a last few moments of solitude while Andrés was visiting a neighbor. He looked up as the door opened and raised his eyebrows as his brother staggered in, covered in mud. His first thought was that Andrés was drunk and had fallen down, but then he saw the blood, and he jumped up in alarm.</p>
<p>“Andrés!”</p>
<p>He rushed over and helped his brother to one of the chairs in front of the fire. He was limping and cradling his hand, one of his eyes was bruised and swollen shut, and his nose looked broken – blood had streamed liberally down his face and onto his shirt. He groaned as Sergio lowered him carefully into the chair.</p>
<p>“What the hell happened to you?!”</p>
<p>“I was… walking back from the Knightleys…”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you take a carriage?”</p>
<p>“I needed the exercise, and it isn’t far. Anyway, I was walking along the chestnut lane, when suddenly two thugs jumped out at me and… well, you can see what happened.”</p>
<p>Sergio was aghast. “Robbers, in <em>our </em>parish? It’s always been completely safe here!”</p>
<p>“They weren’t robbers”, Andrés said, gingerly touching his nose and wincing. “They were sent.”</p>
<p>“By whom?” Sergio frowned.</p>
<p>“Well”, his brother said lightly, now feeling his split lip, “I have debt in several places. Some of them are… less than savory.”</p>
<p>Sergio threw him an incredulous look. “Don’t tell me you went to a moneylender.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t have a choice.”</p>
<p>“You could have chosen <em>not to gamble.”</em></p>
<p>Andrés waved a dismissive hand. “Yes, yes, I don’t need the lecture. Get me a scotch, will you?”</p>
<p>Sergio rang the bell for the footman, ordering him to bring drinks and send for a doctor. His brain was working through the implications of this, and suddenly something clicked.</p>
<p>“Ah”, he said softly. “You went to a moneylender so your other creditors wouldn’t realize how much debt you have, right? If people enquired into your finances, they wouldn’t find a debt with an illegal moneylender.”</p>
<p>Andrés merely raised his eyebrows, and Sergio sighed.</p>
<p>“So you think that moneylender sent these men to beat you up?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m quite sure of it.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“To remind me that my debt is due.”</p>
<p>Sergio felt himself go cold. “How… how much time do you have before they… come back?”</p>
<p>Andrés gave him a long look, then said:</p>
<p>“A month.”</p>
<p>“A <em>month?”</em></p>
<p>“That’s what they said.”</p>
<p>“And… and what happens then?”</p>
<p>“I think you can use your imagination.”</p>
<p>Sergio ran a hand over his eyes.</p>
<p>“What are we going to do?”</p>
<p>His brother sat up straighter, a businesslike expression on his face.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. You’re going to propose to Miss Murillo. Tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tomorrow?</em>”</p>
<p>“Yes. There’s no time to lose, the engagement will last three weeks. If she accepts you tomorrow, we’ll have the money just in time.”</p>
<p>“But she <em>barely </em>knows me, we’ve only seen each other three times!”</p>
<p>Andrés shrugged. “It can’t be helped.”</p>
<p>“She’ll never accept me.”</p>
<p>“You can at least try, Sergio. If she says no, we can still sell the town house, but I think you have a shot.”</p>
<p>He felt a stab of panic. Would he really be engaged tomorrow, to a woman he only met last week? Would he be married within three weeks, to this total stranger? He’d barely started to wrap his head around the idea of having a wife – this was all much too sudden. He opened his mouth to say so, but then he looked at Andrés, beaten and bruised, a thin trickle of blood still streaming from his nose. His brother. His protector. His only friend. There was no guarantee that they would be able to sell the town house within a month, even if they wanted to, and then what would happen to him? Actually, Sergio thought, swallowing hard, he <em>knew </em>what would happen to him, and he couldn’t let that happen. He had to do whatever he could to protect his brother, even if there was only a small chance of success. He would have to try and win the queen with one risky move.</p>
<p>“Alright”, he whispered, looking down at his chess board. “Alright. I’ll propose to her tomorrow.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>When the footman announced only Lord Marquina the next day, Raquel felt pleased. Finally he’d come without his brother, and she expected no other callers – perhaps they could have an actual conversation today. When he entered the room, she could immediately see that he was very nervous, but she thought that was because his brother wasn’t with him and he knew he’d have to carry the conversation alone. She resolved to try to provide him with topics of conversation he might feel comfortable with.</p>
<p>“Lord Marquina!” her mother said, smiling. “Such a pleasure to see you again.”</p>
<p>She gestured towards a chair, but he remained standing.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Murillo, might I… might I speak to your daughter alone, please?”</p>
<p>Raquel’s eyebrows shot up, and she looked at her mother, who looked back at her with the same expression of surprise. There was really only one reason why a gentleman would want to speak to an unmarried lady alone, but she would <em>never </em>have expected shy Lord Marquina to get to that point so quickly. She realized with a flash of alarm that she hadn’t even thought about whether or not she would accept him if he asked, because she thought it would be weeks or even months before she had to make that decision. Her mother was looking at her questioningly – if she didn’t want the proposal, her mother would deny them any privacy and he would leave. For a moment, she hesitated, but then she nodded at her mother. She was curious to hear what he had to say.</p>
<p>Marivi got up.</p>
<p>“Of course, Lord Marquina”, she said, then left the room.</p>
<p>The moment the door closed behind her, an awkward silence fell as Raquel waited expectantly for him to speak. He seemed to be gathering his courage, then finally he cleared his throat and said, with his eyes on the ground:</p>
<p>“I imagine you know why I’m here.”</p>
<p>Oh no, he wasn’t getting away with it so easily.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t want to presume, sir”, she said lightly.</p>
<p>He suppressed a smile.</p>
<p>“Fair enough. I… I’m here to ask for your hand in marriage, Miss Murillo.”</p>
<p>She considered him.</p>
<p>“This is very fast, Lord Marquina. We barely know each other.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “I’m aware of that.” He finally looked up at her. “But sometimes you don’t need any more time to know that you’re compatible.”</p>
<p>She looked into his eyes, and for once, he didn’t look away. Yes, it was true that he seemed much more compatible with her than any of her previous suitors. They hadn’t seen each other often, and he hadn’t said much when they had, but throughout their conversations she’d caught glimpses of his character: kind, open-minded, intelligent, humorous. He was shy and that made him awkward in social situations, but once she got him alone, in his own home, where he felt comfortable, he would be quite different – she was sure of it.</p>
<p>“You would have complete freedom”, he assured her quietly. “You could go wherever you wanted, follow any of your interests. You could use your money at your own discretion. I assure you that I’m an honorable man, I… I don’t think I have any vices. Miss Murillo, I think… I really think we might suit each other.”</p>
<p>She considered asking for more time, but really, what was there to think about? He was everything she could ask for in a husband, and on top of that, her parents truly wanted the match. Perhaps, she thought to herself, perhaps it would have been <em>nice </em>if there had been talk of love, but she already knew him well enough to realize that he wasn’t the kind of person to talk about his feelings – at least not yet. And wasn’t the very fact that he’d proposed marriage to her so soon a sign of the way he felt about her? As to her own feelings, well… as she looked at him, she had to admit that she was attracted to him, that she was already starting to like him, a lot. She was sure that she could learn to love him soon. If she refused him now, she would embarrass him and he might not ask again, and she was well aware that she would probably never find a better suitor.</p>
<p>So she took a deep breath and sat up straighter.</p>
<p>“Lord Marquina”, she said. “I accept your proposal.”</p>
<p>He blinked at her, seeming completely taken by surprise, and she suppressed a smile. Clearly he hadn’t expected to be accepted. He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“I… I feel like I need to be entirely honest with you, Miss Murillo. I wouldn’t want you to feel in any way that I’m… that I’m deceiving you. You see… my brother has some debt.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “I know about that.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, then said: “It’s a considerable amount. Some of your dowry would be used to pay for it.”</p>
<p>She nodded again, amused that what her mother had described as ‘not much’ was ‘a considerable amount’ to him.</p>
<p>“That’s not a problem.”</p>
<p>“Look, it’s… it’s more than you think…”</p>
<p>She waved a hand and cut him off. Her dowry would be big enough to cover it.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“You see, some of it is at a moneylender, and…”</p>
<p>She didn’t see why it mattered where his brother had debt and with whom, so she cut him off again.</p>
<p>“Truly sir, it doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>He gave her a doubtful look.</p>
<p>“Are you sure? Because if… if you would like to change your answer, I would understand. I wouldn’t hold it against you.”</p>
<p>“No”, she said calmly. “I still accept your proposal.”</p>
<p>He looked like he couldn’t <em>believe</em> his luck, and she smiled, suddenly confident that she had made the right choice.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio wasn’t quite sure what he felt. Surprise, certainly – he couldn’t quite believe that she’d actually accepted him, that his gamble had worked – that the queen was his. He looked at her as she smiled at him, and he wondered what had brought her to say yes. Did she even like him? He couldn’t tell. But then again, he supposed it didn’t matter. If she accepted a proposal after only a week and a half, and in the full knowledge that he would use her dowry to pay a debt, that confirmed to him that she wasn’t interested in romance, but rather in his title and the freedom he promised her. That was perfect, of course – this marriage would be a clean transaction on both sides.</p>
<p>He bowed deeply.</p>
<p>“Miss Murillo”, he said, “you honor me.”</p>
<p>He straightened up again.</p>
<p>“Shall I go ask your father for permission?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled, “though I’m certain he won’t object.”</p>
<p>He smiled back at her, bowed again, and left the room, glad that he had found such a sensible woman.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Raquel sat smiling to herself as her mother came back in, her eyes wide.</p>
<p>“I saw him go into your father’s study”, she said breathlessly. “Raquel… did you accept him?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled, then stood up so her mother could embrace her.</p>
<p>“Oh sweetheart! I’m so happy for you! He’s such an excellent match, and I’m sure he’s a good man.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Raquel said softly. “Yes, I’m sure of that too.”</p>
<p>“But why did he ask you so soon?”</p>
<p>“He said he just knew we were compatible.”</p>
<p>“His feelings must be stronger than he’s showing on the surface, then.”</p>
<p>Raquel blushed, pleased.</p>
<p>“Honestly”, her mother continued, “now that I think of it, I’m not so surprised he proposed so soon. It’s often the quiet ones where the feelings run deepest, and really any sensible man would fall in love with you immediately.”</p>
<p>Raquel laughed and shook her head, but she was pleased nonetheless. Engaged – she couldn’t believe she was <em>engaged</em>. Only about three weeks now, and her life would finally begin. A life of freedom, of interesting conversations, of companionship… of love. She knew they would need a little time to get to know each other better, but she was sure – so sure – that over time, she would come to love her husband dearly.  </p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you'll enjoy reading it! :) Again, thank you so much to everyone who's left kudos and comments so far! I really appreciate it! 💗🥰</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg for being so incredibly supportive! I love your enthusiasm, my friend!</p>
<p>And a giant, heartfelt thank you to thegirloverseas. I'm running out of ways to thank you for everything you do for me. Just know that you are, always, the best 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>The three weeks of their engagement flew by. Raquel spent several days in London with her mother and sister to buy her trousseau: an ornate trunk full of dresses and linens that she would take with her to her new home. The rest of the time, they spent at home, sewing and talking. Lord Marquina visited several times, but mostly to discuss the arrangements of the wedding, the dowry, their household. She was a little disappointed that he didn’t request to speak to her alone again, even though it would be allowed now, but she suspected that he took her honor very seriously and that he didn’t want even the slightest hint of impropriety before they were properly married. So they talked only of practical matters, but he was always considerate, asking her opinion on all of the arrangements, enquiring how she would like her bedroom to be decorated and assuring her that she would be at complete liberty to redecorate the entire house if it wasn’t to her liking. He brought her flowers and little gifts, though she wasn’t entirely certain those weren’t his brother’s doing.</p>
<p>Two days before the wedding, her best friend Monica arrived – the first person Raquel had written to after Lord Marquina proposed. They had been friends since childhood, but they didn’t see each other often anymore since Monica had married and moved across the country with her husband. There had been frequent visits at first, but it became more difficult for Monica to leave her home once the twins were born: Sinclair and Natalie, usually addressed by their nicknames.</p>
<p>“How are Cinci and Natti?” Raquel asked after the first joy of greeting each other was over and they had settled down.</p>
<p>“They’re fine”, Monica smiled. “I told you in my last letter that they were standing up, and yesterday Natti walked a few steps for the first time!”</p>
<p>“Are you sad about leaving them?” Raquel asked, but Monica shook her head.</p>
<p>“They’re fine with their nurse for a few days, and I wouldn’t have missed your wedding for the world! I can’t believe you’re going to be a lady soon! Tell me everything about him.”</p>
<p>Raquel told her everything, repeating what she’d already written in her last few letters, but adding new details too, and Monica kept smiling and asking all the right questions. Marivi came in and greeted Monica warmly, then sat down to join the girls.</p>
<p>“Are you nervous for the wedding?” Monica finally asked Raquel.</p>
<p>“A little”, she admitted. “It will be so strange to leave my home. I’ve never lived anywhere else.”</p>
<p>“And the wedding night?” Monica enquired carefully. “Are you nervous about that?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know”, Raquel hesitated. “Should I be?”</p>
<p>Her mother cleared her throat. “I think it’s time we had a little conversation. You see, Raquel, men are… anatomically quite different from women.”</p>
<p>“Oh”, she said quickly, “I know about that. Monica told me after she got married.”</p>
<p>Monica blushed. “I hope you don’t mind, Mrs. Murillo. I… I had to confide in someone.”</p>
<p>“Of course”, Marivi said, looking relieved. “Do you… have any questions?”</p>
<p>“No”, Raquel said promptly, and her mother nodded and got up.</p>
<p>“Then I’ll go check on tea.”</p>
<p>Monica waited until Marivi was out of the room, then she turned to Raquel.</p>
<p>“<em>Do </em>you have any questions?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Raquel said. “You told me he has a… thing… down there. What does he do with it?”</p>
<p>Monica’s blush deepened, but to her credit, she didn’t shy away from the question.</p>
<p>“He puts it between your legs and then pushes in.”</p>
<p>Raquel stared at her. That sounded absolutely bizarre.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because your marriage needs to be consummated to be valid, and that’s how it’s done. It’s also how… how you’ll get children. But mostly, he does it because it feels good for him.”</p>
<p>“How does it feel for you?”</p>
<p>Monica hesitated. “It hurt a bit at first, but after that it was quite nice.”</p>
<p>“It hurts?” Raquel said, suddenly a little nervous. “How much?”</p>
<p>“Only a little”, Monica assured her. “And only for a bit. There may be a little blood, but it will never hurt again afterwards.”</p>
<p>“So… so it will happen more than once?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Monica said with a slight smile. “Quite often, in fact.”</p>
<p>“What’s ‘quite often’?”</p>
<p>“Every night, at first. Sometimes several times. After a while they become a little less eager, but they still like it a lot.”</p>
<p>Raquel tried to wrap her head around it. She thought of awkward and proper Lord Marquina… the thought of doing <em>that </em>with him several times a night was frankly unimaginable. He hadn’t even touched her – hadn’t even come <em>close </em>to touching her, and suddenly they had to do <em>that</em>? It felt surreal.</p>
<p>“But that’s not all there is to it”, Monica said, and Raquel looked at her in alarm.</p>
<p>“There’s <em>more</em>?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Monica said, “but nice things.”</p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p>“Well… has he kissed you yet?”</p>
<p>“No”, Raquel said.</p>
<p>Monica gave her a sly look. “Would you like him to?”</p>
<p>Raquel blushed. She had to admit that, every time she saw him, she felt more attracted to him, and she couldn’t wait for him to kiss her.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she whispered, and Monica nodded.</p>
<p>“Good. Kissing is wonderful. At least, I like it. It… it makes me feel all warm inside, and then I feel like doing… the other thing too.”</p>
<p>“So you don’t mind the… other thing?”</p>
<p>“No”, she said honestly. “No, I don’t mind it at all. And just wait, Raquel, until he takes you in his arms for the first time.”</p>
<p>Monica sighed happily, and Raquel felt a sudden stab of longing.</p>
<p>“It’s so lovely”, Monica continued. “Especially when you’re both in bed in your night clothes and there’s not that many layers between you and he’s nice and warm, especially in winter.”</p>
<p>Right… of course he would see her in her night gown. It didn’t feel proper, but she supposed it was alright once they were married, and it would start to feel normal after a while. She had to admit that what Monica was telling her sounded very appealing.</p>
<p>“Do you sleep in the same bed?” she asked curiously. She’d been in their home and knew that Monica and Daniel each had their own bedroom, as she and Lord Marquina would have, but she suddenly wondered.</p>
<p>“Yes”, Monica admitted, confirming Raquel’s suspicion. “Not always, but often he doesn’t go back to his own room afterwards.”</p>
<p>“Is it nice to sleep next to someone?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Monica smiled, then she laughed. “Except for the snoring.” Then her eyes softened. “But it’s so lovely to fall asleep in his arms, and to have him next to me when I wake up.”</p>
<p>Raquel felt a deep sense of longing stir inside her. Yes, she wanted all of that with him, all of that and more. She couldn’t wait to lie next to him in bed, their faces close together as they talked. She couldn’t wait to know what it felt like to be kissed and held. She was even looking forward to the wedding night. Even though the idea seemed rather odd to her, she could sense that it would be a meaningful thing to share with him, that it would create an intimacy between them that she’d never had with anyone else. She wondered what it would be like. She couldn’t wait to find out.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio got out of the carriage, a little stiff after the long journey, and looked up at his brother’s town house. Well, technically it was <em>his </em>town house, but he could never think of it as anything else than his brother’s home. It was located on a green square in a fashionable part of London, and he knew his brother would absolutely hate to give it up in order to go live in the country. Luckily, in two days he’d be married and there would be enough money to keep his brother and his family in their home. He still couldn’t quite believe how smoothly everything had worked out.</p>
<p>He went up to the front door and rang the bell, then braced himself as the door opened.</p>
<p>“Uncle Sergio!” several voices rang out at once, and he was immediately engulfed in a wave of children, surging around him, pulling at his waistcoat and hugging him around the waist. He patted their heads affectionately, all except Andrew, the eldest, who solemnly held out his hand to him, and he shook it equally solemnly. The children quickly lost interest in him and ran back upstairs to their play room, all except six-year-old Delia, the quiet one, his favorite, who slipped her small hand in his and held on tight.</p>
<p>He kneeled down next to her and asked his usual question:</p>
<p>“How is Lady Butterfly?”</p>
<p>A year ago, Tatiana had insisted that Delia’s favorite doll had become too dirty and must be thrown out. Delia hadn’t made a fuss – she never did – but had quietly confided in Sergio how much she missed the doll. Sergio had told her that Lady Butterfly had actually gone on an adventure around the world, and that’s why she couldn’t come home right now. Every time he saw Delia, he told her the next place Lady Butterfly would be going, so Delia could learn about it with her governess, and then tell Sergio about it the next time they saw each other.</p>
<p>“She went to China”, Delia whispered confidentially to Sergio.</p>
<p>“Really?” he said. “That sounds interesting. What did she do there?”</p>
<p>“She ate rice and played with Chinese children and she walked on the Great Wall.”</p>
<p>“Well that sounds marvelous. What do you think, Delia? Will we go to China one day, you and I?”</p>
<p>The girl’s eyes started shining.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she whispered. “I want to go everywhere with you.”</p>
<p>“Then we’ll go everywhere”, he assured her solemnly.</p>
<p>She wrapped her little arms around his neck and hugged him tight, and he carefully wrapped his own arms around her little figure to hug her back. Then she pulled back and asked:</p>
<p>“Where is Lady Butterfly going next?”</p>
<p>“Well…” Sergio said thoughtfully, “I think she might go to Japan now. What do you think?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she nodded.</p>
<p>“Then you must learn all about Japan with Miss Hanson and tell me what Lady Butterfly has seen next time.”</p>
<p>“I will”, she said earnestly.</p>
<p>“Good girl”, Sergio smiled.</p>
<p>He got up and she took his hand again, and they went into the drawing room, where Tatiana got up to greet him with a kiss on the cheek.</p>
<p>“My dear Sergio”, she said. “Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, he murmured, involuntarily touching a hand to his cheek. Even after all these years, he still wasn’t used to her greeting him like that.</p>
<p>Tatiana sat down again and rang the bell for tea. With her red hair and fair skin, Tatiana had been a real beauty in her day, and she’d had countless suitors – but finally she’d married his brother for love, much to the chagrin of her parents. Nine years and seven children later, she now had a decidedly matronly figure, worry lines around her mouth, and a substantial amount of grey in her hair, which Sergio knew was entirely due to his brother.</p>
<p>“Go play, Delia dear”, Tatiana said to the girl still holding his hand, and he watched her follow her brothers and sisters upstairs with a slight feeling of sadness. He missed the time when she’d been small enough to sit on his lap, cuddling up to him in that trusting way she had, and falling asleep against his chest. He sat down and turned his attention to Tatiana.</p>
<p>“Andrés isn’t here, of course”, she said, a trace of bitterness in her voice. “Off galivanting again, I suppose. Honestly Sergio, I don’t know how we even ended up with another baby, he’s barely ever home.”</p>
<p>Sergio cleared his throat and looked down. Tatiana had the unfortunate habit of complaining to him about his brother’s absence from home, and it made him uncomfortable. He was glad that he and Miss Murillo had a rational agreement, so she wouldn’t expect him to spend much time with her.</p>
<p>“How… how is little Robbie?” he asked, trying to change the subject.</p>
<p>Tatiana’s expression softened.</p>
<p>“He’s an angel”, she said. “Sweetest child I’ve ever seen – apart from Delia, of course.”</p>
<p>“Of course”, Sergio nodded. He wouldn’t have accepted Tatiana saying anything less about his goddaughter.</p>
<p>They talked about the children for a while – or rather, Tatiana talked and Sergio listened. He didn’t mind – he liked to know how his nieces and nephews were doing. Finally, an hour after Sergio’s announced time of arrival, Andrés came through the door, nonchalant and debonair as ever.</p>
<p>“Hello my lovely wife”, he said, ignoring Tatiana’s scowl to kiss her on the lips.</p>
<p>“Where have you been?”</p>
<p>“Out”, he said simply, then he turned to Sergio. “And we’re going out again. Get your coat, we’re going to see my tailor, get you a new suit for your wedding.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “Is that really necessary?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Andrés said firmly. “Come on.”</p>
<p>Sergio shot Tatiana an apologetic look, then followed his brother outside, where they flagged a carriage and got in. Andrés talked of insubstantial matters for about fifteen minutes, then the carriage drew up outside a big house in a slightly disreputable part of town and Sergio looked out, frowning.</p>
<p>“Where are we? This isn’t your tailor.”</p>
<p>His brother grinned at him.</p>
<p>“I got you an early wedding present.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Tell me, little brother”, Andrés said lightly. “How many women have you bedded?”</p>
<p>Sergio froze. This had better not be going where he thought it was going.</p>
<p>Andrés took his silence as an answer.</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said smugly, “that’s what I thought. Well, we’re going to remedy that today.”</p>
<p>“You brought me to a <em>brothel?”</em></p>
<p>“Not just <em>a </em>brothel, brother dear – the best brothel in town. And I’ve reserved their best girl for you – a lovely creature, very sweet-tempered, perfect for a beginner like you.”</p>
<p>He grimaced. “Don’t talk about her like she’s a horse.”</p>
<p>His brother laughed. “Don’t worry, this one won’t throw you from the saddle.”</p>
<p>“Indeed she won’t”, he said curtly, and Andrés grinned.</p>
<p>“That’s the spirit!”</p>
<p>“No”, Sergio clarified. “I mean, I’m not going in there.”</p>
<p>“Sergio”, his brother said, leaning forward earnestly. “You <em>can’t </em>just go into your wedding night unprepared. She’ll expect you to know what to do.”</p>
<p>“I know what to do”, he said, feeling himself go red. “I’ve read books, I know about… about female anatomy and… and what goes where.”</p>
<p>Andrés was shaking his head. “This isn’t the kind of thing you can learn from books, Professor. You can read about chess strategies until you’re blue in the face, but nothing beats the experience of actually playing the game.”</p>
<p>Sergio crossed his arms and leaned back. “I’m not getting out of this carriage. Tell the driver to move on.”</p>
<p>Andrés grinned. “No. I wouldn’t be doing my duty as an elder brother if I let you make a fool of yourself on your wedding night. If you don’t come in with me now, I’ll send the girl to your room tonight.”</p>
<p>Sergio stared at him. “In your <em>home? </em>Where your <em>wife and children </em>live?”</p>
<p>“I’d rather not”, his brother shrugged. “But I will if I have to.”</p>
<p>Sergio shot him an incredulous look, but Andrés just raised a challenging eyebrow, and Sergio knew he was fully prepared to go through with his threat. He shuddered at the thought of Tatiana discovering that he’d brought a prostitute into her home.</p>
<p>“Fine”, he snapped, getting out of the carriage, followed by a grinning Andrés. “Fine, let’s get this over with.”</p>
<p>They went inside, where they were greeted in the entrance hall by a formidable madam in a lavish dress. This clearly was a classy kind of establishment, where the girls weren’t on display and the customers wouldn’t cross each other in the hallway.</p>
<p>“Lord De Fonollosa!” the madam exclaimed as she spotted him. “Such a pleasure to see you again.”</p>
<p>“And you, Madam Strauss”, Andrés said, smoothly kissing her hand. “Are the girls ready?”</p>
<p>“Quite”, Madam Strauss said. She clapped her hands, and a door opened and two lovely young women appeared, both dressed rather nicely. They smiled at Sergio and he immediately wished he could be anywhere else. One of the girls went over to Andrés and kissed him – apparently they knew each other. The other girl, with soft blond hair and even softer grey eyes, took Sergio by the hand, but he immediately pulled it away again.</p>
<p>“Don’t mind my brother, Jewel”, Andrés laughed. “He’s a little shy around the ladies. You see”, he added in a stage whisper, “it’s his first time, so be gentle with him.”</p>
<p>Jewel shot Sergio a surprised look, but then she recovered herself and smiled.</p>
<p>“That’s alright”, she said. “I’m sure I can teach him a thing or two.”</p>
<p>Andrés gave him one last grin, then Sergio followed the girl through a door and up a flight of stairs, then through the open door of a bedroom. Jewel turned to him with a smile.</p>
<p>“So”, she said kindly. “Is it really your first time?”</p>
<p>Sergio didn’t reply, listening to the sounds in the hallway which indicated that his brother was passing by with his own girl.</p>
<p>“Do you want to take off my dress, or do you want me to do it?” Jewel tried again.</p>
<p>“Neither”, Sergio said.</p>
<p>“You just want to lift the skirt, then? That’s fine too”, she said, bending down to pick up the hem.</p>
<p>“No, stop”, he said urgently, lifting a hand.</p>
<p>She straightened up again and threw him a questioning look. He swallowed hard – just being alone in a room with this girl made him deeply uncomfortable, but he couldn’t just walk out again or she’d be in Tatiana’s house tonight. There was only one option. He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” he said.</p>
<p>“Jewel.”</p>
<p>“No”, he repeated quietly. “What’s your name?”</p>
<p>She gave him a long look, then said:</p>
<p>“Jennie.”</p>
<p>“What… what’s your usual rate for an hour, Jennie?”</p>
<p>She told him, then added: “But you pay Madam Strauss, not me.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “And she keeps most of it, right?”</p>
<p>Jennie hesitated.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>He took out his wallet.</p>
<p>“Well, how about this: I pay you double your usual rate. Half of it, I pay to Madam Strauss, and the other half, I give directly to you and she doesn’t need to know.”</p>
<p>Jennie’s eyes went wide.</p>
<p>“That’s… that’s very generous of you, sir.” Then she threw him a suspicious look. “But why? If… if you want to do any weird stuff, I’m not…”</p>
<p>“No, no!” he said quickly, grimacing. “In fact, I don’t want to do any <em>stuff </em>at all. I pay you, and then we’ll sit here for an hour and… and talk, or something, and afterwards you tell my brother we… we had relations. Would that be alright to you?”</p>
<p>Her eyebrows went up.</p>
<p>“Well”, she said, “I’ve had some weird proposals in here, but this is one of the weirdest. But yeah, sure, why not.”</p>
<p>She smiled, took the money from him, then sat down on the bed.</p>
<p>“What d’you wanna talk about?”</p>
<p>He noticed that some of her polish had slipped now that she didn’t have to perform for him anymore, and she fell back into her regular accent.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to talk about anything”, he said, gingerly sitting down on a chair and scooting it as far away from the bed as possible, until he was next to the wall. “We can just sit here.”</p>
<p>She gave him a curious look.</p>
<p>“Why are you here if you don’t wanna do it?”</p>
<p>“My brother brought me”, he said stiffly.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m getting married in two days.”</p>
<p>“Congratulations!” she smiled, then gave him another curious look. “And are you really a virgin?”</p>
<p>“I don’t see why that’s relevant”, he said curtly.</p>
<p>She grinned. “I’ll take that as a yes. How come?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, ‘how come’? I’m not married. Unmarried ladies are supposed to… to have their honor intact, why not unmarried gentlemen?”</p>
<p>“You know it’s not the same”, she said. “You could’ve come to a place like this and paid a girl.”</p>
<p>“I don’t like the idea of that at all”, he said with a frown. “And on top of that, prostitutes are known to carry venereal diseases. Not that I’m saying you do”, he hastened to add as he saw her face. “I’m just saying I’m not risking it.”</p>
<p>“And you never had a friend to do it with?”</p>
<p>He drew himself up. “Are you implying that I would dishonor the ladies of my acquaintance?”</p>
<p>“No”, she said quickly, suppressing a smile. “I wouldn’t dare. How about servants, then?”</p>
<p>“What about them?”</p>
<p>“A big lord like you, you must have a pretty little chambermaid or two?”</p>
<p>He gave her a look of indignation. “I’m not forcing myself on the chambermaids.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mean to say that you would, but wasn’t there ever a girl who was willing…?”</p>
<p>He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.</p>
<p>“Ah”, Jennie smiled triumphantly. “I see there was! Why didn’t you?”</p>
<p>He frowned at her.</p>
<p>“In your profession, Miss Jennie, I assume you’re aware that that sort of thing leads to pregnancy? I’m not fathering a bastard on a young girl like that, ruining her chances of ever finding a good husband.”</p>
<p>She gave him a long look.</p>
<p>“You’re actually a man of honor, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“That’s what a gentleman is supposed to be.”</p>
<p>She scoffed. “Not the gentlemen <em>I </em>know.”</p>
<p>“Then you don’t know any proper ones”, he said curtly.</p>
<p>“No”, she said softly. “I don’t suppose I do.”</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a while, then she said:</p>
<p>“Look, you seem like a nice fellow, and you gave me all this money… I feel like I should do something in return.”</p>
<p>He looked up in alarm. “I told you I don’t want to…”</p>
<p>“No, no”, she assured him. “Not that. But if you’re getting married soon, maybe you’d like to know a little something about women?”</p>
<p>“Like… like what?”</p>
<p>“Like what you should do on your wedding night.”</p>
<p>“I’ve read books”, he told her, like he’d told his brother.</p>
<p>She sniffed. “So you don’t know nothing. You know how it hurts for women on their wedding night, right?”</p>
<p>He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m… I’m aware that there may be some discomfort, yes.”</p>
<p>“Yeah”, she said, “so be gentle with her. Don’t just go storming in – push in a little bit at a time so she can get used to it.”</p>
<p>He felt himself go a bright, burning red at hearing her speak so brazenly of these matters. He desperately wanted to ask her to just stop talking, but… but if it would save Miss Murillo discomfort…? He swallowed.</p>
<p>“Anything… anything else I should know?” he whispered, almost in spite of himself.</p>
<p>“Yeah”, she said. “Wait until she’s wet before you go in.”</p>
<p>He blinked. “Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“The place where you have to go in? Feel around a bit with your fingers first. If she’s wet, it will hurt much less.”</p>
<p>Oh god, thinking about Miss Murillo in this way made him want to sink through the floorboards. How, <em>how </em>had he gotten here? He had never wanted anything to do with women in the first place and now he had to worry about them getting <em>wet? </em>All he could manage was a whisper.</p>
<p>“How… how will she get… that way?”</p>
<p>“Ah”, she smiled. “Now you’re asking the right questions. Do you want me to teach you?”</p>
<p>“Teach me what?”</p>
<p>“How to make it good for a lady.”</p>
<p>Oh no, no, no he did <em>not </em>want her to teach him, he didn’t want to hear any more, he wanted to get out of here and <em>never </em>talk about things like this again, oh, the very thought of the topic made him cringe… but now that she’d said that, he just could help himself… he had to ask.</p>
<p>“Why… why wouldn’t it be good?”</p>
<p>She grinned. “Ladies are a little more complicated than fellows. If you don’t know what you’re doing, she won’t like it. But if you do…”</p>
<p>The implications hung in the air. He’d never really given this much thought, but he supposed… he supposed since they had to do it, he did want it to be good for her?  </p>
<p>“Aren’t you curious?” she smiled.</p>
<p>She had him there. Yes – even though his cheeks were burning and he had never been more uncomfortable in his <em>life</em>, he had to admit that his curiosity was piqued.</p>
<p>“Alright”, he said carefully. “I… I suppose you can teach me. But only by talking! No taking off your clothes!”</p>
<p>She chuckled. “Well that’s the first time a man has ever said that to me. But alright. Let’s start with kissing. Have you ever kissed a girl?”</p>
<p>“No”, he said, feeling uncomfortable at the very thought.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s important. If you want to get a girl wet, you start by kissing. The more the better. And not just with your mouth closed – open your mouth and use your tongue to touch hers.”</p>
<p>Well that didn’t sound appealing <em>at all.</em></p>
<p>He fidgeted. “Isn’t… isn’t that rather unhygienic?”</p>
<p>She burst out laughing. “Oh boy, if you think <em>this </em>is bad, I got a feeling you’re not gonna like what comes later.”</p>
<p>“Why?” he said, absolutely dreading the answer. “What comes later?”</p>
<p>“One thing at a time”, she said. “Now, most fellows just lift the skirt of their lady’s nightgown and do it like that, but I’m telling you: you should take off her clothes, and yours too.”</p>
<p>“You mean…”, he said, his eyes wide, “all of them?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said firmly. “All of them.”</p>
<p>He stared at her. He hadn’t been naked in front of another person since his nurse when he was five years old. The mere thought of taking off his clothes in front of a virtual stranger like Miss Murillo made him shudder – he would feel ridiculous, not to mention painfully vulnerable. Also, he was fairly certain she would protest if he tried to undress her completely.</p>
<p>“I can’t do that”, he said, shaking his head. “It’s not proper.”</p>
<p>“I’m telling you it’s the only way to do it right. That’s how you get to her breasts.”</p>
<p>He was deeply regretting this entire conversation, a squirming feeling of embarrassment in his stomach, but he felt like he had better get to the bottom of it now.</p>
<p>“Why… why would I want to… get to them?”</p>
<p>“Most women really like it when you touch their nipples. Touch them, squeeze them, not too hard, but not too soft either.”</p>
<p>He felt like he could burst into flame any moment now, but she wasn’t done.</p>
<p>“Then use your mouth and suck them.”</p>
<p>He was so surprised that he momentarily forgot his embarrassment.</p>
<p>“What”, he said incredulously, “like a baby?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Just trust me on this.”</p>
<p>The very thought of it was so bizarre that he could only shake his head in consternation. Did people really <em>do </em>that?</p>
<p>Jennie continued talking.</p>
<p>“And then we get to the really important part.”</p>
<p>“I know all about that”, he said quickly. Please, <em>please </em>let this be over.</p>
<p>“No you don’t”, she said firmly, and he groaned inwardly. “You know how men can finish? Well, women can finish too, only we don’t make a mess.”</p>
<p>He gave her a suspicious look. “There’s nothing about women reaching a… a climax in any of the literature.”</p>
<p>“That’s because most women don’t even know they can do it, so how would their husbands know?”</p>
<p>His scientific curiosity got the better of him.</p>
<p>“But… what purpose would it serve?”</p>
<p>“Sorry?”</p>
<p>“A man’s climax serves a reproductive purpose. What would be the purpose of a female climax?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “I don’t know nothing about reproductive purposes, I just know that it feels damn good.”</p>
<p>He was still skeptical, but open to the idea, his embarrassment lost in fascination.</p>
<p>“So… hypothetically… how would I make that happen?”</p>
<p>“That’s the tricky part”, she said. “You see… if you draw a line straight down from a woman’s belly button, once you’re between her legs, but before you get to the place where you go in, there’s a little button.”</p>
<p>He stared at her. “A… a button? There’s nothing about that in my books on female anatomy.”</p>
<p>“That’s because they’re written by men”, she scoffed. “And men don’t know nothing about women. Now, this button can be a little hard to find…”</p>
<p>She shot him a look. “You know, it would be much easier if I could just show you…?”</p>
<p>“No!” he said quickly. He wasn’t sure if embarrassment could kill a man, but if she undressed for him, he was pretty sure he would find out.</p>
<p>“Fine”, she shrugged. “Then just feel around a bit, you’ll notice when you’ve found it.”</p>
<p>Oh god, oh <em>god, </em>what would Miss Murillo think of him if he just started to ‘feel around a bit’ down there? He started sweating at the very thought.</p>
<p>Jennie continued her explanation.</p>
<p>“If you move your finger up and down over the button for long enough, she’ll finish. Or your tongue, that works even better.”</p>
<p>“My <em>tongue?</em>” he said, aghast. She <em>had </em>to be joking.</p>
<p>She grinned. “See, that’s the part I thought you wouldn’t like. But I swear it’s the best way to do it. If you make her finish before you do your thing, she’ll be really wet and then it won’t hurt anymore.”</p>
<p>His mind was reeling. This all sounded extremely complicated and alarming and, frankly, like a completely inappropriate thing to do to another person’s body. Jennie seemed to notice his hesitation.</p>
<p>“Look”, she shrugged. “If you just want to get in and out and get the job done, that’s fine by me too. But if you want her to have a good time, you should do exactly what I told you.”</p>
<p>She yawned.</p>
<p>“Well, that’s about it. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll take a nap now. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”</p>
<p>“Of course”, Sergio murmured vaguely, his thoughts still on nipples and buttons. “Go ahead.”</p>
<p>She settled herself on the bed, and soon she was soundly asleep. He sat in his chair for a while, just staring straight ahead, trying to process everything he’d just heard. He just couldn’t imagine doing any of that to another person, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to summon the courage to try it with… with Miss Murillo.</p>
<p>It was hot in the room – despite the warm spring weather outside, there was still a fire in the grate – so finally he got up and opened a window. The fresh air was a relief, and he took a few deep breaths, trying to settle his thoughts. The window looked out onto a little courtyard, and as he was standing there, two girls emerged from a door right underneath his window, and their voices drifted up to him.</p>
<p>“God, it’s hotter than July up there.”</p>
<p>“I know, I just <em>had </em>to get some fresh air.”</p>
<p>“Me too. That last punter smelled like an ox.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, why do they always have to smell so bad? Especially afterwards, when they’re all sweaty. It’s disgusting.”</p>
<p>“You know what this one asked me afterwards? If I’d <em>enjoyed </em>it. Can you believe it?”</p>
<p>There were snorts of laughter, then the same voice continued:</p>
<p>“Why do men always think we actually <em>like </em>it?”</p>
<p>“Well, we do pretend to like it.”</p>
<p>“Sure, yeah, otherwise they’d never come back. But has it ever actually been good for you?”</p>
<p>“Nah, of course not.”</p>
<p>Sergio glanced over at the sleeping Jennie. She’d just been telling him that women <em>could</em>, in fact, enjoy this activity, but the girls out there were telling a different story. Had Jennie been lying to him? Had she realized how naïve he was, and had she just been having a little fun with him, so he’d make a fool of himself, wanting to suck at nipples like a baby, looking for non-existent… buttons… and things? Would she later tell the story to the other girls, laughing about how she’d fooled a lord?</p>
<p>“I just had one who couldn’t even get hard”, one of the girls outside continued.</p>
<p>“Well”, the other one said, “then at least you had an easy time of it.”</p>
<p>“I wish”, the first girl snorted. “He had me try to get him hard for half an hour, but it just wouldn’t work.”</p>
<p>“Pathetic”, the second girl scoffed.</p>
<p>Sergio swallowed. What if he couldn’t… on their wedding night? Would she think he was pathetic too? The voices outside went on.</p>
<p>“Yesterday I had this kid in. Little lord, twenty-something, just got married. Told me how he’d done his duty on his wedding night, said it was awful. Blood everywhere, girl wouldn’t stop crying for hours.”</p>
<p>Sergio felt himself go pale.</p>
<p>“He swore he’d never do it again”, the same voice continued. “Said he’d just come here a few times a week, he’s scared of even touching her.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, no wonder, with those noble ladies. Don’t know nothin’ going in. Don’t even have no idea of what a man looks like down there, and then suddenly they get it shoved between their legs. I’d cry too.”</p>
<p>Sergio had heard enough. He closed the window and sat back down in his chair, feeling nauseous. Would she really not know what was going to happen? Would it all come as a complete surprise to her? Would she be shocked, horrified, disgusted? Would she bleed? Would she <em>cry? </em>He started sweating at the very thought. What would he <em>do </em>if she started crying?</p>
<p>Really, he thought, shaking his head, what a barbaric business. What a way to procreate. He fervently wished that he didn’t have to do this to her, but he knew their marriage had to be consummated to be valid. He supposed he would just have to do what Jennie had told him. He wasn’t sure anymore how much of what she’d said was trustworthy – he was highly skeptical of the button theory now – but he supposed it couldn’t hurt to be gentle, as she’d told him to be, or to push in a little bit at a time to let her get used to it. He could only pray that he wouldn’t hurt her too much that way.</p>
<p>He kept checking his pocket watch, desperate to get out of this room, away from this awful place, and finally the hour was up. He hovered by the bed for a moment, uncertain of how to wake her – he didn’t want to touch her – until he finally settled on repeating her name over and over until she stirred. He waited for her to wake up properly, then he reminded her of their deal, and they left the room together and went downstairs, where his brother was waiting for him with a broad grin.</p>
<p>“So, Jewel of my heart, how did he do?”</p>
<p>“Great”, Jewel said promptly. “Really fantastic. He’s a natural.”</p>
<p>Sergio frowned at her to tone it down, but Andrés laughed and clapped a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Who would have thought? Looks like Mrs. Marquina is going to be one lucky lady.”</p>
<p>Sergio had a sinking feeling in his stomach as they left the brothel and got into a carriage outside. After what he’d heard today, he didn’t think that his bride would feel particularly lucky on their wedding night.</p>
<p> </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Wedding Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wasn't planning on posting again so soon, but writing is going really well, so why not? :) A few things about the historical aspects of this chapter: weddings at the time were small affairs with only a few friends and family members in attendance, and kissing was not part of the ceremony. The celebration afterwards was small as well, if there even was a celebration at all. Honeymoons were customary, but not every couple chose to have one. If the bride and groom were unfamiliar with each other (as is the case here), they might choose to wait a while before traveling together and having to spend so much time in each other's company.</p>
<p>Again, I want to thank everyone who's left kudos and comments! Your support and enthusiasm means the world to me!! 💗💗💗</p>
<p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for finding the perfect images for me to use on Twitter, for her support for this story, and for all-round being a lovely friend!</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg for proof-reading and for her unwavering enthusiasm!</p>
<p>And finally a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for always going above and beyond as a beta reader, for making every chapter better, and for always being there for me.</p>
<p>Enjoy the chapter! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Raquel woke up with nervous butterflies in her stomach. This was the last time she would wake up in this room – tomorrow, she would wake up in a different house: her own home, with a husband, and a staff of servants to direct, and new liberties and possibilities. She couldn’t wait to go out riding alone for the first time, or take a carriage into town with only a servant to accompany her, or to receive her first gentleman caller unchaperoned. She was eager to meet new people, to join societies and improve her mind, and to finally engage in charity work, which her parents had always forbidden. From now on, nobody would forbid her anything – her husband <em>could</em>, of course, but she had an understanding with Lord Marquina, and she knew he wouldn’t stand in her way. She realized fully well how lucky she was. Her future husband was kind, and handsome, and intelligent, and one of the most modern and open-minded men she had ever met. She looked forward to getting to know him better once they were alone, to talk to him, to share her life with him. Even though she was eager to have a life outside of the house as well, she took her duties to her husband very seriously, and she resolved to try her best to be a good wife to him. A slight blush crept into her cheeks as she thought about what Monica had told her about the wedding night – yes, she took that duty seriously too.</p>
<p>After breakfast, Monica and Laura came up to help her dress, together with her ladies’ maid, Annie, who would be going with her to her new home. Her dress was white – quite an extravagant luxury because, as Laura pointed out, it would be extremely hard to keep clean. Only the very richest ladies could afford to buy a dress they would only wear once, so both Monica and Laura had gotten married in a sensible colored dress that they would be able to wear to church afterwards, but Mr. Murillo’s fortune had almost doubled since Laura got married five years ago, and Raquel’s dowry was so big that she could afford an impractical dress for her wedding. They had gone to the best tailor in London to get it made – a simple but elegant garment with a little lace at the sleeves. Her hair was carefully and elaborately pinned up by Annie, and Monica brought her flowers from the garden to make a little crown, then a light veil was placed over her head. A few touches of powder to her face, and then she was ready to leave for the church. She looked at herself in the mirror for a moment and took a deep breath. This was it. This was the day her whole life would change.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio felt a little nauseous as he woke up. Today was a day he’d never expected to live through, ever, and he still wished he didn’t have to. He told himself his life wouldn’t change so drastically – he and Miss Murillo would share a house, certainly, but they would each have their own activities, and he supposed a little conversation over dinner wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Apart from that, they didn’t need to spend any time together. Today would be unpleasant, certainly – he grimaced at the thought of the wedding night – but it was only one day and then his life would finally settle down to normalcy again. He sighed and got out of bed, then dressed himself in his new suit. Only Andrés would be with him today – they didn’t have any other family, he didn’t have any friends, and it was too hard for Tatiana to make the trip with seven children in tow, including a baby. He didn’t mind, though. The fewer people present, the better.</p>
<p>His brother was already at the breakfast table when he got downstairs.</p>
<p>“So”, he smiled broadly. “The big day. How are the nerves?”</p>
<p>Sergio merely grunted and shrugged, and Andrés’ smile disappeared, to be replaced by an unusually serious expression.</p>
<p>“Sergio”, he said earnestly, leaning forward in his chair, “I want you to know that I do appreciate you doing this. I know it’s not what you wanted for yourself.”</p>
<p>“No”, Sergio said curtly. “It’s not.”</p>
<p>“But who knows, maybe you’ll like having a wife and a family.”</p>
<p>He sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes.</p>
<p>“I hope you’re right, Andrés, but I can’t imagine it.”</p>
<p>“Just let her do whatever she wants and I’m sure she won’t give you any trouble. Your life doesn’t have to change too much.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I’m counting on”, he mumbled.</p>
<p>They took a carriage to the church, where they arrived before the family of the bride, so he and Andrés walked up to the altar and waited there. There were many friends and family members of the Murillos in the seats already, all looking curiously at Sergio, who wished with all his might that he could be anywhere else right now. Then Mrs. Murillo arrived with Mrs. Benson, and Sergio straightened up as the organ started to play and the guests turned their attention to the back of the church. There were a few breathless moments in which he could feel his heart beat in his throat, and then there she was, on the arm of her father, walking up the aisle towards him. He didn’t know anything about women, but he realized that she looked very pretty. He’d been thinking of her as the queen in this game of chess, and she certainly looked the part today, in her white dress and with a crown of flowers on her hair. She looked up at him with shining eyes and a smile, and suddenly he felt a stab of something he’d never felt before and which he couldn’t identify, but then she was next to him and the priest began to speak, and the feeling went away again.</p>
<p>The ceremony was short and to the point, and then they and their witnesses signed the marriage register and that was it. He was a married man. He turned around with a mixture of regret and resignation, and offered her his arm. She took it with a smile, and they walked out of the church together, followed by their cheering friends and family. There would be a small celebration at the house of the father of the bride, so that’s where they went, the bride and groom sharing a carriage with Andrés and Laura. The celebration itself was a blur to Sergio – noise, music, strangers shaking his hand and clapping him on the shoulder – he just wanted to go home. He stuck close to Andrés and tried not to embarrass himself or his new wife. He couldn’t wait for this day to be over.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>They didn’t get a chance to talk throughout the celebration, but Raquel kept an eye on her new husband and she could see that he was suffering. She wanted to spare him as much discomfort as she could, so at the earliest possible opportunity, she went over to him and suggested that they leave, and the look of relief in his eyes was so clear that she couldn’t help but smile. Her trunks had already been packed, so all that was left to do was say goodbye to her family. She embraced Monica and her sister, kissed her father on the cheek, then walked into the open arms of her mother, who was a little misty-eyed.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back soon to visit, Mother”, she said. “And you and Laura can come visit me all the time.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Marivi said. “I know. But I’ll still miss you.”</p>
<p>“I’ll miss you too”, Raquel whispered, her throat tight. As much as she was looking forward to starting her new life, it wasn’t easy to leave behind everything she knew and the people she loved to step into the unknown.</p>
<p>Her mother let go of her and took her face between her hands.</p>
<p>“God bless you, sweetheart. I hope you’ll be happy.”</p>
<p>“I’ll write to you tomorrow”, Raquel assured her.</p>
<p>And then they were off, and she watched her childhood home grow smaller and smaller in the distance with a slight feeling of sadness – but then she turned her eyes firmly to the road ahead, and the sadness was replaced with hope, with joy, with eagerness for this new adventure.</p>
<p>Annie accompanied a cart carrying her things, while she and Lord Marquina shared a carriage with Lord De Fonollosa. Raquel rather wished she could be alone with her new husband, because he didn’t say a word while his brother kept up a constant stream of pleasantries for the entire drive. She responded to him politely, but she was glad when the carriage turned off the main road to pass through a pair of big wrought-iron gates. She looked out of the window with interest as they drove through a long lane lined with oak trees, and then, finally, the house came into view. She liked it immediately – it was clearly older than her father’s house, but well-maintained: a large red-brick mansion with big windows and ivy creeping up against the façade. It was absolutely charming, and she smiled to herself as Lord Marquina helped her out of the carriage and she looked up at her new home.</p>
<p>“Do you like it?” he asked her quietly, and she nodded happily.</p>
<p>“I do, sir, it’s lovely.”</p>
<p>He inclined his head, pleased.</p>
<p>“I hope you’ll be happy here.”</p>
<p>There was a bustle of servants as her things were carried inside, then he took her around the house, showing her the dining room, the drawing room with the piano, the library, his study, and the ballroom, which looked like it hadn’t been used in a long time. Finally he left her at her bedroom door so they could all change for dinner. Her bedroom was a bright, spacious room with light blue wallpaper, a dressing table, a wardrobe, and a large four-poster bed. She took off her gloves and ran her hand over the soft white sheets. Tonight, he would take her in his arms and kiss her, and they would lie down here together and… A shiver ran down her spine, and she felt a tingle in her lower belly that she didn’t think was entirely due to nerves.</p>
<p>Annie entered the room and helped her change into a different dress, then redid her hair, removing the flowers from it. When she heard the clock in the hallway strike the hour, she went down into the dining room, where a footman served them dinner. Again, it was Lord De Fonollosa who carried the conversation. He was polite and perfectly pleasant, but she wished he would just go away so she could try to have an actual conversation with her husband for the first time. To her relief, once dinner was cleared, her brother-in-law announced that he was leaving.</p>
<p>Lord Marquina looked up in alarm.</p>
<p>“Leaving? Now? I thought you were going to stay until tomorrow?”</p>
<p>Lord De Fonollosa grinned.</p>
<p>“I think it might be best to give you two some privacy so you can… get on with things.”</p>
<p>Raquel saw her husband shift uncomfortably in his chair.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t ride through the dark, Andrés.”</p>
<p>“I’ll stop at an inn when it gets dark.”</p>
<p>“That’s ridiculous, why would you stay at an inn when you can just as well sleep here?”</p>
<p>Raquel got the distinct sense that her husband wasn’t keen on being alone with her. She tried not to mind – he was very shy, after all, and it was only normal that he would need some time to get used to her.</p>
<p>Lord De Fonollosa got up.</p>
<p>“No, no, I’m set on going. I have an appointment in London tomorrow and you know I don’t like to get up early.”</p>
<p>Raquel went through to the drawing room, where she settled herself in front of the fire, while Lord Marquina saw off his brother. Finally, he entered the drawing room too, and they were finally alone.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio watched Andrés drive off with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew he’d have to be alone with her at some point, but he hadn’t counted on it being so soon. He turned around and reluctantly went to the drawing room, where she was sitting in front of the fire. She looked up and smiled at him when he entered, and he walked over and gingerly sat down in the chair on the other side of the fireplace, casting around for a topic of conversation that would keep his mind off… off of what he’d have to do later. What could he talk to her about? Should he bring up abolition again? Probably not. He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Well, Miss Murillo…” He stumbled to a halt, then said: “Or… or I suppose I should call you Mrs. Marquina now.”</p>
<p>“How about you call me Raquel?” she smiled.</p>
<p>He swallowed. Oh, that didn’t feel right at all. He was suddenly so, so conscious of the fact that she was a complete stranger to him. Still, he felt obligated to respond:</p>
<p>“Alright. And you may call me Sergio.”</p>
<p>She nodded, still smiling, and he asked:</p>
<p>“How… how do you like your room?”</p>
<p>“It’s a lovely room”, she said. “I like the wallpaper.”</p>
<p>“You can redecorate it if you want”, he said quickly, then he added with some difficulty: “And… and the other rooms too.”</p>
<p>She shook her head.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t want to change your house too much.”</p>
<p>“It’s your house too now”, he said, though the idea still felt very wrong to him. “You can make any changes you want, except… except to my study.”</p>
<p>She gave him a close look.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you like changes, though… do you?”</p>
<p>He hesitated.</p>
<p>“I want you to feel at home.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. But I don’t think I’ll be making any changes soon.”</p>
<p>He felt a rush of relief. Having her in the house was quite enough change to start with. An awkward silence fell, and as he looked at her, his thoughts involuntarily turned to… <em>that. </em>She seemed so calm – did she have any idea of what was coming? <em>No wonder, with those noble ladies. Don’t know nothin’ going in. </em>She’d been raised as a proper young lady, so he had to assume that she knew nothing. An alarming thought suddenly occurred to him: was he supposed to <em>talk </em>to her about it? Should he prepare her in some way? Where would he even <em>start? </em>The thought of explaining the difference between their anatomies to her made him cringe. What words would he even use? The names of body parts in his anatomy books might be unfamiliar to her, and using vulgar expressions with her was out of the question. Showing her pictures was even more unthinkable. He tried to think of ways to broach the topic, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t do it. No, talking about it was not an option.</p>
<p>She smiled at him.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?”</p>
<p>No, no, not at all.</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said. “Just… just a little tired. It’s been a long day.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps… perhaps we should go up to bed?” she suggested.</p>
<p>He observed her expression – calm and steady. He could see no fear in her eyes, and he concluded that, no, she had no idea of what was about to happen. God, he felt terrible. Still, there was nothing for it – they would just have to get it over with.</p>
<p>So he nodded and got up, and she followed him up the stairs. He stopped in front of her bedroom door, his mouth dry, his palms sweaty, his heart racing almost painfully. Everything Jennie had told him was swirling through his head – oh god, the mere thought of having to do <em>any </em>of that made him so deeply uncomfortable – he might die from sheer embarrassment. Then he looked down at her – she looked so small and fragile, and the idea of laying her down on the bed, unsuspecting, and pushing himself inside of her suddenly seemed like an act of absolute barbarism to him. <em>Blood everywhere, girl wouldn’t stop crying for hours. </em>Oh god, what if she bled, what if she <em>cried</em>? He couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her, he couldn’t stand the thought of her crying. He so badly didn’t want to do this that he wasn’t sure if he’d even be able to.</p>
<p>And then a glorious thought suddenly occurred to him: what if he didn’t? She seemed to have no idea, so what if he just never enlightened her? He could save her all of this pain and distress. After all, this was a marriage of convenience for both of them – even if she <em>did </em>know what was expected of them, he was sure that she didn’t <em>want </em>it, and who was he to force himself on her? True, their marriage should technically be consummated, but who would ever know? He was almost dizzy with relief as he came to a conclusion: all of this was entirely unnecessary.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>She looked up at him, a little breathless with anticipation. Oh, he was so handsome… she couldn’t wait to feel his arms around her, to be close to him, to kiss him. She wondered what it would feel like when he finally pressed his lips to hers, and she wished he would hurry up already, the tingle in her belly even stronger than before. In the privacy of the bedroom, the barriers between them would finally fall away and she would finally get to know him. She hoped he would talk to her afterwards, she hoped he would stay with her and sleep next to her, she hoped she would wake up to his kisses in the morning. Her husband.</p>
<p>He was looking down at her with a conflicted expression, and she wondered why he looked so nervous – Monica hadn’t said anything about it hurting for men – and besides that, she assumed he’d done it before. She considered standing up on her toes and kissing him, instead of waiting for him to kiss <em>her</em>, but she realized fully well that that would be improper and that he probably wouldn’t like her being so forward. Still, <em>something </em>had to happen. She was just about to suggest they go into the room, when she suddenly saw something shift in his expression. He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Well”, he said, “I hope you’ll sleep well, Miss Murillo.”</p>
<p>She blinked up at him, confused. The next moment, he gave her a slight bow, said “goodnight”, and then, to her utter consternation, he turned around and walked away. She kept standing in the hallway for several minutes after he’d disappeared, wondering what the <em>hell </em>had just happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The White Tower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! Thank you SO much for the enthusiasm you've been showing for this story, I can't tell you how happy it makes me!! 😄😄😄 Please do remember that this is a slow burn, and be patient with poor Sergio, who didn't want any of this :') He's a completely oblivious idiot, yes, but he means well! 😅 Please also remember that matters of the bedroom were considered very taboo in polite society at this time, and talking about them would be very difficult, especially to someone you don't know that well!</p>
<p>In this chapter, a new character will be introduced. Readers of Calculated Risks may recognize her 😄 She is, indeed, the same character -- I just didn't want to stop writing her :') and I needed someone like her for this story. I hope you don't mind seeing her again! 😄</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg for being so enthusiastic and for proof-reading and discussing things with me! </p>
<p>As always, a thank you to thegirloverseas, who was there when this story was conceived, and who has been incredibly supportive ever since!</p>
<p>Enjoy the chapter! I will try to update again tomorrow :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Raquel woke up the next morning, it took her a moment to realize why she wasn’t in her bed at home, but then the events of the previous day came back to her in a rush. She was a married woman now, in her new home – but instead of waking up next to her husband like she’d hoped, she was alone in the bed. She was still so confused about him walking away from her last night. Why, <em>why </em>hadn’t he come to bed with her? Monica had told her that men liked… doing that, so why hadn’t he? Had she done something wrong? Was she supposed to have said or done something to encourage him? She couldn’t imagine what.</p>
<p>A knock sounded at the door, and her heart leapt, but it was only Annie coming to help her dress. She got out of bed and selected one of her favorite dresses, then sat in front of the mirror so Annie could do her hair.</p>
<p>“How did you sleep, Miss?” Annie asked. The girl had been with her for several years now, and they had developed a relationship that came close to friendship.</p>
<p>“I slept fine”, Raquel said.</p>
<p>“Shall I ask the chambermaids to change the sheets?” Annie enquired tactfully.</p>
<p>Raquel realized with a sinking feeling that Annie thought there would be blood on the sheets. She looked down and said quietly:</p>
<p>“No… that won’t be necessary.”</p>
<p>“Oh”, Annie said, surprised, but it wasn’t her place to ask any questions.</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated. It wasn’t entirely proper to confide in her maid, but she desperately needed someone to talk to.</p>
<p>“He… he didn’t even come into the room last night, Annie”, she said. “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>Annie was a steady girl, a quality Raquel appreciated. As always, she took a sensible approach.</p>
<p>“Perhaps he needs a little more time.”</p>
<p>“Do you think so?”</p>
<p>“He seems very shy.”</p>
<p>Raquel nodded, then asked:</p>
<p>“What do the servants say about him?”</p>
<p>“They say he’s very easy to work for. Very quiet, undemanding, fair.”</p>
<p>“Does he… ever bother the chambermaids?”</p>
<p>“Oh no”, Annie said immediately. “They told me not to worry, he doesn’t even look at them. In fact”, she continued, suppressing a smile, “there seems to be a consensus among the staff that he’s a little afraid of women. Maybe that’s his problem.”</p>
<p>“Oh”, Raquel said with a slight smile. “That’s rather sweet. Poor fellow.”</p>
<p>“So perhaps he just needs a little time to get used to you.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Raquel said. “Yes, that must be it.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll come to bed with you tonight.”</p>
<p>Raquel resolved to try her best to make him feel at ease around her today, so hopefully he would become less shy. Annie finished her hair, and she went down to breakfast. He was already at the table, reading the newspaper, and as she sat down, he looked up and inclined his head.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Miss Murillo. How did you sleep?”</p>
<p>She considered correcting him – she wasn’t Miss Murillo anymore – but she felt like that wouldn’t help him feel more comfortable, so she let it go.</p>
<p>“I slept well, thank you for asking.”</p>
<p>She observed him closely for a moment, wondering if she should bring up last night and ask him why he hadn’t… but she couldn’t imagine openly talking about such a topic – what would he think of her? He glanced at her, and when he saw her look at him, he quickly returned his attention to the newspaper, and she concluded that asking about it would only embarrass him further, and that was the last thing she wanted. It would be better to let him do things at his own pace.</p>
<p>She kept glancing at him as she ate. She wanted to talk to him, but he kept reading and didn’t look up. She knew that her father hated to be disturbed while reading the newspaper in the morning, and she didn’t want to annoy him. She noticed that there was a second newspaper on her side of the table, and she realized he’d ordered it for her, which suddenly made her smile. He liked to read the newspaper in the morning, so he’d assumed that she would too. He was terribly awkward, but clearly he did try to be considerate towards her, so she picked up her own copy and started reading.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>When she came down to breakfast, Sergio was reading the newspaper, as he did every morning. He hoped she wouldn’t expect conversation from him over breakfast – he supposed he could learn to live with a little talk over dinner, but in the morning, he liked his peace and quiet. He enquired politely if she’d slept well, then he saw her give him a close look, and he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He’d assumed that she didn’t know what they should have done last night, but apparently she had expected <em>something</em>, and now she was confused. He quickly hid his face behind the newspaper, hoping to discourage her from asking questions. She’d been raised as a proper lady, though, and he trusted that she would have enough manners not to talk about such matters.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>After breakfast was cleared away, he finally put down his newspaper, and she quickly put down hers as well, resolved to have a proper conversation now – it didn’t matter about what – the news, for all she cared.</p>
<p>“You have the run of the house and the garden, of course”, he said before she could propose a topic of conversation. “Feel free to take any book from the library. Do you like to ride?”</p>
<p>She perked up, hopeful that he would suggest they go out riding together.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled, “I do.”</p>
<p>He merely nodded his head.</p>
<p>“The chestnut mare in the stables is yours. Her name is Belle, she’s very gentle.”</p>
<p>Raquel felt a distinct sense of disappointment – didn’t he want to spend time with her? She opened her mouth to ask him to accompany her when she went riding, but then the door opened and the footman came in with a note, which he handed to her. She opened it and read it.</p>
<p>“It’s from Lady Godfrey”, she told him. “She’s inviting me to tea.”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“She’s our closest neighbor. I encourage you to make her acquaintance – she’s involved in a lot of charity work, both here and in London, and I believe that is something you are interested in?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said, “I am.”</p>
<p>“Good. You can take a carriage to visit her if you want, but since the weather is fine, you can also just take the path through the rose garden. It isn’t far.”</p>
<p>“Alright”, she said, “I’ll walk then.”</p>
<p>He hesitated. “I feel like I have to warn you though… Lady Godfrey isn’t very… conventional.”</p>
<p>“In what way?” she frowned.</p>
<p>“She never married, for one, and I don’t think she intends to. She has a very… independent spirit.” He gave her a slight smile. “I think you’ll probably get along splendidly.”</p>
<p>To her consternation, he got up and gave her a slight bow.</p>
<p>“I’ll be in my study if you need anything.”</p>
<p>And with that, he turned around and left the room.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>As Sergio sat down behind his desk, it suddenly occurred to him that perhaps she had expected him to spend some time with her, since it was her first day here. Maybe she had hoped that he would take a walk with her, or that they would take their horses and he would show her the neighborhood and the village? He had just gone to his study after breakfast out of habit, but now he wasn’t sure if that had been the right thing to do. What did one do with a wife? What did she expect of him? Then he heard his brother’s voice: <em>From what I can see, she just wants a husband who will stay out of her way and who will let her do whatever she wants. </em>Yes, Andrés was probably right – she didn’t want his company, she had married him precisely because she’d hoped he would leave her alone and let her go her own way. Well, he thought as he took up a book, that worked out perfectly. He was so glad that he could return to his normal routine after all this ghastly business.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Raquel sat at the breakfast table, staring at the door he had just left through. This was the first day of their marriage, and he clearly didn’t intend to spend any time with her at all. He’d barely said a word to her. When he’d been quiet during his calls at her house, she’d thought it was shyness, and she’d assumed that he’d open up to her once they were alone and he felt more comfortable. Now, however, she was wondering if he just didn’t talk? With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she suddenly realized how much of her opinion of him was based on mere assumptions – the assumption that he would be different after their wedding, the assumption that he was shy… the assumption that he liked her. What if she’d been wrong? What if what she had taken for shyness was actually coldness? What if he had no interest in talking to her, spending time with her, sleeping with her? She thought back to last night, and she felt a terrible sense of doubt set in. Was he even interested in her at all?</p>
<p>She shook her head – it made no sense. Why would he marry her, only to ignore her completely? She’d understand his behavior if he’d just married her for her money, but her mother had <em>assured </em>her that he didn’t need any, and that his brother only had minor debts. No, she told herself sternly, no, she shouldn’t start panicking – he just needed time to get used to her. He wasn’t used to having a wife, or even just another person in the house, and he was clearly set in his ways. She just needed a little patience. If she left him free to follow his usual routine, then he would gradually get used to her presence. They would see each other at mealtimes, and she would get him to talk, and she was sure that he would eventually incorporate her into his daily life. In the meantime, she would pursue her own interests and stay out of his way.</p>
<p>“Milady?”</p>
<p>She looked up in surprise to see the housekeeper standing in front of her. She’d met Mrs. Wilson when she arrived yesterday, and she seemed a kind and efficient woman.</p>
<p>“Milady, would you like to meet the staff?”</p>
<p>It felt so strange to be addressed that way, but yes, she supposed she <em>was </em>a lady now. She should act like it.</p>
<p>She drew herself up.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would like that.”</p>
<p>She followed Mrs. Wilson into the hallway, where the staff was lined up: one footman, two chambermaids, the cook, and a gardener.</p>
<p>“Are these all the servants?” she asked Mrs. Wilson in surprise.</p>
<p>“Yes, Ma’am.”</p>
<p>“This is a very small staff for a house this size.”</p>
<p>“I know, but Lord Marquina’s wants are very simple.”</p>
<p>“How do you entertain with only one footman?”</p>
<p>The housekeeper gave her a gentle smile.</p>
<p>“Lord Marquina doesn’t entertain.”</p>
<p>“Ever? Not even the neighbors?”</p>
<p>“No. Only Lord and Lady De Fonollosa and the children.”</p>
<p>“Well”, Raquel said firmly, “That won’t do.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t offend the neighbors by never inviting them, and frankly she liked having company. Also, as a newly married woman of rank, she would be expected to throw her first ball soon, and the house was desperately understaffed for that. Luckily, thanks to the generous income her father had settled on her, they could afford a significant increase in the staff. She wondered for a moment if she should consult her husband about this, but he’d told her she had the run of the house, and as the woman of the house, this was her domain.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Wilson, can I ask you to hire three more footmen, two more chambermaids, and two scullery maids to help the cook in the kitchen. And I think we should add an extra gardener while we’re at it.”</p>
<p>The staff looked at her with big eyes, but Mrs. Wilson nodded.</p>
<p>“Right away, Lady Marquina.”</p>
<p>She spent the entire morning with the housekeeper, learning about how the house was run and going over the household accounts. When she came up from the kitchen at lunch, she saw that there was only one place set at the table.</p>
<p>“Will… will Lord Marquina not be joining me?” she asked the footman.</p>
<p>“No Ma’am”, he said. “Lord Marquina always takes his lunch in his study.”</p>
<p>She felt a stab of annoyance. She had half a mind to go knock on his study door to tell him that he wasn’t being very polite, but forcing him to spend time with her probably wasn’t the best approach, so she simply nodded at the footman and took a deep breath. Patience.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>After lunch, she explored the garden. The house had a large terrace, with a rolling lawn in front of it that ended in a patch of forest. Tucked away around the corner was a lovely little rose garden, and when it was time, she took the path from the rose garden through the hedge that boarded the property, and followed it through some fields until it led her to the drive of another large mansion. She rung the bell at the front door, and a footman opened it and led her to the drawing room.</p>
<p>Lady Godfrey wasn’t there yet, so she had time to admire the room, which had been decorated in a simple but elegant style, with the family coat of arms – a white tower on a blue background – above the mantlepiece. Then the door opened and Lady Godfrey came in, and Raquel’s eyebrows immediately shot up. She had never seen a lady like this: her black hair wasn’t pinned up properly but pulled back into a simple ponytail, her gown was very plain and practical and – Raquel stared at her – was she wearing <em>pants</em> underneath her skirt?</p>
<p>“Ah”, Lady Godfrey said, a piercing look in her dark eyes as she looked Raquel up and down. “You must be the new Lady Marquina.”</p>
<p>“I am”, Raquel said, inclining her head. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Godfrey.”</p>
<p>“Please”, the lady waved her hand. “I don’t stand on formality. Call me Elena. May I call you Raquel?”</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated. This was highly unusual for a first meeting, but it would be very impolite to refuse, so she nodded.</p>
<p>“Excuse my dress”, Elena said, gesturing at Raquel to sit down and taking a seat herself. “I just came back from riding.”</p>
<p>She saw Raquel glance at her pants and smiled.</p>
<p>“I know, I know. But they’re so much more practical on a horse.”</p>
<p>Raquel knew she was staring, but she couldn’t help it.</p>
<p>“Do you… do you ride like a <em>man</em>?”</p>
<p>Elena nodded. “Riding side-saddle isn’t nearly as practical or as safe.”</p>
<p>Raquel was shocked.</p>
<p>“But… but don’t people talk?”</p>
<p>“Of course”, Elena said with dignity. “But what do I care? I have a large income, no close male relatives to forbid me anything, and I don’t need to preserve my reputation to find a husband one day. People can talk all they want.”</p>
<p>Raquel didn’t know what to say. She’d been taught that her reputation was a lady’s most precious possession, and she’d never met any woman who didn’t care about it.</p>
<p>“I have to say”, Elena said, observing Raquel closely, “I barely know Lord Marquina, but I was still very surprised to hear that he was getting married.”</p>
<p>“Why would that surprise you?” Raquel asked carefully.</p>
<p>“Because he’s so unsociable”, she replied bluntly. “I’ve never met anyone who’s so set on being alone. I didn’t think he’d want permanent company in the house.”</p>
<p>Raquel decided it would be better to change the topic – she didn’t want to gossip about her husband. She cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“My husband told me you work with charities, Lady Godfrey?”</p>
<p>Elena raised her eyebrows, so Raquel quickly amended:</p>
<p>“I mean… Elena.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “Yes, I do. I run several charities in the village and in London. Would you be interested in contributing?”</p>
<p>Raquel sat up straighter.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would like that very much.”</p>
<p>Elena smiled. “Then you should come to dinner tomorrow, there will be several people here who are involved in the local charities – I’ll introduce you.”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, Raquel said happily.</p>
<p>They spent an hour talking about the different charities, and Raquel got the impression that Lady Godfrey was a force to be reckoned with. She was fiercely intelligent and strong-willed, but underneath it all, Raquel thought that she detected a deep sense of kindness as well. On the whole, she was very pleased with her neighbor – unconventional as she was – and she was glad to have made her acquaintance. Finally she got up to leave, and Elena got up too.</p>
<p>“I hope you’ll be happy in the neighborhood, Raquel.”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, Raquel smiled.</p>
<p>Elena gave her a long look.</p>
<p>“Please remember… if you ever need a friend… I’m right next door.”</p>
<p>Raquel was struck by the earnestness in her eyes, and she replied equally seriously:</p>
<p>“Thank you. I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>She dressed carefully for dinner and went down determined to get her husband to talk to her this time. She couldn’t believe her eyes when he came in with a book and continued reading while the meal was served. She waited until the servants had left, then said:</p>
<p>“Sergio.”</p>
<p>He looked up in surprise, apparently only now realizing that she was there. He quickly put his book away.</p>
<p>“My apologies, Miss Murillo”, he said. “That wasn’t very polite of me.”</p>
<p>This time she corrected him.</p>
<p>“I’m not Miss Murillo anymore”, she smiled.</p>
<p>He quickly recanted. “No, of course.”</p>
<p>“How was your day?”</p>
<p>“Uneventful. I did some paperwork in the morning and I spent the afternoon reading.”</p>
<p>She shot a glance at his book.</p>
<p>“What are you reading about?”</p>
<p>“Physics.”</p>
<p>She smiled encouragingly. “Would you like to elaborate on that?”</p>
<p>He perked up.</p>
<p>“Are you familiar with Newton’s laws?”</p>
<p>“No”, she said, “I didn’t study physics with my governess.”</p>
<p>He looked embarrassed at not having realized that.</p>
<p>“No”, he said, “no, of course you didn’t.”</p>
<p>“But why don’t you tell me about Newton’s laws?”</p>
<p>He gave her an uncertain look.</p>
<p>“My brother tells me I shouldn’t bore company by talking about my studies.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t bore me”, she assured him. “I’d love to hear about it.”</p>
<p>But he was shaking his head.</p>
<p>“No, no, I’m sure it wouldn’t interest you.”</p>
<p>“Really, I’m eager to learn.”</p>
<p>“It’s too complicated if you don’t have a solid basis in mathematics.”</p>
<p>She hesitated. She wanted to be able to talk to him about his interests, but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to tutor her. An awkward silence fell, as she waited for him to ask her about her day, until finally she realized that he was absolutely oblivious to what was expected of him in this conversation. She suppressed a smile – his cluelessness was rather adorable – and suggested gently:</p>
<p>“You could ask me about my day.”</p>
<p>He turned red.</p>
<p>“Right, I’m… I’m so sorry. I’m not used to having company, I’m terrible at making conversation. Forgive me.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright”, she smiled. “We’ll get used to each other in time.”</p>
<p>“How… how was your day?”</p>
<p>“I went to see Lady Godfrey. You were right, she’s… rather unconventional.”</p>
<p>He gave her a slight smile. “Quite.”</p>
<p>“But I like her. She said she’ll involve me in her charity work.”</p>
<p>“That’s good”, he said. “I’m glad you were able to arrange that.”</p>
<p>They finished their meal and she saw him glance at his book.</p>
<p>“Would you like to continue reading?” she asked him, and he gave her a look of relief.</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you. I’ll be in the library.”</p>
<p>She watched him go with mixed feelings. She would have preferred it if he had stayed to talk to her, but at least their conversation over dinner had been a start. She got the feeling that she would have to approach him very gradually, and she didn’t want to overwhelm him by asking too much of him at once.</p>
<p>She spent some more time talking to Mrs. Wilson, then she wondered how she would fill the remainder of her evening. She decided that she should go to the library to find something to read – maybe a book that would give her a solid basis in mathematics. When she entered the room, he was sitting in front of the fire, contemplating a chess board set on a little table. She went up to him.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you supposed to play chess with another person?”</p>
<p>He looked up at her, and for the first time all day, she could see genuine interest in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Do you play?” he asked her eagerly.</p>
<p>“No”, she admitted, suddenly regretting that she’d never learned. “But I would love to learn. Perhaps you could teach me?”</p>
<p>The interest in his eyes vanished again, and he hesitated.</p>
<p>“Well”, he finally said, “yes, I could teach you if you want.”</p>
<p>She realized that he was just being polite, and she could imagine that it wouldn’t be much fun for him to play against an absolute beginner if he was an advanced player himself. If she bored him, she was sure he wouldn’t become any more eager to spend time with her.</p>
<p>She smiled. “Maybe another time. I came in here to find a book. Can I look around?”</p>
<p>“Of course”, he said politely, gesturing at the shelves. “Feel free.”</p>
<p>He returned to his game while she walked slowly around the room, reading the titles of the books, pulling out a few and leafing through the pages. Finally she found a book on chess strategies, and she smiled. She could read up and teach herself, and maybe <em>then </em>he would want to play her. She took the book off the shelf and turned to leave the room, but then she hesitated, looking at him. She still thought she could get him to open up – she was <em>sure </em>there was so much more to him than he was showing her… she just had to find a way in. Mealtime conversation clearly wasn’t his strong suit, so she thought the intimacy of the bedroom would be her best bet.</p>
<p>She took a deep breath and said:</p>
<p>“I’m going to bed.”</p>
<p>“Alright”, he said, not looking up from his game.</p>
<p>She gathered all her courage.</p>
<p>“Are you… are you coming too?”</p>
<p>He nodded. “In about half an hour or so.”</p>
<p>Her heart leapt. So he <em>did </em>intend to join her tonight – he was just giving her time to change into her nightgown. She went upstairs, where Annie helped her change into her night clothes and brush out her hair, then she got into bed, waiting expectantly for him to come up. Finally she heard his footsteps on the stairs and her stomach fluttered with anticipation – but then the footsteps went right past her door without stopping. She wondered if he wanted to get changed first, too, but as she waited and waited, she slowly began to realize that he wasn’t coming.</p>
<p>She let herself fall back into the pillows and stared up at the canopy of her bed. Was this what her marriage would be like? Breakfast behind a newspaper, snippets of conversation over dinner and spending her nights alone? She shook her head. No, <em>no</em>, it couldn’t be, she refused accept it, he just needed <em>time. </em>He had <em>chosen</em> to marry her, and soon they would find their way to each other. She resolved to give him space, but she also wouldn’t stop trying.</p>
<p>It took her a while to fall asleep that night. She told herself she was being silly – she was so lucky – she had so much – a fortune to spend as she wished, absolute freedom, interesting people to meet and interesting work to do, and a kind husband who didn’t forbid her anything. She knew many women would envy her greatly. Why, then, did she feel such a sinking sense of disappointment? She looked around the room, still unfamiliar to her, not feeling like home even a little bit. Suddenly, she missed her old room, she missed her old life, she missed her sister and her father and most of all her mother. Oh, she felt so lonely in this big bed – this wasn’t at all how she’d imagined marriage would be. Finally, the loneliness overwhelmed her. She turned onto her side, hugged a pillow to her chest, and cried.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, I want to thank you all for being so enthusiastic about the story! I'm so overwhelmed by and grateful for and happy about your reactions! I know the slow burn is killing you right now, and yes, Sergio has all the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon, but I promise it will be worth it in the end! 😊</p>
<p>Thank you to Meg for proof-reading and encouraging me!</p>
<p>And a thank you to thegirloverseas, for being the best beta anyone could wish for, and for endlessly discussing this story with me. I am truly lucky 💗</p>
<p>I hope you'll enjoy the chapter! 😊 Thank you all SO much for reading! 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
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<p>Over the next few days, Raquel received countless invitations – to tea, to dinner, to soirees and music evenings and balls. As a noble lady new to the neighborhood, it seemed that every good family for miles around wanted to get to know her, and Raquel was pleased about that, eager to get to know her neighbors. She enjoyed dressing up and going out, meeting new people and having stimulating conversations. There was only one thing that bothered her: all of the invitations, in combination with the charity work she was now doing with Elena, meant that she was rarely home anymore, and she barely got to spend any time with Sergio. They exchanged a few words over breakfast, and then he disappeared into his study while she went over to the village or to Elena’s house, where she usually had lunch. In the afternoon, there were countless social calls, then dinners and entertainment. It was all a little overwhelming, but Raquel knew this was a crucial period to establish herself socially in the neighborhood, and she didn’t dare refuse a single invitation because that would risk offending someone. She knew things would quiet down again after a few weeks, once she’d met everyone, but in the meantime, she was starting to despair of ever getting to know her new husband.</p>
<p>Of course, some of the invitations included Lord Marquina as well, and he often accompanied her, especially to the dinners. He’d seemed surprised when she first asked him – apparently the neighbors had stopped inviting him to things years ago – but he seemed to understand how bad it would look if she showed up without him, so he bought a few new suits and went with her when she asked. He never complained, but after a few of these events, she could see that they made him truly miserable – he merely sat quietly, not engaging with anyone, only speaking when spoken to, discomfort evident in every line of his body. So she started going places without him, making excuses for his absence, calculating how many events she could show up to alone before people would start to talk. She tried to spare him as much as possible, though she didn’t think he realized it, as there were still plenty of engagements he simply couldn’t miss.</p>
<p>What few interactions they had remained stiff and awkward. They simply didn’t have the time or opportunity to move beyond some superficial questions about their day or discussions about the running of the household. She kept looking for ways to connect to him, and she kept hoping that he would join her in the bedroom once he felt more at ease around her, but he never did. After a few days, she tried talking to him about it, but the moment she brought up their wedding night, he hastily got up, made an excuse, and left. After that, she didn’t bring it up again – she was afraid that, if she pressured him too much, he would start avoiding her altogether, and then it would never happen. As she gradually got to know him better over the weeks, she started to suspect that he would never be comfortable with physical intimacy before they had built an emotional connection first. She realized that it would take time and effort to get to that point, and because of her current busy schedule, she had to resign herself to the fact that it would have to wait until after things calmed down. It frustrated her, but she didn’t feel discouraged – after all, they had a lifetime to find their way to each other. A few weeks of waiting wouldn’t make the difference.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio wondered how he had come to this. When he’d agreed to marry, he’d thought having a wife wouldn’t make that much of a difference to his life – he’d thought it would merely mean another person in the house and some conversation over dinner. From what Miss Murillo had told him before he proposed, he’d assumed that she would spend a lot of her time out of the house and he would barely notice she was there. That’s what he’d believed, that’s what he’d <em>counted</em> on. He hadn’t for a moment considered the stream of invitations that would suddenly arrive for his wife, and he’d considered even less that many of those invitations would include <em>him </em>as well, and that he’d have to accompany her for the sake of propriety. He suffered through the many social events as best he could, trying not to embarrass his wife too much and longing for the days when things would quiet down again.</p>
<p>But then something horrible happened. After several weeks of visiting neighbors, his wife declared that they would now have to return the favor and invite all of the neighbors to visit <em>them, </em>and suddenly his house was flooded with people – guests for tea and for dinner, soirees afterwards. Overnight, an army of new servants manifested itself out of nowhere to take on all the work this caused. He hated all of it – his house, his sanctuary, overrun with strangers, and no way to escape. His wife assured him that this was only temporary – once they had invited everyone once, their social obligations would significantly reduce again, but in the meantime, he fled to his study as often as he reasonably could without being <em>too </em>rude, and deeply regretted marrying. Perhaps it would have been preferable to have Tatiana and the children in the house after all – but it was too late for that now. He would just have to grit his teeth and bear it.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Six weeks after their wedding, just when things began to calm down again, Tatiana and the children arrived for their yearly visit. It was customary for London families to spend the summer with their relatives in the country, and they would stay for two months, so Tatiana could help Raquel with the organization of her first ball, which was an important event in the life of any newly-married lady of rank. Raquel was apprehensive about this visit beforehand, because she dreaded that Andrés would also become a permanent fixture in her house – but her brother-in-law only flitted in and out for sporadic visits, and Raquel liked Tatiana and the children. Her sister-in-law spent quite a bit of time complaining about her husband, but Raquel felt that that was entirely warranted, and the rest of the time Tatiana was pleasant company. Raquel had the sense that some of her spirit had been crushed by nine years of marriage to Andrés and by the care for seven children, but underneath it all, Tatiana was still an intelligent and lively woman. She was an excellent pianist, she had great taste in jewelry, and she always remained calm under pressure, even when seven children were clamoring for her attention all at once. After several weeks, Monica and her children joined them for a two-week visit as well, and the three women got along very well.</p>
<p>The only problem, once again, was Sergio. Now that they had guests in the house all of the time, and since he still showed no interest in joining her in the bedroom, they didn’t have a single moment alone together. Raquel observed him with his family, and she noticed the comfortable way he talked to his brother and the relative ease with which he spoke with Tatiana, and her observations caused a complicated mix of feelings. On the one hand, it hurt her that he still made no effort whatsoever to talk to <em>her</em>, but on the other hand it was encouraging to see that he <em>did </em>talk, even to Tatiana, and it gave her hope for the future. Patience – she repeated the word over and over again like a mantra – she knew she should have patience, but it was hard, because even though she couldn’t really connect to him, that didn’t stop her from liking him. He was kind and considerate in his own way, and once she observed him with Delia, she started to really appreciate the hidden aspects of his character.</p>
<p>Sergio spent a lot of time with his goddaughter, and Raquel often saw them with their heads together, talking quietly, looking at the pictures in his encyclopedia or studying the globe. They spent hours behind the piano, and Raquel marveled at the infinite patience her husband showed when it came to teaching Delia to play, while Tatiana complained that her daughter had never shown any interest in the instrument when <em>she </em>had tried to teach her. Delia took to asking Uncle Sergio to read her bedtime stories, and he always obliged her. Raquel loved to watch them together, because it showed how gentle he was, how caring – it showed that the distant and purely cerebral façade he presented to her was just that – a façade. She hoped that, sooner or later, he would drop it, and be himself around her.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio liked it when Tatiana and the children visited him in the summer. Granted, it was always a relief when they left again, too, but while they were here, he tried to make the most of it. It helped that it was summer and the children spent most of their time outside, limiting the noise in the house, and though he often felt tired from having constant company, there were many aspects of these visits that he enjoyed too. He liked it that his brother dropped by regularly, he liked that Tatiana played the piano in the evenings, and most of all he liked to spend time with his goddaughter. This summer, for some reason, was even more pleasant than usual, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. He just knew that his life was finally settling down again, and he was in a better mood than he had been since the wedding.</p>
<p>He was gradually becoming used to the idea of having a wife, and somehow, as the weeks passed, he began to notice her more, and he realized that, perhaps, he didn’t mind her so much. She was a cheerful and lively presence in the house, brightening every room she entered, and always kind and considerate towards him, always careful not to ask too much of him, which he appreciated. He was glad to see that she got along well with Tatiana, and when her best friend Monica arrived a few weeks later, he got the sense that she was finally starting to feel at home. Her laughter often resonated through the rooms of the house, and after a while he noticed that it always involuntarily made him smile. During meals or at tea time on the terrace, his eyes often turned to her automatically, and he sometimes caught himself observing her for several minutes at a time. He still didn’t know what to say to her, but her presence in his house had stopped feeling so jarring. He thought that, over time, he might come to feel as comfortable around her as he felt around Tatiana.</p>
<p>One evening, he went upstairs to read to Delia at bedtime. The girl was already in bed, tucked in under a crisp white sheet, and he carefully sat down beside her.</p>
<p>“Uncle Sergio?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Delia?”</p>
<p>The girl held out a blue hair ribbon.</p>
<p>“Do you like my new ribbon?”</p>
<p>“Uhm… yes, it’s… quite pretty.”</p>
<p>“Aunt Raquel gave it to me.”</p>
<p>“Did you thank her properly?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I like Aunt Raquel.”</p>
<p>He blinked, surprised. Delia usually needed a lot of time to warm up to strangers.</p>
<p>“You do?”</p>
<p>“Yes. She’s nice.”</p>
<p>Yes, he thought, that did seem to be the prevailing opinion about his wife. If he really thought about it, he was inclined to agree. But anyway, he was here for a specific purpose.</p>
<p>“What story will it be tonight, Delia?”</p>
<p>“The White Cat”, she whispered, and he picked up the book of fairytales and leafed through to the correct page. Before he could start reading, however, he suppressed a yawn – he had stayed up late reading yesterday, and he hadn’t gotten much sleep. Delia noticed.</p>
<p>“Are you tired?”</p>
<p>“Yes, a little.”</p>
<p>“Then you should lie down”, she said.</p>
<p>He hesitated, but when she shifted over to make room for him, he couldn’t resist. He kicked off his shoes and lay down, though he stayed on top of the sheets. Delia wriggled over to him and settled herself against his chest, like she had done when she was a toddler. He smiled and wrapped a careful arm around her, then he started to read. He wasn’t even halfway through the story when he glanced down and saw that Delia had fallen asleep, and he was now presented with a conundrum: how to get off the bed without waking her. He decided he should wait a few more minutes until she was properly asleep, and try to leave then, so he let the book drop to his chest and closed his eyes for just a minute.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He had gone up to read to Delia and he stayed away for so long that Raquel went looking for him. She found him fast asleep on Delia’s bed, a book open on his chest, the girl sleeping in the curve of his arm. She stood looking at them for a while, and gradually she became aware of a deep, aching longing in her chest. Why wasn’t he like this with <em>her</em>? He was clearly capable of affection, of tenderness, of love – why not with her? What was she doing wrong? She watched him lying next to Delia, his arm protectively around her, and she wondered desperately if he would ever sleep next to her like that, if he would <em>ever</em> come to her bed. Seeing him with the girl made her realize that she wanted that, she wanted a family with him – but how, if he refused to come to her room? She wasn’t too clear on the process of making babies, but she knew it couldn’t happen without <em>that</em> – and it was starting to feel like <em>that </em>would never happen.</p>
<p>She decided not to wake him and went downstairs again to join Monica and Tatiana out on the terrace, where they were enjoying an evening cup of tea and some well-deserved peace and quiet now that their children were in bed.</p>
<p>“He fell asleep reading to Delia”, Raquel said, sitting down and pouring herself a cup of tea. “I let him sleep, they looked so sweet.”</p>
<p>“He clearly adores her”, Monica said with a smile.</p>
<p>Tatiana nodded. “Yes, they’ve always had a special bond, ever since she started talking. I don’t know why, he’s never shown that kind of interest in the other children.”</p>
<p>“I think they’re rather similar”, Monica ventured thoughtfully. “I think perhaps he sees himself in her.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Raquel said, “I agree.”</p>
<p>“I think he’ll be a good father”, Tatiana mused. “Better than his brother, anyway.”</p>
<p>Monica turned to Raquel with shining eyes.</p>
<p>“Raquel… do you think you might be…?”</p>
<p>“No”, Raquel said shortly, looking down.</p>
<p>“That’s alright”, Tatiana said. “You haven’t been married that long, I’m sure it will happen soon enough. Just try not to end up with seven, Raquel, it’s too much. Though if he’s anything like his brother, he probably won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”</p>
<p>Raquel said nothing, her eyes on the table, and Monica put a concerned hand on her arm.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, she said softly, “what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Raquel looked up at her best friend – she hadn’t told her anything about this in her letters, but now that she was here, she felt all of her frustration and sadness rise up at once, and she just <em>had </em>to tell her.</p>
<p>“He hasn’t touched me”, she whispered. “Not once, not even on our wedding night.”</p>
<p>The women stared at her.</p>
<p>“You mean…” Monica said, “you haven’t…?”</p>
<p>“No”, Raquel breathed, feeling tears burn behind her eyes.</p>
<p>“Oh Raquel”, Monica said, her voice full of sympathy.</p>
<p>Tatiana had a thoughtful look in her eyes. “You know, it doesn’t really surprise me.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Raquel said. “I thought… I thought men liked doing that.”</p>
<p>Tatiana nodded slowly. “Most men do. But Sergio is not a physical person at all – he still rubs his cheek every time I greet him with a kiss, and we’ve known each other for a decade. I think… I think perhaps he just doesn’t like to be touched.”</p>
<p>Raquel looked at her in horror.</p>
<p>“So… so you don’t think he just needs time to get used to me?”</p>
<p>“It’s possible”, Tatiana said quickly, but there was something in her expression that made Raquel go cold.</p>
<p>“You think he might never get used to me?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Raquel”, Tatiana said, giving her a rather helpless look. “He talks to me now, but it took him years to even get to that point.”</p>
<p>“<em>Years</em>?” Raquel said, horrified.</p>
<p>“Yes. I’m sorry”, Tatiana said, and she looked it. “I’m not saying it’s impossible that it will ever happen, but I think you may have to start thinking about the possibility that he might never… be interested in you that way.”</p>
<p>Raquel didn’t know what to say. She’d realized by now that it wouldn’t be easy to form a connection with her husband, but she’d never considered the possibility that it might never happen. Would they live next to each other for years, barely speaking? Would she forever sleep alone, never kissed, never touched – childless? She’d been told since she was a little girl that having a family was a woman’s purpose in life, and though she had always hoped that her life would amount to <em>more </em>than that, she had still always counted on being a mother one day. Would she… would she really never have a family?</p>
<p>Tatiana seemed to regret speaking so candidly. She leaned forward and patted Raquel’s hand.</p>
<p>“But I’m sure he’ll grow fond of you in time, Raquel. He’s very slow to bestow his affections, but he cares deeply about his family, and you’ll become part of his family in time.”</p>
<p>Raquel nodded, feeling numb, and Tatiana continued:</p>
<p>“And I’m very happy to have you in the family! And not just because you saved us.”</p>
<p>Raquel looked up, confused, but Monica asked the question before she could:</p>
<p>“She saved you?”</p>
<p>Tatiana looked surprised. “Yes – hasn’t Raquel told you? Well, it’s a little embarrassing, but I don’t mind you knowing. You see, my husband had a substantial debt – gambling, I know, he’s virtue incarnate – the kind of debt neither he nor Sergio could pay off. If Sergio hadn’t married Raquel right in time, and brought in her dowry, we would have had to sell our house and come live here.”</p>
<p>Raquel was staring at her.</p>
<p>“I thought the debt wasn’t that high?”</p>
<p>“Oh no”, Tatiana said, “it was. But most of it was with an illegal moneylender, so it wasn’t visible from the outside.”</p>
<p>She frowned at Raquel.</p>
<p>“Why are you looking so surprised? Sergio said he told you all about this when he proposed.”</p>
<p>Raquel suddenly remembered – yes, he <em>had </em>talked about his brother’s debt when he proposed to her, he had told her explicitly that it was bigger than she might think, but she had waved it away – she hadn’t taken him seriously. She remembered too that he’d mentioned a moneylender, but she hadn’t realized what that meant, she hadn’t realized that her parents wouldn’t have been able to see that debt. She felt sick.</p>
<p>“So… so he married me… only for my dowry?” she whispered.</p>
<p>Tatiana was looking very uncomfortable now.</p>
<p>“I… I thought you <em>knew</em>, Raquel. Sergio told me he’d been upfront about needing the money, he said you had openly discussed it and that you’d said it wasn’t a problem.”</p>
<p>Yes, yes she <em>had </em>said that, and looking back on it now, she realized that he had thought that he had indeed been completely honest with her, not realizing that she didn’t fully grasp the situation.</p>
<p>“But I’m sure he likes you as well!” Tatiana hastened to say.</p>
<p>“No”, Raquel murmured through numb lips. “Clearly he doesn’t.”</p>
<p>“He just needs some time…” Monica tried, but Raquel wasn’t listening. She looked up at Tatiana.</p>
<p>“Why did he think I wanted to marry <em>him</em>?”</p>
<p>“Because… because you wanted to be free to live your own life, and he would allow you to do that. And… and because you and your family wanted the aristocratic connection.”</p>
<p>Yes, Raquel thought, yes, of course. If he was making the match for purely practical reasons, why wouldn’t he expect the same of her as well? After all, she had accepted his proposal after only a week and a half.</p>
<p>Tatiana looked like she wanted to sink through the floor.</p>
<p>“You… you really didn’t know?”</p>
<p>Raquel shook her head, and Tatiana quickly leaned forward in her chair.</p>
<p>“Please don’t blame Sergio for this. I <em>swear </em>he thought he was being honest with you. He… he thought you had an arrangement – you got your freedom and your title, and we got the money we needed to pay off the debt. If he’d realized you didn’t know, he never would have gone through with it!”</p>
<p>And now it was too late, Raquel realized with a growing sense of despair. They were married, <em>married</em>, and he was stuck with her for life.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, Monica said softly, “I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>She shook her head. “No… this is my own fault. I didn’t see what was right in front of me because I didn’t <em>want </em>to see it. I wanted to believe in… in romance. But you’re right, Tatiana, he was completely honest with me.”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath, then looked straight at her sister-in-law.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell him. It would upset him and there’s nothing we can do about it now.”</p>
<p>“Don’t… don’t you think it might be better to make him realize that… that you went into this marriage with very different expectations?” Monica suggested carefully.</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated, but the very thought of letting him know that she’d expected… that she’d expected <em>love</em> when he had no feelings for her whatsoever made her cheeks burn with embarrassment. And what would happen if he knew? He’d feel even more awkward around her, he’d feel obligated to spend time with her out of <em>guilt</em>. Was that how she wanted her marriage? He wouldn’t magically start loving her that way, so why make him uncomfortable – even <em>more </em>uncomfortable – around her?</p>
<p>“No”, she said firmly. “I don’t want you to tell him.”</p>
<p>She abruptly stood up.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, but I need to be alone now.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Monica nodded, looking desperately sorry for her. “We understand.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry I said anything”, Tatiana said, her cheeks red. “I could kick myself.”</p>
<p>“No”, Raquel said quietly. “It’s better that I know. At least now I won’t… I won’t <em>expect</em> anything from him anymore.”</p>
<p>She left her friends on the terrace and made her way up to her room. In the hallway, she almost bumped into Sergio, who immediately took three steps back. Yes, she thought bitterly, he wouldn’t want to accidentally touch her.</p>
<p>“I fell asleep reading to Delia”, he explained quickly.</p>
<p>She merely nodded.</p>
<p>“I’ll let you go to bed”, he said, giving her a slight bow. “Goodnight, Miss Murillo.”</p>
<p>‘Miss Murillo’ – it was like a slap to the face. He still didn’t see her as his wife – maybe he never would. She watched him go and her throat felt tight. Then she turned and went into her bedroom, where she let herself fall onto her bed and stared up at the canopy with unseeing eyes.</p>
<p>Oh, it all made so much sense now – why he’d proposed so soon, why he barely talked to her, why he didn’t seem to want to spend any time with her. She also finally understood why he hadn’t slept with her – he simply wasn’t attracted to her. He didn’t <em>want </em>to sleep with her, he didn’t want their marriage to be a proper marriage, with companionship and intimacy and children. He didn’t want her in his house – he merely tolerated her. She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t realized it sooner, because he couldn’t have been any more obvious about it. She now saw that she had projected qualities and feelings onto him that she <em>wanted </em>him to have, making assumptions about his personality from observing mere glimpses of it. She felt tears sting as she realized… she’d never been more than a business deal to him. In his mind, she hadn’t been a real person – she <em>still </em>wasn’t a real person – she was just a piece in the game of chess he was playing.</p>
<p>How had this happened to her? She had been so careful about not wanting to marry someone who was only interested in her money, and now that was exactly what had happened. One stupid misunderstanding, and her entire life was ruined – the unfairness of it was staggering, and she felt a wave of tears rise up inside her. She turned her face into the pillow at the first sob, and it was a long time before she had cried herself to sleep.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>In the early morning light, she woke from a broken sleep with a headache and aching eyes. She’d hovered at the edge of consciousness all night, the terrible realization of the evening not allowing her to sink into a proper sleep. In spite of that, she felt calmer as she opened her eyes, and she thought she’d be able to think more clearly now, no longer overwhelmed with emotion.</p>
<p>She turned onto her back and considered her options – only to come to the conclusion that she <em>had </em>no options. She’d married him, a contract which was unbreakable and which lasted for life. She’d heard of couples who separated, living completely separate lives in different parts of the country, but she knew that sort of thing caused a scandal and would bring shame on her family. No, she could never do that… and there was something else. Yesterday she had thought that she had only seen in him what she had wanted to see, that she had fallen for the man she wanted him to be instead of the man he really was… but was that really true?</p>
<p>At their first meetings, she had made an assessment of his personality from the glimpses she had seen of it, and she realized that over the past few weeks, with his family, he had been proving her right over and over again. He had shown that he was indeed a kind, sincere, honest and honorable man, just as she had suspected: considerate and caring towards his family, patient and gentle with Delia, quietly humorous with Andrés and the children. He simply wasn’t capable of being that person with her yet, but she knew he could be one day, and in spite of what she’d heard yesterday, she still hoped that he might open up to her if she gave him enough time.</p>
<p>She suddenly realized with a stab of feeling that she wasn’t ready to give up on him. She’d made a promise to be his wife and she took that seriously. And she liked him. God help her, but she did. Oh, <em>why </em>did she have to like him? This would all be so much easier if it had indeed been a rational agreement, if she could just live her life and ignore him like he was ignoring her… but the image of him sleeping next to Delia rose before her eyes and she felt that aching longing again. She wanted that, she wanted that with him. If… if there was even the slightest chance that they could have that, at some point, even if it was years into the future… shouldn’t she try?</p>
<p>She heard Tatiana: <em>He talks to me now, but it took him years to get to that point. </em>Well – well, she’d known from the start that she would have to be patient with him… she’d just have to be more patient than she’d thought. And he only saw Tatiana a few times a year – wouldn’t he get used to <em>her </em>much more quickly, since they saw each other every day? In a few weeks, the summer would end, his family would move back to town, and they would be alone in the house again. Once autumn began, they would have little to no social obligations anymore. She took a deep breath, and a firm feeling of resolve settled over her as she reached her decision. It might take time, it might take years, but <em>damn it</em>, she would make him love her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Ball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I woke up this morning at 6 after 3 hours of sleep because I suddenly HAD to rewrite a scene in this chapter. In conclusion, I care about this story too much 😂 Really, I'm so in love with this story, and I can't tell you how happy it has made me to get all of your reactions, to see that you care about the story too! I have no words to tell you how much that means to me! 💗 Thank you so much to everyone sharing their thoughts in the comments, it's such a pleasure to read what you think! I'm a little behind answering comments today, but I promise I'll get to them! :) </p><p>A special thank you to everyone who isn't (too) mad at Sergio 😂 He really has the best intentions and has no idea he's hurting Raquel. Thank you for showing empathy for our awkward and socially inept introvert :')</p><p>A HUGE thank you to Meg for helping me realize that part of this chapter had to be rewritten! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 💗</p><p>And another huge thank you to thegirloverseas, who really goes above and beyond discussing this story with me and trying to make it the best it can be! I don't know what I'd do without you 💗</p><p>Enjoy the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Raquel was sitting in Elena’s drawing room for the first time all week. With her first ball approaching, she was very busy at home with the arrangements, and she didn’t have much time to see her friend. When she came in, Elena had immediately told her that she was planning to move to her house in London in three days, in order to keep a closer eye on her charities there.</p><p>“Aren’t you even staying for my ball?” Raquel had asked, disappointed.</p><p>Elena shook her head.</p><p>“No, I’m not. I don’t mean to snub you, Raquel, but there are people who need my help.”</p><p>Raquel nodded. “I understand.”</p><p>And now Elena was looking at her in that candid way she had, and asked:</p><p>“Why don’t you join me?”</p><p>“Join you?” Raquel frowned. “In London?”</p><p>“After your ball, of course”, Elena said. “But you seem to enjoy the work and you’re very good at it. I could use someone like you in town.”</p><p>“I can’t do that”, Raquel said automatically. “I’m sure that Sergio wouldn’t want to go to London for any extended period of time, and I have to stay with my husband.”</p><p>“Why?” Elena said. “He doesn’t need you.”</p><p>Raquel swallowed – that stung, and she knew it stung because it was true.</p><p>Elena shook her head apologetically.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Raquel, I didn’t mean to be so blunt. I simply meant that he got along fine with just a housekeeper for many years before you came along, so I’m sure he’d survive your absence for a few months. And you have no children to stay home for. That may not be true for much longer, so if I were you, I’d take advantage of this time before you become a mother.”</p><p>Raquel reflected that that might take longer than Elena thought – Sergio had still not made a single move in that regard – but she felt like Elena didn’t need to know that.</p><p>“I can’t just go to London without my husband though, it wouldn’t be proper.”</p><p>“Women can travel alone in order to visit relatives or friends without anyone raising an eyebrow. If you stayed with me or your sister-in-law, it would be a perfectly proper arrangement.”</p><p>Raquel had to admit that she was sorely tempted. She did enjoy her work with Elena – it gave her a lot of satisfaction to feel like she was being useful to society in some way, and she loved the challenges of the job. But she knew a wife’s first duty was to her husband, and if she left Sergio for several months just when the social season in the country was ending and they would finally have some time alone together, she would <em>never </em>get any closer to him. So she shook her head regretfully.</p><p>“No, Elena. Thank you for the offer, but I can’t accept.”</p><p>Elena shrugged. “Suit yourself. Consider it a standing invitation. I probably won’t return here until spring, so if you want to join me at any point during the autumn or winter – say, when you’re dying of boredom – my door is always open.”</p><p>Raquel felt a sudden pang of sadness. Autumn and winter were going to be very lonely, with Tatiana and Monica back in their respective houses, and a husband who barely talked.</p><p>“I’ll miss you.”</p><p>Elena didn’t hold with such sentimentality, however.</p><p>“Nonsense, Raquel. Just come visit me in town as often as you can.”</p><p>…</p><p>Raquel didn’t have much time to miss her friend over the next few days, however. The day of the ball was approaching rapidly, and there was just <em>so much </em>to do. Monica had gone home, but Raquel was infinitely grateful for the presence of Tatiana, who directed the staff like a general and found a solution to every problem. Apart from the thousand little concerns that the ball brought with it, Raquel mostly worried about Sergio. Up until now when they’d had company, he had been able to withdraw to his study after a while without seeming too rude, but when a ball was thrown, the host would be expected to be in attendance from beginning to end, and he would be expected to dance as well – something she knew he disliked. Like every gentleman, he had been taught to dance when he was young, but he’d told her quite early on that it made him feel uncomfortable, and he hadn’t danced with her once during the few balls they had attended together. She just hoped he would be able to dance with the ladies of rank without accidentally offending anyone – this ball was so important to establish her reputation as a hostess, and she wanted everything to go well.</p><p>The night of the ball was warm and clear. Raquel had been too nervous to sleep the night before, and she felt tired and overwrought from the weeks of preparation, but she had to admit that the house looked splendid. Every room had been cleaned meticulously – the floorboards scrubbed, the windows cleaned, the curtains washed and hung with extra care. Every single piece of brass and silver in the house had been polished until it shone, and a small army of gardeners had been hired to trim the hedges and hang lanterns in the trees. Raquel was proud of her home, proud that people would see that she managed her house competently and fulfilled her duties as the wife to a lord.</p><p>Sergio had been particularly withdrawn over the last couple of days, and Raquel knew he disliked the bustle in the house, the noise, the additional servants bumping into him in the hallways and cleaning rooms where he wanted to sit quietly and read. After weeks of preparations, she could see that he was reaching the limit of what he could endure, and she was glad that it was almost over. She knew he dreaded the ball itself as well, but at least that was only one night.</p><p>In the early evening, Raquel put on the white dress which she hadn’t worn since the wedding, and Annie did her hair with utmost care. Then Raquel went downstairs to the ballroom, which would be used for the first time in years, to find Sergio dressed in his wedding clothes as well. He gave her a tentative smile, and she thought how handsome he was, and how he’d been smiling at her more often lately, how she sometimes turned to find him looking at her. She thought that was a good sign. And tonight, they would dance together and he would actually touch her, he would take her hand and put his arm around her waist and pull her close, and she hoped – she hoped so fervently<em> – </em>that he would discover that he felt comfortable touching her, and that it would be a first step towards more physical intimacy. But for now, they positioned themselves at the door of the ballroom so that, as the host and hostess, they could greet people as they came in, and soon, the first guests started to arrive. Raquel saw them come in with a sudden surge of nervousness, and she just <em>prayed </em>that everything would go well tonight.</p><p>…</p><p>Sergio felt awful. He had been shaking hands with people for what felt like hours, trying to remember the names of all of his neighbors, and still guests were streaming in. The ballroom was crowded and hot, and he was sweating in his suit, while the noise of people talking and laughing in combination with the music was giving him a splitting headache. Finally his wife turned to him and said:</p><p>“I think everyone is here.”</p><p>He nodded in relief, though of course the night was far from over.</p><p>She smiled up at him. “Shall we join the dancers?”</p><p>He stared at her. Was she really expecting him to <em>dance</em>? He already felt exhausted.</p><p>“Can… can we wait an hour or so?”</p><p>“Of course”, she said. “We can talk to our guests first.”</p><p>She left his side, and he scanned the room, looking for people he would feel comfortable with, but before he could move, some neighbors had already come up to him and started a conversation. He tried to get away – he could see his brother on the other side of the room – but every time he moved, more people stopped him to congratulate him on the ball and on his wife. When she appeared at his side again after an hour, he felt even more exhausted than before.</p><p>She held out her hand with a smile.</p><p>“Shall we? I like this song.”</p><p>His head was throbbing.</p><p>“Maybe later.”</p><p>A slight frown appeared on her face.</p><p>“Sergio, you’re the host, people expect you to dance.”</p><p>“I’m sure nobody cares.”</p><p>“<em>I </em>care. It will look bad if my own husband doesn’t dance at the ball I’m throwing.”</p><p>What if he did something wrong? He hadn’t danced in years and years, what if he messed it up? What if he tripped – or worse, made his partner trip? Everybody would be looking at him. He didn’t want to embarrass himself – but mostly, he didn’t want to embarrass his wife.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I can’t.”</p><p>“Sergio…”</p><p>She looked disappointed, but it couldn’t be helped. He wasn’t risking it.</p><p>“I can’t”, he said, a little desperately. “I wish I could, but I really can’t.”</p><p>She observed him quietly for a moment, but then, to his relief, she nodded.</p><p>“I understand”, she said gently. “If you don’t want to dance, you don’t have to.”</p><p>She turned around, touched his brother on the arm, and soon she was dancing with him. All evening, Sergio suffered through the heat and the noise, the inane conversation, the headache which became worse and worse. A thousand times, he wished that he could just leave, go to his study and close the door and read, but he knew that would be humiliating for his wife, so he endured it all, for her sake.</p><p>…</p><p>Raquel divided her time between socializing with her guests and dancing with whoever asked her. She kept looking over at Sergio, who stood in the same spot next to the wall all evening, so desperately awkward, only speaking when someone went over to talk to him, and she felt torn between pity and annoyance. She could see that he was miserable and she felt for him, but this was one of the most important social events of her life. Couldn’t he make a little more effort? She knew by now that he hadn’t wanted to marry her, but was it too much to ask for him to perform his duties as a host, just this one night, for her sake? She’d put so much effort into this ball, yet now she was afraid that, tomorrow, people would mostly be talking about her husband’s behavior.  </p><p>The evening seemed to go on forever, but finally the guests started leaving. She looked for Sergio – they should take up position by the door again to say goodbye – but he’d disappeared. She looked for him everywhere in the room, but he was nowhere to be found, and finally she had to conclude that he had left and gone to his study, and she was faced with the embarrassing task of standing by the door alone to see off the guests, telling everyone her husband had become unwell. By the time the last people had gone, she was feeling thoroughly embarrassed and exhausted. She told the servants they could stop for the night and continue cleaning in the morning, then said goodnight to Andrés and Tatiana before they went upstairs.</p><p>“My dear Raquel”, Tatiana said, kissing her on both cheeks. “This night was a triumph.”</p><p>“Yes”, Raquel said stiffly, “I suppose it could have gone worse.”</p><p>“What are you talking about, everything went splendidly”, Tatiana said, but Raquel could see that she was well aware of what was bothering her.</p><p>Andrés grinned at her.</p><p>“Don’t be too mad at him, Raquel, he can’t help it. He’s always been like that.”</p><p>She merely nodded.</p><p>“Are you going to bed?” Tatiana asked.</p><p>“In a minute”, she said. “I need to talk to him.”</p><p>…</p><p>He had tried to stick it out, he really had, but finally he just couldn’t take it anymore. He’d never been so exhausted in his life, and the headache had become nearly unbearable, so when he thought the evening was winding to a close and he’d done his duty, he tactfully retreated to his study, where it was blessedly cool and quiet. He just sat behind his desk for a while, too tired even to read, just enjoying the absence of noise. In the distance, he heard the guests begin to leave, and he was glad that this awful day was almost over. Just a little longer, and he could go up to bed.</p><p>He was sunk in thought when there was a sudden knock on his door, then his wife came in without waiting for an answer. He could see immediately that something was wrong.</p><p>“Where have you been?” she said.</p><p>He got up and frowned. “Here.”</p><p>“Are you ill?”</p><p>He hesitated. “Well, I’m not <em>dying</em>, but I do have a terrible headache.”</p><p>She sighed and rubbed her eyes.</p><p>“You really couldn’t have stayed for one more hour, Sergio?”</p><p>“Why? People were starting to leave.”</p><p>“Exactly!” she said. “You were supposed to be there with me to see them off!”</p><p>He blinked. Damn it, he’d completely forgotten about that – just when he thought he’d done everything he was supposed to do. He realized with a sinking feeling that, even though he’d tried so hard, he’d messed up after all, and now she was upset.</p><p>“Maybe you don’t care about what other people think, but I do” she said quietly. “I don’t ask much of you, Sergio, but could you really not have tried a little harder tonight?”</p><p>He felt guilty, but he <em>had</em> tried, he’d really tried! He’d been there almost from start to finish, he’d talked to everyone who had come to talk to him, he’d endured the heat and the noise and this blasted headache for <em>hours </em>– he’d tried his <em>best</em>.</p><p>“I did try”, he said apologetically. “I’m really sorry I wasn’t…”</p><p>“I had to stand by the door alone”, she said, not listening to him, her cheeks getting red. “You embarrassed me in front of the entire neighborhood.”</p><p>Oh, he was so tired. He felt so frustrated at everything – at himself and at this entire situation.</p><p>“Look”, he said, “I’m sorry, I really did try, but I never wanted any of this!”</p><p>“Oh, I know”, she said, and he could see that she was upset. “I know you never wanted any of this, you never wanted a social life, you never wanted a wife, you never wanted <em>me.”</em></p><p>He blinked. Where was this coming from?</p><p>She wasn’t done.</p><p>“But you couldn’t you have tried a little harder for me tonight?” There was a trace of bitterness in her voice as she continued. “I try so hard to be considerate towards you, the least you can do is return the favor, even if you <em>did </em>only marry me for my money.”</p><p>Why was she saying that in such an accusatory tone?</p><p>“I was never anything but honest about that”, he said defensively.</p><p>She gave him a bitter look.</p><p>“Oh, yes, you certainly were. I was just too stupid to understand.”</p><p>He frowned. What did she mean? Something was bothering her, something that went beyond his behavior tonight, but what?</p><p>“Miss Murillo…” he started, but suddenly her eyes flashed with anger.</p><p>“Will you <em>stop </em>calling me that! I am your <em>wife, </em>Sergio! Do you even realize that? Doesn’t that mean <em>anything </em>to you?”</p><p>He stared at her, not knowing how to respond to that. Of course he knew that she was his wife, but he also understood why she was asking that – because no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get fully used to the idea. <em>Doesn’t that mean anything to you</em>? Why was she saying that? And then it hit him. Had she expected more from him than he had been giving her? Had their arrangement not been purely practical for her? The thought took him completely by surprise, and was immediately followed by another, more worrisome thought: was she unhappy? He had never considered that possibility… he’d genuinely thought that, as long as she could do whatever she wanted, she’d be happy… Had he been mistaken? It wouldn’t be so strange if he’d misinterpreted things, really – he was terrible at reading other people – had he been wrong about what she wanted since the beginning? He looked at her more closely and realized with a feeling of alarm that she was, indeed, unhappy. Oh, this was terrible. How had this happened? How could he fix this? He didn’t want her to be unhappy, he <em>desperately </em>wanted to make it right, but he didn’t know what to do. He thought he knew what she wanted him to say, but… but he couldn’t just <em>lie </em>to her? So he just kept looking at her, not knowing what in the world he should say.</p><p>…</p><p>She looked at him, and she saw realization dawn in his eyes as he suddenly understood why she was so upset. For a moment, she hoped that it would change things – she foolishly hoped that he might tell her he cared for her – but of course he didn’t, and now she felt a terrible sense of doubt set in. He would never love her, would he? Not the way she wanted to be loved… she had been so naïve for thinking that she could make it happen if only she tried hard enough. She could see that he felt terribly sorry, but of course he couldn’t help it if… if he didn’t love her. Nevertheless, she couldn’t bear his pity – she couldn’t bear it. She suddenly realized that she couldn’t stay here anymore now that he knew – it was too humiliating. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath.</p><p>“Elena invited me to join her in London”, she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “I think I’ll go.”</p><p>“If that would make you happy, you should”, he said quietly.</p><p>She realized that he had always wanted what was best for her – that, even now, he was trying to be considerate. Knowing that he was trying to be kind made tears burn behind her eyes, and she decided to leave before he could see her cry.</p><p>“Goodbye, Sergio.”</p><p>And she turned around, and walked out of the study and out of his life. He didn’t try to stop her.</p><p>…</p><p>He watched her go with a feeling of total helplessness. He wanted to say something to stop her, but he knew he couldn’t give her what he suspected she wanted from him, and if she would be happier in London… who was he to stop her? He knew himself – he didn’t have anything to offer her in… in the way of <em>love</em>, and he had promised her absolute freedom – she had every right to go wherever she wanted to go to find better things. He supposed that, actually, her moving to London would be better for everyone involved… so why did he feel so empty? He sat down heavily in his desk chair and stared at the door, too exhausted to think clearly anymore. He heard people move around upstairs for a while, then noises on the stairs and in the front hall, and finally he heard the front door slam and the sound of carriage wheels on the gravel outside.</p><p>He slowly got up and wandered up the stairs. The door to her room was open, and he stepped inside and looked around. She had taken all of her belongings – she wasn’t planning on coming back. She had left only two things. One was a book of chess strategies on her night stand. The other, lying ghostly white on the bed, was her wedding dress.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, yes, I know, you want to kill Sergio 😅 Please consider that he can't help it if he's not in love with her yet (or rather, that he doesn't realize it's happening!). He's only trying to be honest with her. He doesn't mean to hurt her.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. London</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello you lovely, lovely people! I am absolutely blown away by the response this story is getting -- thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts in the comments, it means the world to me! Unfortunately, I am now getting so many messages that I find myself unable to respond to them all 🙈 At this point, I have to choose between replying to comments, and actually writing the next chapter, and I'm going to assume that most of you want me to do the second 😂 I'm really sorry, because I LOVE talking to you in the comments, but I'm going to have to focus on writing for a bit. If that means you don't want to leave any more comments, I completely understand! It's not fun to send a message if you don't get a reply. But if you do still want to comment, please know that I will be forever grateful! Hearing your thoughts about every new chapter is the highlight of my day! Please know that I will read and appreciate and love the heck out of every word you write!</p>
<p>A HUGE thank you to everyone who's commented on the last chapter! Your comments made me laugh and tear up and they warmed my heart so much! I could never thank you enough! I feel like the luckiest writer on earth 💗💗💗</p>
<p>A note about this chapter: the facts discussed about the annulment of marriages in this time period is indeed historically accurate!</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg for proof-reading and sharing her thoughts about the chapter!</p>
<p>A big thank you to heartunderfire for proof-reading and reassuring me when I was doubting myself!</p>
<p>And, as always, a huge thank you to thegirloverseas, who has been, and continues to be, so instrumental to this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How <em>could </em>you, Sergio?”</p>
<p>Tatiana was being <em>very </em>repetitive this morning. Sergio rubbed a hand over his eyes – he hadn’t slept and his headache still wasn’t gone, and Tatiana berating him wasn’t helping.</p>
<p>“I told you”, he said curtly, “she wanted to leave. What was I supposed to do?”</p>
<p>“Stop her!”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>“All you had to do was say that you wanted her to stay.”</p>
<p>“I think she wanted to hear more than that”, Sergio said quietly.</p>
<p>“Then you should have said more!”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to lie to her, Tatiana.”</p>
<p>She gave him an uncomprehending look.</p>
<p>“But… but she’s such a lovely person. Do you really feel <em>nothing</em> for her?”</p>
<p>He sighed in frustration.</p>
<p>“I can’t help that I’m the way I am! I’ve never been in love and I never will be. I thought when I proposed that that wouldn’t be an issue.”</p>
<p>“But don’t you think…”</p>
<p>“Tatiana”, Andrés said. “Let it go.”</p>
<p>“But…”</p>
<p>“Let it go.”</p>
<p>“So he’s just… what? Never going to see his wife again?”</p>
<p>“There are plenty of married people who live separate lives.”</p>
<p>“Do you really think that’s fair to her?”</p>
<p>“What else can he do?”</p>
<p>Tatiana hesitated, then steeled herself.</p>
<p>“He could annul the marriage.”</p>
<p>Andrés frowned. “How? The marriage would have to be unconsummated.”</p>
<p>Tatiana raised her eyebrows, and his brother gave him a look of absolute incredulity.</p>
<p>“My god, Sergio, don’t tell me you haven’t slept with her.”</p>
<p>Sergio looked down and didn’t reply, and his brother let out a disbelieving laugh.</p>
<p>“Are you <em>serious? </em>Well, in that case, yes, annul the marriage and set the girl free so she can find someone else.”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“That’s a common misconception.”</p>
<p>“What is?”</p>
<p>“That an unconsummated marriage can just be annulled. It’s more complicated than that: an independent doctor would have to certify that… that I’m not… <em>physically capable</em> of consummating the marriage. Ever.”</p>
<p>Andrés frowned.</p>
<p>“So… you’d have to prove to a doctor that you’re…”</p>
<p>“Impotent, yes.”</p>
<p>“Well… are you?”</p>
<p>Sergio turned red.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Then why the <em>hell </em>haven’t you just…”</p>
<p>This time it was Tatiana who intervened:</p>
<p>“Andrés, leave him be.”</p>
<p>His brother sighed. “So an annulment is out of the question?”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid so.”</p>
<p>“Then what are you going to do?”</p>
<p>“The only thing I <em>can </em>do”, he said quietly. “Live without her.”</p>
<p>He tried to tell himself that that would not be a problem. In fact, wasn’t it <em>better </em>that she’d left for London? This way, he could finally return to his normal life – no more social events, no more hosting, no more awkwardness from having a strange woman living in his house. Peace and quiet, the way he’d always wanted it. He was sure the sinking feeling in his stomach would disappear in time.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Alright. Tell me everything.”</p>
<p>Raquel had just sat down to breakfast, and Elena lost no time in getting to the point. Raquel felt herself go red.</p>
<p>“There’s nothing to tell. You said I could join you in London if I wanted to, so here I am.”</p>
<p>“Please, Raquel, I’m not stupid. You show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, on the evening of your first ball, and you expect me to believe that nothing happened?”</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated, and Elena’s expression softened.</p>
<p>“I won’t think any less of you, Raquel. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. What did he do?”</p>
<p>“Nothing”, Raquel said quietly.</p>
<p>Elena regarded her closely.</p>
<p>“Ah. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? You expected something from him and he didn’t deliver.”</p>
<p>Raquel swallowed, and Elena nodded.</p>
<p>“Say no more. You can stay here as long as you want.”</p>
<p>“People will talk”, Raquel whispered.</p>
<p>“Not for a while”, Elena assured her. “Nobody needs to know you’ve separated – for all they know, you’re just visiting and helping out a friend. Do you think the situation might be temporary?”</p>
<p>“No”, she said in a low voice. “No, I don’t think anything will change in the future.”</p>
<p>“And you want to keep up appearances?”</p>
<p>Raquel nodded. “I don’t want anyone to know. I couldn’t do that to my family… The scandal would affect all of them, and I know my mother would suffer if she knew.”</p>
<p>“I understand. Well, there are ways to make it work. Perhaps in time, when you’ve had a chance to calm down, you and Lord Marquina can work out an arrangement. If you can bear his company, you could spend just enough time with him each year to keep people from suspecting the truth, and the rest of the year you would be free to go wherever you wanted.”</p>
<p>Raquel looked up.</p>
<p>“Do you really think that would work?”</p>
<p>“I have several friends who live that way.”</p>
<p>“Then yes, I’d like to see if we can come to… to an arrangement. But I… I really can’t bear to see him for a while.”</p>
<p>“Not to worry. For the first, say, three months or so, you’re perfectly fine staying with me. After that, you can write to him and discuss your options.”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, Raquel murmured.</p>
<p>“Don’t mention it. In the meantime, I’d be grateful for your help with the charities.”</p>
<p>“Of course. I’ll do anything I can to help.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Tatiana and the children left to return to London, and Sergio seamlessly returned to his normal routine. It felt safe, it felt comfortable, and yet… there was something… something that bothered him, something that nagged at him, quietly but insistently, and he just couldn’t put his finger on it. His old routine, which he’d so often longed for when it had been disrupted by her social events, now seemed to have lost a little of its luster. After Tatiana and the children left, a deep silence settled over the house, and as the weeks passed and the first autumn rains came down, his feeling of discomfort grew until he finally realized what it was: for the first time in his life, he felt lonely. He dismissed the feeling at first – he’d lived alone for years, he was used to this – but after a while, he grudgingly had to face the fact that he’d gotten used to having her in the house. They hadn’t interacted much, but he still found himself missing the sound of her voice, her laughter, her sheer presence. There was nothing he could do about that, however – she was gone, and he had no way of bringing her back without promising her things he couldn’t give her. There was nothing he could do. He would just have to live his life, and try to forget her.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>It took Raquel some time to get used to her new life in London. For the second time in six months, she’d had to leave behind everything she knew to start over in a new place with new people, and it was hard – she had expected to live her entire life in Sergio’s house, and it wasn’t easy to wrap her head around the sudden turn things had taken. After a few days, she felt significantly calmer than she had before, and she started regretting leaving so suddenly, in a fit of emotion – a thousand times, she almost sat down to write him a letter to ask him if they could at least talk, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it, it was too mortifying – she couldn’t bear to see him until her feelings for him were gone.</p>
<p>Slowly but surely, she adjusted the expectations she had had for her future, and tried to resign herself to her new reality: she would never know the companionship of a happy marriage. She would never have children. She would never be loved. She spent many evenings wrestling with the thought that, even though she was married, she would lead the life of a spinster, something that had always seemed like a dreadful existence to her – but she saw no way out. Sergio was often on her mind, and in her weaker moments, she kept hoping that he would send her a letter, ask her to come back to him, show her that he <em>did </em>care, even just a little… But day after day passed without a word from him, and she learned to push away any thought of him the moment it arose.</p>
<p>She was infinitely grateful for Elena. For one thing, her friend had chosen her spinsterhood voluntarily, and it gave Raquel hope to see that Elena was perfectly happy on her own, and that she lived a full and satisfying life. For another, Elena didn’t allow Raquel to drown in self-pity all day – she took her out of the house every day from the moment breakfast was over, and soon Raquel was too busy to feel sorry for herself. Elena owned a second house in town, where she took in women of all classes who needed help, or who desperately needed some time away from their often abusive husbands. Raquel spent a large portion of each day there, helping out with household duties, learning to cook and do laundry for the first time in her life, and spending long hours in conversation with the women. The stories she heard shocked and horrified her – she soon realized that she had led a privileged and sheltered life so far, and she gradually came to see her own troubles in a completely different light. The new perspective didn’t heal her broken heart, but it did kindle a new sense of purpose in her – a desire to help these women, and to assist Elena in her work in whatever way she could.</p>
<p>After a while, when she was starting to feel better, Elena asked if she would be willing to accompany her to social events around town. What they needed most was money, so Elena spent many evenings socializing, trying to make connections and get people interested in donating, and she said she would like a companion. Raquel agreed, and she soon found out that she liked it. She enjoyed meeting new people and telling them about their work, and she found great satisfaction in thinking of ways to convince people to part with their money. It was a delicate sort of negotiation, and she discovered that she was very good at it.</p>
<p>Several weeks passed, and as autumn set in, wet and chilly, Raquel and Elena went out almost every evening, attending soirees and balls and the opera, getting to know the people who mattered, forging connections with those who could be useful to them. One evening, they were invited to a soiree at the house of Viscount Nelson – a golden opportunity, since it was rumored that many a person of rank would be there. There was a long line of carriages at the curb already when they arrived, and they had to walk past them on their way to the door. Raquel had been familiarizing herself with the various coats of arms, so when she saw one she didn’t recognize, she asked Elena about it.</p>
<p>“What family does that belong to?” she said, pointing to the door of a particularly expensive-looking carriage, where a black knight on a horse was painted on a red and yellow field.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure”, Elena said. “But I’ve heard there might be a Spanish Count in attendance tonight. Perhaps the carriage is his.”</p>
<p>When they entered the drawing room, it was immediately apparent that the Spanish Count was, indeed, here – everyone was talking about him. An acquaintance of Elena’s pointed him out to them: a tall man in his mid-thirties with black hair and eyes, wearing a bright red coat that made him stand out among the crowd. He was surrounded by a small group of people who were laughing at a story he was telling. Raquel observed him for a moment, then turned her attention to a Baron she had talked to at a ball a few days ago, and who had seemed interested in their charity work. She spent a while talking to him, until a figure in a red coat passed by them, and the Baron put out a hand to stop him.</p>
<p>“Milady, have you met the Count?”</p>
<p>“No”, she said, “I haven’t had the pleasure.”</p>
<p>The Count turned to her with a charming smile and said, in slightly accented English:</p>
<p>“The pleasure is all mine.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a name?” Raquel smiled, “Or do I just call you ‘the Count’?”</p>
<p>He laughed and bowed.</p>
<p>“Alberto”, he said. “Alberto Vicuña.”</p>
<p>“Raquel Marquina”, she offered her name in return.</p>
<p>He straightened up with a look of surprise.</p>
<p>“But that’s a Spanish name!”</p>
<p>“Yes, my family has Spanish ancestry.”</p>
<p>“That’s wonderful! What part of Spain? When did your family move, and why?”</p>
<p>He gestured to two chairs.</p>
<p>“Please. You must tell me everything.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>They talked for an hour. Talk about her family turned into talk of his family, then a discussion of the turbulent political situation in Spain, which turned the conversation to travel.</p>
<p>“I would love to travel”, she said eagerly. “But I’ve never left England.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“What with the war on the continent, it wasn’t safe to travel in Europe.”</p>
<p>“Then you must go beyond Europe, of course.”</p>
<p>She laughed at how easy he made it sound.</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>of course. </em>Really, I would love to, but I’ve never had the chance.”</p>
<p>He glanced at her wedding ring.</p>
<p>“Not even on your honeymoon?”</p>
<p>“We didn’t have a honeymoon.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“We… we weren’t very familiar with each other when we married. It seemed best to wait a while, get to know each other before leaving on a trip together. And then we just… never discussed it again.”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“A woman like you should be shown the world. She should be taken to see the pyramids along the Nile, to admire the night sky in the middle of the ocean, and to dance at the colorful festivals of India.”</p>
<p>She could almost see the things he was describing.</p>
<p>“Have… have you been to all these places?”</p>
<p>“I have”, he nodded.</p>
<p>“You’re a well-traveled man, then.”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “The world is big and full of beauty. I have seen only a fraction of it…” He turned his eyes on her. “And sometimes, the most beautiful things are found right at home.”</p>
<p>She blushed – she wasn’t used to such flattery. But he knew she was married, so a little compliment like this was completely harmless.</p>
<p>“It’s warm in here”, he observed idly. “Would you like to get a breath of fresh air?”</p>
<p>They went out onto the balcony together. The night was cool but dry, and a full moon was shining down on the London street outside. When he turned to her, the moonlight made something flash underneath his coat. He saw her questioning look, and pushed his coat aside to reveal two silver pistols at his belt. She looked up at him with wide eyes.</p>
<p>“You’re carrying <em>guns </em>at a soiree?”</p>
<p>“It’s customary in Spain – a Spaniard will never leave his house unarmed. The English don’t carry guns because they are too complacent.”</p>
<p>She snorted. “Or because England is <em>safe. </em>There’s a difference. Our men don’t <em>have </em>to swagger around with guns.”</p>
<p>He shot her an amused look.</p>
<p>“You think I swagger?”</p>
<p>She turned red. “Oh, no… I was making a generalization, I didn’t mean to cause offense.”</p>
<p>“No offense”, he assured her, smiling. “Please know that you can always speak your mind with me.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “Englishmen crush all the spirit out of their women.”</p>
<p>Not all of them, she thought, thinking of Sergio, but she immediately pushed the thought away.</p>
<p>“Can I see them?” she asked. “Your pistols?”</p>
<p>“Of course”, he said, and he unhooked one from his belt and handed it to her. It was a lovely piece of shining silver with delicate engravings along the barrel. She held it carefully.</p>
<p>“It’s beautiful.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said quietly. “I love beautiful things.”</p>
<p>She glanced up to see that he was looking at her instead of the gun, and she blushed again. She knew it was only empty flattery, but it was nice to know that at least <em>some </em>men thought she was attractive.</p>
<p>He suddenly smiled.</p>
<p>“Lady Marquina… have you ever fired a gun?”</p>
<p>She raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“No sir, of course not.”</p>
<p>His smile broadened.</p>
<p>“Would you like to?”</p>
<p>She glanced over her shoulder through the French doors into the drawing room.</p>
<p>“It… it wouldn’t be proper. And especially not in the middle of the city, and in front of a room full of people.”</p>
<p>“Nobody’s paying attention”, he said softly, stepping closer to her. “How about I just show you how to hold it?”</p>
<p>She swallowed as he took the gun from her, then placed it in her hand in the proper way.</p>
<p>“The first thing you need to do, is cock the gun. If you don’t, you can’t fire it.”</p>
<p>He showed her how, and the gun made a satisfying ‘click’.</p>
<p>The next moment, he came to stand close behind her, and her heart started beating fast as he took her hand in his and lifted it straight forward.</p>
<p>“A steady aim”, he murmured in her ear. “See the weather vane on the roof of the house across the street? Aim for that. Look along the barrel.”</p>
<p>She was surprised at how much she liked the feeling of the gun in her hand – how steady it made her feel, how powerful.</p>
<p>“Now put your finger on the trigger”, he said quietly. “Yes, just like that.”</p>
<p>She curled her finger around the trigger, and felt a calm sense of focus as she aimed at the weather vane.</p>
<p>“Now <em>fire</em>”, he breathed, and without thinking about it, she pulled the trigger.</p>
<p>The ‘bang!’ it made was shockingly loud, and the recoil threw her backwards against the Count’s chest, where he caught her in strong arms.</p>
<p>“Well done”, he laughed, steadying her carefully, then quickly taking the gun from her as alarmed shouts came from the drawing room and people came crowding out onto the balcony.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Nothing to worry about!” the Count said loudly, holding up his gun. “I was merely showing Lady Marquina my pistol when it accidentally went off.”</p>
<p>Suddenly Elena was at her side.</p>
<p>“Raquel, are you alright?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes”, the Count said airily. “She’s fine.”</p>
<p>“I am, Elena”, Raquel smiled, trying not to show how exhilarated she felt. “Don’t worry.”</p>
<p>“Really, sir”, Elena said coolly, “do you think it’s appropriate to wave around pistols in the middle of London?”</p>
<p>He bowed, a contrite expression on his face.</p>
<p>“My apologies, milady. It won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>“Well”, Elena said, throwing the Count a dark look, “let’s go inside before anyone gets hurt.”</p>
<p>Raquel was trying not to smile as she followed Elena inside – oh, that had been absolutely <em>thrilling, </em>and it took quite a while before the adrenaline wore off and the flush faded from her cheeks. She spent the rest of the evening in a significantly more boring manner, talking to the people she had come here to talk to. Several of them showed an interest in donating to one or more of their charities, so all in all, Raquel was very satisfied with the evening. By midnight, she was feeling hot and tired and ready to go home, but she saw that Elena was still in the middle of a conversation, so she stepped out onto the balcony again for a breath of fresh air. She looked across the street and noticed to her surprise that the weather vane was gone.</p>
<p>“You hit it”, a voice said in her ear, and she turned, smiling, to see the Count again. “I can’t believe you hit it. That was a tough shot.”</p>
<p>The admiration in his eyes was very clear, and Raquel felt herself blush again.</p>
<p>“Well”, she demurred. “You were guiding me.”</p>
<p>“Still”, he smiled. “You’re a natural. You should go hunt with me someday.”</p>
<p>“Ladies aren’t supposed to hunt”, she said automatically.</p>
<p>His eyes were still on her as he murmured:</p>
<p>“There are too many things ladies aren’t supposed to do, don’t you think? I think it’s nonsense. Too many rules like that make you miss out on so many things… they make you miss out on life. And I think, Lady Marquina, that you would like to experience life to the fullest.”</p>
<p>She didn’t know what to say to that. No man had ever spoken to her like that, and she felt confused and flattered at the same time.</p>
<p>He tilted his head. “May I call on you tomorrow?”</p>
<p>She hesitated. “I’m… I’m not sure.”</p>
<p>He smiled. “It wouldn’t be a social call. I heard tonight that you do great work with some local charities, and I am interested in contributing. But it’s late now. Can I call tomorrow to discuss this?”</p>
<p>“Oh”, she said, “yes, of course, that would be fine.”</p>
<p>She gave him Elena’s address, and he inclined his head.</p>
<p>“Thank you. I will call tomorrow at two.”</p>
<p>Then he took her hand and pressed a soft kiss to it.</p>
<p>“It was a pleasure to meet you, Lady Marquina.”</p>
<p>She felt a little breathless as he looked into her eyes, still holding her hand.</p>
<p>“And… and you, Count Vicuña.”</p>
<p>He released her hand, bowed, and gave her one last smile.</p>
<p>“I will see you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said. “Tomorrow.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Black Knight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! I'm sorryyyyy for including Alberto! 🙈 Some people seem genuinely anxious about what will happen to Raquel now, so please let me reassure you and tell you that there are no trigger warnings for this or any chapter. Also, I promise you things will get better soon!!</p><p>Thank you so much to everyone who still left a comment, despite me not being sure if I could reply! I really appreciate it so much! 💗💗💗 I will still try my best to reply to as many comments as I can!</p><p>A note on this chapter: I mention a medicine called laudanum. Laudanum was a medicine that was widely used at the time to treat anything from pain to sleeplessness. However, it is a tincture of opium, and therefore highly addictive, which people weren't aware of at the time. People started taking it because they felt pain, but the moment a dose stops working, the pain will return. So you take another dose, and another. After a while, you are addicted and the pain you keep experiencing actually is a symptom of laudanum withdrawal. From that point onwards, you can't live without the laudanum anymore. This medicine is particularly dangerous because it is very easy to overdose and die. Yet doctors at the time prescribed it for everything, and it was freely available at pharmacies. Side effects are euphoria and sedation, so it makes people feel calm and happy.</p><p>A big thank you to Meg, for proof-reading and discussing a certain storyline with me when I had doubts. </p><p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for proof-reading, encouraging me, and reassuring me about the choices I made.</p><p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proof-reading and discussing this story until all hours of the night.</p><p>I feel so blessed with the wonderful friends who help me, and with the best readers in the world! Thank you all! 💗💗💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Raquel woke up with a slight headache – she didn’t think she’d gotten enough sleep. She spent the morning at Elena’s second house, helping the women there with cooking and cleaning, but her thoughts weren’t on the tasks at hand and she gave only vague replies when the women talked to her. She kept thinking about last night and Count Vicuña. Shooting that gun with him had been one of the most exhilarating moments of her life, and she had to admit that she was looking forward to seeing the Count again that afternoon, even if it was only to discuss the charities. At five minutes to two, she installed herself in Elena’s drawing room, alone – Elena had said she trusted Raquel to handle this visit on her own, and she had gone out. Raquel just wished her headache would go away, but it had gotten worse throughout the morning, and she massaged her temples as she waited for the Count to arrive.</p><p>He rang the bell at a quarter past two and was shown up to the drawing room. He smiled when he entered, and she couldn’t help but smile back as he took her hand and kissed it.</p><p>“It is a pleasure to see you again so soon, Lady Marquina.”</p><p>“And you, Count Vicuña.”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“Ah, those English formalities. In Spain, we would address each other by our first names, but I understand that’s not proper here?”</p><p>She hesitated.</p><p>“Well… it would certainly be <em>unusual </em>at this stage of our acquaintance.”</p><p>His eyes gleamed.</p><p>“And do you care about that? When it’s just the two of us here?”</p><p>“I… I don’t know.”</p><p>“You have such a beautiful name…” he murmured, not taking his eyes off of her. “It would be a pity not to use it. Please… allow me to call you Raquel.”</p><p>She could see no polite way to refuse him, and he was right that it was just the two of them… perhaps it couldn’t hurt.</p><p>“Alright”, she said, feeling a little thrill of excitement at this breach of propriety. “Then shall I call you Alberto?”</p><p>He smiled broadly. “Of course. Thank you… Raquel.”</p><p>She felt a shiver run down her spine – the way he said her name felt very intimate. She quickly sat down and gestured for him to sit as well.</p><p>“So… Alberto…” Oh, this felt weird, but she rather liked it. “You said yesterday that you are interested in our charity work?”</p><p>“Yes”, he said. “Please, tell me all about it.”</p><p>She spent some time explaining their work to him, and he seemed genuinely interested. He listened attentively and asked intelligent questions, and in the end he said he was willing to donate. When he mentioned the sum, Raquel’s eyes went wide.</p><p>“That’s… that’s incredibly generous of you, Count.”</p><p>He raised his eyebrows, and she quickly amended:</p><p>“I mean… Alberto. Thank you. Thank you so much!”</p><p>He inclined his head.</p><p>“Don’t mention it. I’m glad I can contribute, you seem to do such excellent work. Your husband must be proud.”</p><p>She hesitated, then merely nodded.</p><p>“Is your husband at home, by the way?” the Count continued idly. “I would like to congratulate him.”</p><p>“Congratulate him?” Raquel asked, surprised. “What for?”</p><p>“For being the luckiest man in the world”, the Count smiled.</p><p>Raquel blushed, but she was rather pleased, nonetheless. She knew that she shouldn’t take him seriously, but she wouldn’t mind it if English men talked like this every once in a while. Still, she wasn’t used to it, and it flustered her a little.</p><p>“No… no, my husband is not here, he’s at our house in the country.”</p><p>“You mean, he’s not in town?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“When will he be?”</p><p>“I… I don’t know”, Raquel said, feeling herself go red. “Probably not anytime soon.”</p><p>The Count shook his head in disbelief.</p><p>“Now, Raquel, I truly can’t understand that. If I had a wife like you, I wouldn’t want to be apart from her for a single day.”</p><p>She felt a sudden stab of sadness – if only Sergio had felt that way about her. She pushed the thought away, and gave the Count an amused look.</p><p>“You flatter me entirely too much, sir.”</p><p>“Nonsense”, the Count smiled. “It’s not flattery if it’s true.”</p><p>She chuckled and shook her head, but that made her headache worse, so she quickly stopped and rubbed her temples again.</p><p>“Are you alright?” the Count said, frowning in concern.</p><p>“Yes”, she said, “just a slight headache.”</p><p>He drew a little bottle out of his coat pocket.</p><p>“I have just the thing for that, if you’d like.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Laudanum. It’s a great medicine for any kind of pain. It’s also wonderful to relieve nervous tension.”</p><p>The name sounded vaguely familiar to her.</p><p>“I think my aunt used to take that for her back pain.”</p><p>He nodded. “Doctors prescribe it all the time, and you can get it at any apothecary.”</p><p>“Alright”, she said. “I admit I wouldn’t mind getting rid of this headache.”</p><p>He opened the bottle and poured several drops into her tea.</p><p>“That should do it.”</p><p>He handed her the cup, and as she sipped the tea, he watched her with an encouraging smile. She grimaced.</p><p>“It’s very bitter.”</p><p>“I know, but it really does help.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>He observed her closely, then said:</p><p>“Raquel… would you like to accompany me to the opera tonight? I have a friend whom I think would be very interested in your work, I could introduce you.”</p><p>When she hesitated, he smiled.</p><p>“You should bring your friend Lady Godfrey, of course.”</p><p>Well, if Elena was there too, there would be nothing improper about it. She smiled and nodded.</p><p>“Yes, I would like that. That’s very kind of you.”</p><p>“Not at all. I’ll come by at eight to fetch you.”</p><p> They talked about other things for a while, then he got up to leave.</p><p>“I should go. How is your headache?”</p><p>“Gone”, she realized suddenly, to her surprise. “Completely gone.”</p><p>“Good”, he smiled. “I’ll leave the bottle here, so you can take another dose if you should need it.”</p><p>He put the laudanum down on the table, then bowed.</p><p>“I will see you tonight, Raquel.”</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>“Yes… Alberto. I look forward to it.”</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>
    <strike>Dear Miss Murillo</strike>
  </em>
</p><p>He started over.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Raquel,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope this letter finds you in good health. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am writing to you to apologize. It appears that we began our marriage with very different expectations. I truly thought – please, believe me! – that you were aware of the reason behind my proposal. In hindsight, I now realize I could have explained the matter more fully, and I deeply regret not doing so. It was never my intention to deceive you. If I had known that you were unaware of the true nature of the situation, I would never have gone through with the marriage. Please believe that I honestly thought that our agreement would be mutually beneficial, and that it was what you wanted. I hoped, and believed, that you would be happy. It grieved me to find out that you were not – though I blame myself entirely for not having seen it sooner. I hope you can forgive me for my inattention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am truly sorry that I cannot offer you the marriage you desire and deserve. I think you know me well enough by now to know that romantic love is not in my nature. However, I do realize that I have not been a good companion to you even apart from that, and if you should decide at any point to return here, I believe I can do better. I have come to realize over these past weeks that, over the summer, I came to enjoy your presence, and I would be pleased if you should choose to visit me to see if there might be a way you could possibly be happy here. I know I am not the most sociable person, but I think that, in time, we could live well together in true companionship. I hope you will consider – </em>
</p><p>What was he doing? Did he really think <em>this </em>would make her come back? He put down his pen and rubbed a hand over his eyes. This was not enough – he <em>knew </em>it was not enough – but he couldn’t bring himself to be dishonest and promise her more – that would only lead to more disappointment in the future. He grimaced as he reread what he had written, and shook his head – she didn’t want to read this, it would only insult her, it would only hurt her more. He picked up the letter, crumpled it, and threw it away.</p><p>…</p><p>They arrived at the opera in the Count’s carriage, and he helped both her and Elena out with the utmost courtesy. Raquel loved going to the opera – she loved the beautiful architecture, the plush carpets, and of course, she loved the performances themselves. They walked into the lobby with the Count, and it was already filled with people dressed in their finery, greeting friends and discussing the latest gossip. Suddenly, a woman spotted them and came over to them – she was about Raquel’s age, wearing a nice dress and gloves, and she came up to the Count and smiled at him.</p><p>“Alberto”, she greeted him, putting a hand on his arm.</p><p>He looked uncomfortable as he shook her off.</p><p>“Mary”, he said coolly.</p><p>She looked taken aback by his response. The Count quickly turned to Raquel and Elena.</p><p>“Will you excuse me for a moment, ladies?”</p><p>They nodded, and he and the woman walked away until they were out of earshot, but even if Raquel couldn’t hear what they were saying, it was clear that they were arguing. The Count had his back to them, but Mary was visibly getting upset.</p><p>“Well”, Elena said drily, “that doesn’t look very pleasant.”</p><p>“We shouldn’t judge, we don’t know what it’s about”, Raquel said, but she also had an uneasy feeling.</p><p>“There’s something about him”, Elena said, narrowing her eyes as she looked at the Count. “I can’t put my finger on it, but I don’t like him.”</p><p>“Nonsense”, Raquel said. “You just don’t like him because of that business with the gun yesterday. He’s a perfect gentleman.”</p><p>Suddenly, they saw Mary burst into tears and hurry off, and Elena raised her eyebrows at Raquel.</p><p>“Hmm. Quite the gentleman.”</p><p>The Count came back to them with an apologetic expression on his face.</p><p>“My apologies, ladies. I really didn’t wish to make a scene.”</p><p>Raquel and Elena both looked at him. It would be impolite to enquire further into what was clearly a private matter, but they were both very curious. The Count sighed.</p><p>“I… I don’t mean to gossip, but I do feel like I owe you an explanation. You see, Mary – Mrs. Blackhill – is an acquaintance of mine and… well, there’s no delicate way of saying this, but she… she’s been in love with me for a while. I’ve tried to let her down easy, I really have, but she’s been very insistent.”</p><p>He really looked very uncomfortable, Raquel thought. She felt a pang of empathy for the woman – she knew how it felt – but she sympathized with the Count as well. What an awkward situation to find yourself in, especially with a married woman.</p><p>“I decided I had to tell her once and for all that she should leave me alone, so… so that’s what I did. I’m sorry it had to happen in such a public setting, but I just couldn’t let this drag on any longer.”</p><p>Elena didn’t look entirely convinced by his explanation, but Raquel nodded.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Count. That must have been awkward for you.”</p><p>“Yes”, he said. “I feel so sorry for the poor woman, but what else could I do?”</p><p>He really did look sorry, and Raquel felt sorry for him in return.</p><p>“You did the right thing”, she said, and he gave her a sad smile.</p><p>The next moment, the bell rang to announce the beginning of the performance, and everyone started moving into the concert hall.</p><p>“Well”, the Count said, smiling and offering his arms to the ladies. “Shall we?”</p><p>All in all, the night at the opera was a great success. After the performance, the Count introduced her and Elena to several new potential patrons, and Raquel truly liked his company. He was dashing, courteous and daring, and he liberally sprinkled compliments throughout the conversation, which Raquel had to admit she enjoyed. It was so nice to be around a man who seemed to appreciate her, who clearly wanted to talk to her and spend time with her. When he invited her to a dinner party he was throwing, she was happy to accept the invitation – <em>with </em>Elena, of course. Elena wasn’t eager, but she accompanied Raquel anyway, and Raquel enjoyed herself immensely. From that point onwards, she and Alberto saw each other almost every day, always properly in the company of others, but spending a lot of time talking only to each other. He asked for her opinion on everything, listened to every word she had to say, and never failed to compliment her whenever the opportunity arose – and it arose often. Perhaps he was flattering her too much, perhaps he was paying her more attention than a single man should pay a married woman, but with every passing day, slowly but surely, he was driving Sergio from her mind, and she was grateful for that.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>My dear Sergio,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am in good health, as are the children. Delia sends her love. I cannot tell you how your brother is, since I have barely seen him all week. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You asked me to write to you if I talked to Raquel, and I have – I sent her an invitation to tea and she accepted. I’m glad to tell you that she seems reasonably well. She complained of frequent headaches, but apart from that, she said she was in good health. Personally, I think she’s working too hard, but she dismissed my concern and wouldn’t hear of taking things at a quieter pace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We talked about your situation, and she says she does not blame you, as it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding and you did try to be honest with her. I’m sorry, Sergio, but I think she has no intention of returning home. She says she is happy in London and that any feelings she may have had for you have disappeared. I’m not sure I believe her though – I’m almost certain I could see sadness in her eyes when she spoke of you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sergio, I feel like you need to know that she has frequently been seen around town in the company of a certain Spanish nobleman: Count Alberto Vicuña. Nothing improper, of course, but I feel like there is potential for trouble there. When I asked her about him, she became evasive and I thought I could see her blush. I’m afraid she could fall in love with him over time, if she hasn’t done so already. My dear brother, I know you said you can’t love her the way she wants you to, but if time and distance should have made you come to your senses, I urge you to <span class="u">write to her immediately</span> and ask her to come home. I still believe that she would choose to honor her marriage vows over anything else, if only you would give her the slightest encouragement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re a smart man, Sergio, but I feel like you’re being immeasurably stupid now. Please reflect on your choices before it’s too late.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tatiana</em>
</p><p>…</p><p>If only her head wouldn’t hurt so much. She was taking the laudanum Alberto had given her several times a day now, but every time, the pain came back. She started taking a higher dose, and that helped for a while, until she had to increase it again, and again. It always made her feel so much better – her pain was gone, and she felt relaxed and happy, all her worries melting away like snow in the spring. Alberto brought her new bottles every time she finished one, which she appreciated, and he urged her to take as much of the medicine as she needed. She was still seeing him every day, and apart from seeing him often in public, she was now also spending time with him alone. They went to the opera together, sitting in his private box, they took walks and carriage rides in the park, and they had long conversations in Elena’s drawing room. He made it very clear how much he admired her, and really, that was just what she needed right now. She knew it was not entirely proper to spend so much time with him, she knew people were starting to talk, but every time she took a dose of laudanum, she stopped worrying about it.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>Dear Miss Murillo,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you won’t mind that I come straight to the point.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It has been brought to my attention that you are spending a lot of time in the company of a Spanish nobleman. Please do not think I mean to berate you – you are perfectly free to spend your time as you wish. I am writing to you because, by marrying you for purely practical reasons, I have robbed you of the chance of happiness and a family, and I mean to set things right by offering you the option of annulling our marriage. In order for the marriage to be annulled, I would have to prove to a doctor that I am physically incapable of consummating – please excuse me for speaking of such indelicate matters, but I don’t know how else to explain it. If you should wish it, I will see if I can find a doctor who might be willing to write that certificate for me (in return for payment), and then our marriage could be dissolved. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have caused you pain in the past, for which I apologize. The least I can do now is set you free, so you can find happiness in whatever way you see fit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please let me know by return letter if you would like to pursue this course of action. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I truly wish you all the best. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lord Sergio Marquina</em>
</p><p>He spent hours staring at the letter, reading it over and over and over again. He knew he should send it. He knew it was the right thing to do. A certificate like that would be public and would cause him a lot of embarrassment, but he didn’t care about that – he only cared about making right what he had done wrong, he only cared about her happiness. And for her to be happy, he had to send that letter – and yet he didn’t. He wasn’t sure why, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. This had never happened to him before – he believed himself to have a strong moral compass, and he had always been capable of following a course of action if he believed it to be right. And yet the letter sat on his desk, day after day, untouched, while he tried to convince himself that he could do it – that he could send it – that he could let her go. He had never felt so conflicted.</p><p>…</p><p>“Come away with me.”</p><p>She stared at him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He was kneeling in front of her chair, her hand in his, such an earnest look in his eyes.</p><p>“Come away with me, Raquel. You know I love you, I have made no secret of that. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. Please… let me make you my wife.”</p><p>She was shaking her head – it felt so fuzzy – what was he <em>saying</em>?</p><p>“Alberto, you <em>know </em>I’m already married.”</p><p>“To a husband you never see! He hasn’t come into the city <em>once</em> since you got here. He doesn’t deserve you. Tell me, Raquel… does he love you like I do?”</p><p>No… no, he didn’t, she knew that. But still…</p><p>“I can’t marry you when I’m already married.”</p><p>“Then come with me to Spain. Nobody will know who you are. You could change your name, start over, start a new life… with me.”</p><p>Her head was spinning. Would that… would that really be possible? She wished she could think more clearly. He was gazing up at her and leaned in closer, still holding her hand.</p><p>“I want to marry you, Raquel. I want to live every day with you by my side. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing before I fall asleep at night. I want to build a life with you, share a home… have a family.”</p><p>His words struck her deeply. She thought she had resigned herself to never having any of those things, but as he was talking, she felt hope rekindle in her chest. Did she really have another chance at a proper marriage, a proper husband? Someone she could really share her life with? Could she really have a family?</p><p>“Raquel”, he said softly, “please say that you’ll be my wife. I can’t live without you anymore.”</p><p>Oh, the way he was looking at her… like she was everything to him, like she was the center of the world. What she would have given for Sergio to look at her like that… but she knew he never would.</p><p>He got up and bent his head close to hers.</p><p>“Think about it. I’ll return tonight for your answer.”</p><p>Then he bowed and left, leaving her dazed and confused and more conflicted than she had ever felt in her life.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Capturing the Queen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! Again, I want to say how grateful I am for the response to this story! I'm honestly blown away! This story means so much to me, so I can't tell you how happy it makes me to receive your comments, kudos and tweets! You are all wonderful, and I'm the luckiest writer in the world! 💗💗💗💗💗</p>
<p>A special thank you to Meg, for proof-reading and being so enthusiastic about this story! 💗</p>
<p>A big thank you to heartunderfire for proof-reading and being a wonderful friend! 💗</p>
<p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for always keeping me on the right track, for being infinitely supportive, and for unfailingly making every chapter better. You are, still and always, amazing. 💗</p>
<p>I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and please don't hesitate to share your thoughts! I would love to hear them! 😊</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>All throughout the afternoon and during dinner, her mind was in chaos as she tried to make a decision about the Count’s proposal. Different scenarios kept playing out before her mind’s eye – of a house under the Spanish sun, of children running around in the garden, of a husband lying next to her in bed. Over and over, a question kept posing itself to her: did she love him? On the one hand, she knew this was a crucial matter, but on the other hand, did it really matter? Did it matter, as long as she liked him and he could give her a better future than she had any chance of having now? The mental turmoil made her headache worse, and she kept taking laudanum regularly throughout the day to keep it in check. Why couldn’t she come to a decision? For some reason, it was very hard to think today. Before dinner, she decided to pack a bag anyway, counting on being able to make a decision when she saw him again, and wanting to be prepared in case she wanted to go with him.</p>
<p>At dinner, Elena asked her if she was alright, and she almost confided in her friend. She knew Elena was open-minded and wouldn’t insist that Raquel should honor her marriage vows, but she also knew that her friend had never really liked the Count, and she was almost certain that she’d try to dissuade her. No… this was her decision to make, and she would have to make it alone. After dinner, she went to the drawing room with her bag to wait for him, conflicting thoughts running through her mind: her husband didn’t love her and he never would – she would have to leave behind everything she knew, her friends, her family – she wouldn’t have to spend life as spinster, she would know warmth, and companionship, and love in all its forms – she would be breaking her marriage vows. Again and again, she had to push away thoughts of Sergio – oh, why couldn’t she just forget him? And again and again, she returned to that central question: did she love Alberto? When he rang the doorbell and came up, she still hadn’t made up her mind.</p>
<p>She stood up as he entered the room, and he came close to her.</p>
<p>“So… what’s your answer?”</p>
<p>She felt so conflicted, and <em>why </em>couldn’t she think more clearly?</p>
<p>“I… I don’t know Alberto, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>She put a hand to her forehead, trying to rub away the ache there, while taking the little bottle of laudanum out of her pocket without thinking about it. He took it from her.</p>
<p>“Let me”, he murmured, and poured a few drops into her tea.</p>
<p>He sat down in the chair next to her and started talking to her, quietly but insistently, telling her how much he loved and adored her, how he wanted her to be his wife and the mother of his children, painting a picture of their life together. He was saying all the right things, and as the minutes passed, she could feel the laudanum begin to work and her headache disappeared, together with her resistance to the idea of running away with him. Why had she been doubting? She felt happy. She looked at him. He made her happy. Didn’t he?</p>
<p>“I think you want to come with me, Raquel”, he said persuasively.</p>
<p>Yes, yes this was what she wanted.</p>
<p>“Alright”, she whispered, and he took her hand and kissed it.</p>
<p>“You’re making me the happiest man in the world.”</p>
<p>He stood up and picked up her bag.</p>
<p>“Let’s waste no time, let’s go immediately.”</p>
<p>She took his outstretched hand and he pulled her to her feet, then she followed him out of the drawing room, down the stairs and into a waiting carriage. She heard him yell an address to the coachman, and then he was beside her and they were off. She watched Elena’s house dwindle into the distance, and she knew this was a momentous decision she’d made, but for some reason, she felt perfectly calm.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Elena heard the doorbell from her study and frowned. The Count was calling very late today. There was still something about that man that she didn’t like, and she wished her friend wouldn’t feel so drawn to him, but she was a big believer in not interfering in other people’s personal business. It wasn’t unusual for separated couples to take lovers – true, it was usually the <em>man </em>who took the lover, but Elena didn’t see why Raquel didn’t have every right to do the same if that’s what she wanted. So no, Elena did not feel like it was her place to interfere, no matter how much she wished she could kick the Count out of her house – there was no accounting for a woman’s individual taste when it came to men, and it was true that the Count was very charming. Elena could see how other women might fall for that.</p>
<p>Time went on as she reviewed the accounts of one of her charities, and she heard carriage wheels outside. Good, that meant he was gone. She sighed and pushed the accounts away, and finally turned her attention to the mountain of correspondence that her footman had placed on her desk, and which she’d been ignoring for three days. She reached out a hand and started sifting through the letters one by one, only to perk up when she saw one with a Spanish postmark. An answer, finally! She opened the letter and started reading it, and her eyes widened in alarm. The moment she read the last line, she jumped up and rushed down the stairs to the drawing room, but Raquel wasn’t there anymore. She turned around and went up to her friend’s bedroom, but there was no answer to her knocking, and when she pushed open the door, she saw that the room was empty, and she felt herself go cold. No, no it couldn’t be.</p>
<p>She returned to the drawing room and urgently rang the bell for her footman, and a moment later the man appeared and bowed.</p>
<p>“Where is Lady Marquina?” she asked him immediately.</p>
<p>“She left a while ago with Count Vicuña.”</p>
<p>“Were you at the door when they left?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“Did you hear him give directions to the coachman?”</p>
<p>The footman nodded and repeated what he had heard, and Elena froze – that was the name of an inn, and she knew what that meant. The Count had taken her friend away, and after what she’d read in that letter, she had no doubts about what his intentions were. But there was still hope: she knew that inn – and she knew who lived close by.</p>
<p>“Saddle my horse!” she said, then rushed upstairs to change into her riding clothes.</p>
<p>She could only pray she wouldn’t be too late.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>She fell asleep during the ride, and when she woke up, she felt a little confused. Then her eyes fell on Alberto sitting next to her, and suddenly she felt a stab of worry. Had she really agreed to run away with him? Was that really what she wanted?</p>
<p>He noticed that she was awake and took her hand.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling, darling?”</p>
<p>“I’m… I’m not sure.”</p>
<p>“You’re tired. Don’t worry, we’re almost at the inn, then you can sleep.”</p>
<p>And yet, as they drove on, she started to feel less and less tired as her head slowly cleared. Her headache returned, but strangely enough, the stronger it became, the clearer she could think – yet somehow, she still couldn’t remember what had made her decide to go with Alberto – to leave without telling Elena where she was going – without even taking a coat against the autumn cold.</p>
<p>Before she could really make sense of the matter, the carriage stopped at an inn at the side of the road. Alberto helped her out, then led her inside. He exchanged a few words with the innkeeper, then came back to Raquel.</p>
<p>“They have a room left”, he smiled.</p>
<p>She frowned.</p>
<p>“<em>Two </em>rooms, you mean? We aren’t married yet.”</p>
<p>“Of course”, he said smoothly, then took her by the elbow and steered her up the stairs.</p>
<p>The room was clean and spacious, and Raquel immediately went over to the fire that was blazing in the grate, shivering in her light dress. Only when he closed the door did she notice that he’d entered the room with her, and she felt a sudden stab of unease. It was one thing to be alone with him in Elena’s drawing room, but another thing entirely to be alone with him in a bedroom.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” she asked apprehensively, but he gave her a reassuring smile.</p>
<p>“It’s alright”, he said, moving closer to her. “I just want to talk for a bit.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio was sitting in front of the fire in the library, playing chess. The house was completely silent… as it had been for months. Suddenly he looked up as he heard the sound of horse hooves on the gravel outside – it was late to get a visitor, but his brother had a tendency to drop in at unusual hours, and unannounced, so he didn’t get up when he heard knocking on the door – the footman would let him in. But then the library door burst open, and Lady Godfrey entered the room like a storm.</p>
<p>“Marquina!” she said. “We need to talk.”</p>
<p>He got up and blinked at her in confusion.</p>
<p>“Lady Godfrey”, he bowed, remembering his manners. “To what do I owe the…”</p>
<p>“No time for pleasantries!” she said. “Your wife has left with Count Vicuña.”</p>
<p>He felt himself go cold. No, no, this couldn’t be true.</p>
<p>“Don’t just stand there!” Elena snapped at him. “Go after her, man!”</p>
<p>He hesitated, then shook his head. It cost him all of his will-power, but he managed to say:</p>
<p>“My… my wife has made it clear that she no longer wants to live with me. She… she can go with whomever she wants… I don’t want to stand in the way of her happiness.”</p>
<p>Lady Godfrey nodded impatiently.</p>
<p>“Yes, well, that was my opinion as well until a few hours ago. But there’s something you need to know about the Count.”</p>
<p>She drew a letter out of her pocket and held it out to him.</p>
<p>“He’s done this before.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“This isn’t proper”, Raquel said, taking a step back, but Alberto was still smiling.</p>
<p>“It’s alright”, he repeated, in the kind of soothing tone that she would use to calm a skittish horse. “We’re as good as married.”</p>
<p>“But we <em>aren’t</em>.”</p>
<p>“Does it really matter?” he murmured, taking off his coat, then unhooking the guns from his belt and putting them on the table. “I promise I’ll take you to a church tomorrow, you can give a false name, and we’ll get properly married.”</p>
<p>He came to stand close to her, and the way he was looking at her left no doubt in her mind about why he was in this room with her. She swallowed.</p>
<p>“Then… then can’t we wait one more day, before…”</p>
<p>“Why wait?” he whispered. “It’s only a formality, Raquel. In our hearts, we’re already married, aren’t we?”</p>
<p>She hesitated, but he didn’t stop talking.</p>
<p>“You’re so beautiful”, he murmured, raising a hand to stroke her cheek. “Let me show you how much I adore you. How much I love you.”</p>
<p>She still felt unsure as he came to stand close behind her and kissed her neck. She closed her eyes. She knew this was her only chance to have the life she always thought she’d have, so she didn’t resist as he slowly started undoing the buttons at the back of her dress.</p>
<p>“You don’t know how long I’ve dreamed of this”, he murmured in her ear.</p>
<p>She felt herself begin to tremble, but this was part of it, of the life she wanted, and… and Sergio would never love her like this.</p>
<p>Sergio.</p>
<p>The image of him suddenly rose before her eyes, clear as day – Sergio, bowing to her after she had accepted his proposal. <em>You honor me. </em></p>
<p>Sergio, giving her one of his shy smiles.</p>
<p>Sergio, sleeping next to Delia.</p>
<p>She gasped as her head suddenly cleared completely and she realized with breathtaking clarity that she couldn’t do this – she couldn’t go with Alberto – she didn’t love him. She couldn’t forget Sergio… no matter how hard she’d tried. He was her husband, and she wouldn’t break that vow.</p>
<p>“No”, she whispered, and then her voice grew stronger. “No, I don’t want this!”</p>
<p>She stepped away from him, but he followed her, still with that reassuring smile on his face.</p>
<p>“It’s perfectly proper, Raquel, really. And I promise it won’t hurt.”</p>
<p>“No”, she said. “I’m sorry, Alberto, but I can’t go with you. I… I don’t know what came over me earlier, I wasn’t thinking straight. Please… take me back to London.”</p>
<p>The smile disappeared from his face.</p>
<p>“Raquel, think about what you’re saying. We love each other. We’re going to get married.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, she said, steeling herself. “But I can’t do it. I can’t be your wife, I’m already someone’s wife.”</p>
<p>“Someone who doesn’t care for you!”</p>
<p>“I know”, she said, drawing herself up. “But I still made a promise and I intend to keep it.”</p>
<p>A darkness appeared in his face that she’d never seen there before.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>She frowned.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“No. I’m not letting you go.”</p>
<p>She shook her head.</p>
<p>“I’ve made my decision, Alberto. I’m sorry I let things come this far.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said, stepping closer to her again. “Things have come too far, Raquel, you can’t just change your mind now.”</p>
<p>“I <em>can </em>change my mind”, she said, annoyed. “We’re not married yet.”</p>
<p>She could see that he was getting angry now, and she was starting to feel uncomfortable.</p>
<p>He took another step forward.</p>
<p>“Raquel, I’m <em>not </em>letting you go.”</p>
<p>She took a step back and bumped into the table. He came even closer, but before he could reach her, she’d turned and snatched one of his pistols off the table, cocked it, and aimed it straight at his chest – exactly the way he’d taught her.</p>
<p>He froze.</p>
<p>“You stay right there”, she said steadily, though her heart was beating fast.</p>
<p>He slowly raised his hands.</p>
<p>“Now, Raquel, don’t do anything stupid.”</p>
<p>“I won’t have to as long as you stay where you are.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, and she narrowed her eyes at him.</p>
<p>“Remember the weather vane, Count. I won’t miss.”</p>
<p>“Think about it, Raquel”, he said, shaking his head. “Where are you going to go? It’s the middle of the night. My coachman won’t take you anywhere without me, and the first public carriage won’t come by until morning.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care”, she said angrily. “I’ll spend the night in the forest if I have to.”</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said soothingly, raising his hands again, “you love me. You know you do. Put down the gun, and we can forget all about this.”</p>
<p>He started moving closer to her again, very slowly, and she tightened her grip on the pistol, her heart beating painfully fast.</p>
<p>“Don’t make me shoot you!”</p>
<p>He didn’t take his eyes off her as he kept coming closer. “I don’t think you will.”</p>
<p>Oh god, oh god, he was so close now. Her heart was racing, but her hands were steady.</p>
<p>“Stay back!” she said, but he only put another step forward – one more step and he would be able to take the gun from her.</p>
<p>Her finger tightened on the trigger.</p>
<p>“Vicuña”, a voice suddenly sounded from the doorway. “Step away from my wife.”</p>
<p>Her heart leapt at the sound of that voice, and she turned to see Sergio stepping into the room. <em>Sergio</em>. She couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>The Count took a step back and looked Sergio up and down with a look of distaste.</p>
<p>“I assume you’re Lord Marquina. What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I’m here to take my wife home.” He turned to look at Raquel. “If… if she wants to come.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said immediately. “Sergio, there’s another pistol on the table behind me.”</p>
<p>He picked it up, then came to stand beside her and pointed the second gun at the Count too. It was strange to see him with a gun – it didn’t feel right – but like any nobleman he’d been taught to hunt when he was younger, and his aim was steady.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” he asked her urgently, and she nodded.</p>
<p>“Yes. But I want to get out of here. Let’s go.”</p>
<p>“One thing first”, he said, straightening up and squaring his shoulders as he addressed the Count. “You abducted my wife, and damaged her honor. I can’t let that stand.”</p>
<p>Raquel looked at him. What was he saying?</p>
<p>The Count sneered.</p>
<p>“Really, Marquina? You don’t seem like the type.”</p>
<p>Sergio didn’t waver.</p>
<p>“I will protect my wife’s honor. I demand satisfaction.”</p>
<p>What was happening?</p>
<p>The Count nodded, an expression of disdain on his face.</p>
<p>“Fine. Name your time and place, I’ll be there.”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow at dawn, on the heath outside the village.”</p>
<p>“The bullet or the blade?”</p>
<p>“Pistols.”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em> are you talking about?” Raquel said, alarmed. She knew well enough, she just didn’t want to believe it.</p>
<p>“Your husband wants to duel me”, the Count said lightly. “As is his right.”</p>
<p>Raquel turned to Sergio.</p>
<p>“No, you can’t! Call it off!”</p>
<p>He didn’t take his eyes off the Count.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Sergio!”</p>
<p>He shook his head and merely said:</p>
<p>“We can discuss this later. Let’s go home.”</p>
<p>They started moving towards the door, keeping their pistols pointed at the Count, who watched them go with a stony expression.</p>
<p>“I’m going to needs those pistols tomorrow, Marquina.”</p>
<p>“I’ll bring them to the meeting place”, Sergio said calmly. “I will see you at dawn.”</p>
<p>Then he closed the door on the Count, and they rushed down the stairs together and out of the inn, where his horse was waiting. The moment they were outside, he turned to her, his eyes full of concern.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re alright? Did he hurt you?”</p>
<p>“No”, she said, feeling light-headed with relief as she took deep breaths of the cold night air. “You came in just in time.”</p>
<p>He gave her a warm look.</p>
<p>“It seems to me like you had the situation under control already.”</p>
<p>She looked up at him. She couldn’t believe it – she couldn’t believe that he was here, that he had come to find her. How had he even known? She had so many questions, but they would have to wait. She was shaking, though she wasn’t sure if it was with emotion or cold. He noticed and shrugged out of his coat, then draped it around her shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, he said, “we’ll have to ride to the house on horseback. I had to hurry and the carriage would have been too slow.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright”, she said, huddling gratefully into the coat, which was warm with his body heat. “I just want to go home.”</p>
<p>“I can take you back to London tomorrow, but it’s too far for tonight…”</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean London”, she said softly. “I want to go <em>home.</em>”</p>
<p>He gave her a look that she couldn’t quite interpret in the dark, then he nodded.</p>
<p>“Of course. You’ll have to sit behind me on the horse, I’m afraid.”</p>
<p>She looked up at the tall horse.</p>
<p>“Well, you’ll have to help me up.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, then stepped closer.</p>
<p>“Uhm… may I?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said, suppressing a smile, then he put his hands around her waist and carefully lifted her onto the horse. A moment later, he jumped up into the saddle before her and took the reins.</p>
<p>“Hold on”, he said.</p>
<p>She felt a little breathless as she wrapped her arms around her husband for the first time. He was warm and solid and strong, and she couldn’t resist – she leaned her head against his back and closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe he’d come for her. She couldn’t believe she was holding him. Alberto touching her had felt wrong, but this – this felt so right. She tightened her arms around him without thinking and she felt him tense for a moment, but then he relaxed and she smiled.</p>
<p>“Are you ready?” he murmured, looking over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she breathed.</p>
<p>He spurred on his horse, and she held on tight as they rode off into the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The White King</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I want to give SUCH a big thank you again to everyone who's left kudos, and especially to everyone who comments!! Your comments are seriously filling my days with so much joy! I feel so blessed that I get to share my story with you! 🥰🥰🥰 </p><p>A big thank you to Meg, for proof-reading and for being a ray of sunshine! 💗</p><p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for proof-reading and for making an excellent suggestion for this chapter! 💗</p><p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proof-reading and for, somehow, always making every scene better. You are truly magic, my friend! 💗</p><p>I hope you all enjoy the chapter! 😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>They rode through the darkness at a steady pace so the horse wouldn’t trip, and Raquel held on tight to Sergio. She still couldn’t believe that he had actually come to find her – that he was taking her home. The autumn air was cold as it rushed past, and she shivered even in Sergio’s coat, and pressed herself closer to his back to absorb his warmth. In spite of the cold, she was aware of how strong he felt, of how the muscles in his back kept shifting as he moved with the horse, and part of her wished they would never arrive at the house, that she could keep holding him forever – but arrive they did. He stopped his horse in front of the front door and threw the reins at a waiting footman, then dismounted. She could have easily jumped down from the horse herself, but she preferred to wait until he reached up and lifted her down with careful hands.</p><p>“Thank you”, she smiled.</p><p>“Don’t mention it”, he murmured. “Let’s go inside so you can get warm.”</p><p>They walked into the library, where a figure was waiting in front of the brightly burning fire.</p><p>“Raquel!” Elena said as she saw them come in, then she rushed to them. Raquel saw her hesitate for just a moment, but then her friend reached out and embraced her.</p><p>“I’m so glad you’re safe.”</p><p>“Oh”, Raquel suddenly realized as she hugged her back. “So that’s how Sergio knew where I was. You told him.”</p><p>Elena pulled back and nodded. “My footman overheard the Count say where you were going, so I rushed here to warn Lord Marquina. Raquel… did he hurt you?”</p><p>“No”, she said. “No, Sergio found us in time.”</p><p>“She was holding him a gunpoint”, Sergio said, a hint of pride in his voice. “She would have been fine.”</p><p>He unhooked the Count’s two pistols from his belt and put them on the table, and Raquel suddenly felt a stab of worry.</p><p>“Sergio… are you really going to duel him tomorrow?”</p><p>“Yes”, he said. “My honor as a gentleman depends on it.”</p><p>“But I don’t want you to get hurt! Can’t you call it off?”</p><p>“He damaged your honor. I can’t let that stand.”</p><p>Elena gave her a sharp look.</p><p>“Did he…”</p><p>“No”, Raquel said, blushing. “No, nothing happened, so my honor doesn’t need defending.”</p><p>“He was alone in a room with you, at night, in a secluded inn”, Sergio said. “That alone is enough.”</p><p>“But I…” Oh, it was hard to admit this, she felt so ashamed now… but she felt like she had to say it. “I went with him voluntarily. You can’t fight him for that.”</p><p>“But you changed your mind, right?”</p><p>“Yes, I did.”</p><p>“And when I came in, he was trying to keep you there against your will?”</p><p>“Well… yes.”</p><p>His expression hardened.</p><p>“Then I’m fighting him.”</p><p>“But duels are illegal!”</p><p>“That is completely beside the question.”</p><p>“It really isn’t!”</p><p>He gave her a stubborn look, and Raquel turned to Elena with a pleading expression.</p><p>“Can you talk some sense into him, please?”</p><p>“I do have to admit that this seems unnecessary, Lord Marquina”, Elena said, frowning. “These old honor codes are desperately outmoded. I would very much like to see the Count pay for his actions, but I don’t believe you should risk your life over it.”</p><p>Sergio drew himself up.</p><p>“A gentleman is only as good as his word. I said I would fight the Count, and I will.”</p><p>“But don’t you remember…” Elena started, but Sergio cut her off.</p><p>“I do. It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“Remember what?” Raquel said, but Sergio shook his head.</p><p>“This is not up for debate. I still consider myself to be a man of honor, no… no matter how ‘outmoded’ you may think that is. If I can’t defend that honor, and the honor of those dear to me, then I am nothing. Withdrawing from a duel is a sign of utmost cowardice, and that is unacceptable.”</p><p>Raquel looked up at him, her heart beating fast. <em>The honor of those dear to me. </em>She couldn’t believe he would fight for her.</p><p>He cleared his throat.</p><p>“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to send a message to Andrés and then I’m going to bed. I have to get up before dawn.”</p><p>He turned to Elena.</p><p>“Lady Godfrey, could I ask a favor of you?”</p><p>Elena raised her eyebrows, but nodded, and he continued:</p><p>“Would you be so kind as to sleep here tonight? I… I don’t want my wife to be alone tomorrow morning while I’m gone.”</p><p>“Of course”, Elena said immediately. “I’ll gladly keep her company.”</p><p>“Thank you. Then I wish you both goodnight.”</p><p>He turned to go, but at the door he hesitated, then turned back and looked at Raquel.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re back”, he said quietly. “Welcome home.”</p><p>…</p><p>“You should go to bed, Raquel.”</p><p>She hesitated, and Elena said:</p><p>“We can talk more in the morning, but you must be exhausted.”</p><p>Raquel still hesitated. Memories of the evening flooded her mind every moment Elena stopped distracting her. She didn’t want to stop talking, she didn’t want to go away from the warmth of the fire and the comforting presence of her friend.</p><p>“Elena… I really don’t want to be alone right now.”</p><p>Elena got up from her chair.</p><p>“Say no more. I’ll come up with you and help you undress.”</p><p>“Thank you”, Raquel said, relieved that she wouldn’t have to face the dark alone.</p><p>They went up the stairs, and Raquel first showed Elena the guest room where she would sleep, then they went to her bedroom. Entering her room again after all these weeks was so strange. Everything looked so familiar, but strangely lifeless at the same time, like the room had been waiting for her to return. She realized that she, herself, had also been waiting to return. She put her candle on the bedside table and her eye fell on something white on the bed. It was her wedding dress, exactly where she’d left it. As she ran her fingers over the white fabric, she honestly couldn’t say what she was feeling.</p><p>Elena was waiting by the door, giving Raquel a moment to herself. Raquel took her wedding dress off the bed, then smiled at her friend.</p><p>“You can come in.”</p><p>“Alright, sit down so I can do your hair.”</p><p>“I can call a chambermaid for that.”</p><p>“It’s the middle of the night, let them sleep.”</p><p>So Raquel sat down in front of her mirror, and Elena started taking out the many pins that were holding up Raquel’s hair.</p><p>“All these damn pins”, she muttered. “How many are in here?”</p><p>Raquel smiled. Elena was wearing her usual ponytail, and wouldn’t need any help when she went to bed later.</p><p>When Raquel’s hair was down, she stood up so Elena could undo the buttons at the back of her dress.</p><p>“The top ones are undone already”, Elena said in surprise.</p><p>Raquel flinched as the memory suddenly resurfaced of Alberto kissing her neck. She felt herself start to tremble, so she took a breath and tried to push the memory down.</p><p>“Raquel?” Elena said, concern in her voice. “Are you alright?”</p><p>On an impulse, Raquel turned around and hugged her friend. Elena hesitated for a moment, then carefully closed her arms around Raquel and gently patted her back.</p><p>“It’s alright”, she said softly. “You’re safe now.”</p><p>Raquel took a number of deep breaths, then let go of her friend, wiping her eyes. She turned around again, and this time, Elena was able to unbutton her dress without any problems. All of Raquel’s things were still in London, so she got into the bed in her shift, huddling gratefully underneath the blankets.</p><p>“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep?” Elena asked.</p><p>“I don’t know…” Raquel said. “I’m tired, but… but I’m so worried about Sergio.”</p><p>Elena nodded. “I understand. But duels aren’t often fought to the death anymore these days, usually just until first blood, and I’ve known many a duel that was called off at the last minute because the offender apologized.”</p><p>“Alberto won’t apologize”, Raquel whispered.</p><p>“Still”, Elena said. “Death from duels is rare these days. It’s the gesture of the thing that matters most: showing that you’re willing to risk your life for your honor, or… or someone else’s.”</p><p>Raquel felt a stab of guilt. Sergio would be fighting for <em>her</em> tomorrow.</p><p>“Accidents happen though”, she said, a little desperately. “And I think Alberto has great aim. What… what if something happens to Sergio, Elena? What if he… if he…”</p><p>“Calm down”, Elena said steadily. “Don’t assume the worst when it might not happen. Raquel, do you have anything that might help you sleep?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said. “There’s a bottle of laudanum in the pocket of my dress.”</p><p>Elena nodded and went up to get her a glass of water, then poured a few drops of laudanum in it.</p><p>“Why do you keep laudanum in your pocket?” she asked as she came back to the bed. “You don’t use it regularly, do you?”</p><p>Raquel hesitated. “Every once in a while.”</p><p>“That’s alright, then”, Elena said, handing her the glass.</p><p>Raquel drank it down eagerly – it had been several hours since her last dose, and her entire body hurt. Then she fell back into the pillows. Elena got up, but Raquel reached out and took her hand.</p><p>“Will you… will you stay just a little longer?”</p><p>“Yes”, Elena said. “I was just going to put away this glass. I’ll stay with you until you’re asleep.”</p><p>“Thank you”, Raquel said, feeling truly grateful that her friend was here, that Sergio had asked her to stay.</p><p>They talked softly for fifteen more minutes, then Raquel felt the laudanum take effect, and before she knew it, her eyes closed and she was asleep.</p><p>…</p><p>Sergio woke up in the complete darkness that preceded dawn, his heart beating in his throat. He didn’t regret his decision a single moment, but this kind of violence didn’t come natural to him, and he was nervous. He’d never fought a duel before, and he knew the Count had. Nevertheless, like any nobleman’s son, his father had taught him the principles of a duel, just in case. The practice had been outlawed many years ago, but plenty of men of rank still dueled in secret, and nobody was ever convicted for it, since the jury was made up out of other noblemen, most of whom had fought a duel or two themselves in their day. Sergio knew, if he died today, the Count would not be punished for killing him.</p><p>He dressed in the dark, then went downstairs to find his father’s old pair of dueling pistols, which had been gathering dust for years. He oiled and loaded them with care, then he fetched the Count’s pistols from the library, and waited. As the very first hint of dawn crept into the sky, he heard hoofbeats outside, and he opened the door to his brother. He’d known he would come. Andrés was not the most reliable person when it came to other matters, but Sergio knew that in a situation like this, his brother had his back, unquestioningly.</p><p>“So”, Andrés said, grinning, as he dismounted and threw the reins at the footman. “Who are we fighting?”</p><p>“Count Vicuña.”</p><p>His brother nodded in approval.</p><p>“Good. I didn’t like the way he kept hanging around Raquel, I’m glad you’re bringing him to justice.”</p><p>They would be taking the carriage out to the meeting place, in case Sergio wouldn’t be able to ride back because he was wounded – or worse. Before he got in, Sergio took a last look over his shoulder at Raquel’s bedroom window, and he suddenly regretted that they hadn’t said a proper goodbye. If he died now, he would never be able to make it up to her… all the things he’d done wrong, all the hurt he’d caused her. He knew a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to erase how he’d wronged her, but he wanted at least a chance to set things right. He prayed he would be given that chance.</p><p>“Come on, get in”, Andrés said impatiently from inside the carriage. “It’s starting to get light, we don’t want him to think we got scared.”</p><p>Sergio firmly turned his eyes away from her window, and stepped into the carriage. A moment later, they were off.</p><p>…</p><p>When they arrived at the meeting place, the Count wasn’t there yet, and for a moment Sergio wondered if he would show up at all, but then he shook his head – the Count was many things, but he wasn’t a coward. He and Andrés waited in silence, watching the early morning mist drift over the quiet heath, their breath forming little clouds in the air. Finally, a carriage approached from the other side, and two figures stepped out, one of them wearing a bright red coat, the other a plain brown one – like Sergio, the Count had brought a second who would take him home if he got wounded or died. The four men walked towards each other in the early morning light.</p><p>Before the actual duel, there was the formality of asking for an apology – if the offender apologized and the challenger accepted, then honor would be restored and the fight would be called off. Sergio didn’t expect the Count to apologize, but it was tradition and it couldn’t be skipped. Andrés stepped forward – it was the job of the seconds to negotiate this part of the duel.</p><p>“Count Vicuña has offended the honor of Lord and Lady Marquina. We demand a formal apology.”</p><p>The man in the brown coat stepped forward.</p><p>“Count Vicuña recognizes no offense and will not apologize.”</p><p>Andrés nodded.</p><p>“Then we fight.”</p><p>Sergio held out the two silver pistols to the Count, who took them with a look of disdain on his face and hooked them on his belt.</p><p>“So, Marquina… what will it be?”</p><p>Since Sergio was the challenger, he could decide under what conditions the duel would take place. There were several options: they could fight until first blood – or until one of them could no longer stand – or they could fight until death. It was Sergio’s choice.</p><p>“First blood”, he said.</p><p>The Count sneered.</p><p>“I knew you were a coward.”</p><p>Andrés took a step forward, but Sergio put out a hand to stop him, and addressed the Count with quiet dignity.</p><p>“I will not let you make me a murderer.”</p><p>Before the Count turned around, he shot Sergio a look, and Sergio realized with absolute certainty that, no matter what they had just agreed on, the Count would be aiming to kill.</p><p>…</p><p>Raquel woke up with a sick feeling of dread in her stomach. She glanced out of the window and saw that it was almost dawn. She rang the bell for one of the chambermaids to come help her dress, then went downstairs, where breakfast was already served. Only a few minutes later, Elena joined her at the table.</p><p>“I heard that you were awake”, Elena said as she sat down. “How did you sleep?”</p><p>“I slept alright”, Raquel said. “Thank you for staying with me.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Raquel returned to stare at the food with a feeling of nausea. Right now, Sergio was out on the heath fighting to defend her honor, and who knew what would happen to him. She couldn’t possibly eat.</p><p>Elena shot her an apologetic look.</p><p>“I hope you don’t mind that I eat something, Raquel. I’m really hungry after riding so far last night.”</p><p>Raquel shook her head.</p><p>“Of course you should eat.”</p><p>Something suddenly occurred to her.</p><p>“Why did you come here, Elena? Why did you tell him where I went? Not that I’m complaining – on the contrary – but I thought you’d be of the opinion that I was free to go wherever I wanted, and with whomever I chose.”</p><p>“Yes”, Elena said, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable. “That <em>was </em>my opinion, but then I… received some troubling information.”</p><p>“What was it?”</p><p>Elena looked up and gave Raquel a concerned look.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you. Or worry you. I think it’s better if you don’t know.”</p><p>Raquel frowned at her.</p><p>“I’m not a child, Elena. Tell me.”</p><p>Elena sighed.</p><p>“Alright. A while ago, when the Count first started getting close to you, I wrote to a friend in Spain. You know I didn’t like the Count from the beginning, so I enquired if my friend had any information on him. A few days ago, I got a reply, but I didn’t see it until last night.”</p><p>“What did it say?” Raquel asked.</p><p>“It said that Count Vicuña had had to leave the country in disgrace after a scandal with… with a married woman.”</p><p>Oh, Raquel suddenly realized. She hadn’t been the first, then. She suddenly remembered Mary Blackhill – oh, <em>of course </em>she hadn’t been the first. She buried her face in her hands in shame – she felt so stupid.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Raquel.”</p><p>“No”, she said, looking up again and taking a deep breath. “I don’t care, really. I… I just can’t believe I fell for his lies. What happened with this woman?”</p><p>“Well, your situations are very similar… The Count ran off with her, much like he ran off with you yesterday, promising to marry her. He didn’t, of course – he dishonored her and then left her. She… well… she didn’t take it well.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Elena shook her head, rather sadly.</p><p>“She took her own life.”</p><p>Raquel felt herself go cold, but Elena wasn’t done yet.</p><p>“Her husband found the Count and demanded retribution. He challenged the Count to a duel.”</p><p>“What happened?” Raquel whispered, dreading the answer.</p><p>Elena gave her a long look.</p><p>“The Count killed him”, she said.</p><p>Raquel felt sick. <em>Sergio.</em></p><p>…</p><p>Sergio turned to Andrés and looked at him. What did you say to someone if they might be your last words? Andrés took him by the shoulders.</p><p>“Take a deep breath. Keep your head. Steady aim.”</p><p>Sergio nodded.</p><p>“Andrés, if I die…”</p><p>“You’re not going to die.”</p><p>“But if I do… give Delia my love. And tell Raquel… tell her…”</p><p>He hesitated, unsure of what he wanted to say.</p><p>“Tell her I’m sorry. For everything.”</p><p>His brother nodded solemnly.</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>He wanted to embrace his brother, but that would feel like showing weakness in front of the Count, so he merely squared his shoulders.</p><p>“Alright. Here we go.”</p><p>He turned to face the Count, they each drew a pistol and nodded at each other. Then they turned around simultaneously to take ten steps in the opposite direction.</p><p>Time slowed down for Sergio as he took those steps. His heart was pounding and his mouth was dry, but he felt a peculiar sense of clarity and purpose. He did not regret this. Whatever happened, he had no regret.</p><p>As he counted his steps, the faces of the people he loved and had loved flashed before his eyes. His mother, his father. His brother. Tatiana and the children. Delia. One step left. Raquel.</p><p>He took the final step, then turned, feeling steady and focused, and aimed low. His finger tightened on the trigger and the gun went off with a bang, which was echoed across the field by the firing of the Count’s gun. Sergio froze as he heard a bullet whistle past his ear, then the world swam before his eyes for a moment as he realized – he hadn’t been hit. He felt faint with relief. The Count had been arrogant, aiming for the head – it was the surest way to kill, but it was a small target and easier to miss than the chest. That arrogance had saved him.</p><p>His vision cleared and he looked across the field to see that the Count was on the ground – he’d hit him, he’d <em>actually hit him</em> – the Count was clutching at his thigh, exactly where Sergio had been aiming. First blood. It was over.</p><p>Sergio walked back towards Andrés, feeling giddy and more relieved than he ever had in his life. He’d survived, and he’d conducted himself with dignity. His honor was safe. <em>Her </em>honor was safe.</p><p>His brother laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.</p><p>“Well done, man! I’ve never been prouder.”</p><p>Sergio couldn’t help but smile – he would be going home without a scratch.</p><p>“Thank you”, he said. “I didn’t think I could…”</p><p>“Marquina!” the Count suddenly shouted, scrambling upright.</p><p>Sergio turned, only to see the Count unhook the second pistol from his belt. Before he could react in any way, the Count aimed it straight at Sergio, and fired.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Clearing the Board</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the cliffhanger! 😅 I couldn't resist 😉 A huge 'thank you' again to everyone sharing their thoughts in the comments, I love reading them so much!! 🥰🥰🥰 </p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg, for proof-reading and her lovely feedback 💗</p>
<p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for proof-reading and always being available for medical advice! 💗</p>
<p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proof-reading, for alway being ready to discuss this story, and for being the most wonderful friend 💗</p>
<p>I won't keep you any longer -- enjoy the chapter, you lovely people!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>The feeling of dread in Raquel’s stomach only got stronger as breakfast was cleared away and the sun outside rose higher. She was shocked and dismayed by what Elena had told her about Alberto – last night, she had seen a hint of the darker side of his character, but driving a woman to suicide? Killing a man? She felt shame burn on her cheeks – how had she misjudged him so badly? She should have been smarter, she should have seen him for who he really was. Because now… now Sergio was out there, fighting a man who had killed the previous person who dueled him.</p>
<p>Elena kept her talking in an effort to distract her, and Raquel appreciated it, but really she was just waiting for him to come home. Why was it taking so long? She couldn’t stand it – she got up and started pacing.</p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll be alright”, Elena said, giving her a sympathetic look.</p>
<p>“You don’t know that”, Raquel said desperately. “If Alberto is shooting to kill…”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry before you have to”, Elena said reasonably. “Plenty of men have duels and survive them.”</p>
<p>“But if he’s shot…” Raquel whispered, “it’s all my fault.”</p>
<p>“No”, Elena said firmly, “it’s not.”</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t gone with Alberto…”</p>
<p>“He was charming and he flattered you. Any woman could have fallen for that, especially since…”</p>
<p>“Since what?”</p>
<p>Elena threw her a look.</p>
<p>“Well… am I correct to assume that Lord Marquina wasn’t the most attentive of husbands?”</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated, then nodded.</p>
<p>“Then it’s only normal that you’d be susceptible to the Count’s flattery. He was giving you the attention you were lacking.”</p>
<p>“I still should have realized”, Raquel said, frustrated. “I should have <em>seen</em>, I shouldn’t have fallen for him.”</p>
<p>Elena shook her head.</p>
<p>“Don’t blame yourself for being human, Raquel”, she said gently. “We all make mistakes.”</p>
<p>Raquel shot her friend a grateful look, but before she could reply, they both looked up sharply as the sound of carriage wheels was heard on the gravel outside.</p>
<p>“They’re back!” Raquel said, breathless with fear and hope.</p>
<p>They both rushed through to the front hall, and Raquel’s heart stopped as she saw Sergio being carried in by two footmen, his face pale and his eyes closed. Blood was dripping to the ground underneath him.</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>She clutched at Elena’s arm for support.</p>
<p>
  <em>No, this can’t be happening.</em>
</p>
<p>“What happened?” Elena asked sharply as Andrés came through the door.</p>
<p>“The Count shot him”, Andrés said in disgust. “Out of nowhere, after it was over. <em>Bastard.</em> I would have put a bullet through his brain, but I had to get Sergio home.<em>”</em></p>
<p>Raquel couldn’t take her eyes off of Sergio’s white face as the footmen carried him past her and towards the stairs.</p>
<p>“Is he…”</p>
<p>“He’s alive”, Andrés said, and Raquel felt such a rush of relief it made her dizzy. “But he’s hurt. I’m not sure how bad it is, but I don’t think it’s good.”</p>
<p>Elena grabbed a passing footman by the collar.</p>
<p>“You! Take a horse and get the doctor. Now!”</p>
<p>The footman nodded and ran out the door, and Raquel, Elena and Andrés followed the footmen carrying Sergio upstairs. Raquel had never been in his bedroom before, and she’d been curious about the room, but she barely registered it now as the men carried Sergio inside and carefully put him on the bed. All she could see was her husband, hurt because of the mistakes she’d made. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know how to help him, she couldn’t think straight – her mind was swirling with panic and guilt.</p>
<p>Fortunately, Elena kept a clear head.</p>
<p>“Bring me some scissors!” she ordered the footman, and when he returned a minute later, she started cutting off Sergio’s jacket and shirt. Raquel held her breath as the fabric fell away to reveal a gash in Sergio’s side, from which blood was streaming liberally onto the sheets. Elena bunched up his cut-up shirt and pressed it against the wound to staunch the bleeding.</p>
<p>“Hold this in place!” she said to Raquel, who quickly reached out a hand to do as her friend said.</p>
<p>Elena then proceeded to cut jacket and shirt off of Sergio’s left arm as well, to reveal a second wound: a vivid red hole on the inside of his arm, also streaming blood. Raquel wasn’t squeamish, but the sight of it still made her stomach churn – he was hit twice? How?</p>
<p>Elena ripped off a strip of fabric from the shirt, then tied it tightly around Sergio’s arm, a little above the bullet hole. To Raquel’s relief, the bleeding immediately slowed down to a trickle. After that, all they could do was wait for the doctor to arrive. Raquel kept a firm pressure on the wound in his side, but slowly but surely the white fabric in her hands turned red, and she desperately wished the doctor would arrive faster. She kept a close eye on him – as long as he kept breathing, as long as his chest kept rising and falling reassuringly underneath her hands, there was hope. <em>Please</em>, she kept repeating to herself, a prayer and a plea, <em>please let him live. </em></p>
<p>Suddenly the door flew open and the doctor rushed in, and Raquel hurriedly got out of his way so he could bend over Sergio and examine him.</p>
<p>“Bullet wound?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>The doctor pursed his lips in disapproval.</p>
<p>“These noblemen and their duels. Really, I would have thought Lord Marquina had more sense than that.”</p>
<p>“How bad is it?” Raquel asked anxiously.</p>
<p>The doctor grunted.</p>
<p>“From what I can see, the bullet hit him in the side and ricocheted off his rib, then lodged in his arm. The rib is broken, but it hasn’t punctured the lung. There’s been some blood loss, but nothing too bad, I think – the brachial artery in his arm wasn’t hit. I’ll patch him up and, as long as the wounds don’t get infected, he should be fine.”</p>
<p>Raquel wanted to cry with relief – her husband wouldn’t pay for her mistakes with his life after all.</p>
<p>The doctor took off his coat.</p>
<p>“You may want to leave the room, Lady Marquina.”</p>
<p>“No”, she said firmly. “I’m staying here.”</p>
<p>“I need to extract the bullet and stitch the wounds. It won’t be pretty.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care.”</p>
<p>He shot her a hesitant look.</p>
<p>“I just mean, since ladies are rather delicate…”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>delicate</em>”, she said, offended. “I promise you I won’t faint, if that’s what you’re worried about.”</p>
<p>The doctor nodded.</p>
<p>“Suit yourself. Then you can hand me my materials.”</p>
<p>Andrés and Elena left the room, Andrés muttering that he needed a drink, and Raquel stayed by Sergio’s side while the doctor treated him, wiping away blood and handing the man his instruments. Every once in a while, she rang the bell for the footman to bring clean water and clean linen, and after what seemed like an eternity, the doctor announced that he’d done all he could, and now all they could do was wait.</p>
<p>Raquel washed her hands, then sat down in a chair next to Sergio’s bed and looked at her husband’s pale face on the pillow, at the bandages around his chest and arm. He was such a gentle person – how had she brought him to this? After a while, she realized that he wasn’t going to wake up any time soon, and her eyes started wandering around the room, taking it in for the first time. It was neat and orderly, exactly the way she’d expected of him – a large room in sober colors, with simple furniture. The only decorations were a subtle watercolor painting on the wall, and a small portrait of a woman in a frame on his bedside table. She looked at it closely and recognized Sergio’s eyes, and his mouth – this must be his mother. She’d never heard him speak of her, and she kept looking at the portrait until suddenly Sergio stirred.</p>
<p>She immediately turned her attention back to him, hoping fervently that he would wake up.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he whispered.</p>
<p>Her heart leapt and she felt tears burn. This was the first time he’d called her that.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said. “Yes, I’m here.”</p>
<p>He opened his eyes and looked around, confused, then he shifted and groaned.</p>
<p>“Don’t move”, she said quickly. “You’re hurt.”</p>
<p>“He shot me”, Sergio murmured, looking dazed. “He just… <em>shot</em> me.”</p>
<p>“I know”, she whispered, feeling another wave of guilt rise up in her chest. “How… how do you feel?”</p>
<p>“Awful”, he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain.</p>
<p>“The doctor left you something for the pain”, she said, taking the bottle the doctor had left on the bedside table.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“Laudanum.”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“No, I’m not taking that.”</p>
<p>“Sergio, you’re in pain.”</p>
<p>“I’ll survive.”</p>
<p>“It really helps, I…”</p>
<p>He interrupted her.</p>
<p>“I don’t care. That stuff isn’t good for you.”</p>
<p>“Nonsense”, she said, but a stubborn expression appeared on his face.</p>
<p>“Raquel, I’m not taking it.”</p>
<p>She didn’t want to argue with him when he was so weak, so she put the bottle back down.</p>
<p>“Alright. Then at least drink some water.”</p>
<p>He inhaled sharply and gritted his teeth as she put a pillow against the headboard and helped him sit up so he could drink. The simple act of raising the glass to his lips exhausted him, and she had to support him so he could lie down again, but his eyes were clearer.</p>
<p>“What’s the damage?” he asked, and she explained what the doctor had told them.</p>
<p>He nodded. “The biggest danger is infection, then.”</p>
<p>“Yes. We’ll have to clean the wounds several times a day.”</p>
<p>A silence fell, and they looked at each other, then they both said at the same time:</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>He blinked at her.</p>
<p>“What are <em>you </em>sorry for?”</p>
<p>She stared at him, then gestured at his chest and arm.</p>
<p>“For… for <em>this</em>, Sergio!”</p>
<p>“You didn’t make me fight him.”</p>
<p>“If I hadn’t… if I hadn’t run off with him, you wouldn’t have <em>had </em>to fight him.”</p>
<p>He gave her a soft look.</p>
<p>“I don’t blame you for that. You can’t help it that you… that you fell in love with him.”</p>
<p>She shook her head.</p>
<p>“I didn’t, really. I think I just loved the idea of him, and the things he was promising me.”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“I understand. And that’s why I’m sorry. If… if I had been able to give you those things, you never would have left, and none of this would have happened. I failed you, Raquel, and I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Talking was clearly costing him a lot of effort, so she shook her head and said:</p>
<p>“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it now.”</p>
<p>“It’s not alright”, he said firmly. “I should have made things clearer when I married you.”</p>
<p>“No, you were clear”, she said. “I just made assumptions about things you never promised me.”</p>
<p>“I should have realized that”, he said quietly. “Of course you wanted those things, and of course you went with… with someone else.”</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have done that”, she said.</p>
<p>“Still. I understand.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>They were silent for a while, then she said:</p>
<p>“So what happens now?”</p>
<p>He swallowed. “You can go back to London if you want, of course.”</p>
<p>She gave him a close look.</p>
<p>“Do you <em>want </em>me to go back to London?”</p>
<p>He looked at her.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>She felt her hopes rise. Could he… could he care for her after all?</p>
<p>“Why did you come after me last night?” she asked him softly.</p>
<p>“Lady Godfrey told me what happened to the last woman he ran away with. I couldn’t let that happen to you.”</p>
<p>Her heart sank slightly. He had only come for her because he wanted to protect her from harm, because it was his duty as her husband and he took that seriously. He seemed to see the disappointment in her face.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said earnestly. “I really do want you to stay here, if… if you would like that too. I… I’m afraid I can’t offer you everything you want, but please know that I care for you. You’re my family now. If you should choose to stay, I promise… I promise you I’ll be a better husband to you than I was before.” He went a little red. “I mean… I know that’s not saying much. What I want to say is… I’ll try my best to make you as happy as it is within my power to make you.”</p>
<p>She considered him. The knowledge that he would never love her like a true husband was painful, but knowing that he cared for her and would try to do better in the future was enough for now. He was right… they were family, and she wanted nothing more than to stay.</p>
<p>“Alright”, she said, and his eyes lit up. “I’ll stay.”</p>
<p>She didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable around her, however, so she felt like it was necessary to say:</p>
<p>“And don’t worry, I don’t expect anything from you anymore.” She told herself it was true. “Any… any feelings I may have had are gone now.” Maybe it really was true. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling anymore. She just knew that she didn’t want to burden him, and that she needed to protect herself.</p>
<p>He looked so relieved.</p>
<p>“Good! Then maybe we can be… friends?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled at him. “Friends.”</p>
<p>He smiled back at her, that shy smile she liked so much.</p>
<p>“You know”, he said thoughtfully, “I think this is the first real conversation you and I have ever had.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she agreed. “And you know why?”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>She shot him an amused look.</p>
<p>“Because you can’t run away this time.”</p>
<p>He grimaced.</p>
<p>“Touché. And it looks like I won’t be able to run away for a while.”</p>
<p>She gave him a satisfied smile.</p>
<p>“Good. Then it looks like you and I are going to get to know each other a lot better.”</p>
<p>He smiled.</p>
<p>“I’d like that. You <em>are </em>my wife, after all.”</p>
<p>She raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’ve finally realized that.”</p>
<p>There was a little pause as he looked up at her, then he tentatively reached out with his uninjured arm and touched her hand. She looked at him, surprised but pleased.</p>
<p>“Raquel…” he said softly. “Can we start over?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled. “I think we can.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>His arm ached like hell, and every breath hurt his ribs, but it was worth it to have her home again. If he had to, he’d let himself get shot all over again. Having her sit next to him, talking to him, felt <em>right </em>somehow, and he wondered why in the world it had taken him so long to actually have a conversation with her. Talking to her was <em>easy</em> – so easy. Despite the pain, he felt a peculiar lightness at the thought that she was staying, and that they would be able to do this more often.</p>
<p>They talked for a little while longer, then there was a knock on the door and his brother and Lady Godfrey came in.</p>
<p>“Ah!” Lady Godfrey said. “You’re awake. Excellent.”</p>
<p>“Still alive, then?” his brother grinned.</p>
<p>“As you can see.”</p>
<p>“You look like hell though.”</p>
<p>“I’d like to see how <em>you’d </em>look with two bullet wounds”, Raquel said.</p>
<p>Andrés’ grin widened.</p>
<p>“I, madam, am indestructible.”</p>
<p>“I see”, Lady Godfrey said drily. “Like a weed.”</p>
<p>His brother laughed.</p>
<p>“Quite. I’ll go get you a whiskey, Sergio.”</p>
<p>“Hmm”, Lady Godfrey said. “Alcohol might numb the pain, but after the blood he lost, it would get him very drunk very fast.”</p>
<p>“Well”, Andrés winked at him. “Sounds like a party to me.”</p>
<p>He turned and left the room, to Raquel’s laughter and Elena shaking her head. When the door closed behind him, Sergio said:</p>
<p>“I don’t really feel like getting drunk. But I <em>would </em>like some more water.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get it”, Raquel said immediately, as he’d hoped she would.</p>
<p>She left the room, and he was alone with Lady Godfrey.</p>
<p>“I need to ask you something”, he said.</p>
<p>She turned to him and raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Ask away.”</p>
<p>“Lady Godfrey… if I die…”</p>
<p>“You’re not going to <em>die</em>, Marquina”, she said crisply. “Don’t be dramatic.”</p>
<p>He turned red, but continued anyway:</p>
<p>“I know I’ve survived so far, but one of these wounds might get infected...”</p>
<p>“Then how about you wait to make your last requests until <em>after </em>that happens?”</p>
<p>“Lady Godfrey”, he forged on regardless, “if I die, please… please make sure Raquel is alright.”</p>
<p>She considered him.</p>
<p>“Are you asking me to watch over her?”</p>
<p>“Something like that, yes. I know you’re a capable woman, I’m sure you’d be able to deal with anything that might cause her distress.”</p>
<p>She gave him a piercing look.</p>
<p>“How about I start with <em>you</em>, then?”</p>
<p>He blinked. “With… with me?”</p>
<p>“Yes. From what I can see, <em>you’re </em>the thing that’s been causing her the most distress.”</p>
<p>“I… I tried to make amends for that.”</p>
<p>“But will you do better in the future?”</p>
<p>“I will”, he said, earnestly. “I promise.”</p>
<p>“Good”, she said drily. “Because otherwise I’m taking her straight back to London.”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“As you should.”</p>
<p>She considered him a little longer, then said:</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re not dead. You know, for <em>her </em>sake.”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“Thank you for everything you’ve done. You’ve been a true friend to her.”</p>
<p>“She’s a good person. I hope you realize that.”</p>
<p>“I do”, he said solemnly. “Believe me… I do.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio slept a lot over the next few days, for which he was grateful, because when he was awake, the pain was terrible. Still, it was better than the alternative – the bottle of laudanum had disappeared from his bedside table, and he assumed Raquel had thrown it away. Good. For some reason, the pain seemed more manageable when Raquel was in the room, and fortunately she was in the room most of the time, sitting by his bedside, making sure he ate and drank enough water, talking to him when he felt up to it, and changing his bandages and cleaning his wounds several times a day. He protested when she’d first come in with a steaming basin of water and said it was time to change his bandages.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do that”, he said. “We can hire a nurse.”</p>
<p>“No”, she said firmly. “You got hurt defending my honor, so <em>I’m</em> taking care of you.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t think it will look very nice, and you’re a lady…”</p>
<p>“Don’t you <em>dare </em>say I’m delicate!”</p>
<p>“No”, he recanted quickly. “I wouldn’t dare.”</p>
<p>He felt himself blush furiously as she pulled away the sheet from his chest and started undoing the buttons of his nightshirt. She shot him an amused look.</p>
<p>“Don’t look so embarrassed, I’m your wife, it’s perfectly proper.”</p>
<p>Having her notice his embarrassment only made him more embarrassed, but he suddenly forgot all about that when her fingers brushed his skin as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders. He’d always been very sensitive to people touching him, and generally he disliked it, but he noticed to his surprise that he didn’t mind it at all when <em>she </em>did it. He was aware of every brush of her skin against his as she started undoing the bandages around his chest. When the last layer fell away, she grimaced, and he looked down and grimaced too. That looked <em>awful – </em>a long gash with stitches, surrounded by a mass of black and purple bruises. He quickly averted his eyes – seeing how bad it was made it hurt even more. Instead, he looked at her face as she took a cloth out of the basin with water, and carefully started cleaning the wound. Somehow, he couldn’t look away again, and he barely noticed the pain anymore. Why had he never noticed before how beautiful she was? From that moment onwards, he rather looked forward to the changing of his bandages – she was always so gentle, and her touch on his chest and arm made his skin tingle.</p>
<p>When she wasn’t there, he spent a lot of time thinking. Since he often slept during the day, there were moments when the pain woke him up in the middle of the night, when she was sleeping, and all he could do was lie there and consider the mistakes he’d made. Over and over, he kept coming back to Lady Godfrey’s words, and he concluded that he had indeed been the thing causing his wife the most distress, and he firmly resolved to do better in the future. He came to a realization: ever since the beginning, he had been thinking of her as the queen in his game of chess… but he had been treating her as a pawn. From now on, that would change. From now on, he would give her the position she deserved.</p>
<p>The next day, as if she’d read his mind, she came in with his chess set.</p>
<p>“Here”, she smiled, putting it on his lap. “I thought you’d be missing this.”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, he said. “That’s very considerate of you.”</p>
<p>She turned to leave him alone to play, but he called her back.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said. “Would you… would you like me to teach you?”</p>
<p>Her eyes lit up.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes. If you’d like to learn.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Starting Over</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! Sadly, today my holiday is over and work has started again. It shouldn't be too busy yet this week, so I hope I'll still be able to write a lot, but daily updates may not be possible for much longer. I still have a few finished chapters, so I'll definitely still post tomorrow and Wednesday, but I can't promise anything after that. I'll keep you posted!</p>
<p>This chapter isn't anything too special (I'm sorry), but it's a necessary chapter. Raquel's laudanum use isn't mentioned here, but you can assume that she's still taking it, and it will be addressed in tomorrow's chapter. </p>
<p>As always, I need to thank my beta readers Meg, heartunderfire and thegirloverseas. You're all wonderful, and I feel so lucky with friends like you! 🥰💗</p>
<p>I hope you all enjoy the chapter! 💗😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They spent almost every waking hour together over the next few weeks. Once they started talking, they just couldn’t stop, and they never seemed to run out of things to say. Raquel read the newspaper to him in the morning, then they discussed the current events in detail. She read books to him as well – her favorite novels at first, but as the pain gradually got less intense and he was able to focus better, she carefully ventured that she could get some books from his study and read them to him.</p>
<p>He perked up.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Of course”, she smiled. “Just tell me which ones and I’ll go get them.”</p>
<p>She returned with books on mathematics, physics, economics, and chemistry, then picked one at random and began to read. He listened attentively, but after a few pages, he said:</p>
<p>“Raquel… do you understand what you’re reading?”</p>
<p>She blushed. “No… not really.”</p>
<p>He frowned. “You should have said something! I can explain the things to you that you don’t understand.”</p>
<p>She hesitated. They were just getting to know each other better, she didn’t want him to start feeling obligated to tutor her, slowing down his own studies. And besides, would she even be able to understand?</p>
<p>“My father said topics like this are above the mental capacities of women. I don’t want you to waste your time.”</p>
<p>He frowned.</p>
<p>“That’s nonsense! There’s not a single reason to assume that women aren’t every bit as intelligent as men.”</p>
<p>“Do you really think so?”</p>
<p>“Of course”, he said staunchly. “So if you want, I could explain to you what’s in that book. But only if you’d like me to.”</p>
<p>She nodded eagerly.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would love to learn.”</p>
<p>He smiled broadly, enthusiasm clear on his face.</p>
<p>“Good! Okay, hand me a piece of paper and a pen. Let me break this down to its smallest parts.”</p>
<p>“Alright”, she smiled, remembering the nickname his brother called him by. “Teach away, Professor.”</p>
<p>From that point onwards, they worked through his books together, and he never seemed to get tired of explaining to her the things she didn’t understand. He turned out to be an excellent teacher, patient and clear, and he seemed to deeply appreciate the interest she was taking in his work. For her part, she loved watching his eyes light up as he talked passionately about his favorite theories, and she was really interested in the subjects they discussed, which her governess had never taught her. He seemed continually delighted by her intelligence, which was rather good for her self-esteem, and she always looked forward to the hours they spent studying together.</p>
<p>Aside from studying, they played chess. The game had captured her interest from the start, because it wasn’t based on luck at all, but on strategy and foresight and skill. She quickly discovered that it challenged her mind, which she loved, and she spent hours discussing the game with Sergio until she felt like she had a decent grasp of its mechanisms. They played each other over and over again – at first Sergio kept guiding her through it, pointing out the consequences of each move and the potential of each sacrificed piece, but after a while they started playing each other in earnest, and Raquel enjoyed herself immensely. There was only one problem…</p>
<p>“Checkmate.”</p>
<p>“Again?!”</p>
<p>He smiled. “You really put up an <em>excellent </em>fight.”</p>
<p>“I just… never see it coming.”</p>
<p>“You’re still too focused on your own strategy – you should keep a closer eye on mine.”</p>
<p>She huffed.</p>
<p>“I’m never going to beat you, am I?”</p>
<p>“You took several of my pieces. That’s a great achievement already.”</p>
<p>“Still. How many games has it been now?”</p>
<p>“You’re still learning”, he said gently. “I’ve been playing all of my life. You’re really quite good.”</p>
<p>She knew he was right – she shouldn’t expect to be able to beat him so fast. She appreciated his integrity in never letting her win, and she wasn’t a sore loser, especially while she was still learning, but it still annoyed her. Just <em>once</em>, she’d like to win.</p>
<p>One morning, an invitation arrived for Raquel from Elena. Her friend had returned to London to arrange her affairs, but now she’d come back to the country and she was inviting Raquel over for tea. At first, Raquel wouldn’t hear of leaving Sergio, but he convinced her that it would be good for her to get out of this room, get some fresh air and talk to someone else for a change, so she went.</p>
<p>It was good to see her friend again. The moment Raquel entered the drawing room, Elena got up and embraced her.</p>
<p>“How is he?” she asked as they sat down.</p>
<p>“Good”, Raquel smiled. “The wounds are healing well, no sign of infection, and the doctor says he’ll be allowed out of bed soon.”</p>
<p>“Excellent. And how are you, nursing him all the time? It must be tedious.”</p>
<p>“It really isn’t”, Raquel said. “He’s so interesting to talk to.”</p>
<p>Elena raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Oh, he talks now?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she smiled. “Once he couldn’t escape me anymore, he actually became quite talkative.”</p>
<p>Elena gave her a close look.</p>
<p>“So are you staying? Even when he gets better?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Raquel said. “I think I am. For now, at least.”</p>
<p>“Have your previous issues been resolved?”</p>
<p>She hesitated. “More or less. We’ll never have a… a <em>conventional </em>marriage, but we’re making it work. As friends.”</p>
<p>“And that’s enough for you?”</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated again, then nodded firmly.</p>
<p>“Yes. It is.”</p>
<p>Elena didn’t look entirely convinced, but she let the matter go.</p>
<p>“So what do you do all day?”</p>
<p>“We study”, Raquel said. “And we play chess.”</p>
<p>She glanced over at the chess board which stood on a side table next to the fire.</p>
<p>“You play too, don’t you, Elena?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she nodded. “I do.”</p>
<p>“Are you good?”</p>
<p>Elena looked slightly offended.</p>
<p>“Of course I’m good.”</p>
<p>“Then could we maybe practice together? I don’t think I’m bad, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to beat Sergio.”</p>
<p>Elena gave her a thoughtful look.</p>
<p>“What’s his favorite strategy?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Men like that, who’ve been playing seriously for years, always have a favorite strategy.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Do <em>you</em> have a favorite strategy?”</p>
<p>“Please”, Elena scoffed. “Do you think I’m that predictable? But I’m sure your husband is.”</p>
<p>Yes, now that Raquel thought about it, he <em>did </em>have a tendency to start with the same sequence of moves. She’d never really questioned it. She told Elena which moves he made first, and she nodded.</p>
<p>“Ah, yes. That’s a solid strategy, but it has a significant weak point that can be exploited by a skilled player.”</p>
<p>“Show me”, Raquel said eagerly.</p>
<p>Elena took the chess board, and they started to play.</p>
<p>Raquel was a fast learner, and after a few sessions with Elena, she felt ready to take on Sergio. When they set up the board on the bed one afternoon, she was tense with anticipation, hoping that he would indeed play the way Elena had predicted and prepared her for.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?” he said, eyeing her closely.</p>
<p>“No, not at all”, she said lightly.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to play if you don’t want to.”</p>
<p>“Oh”, she said, “but I want to.”</p>
<p>The moment he made his opening move, she could barely mask a triumphant smile. She had to keep a straight face, or he would suspect something and change his strategy. They played for about half an hour, and Raquel still had to think hard about every move she made, but she kept in mind what Elena had shown her, and finally she saw an opening and smiled. She took her queen and slid it over to his king.</p>
<p>“Checkmate.”</p>
<p>He blinked.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Checkmate. That means you lose.”</p>
<p>He was staring at the board in disbelief, and she was <em>thoroughly </em>enjoying her little victory.</p>
<p>“You… you beat me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I did.”</p>
<p>“<em>How</em>?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m smarter than you”, she said lightly.</p>
<p>“But… but you’ve only been learning for two weeks and I’ve been playing for <em>years</em>!”</p>
<p>He kept staring at her, so astonished that she burst out laughing.</p>
<p>“Do you know <em>why </em>I’m smarter than you?”</p>
<p>“I beg you to tell me.”</p>
<p>She smiled. “Because I’m smart enough to know when to ask other people for help.”</p>
<p>Comprehension dawned on his face.</p>
<p>“Oh! Lady Godfrey?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been practicing with her?”</p>
<p>“She says you’re very predictable.”</p>
<p>He went red.</p>
<p>“I… I suppose I do have a tendency to use the same strategy.”</p>
<p>“Yes. So Elena taught me how I could defeat you.”</p>
<p>He looked at her for a moment, then said the last thing she was expecting.</p>
<p>“You should invite her to tea sometime.”</p>
<p>She stared at him.</p>
<p>“Excuse me? Are <em>you </em>proposing we invite someone over for tea? Voluntarily?”</p>
<p>“She’s your friend. I… I’d like to get to know her better.”</p>
<p>She smiled. “I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>He drew himself up.</p>
<p>“And besides that, I feel like we need a rematch after she beat me by proxy.”</p>
<p>“Sure”, Raquel grinned, “I’m sure she’ll be happy to beat you in person as well.”</p>
<p>He chuckled. “We’ll see about that.”</p>
<p>“Indeed we will”, Raquel said, confident that her friend would give her husband an interesting challenge, at the very least.</p>
<p>He studied the board for a bit, then looked up at her, his eyes warm.</p>
<p>“That was still very well played of you.”</p>
<p>“No, Elena taught me how to do it.”</p>
<p>“No”, he said, shaking his head. “She taught you how to spot the flaws in my game. You still had to figure out the rest by yourself, and that took quite some skill and intelligence. Well done.”</p>
<p>He smiled at her, his eyes full of admiration, and her heart skipped a beat. Oh dear, she realized as she felt a flutter in her stomach, no matter what she had told herself and him about her feelings being gone… she was in trouble.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Every day, the pain was less intense. The bruises faded and the skin mended, and though it would take a little longer before his broken rib was healed and he could use his arm again, he still felt much better. Though he’d had a surprisingly good time recovering in bed with Raquel by his side, he was still glad when the doctor finally declared that he was well enough to get out of bed and start his normal routine again – except there was nothing normal about it anymore. They still read the newspaper at breakfast, but now they commented constantly on the things they were reading, and he didn’t rush to his study immediately after eating, but spent hours at the table talking to her, even long after the breakfast things were cleared away by the servants. They spent the morning together in his study, and he did the work that was necessary to manage his estate while she sat curled up in a chair and read, asking him occasional questions about what she was studying.</p>
<p>He no longer ate lunch in his study, but with her in the dining room. The afternoon was spent taking short walks around the garden, then reading in the drawing room, where the light was best, so she could draw or paint, in charcoal or watercolors. Often, he forgot about his books because talking to her was much more interesting, and when she had to focus on her work, he still often lost track of what he was reading because he caught himself studying her face instead. Evenings were filled with conversations over dinner and chess in front of the fire in the library. Every once in a while, they moved to the drawing room, where the piano was, and she played for him. She said she wanted to hear him play as well, since his brother had said that he was such an excellent pianist, but his arm still hurt, so he couldn’t yet. He realized it had been a long time since he last played, not counting the lessons he had given Delia over the summer, and hearing her play suddenly made him miss it. She was a capable pianist, but it was clear that she only played because she had been taught to as a child, and not because she had such a passion for the instrument. He looked forward to playing for her soon.</p>
<p>He was getting stronger every day, and when Raquel suggested one afternoon they go for a real walk in the forest that was on his property, he readily agreed. It was a cold day, so they dressed up warm, Raquel still helping him with the buttons on his coat, then firmly insisting that he wear a hat and gloves, and finally she wrapped a scarf around his neck, standing rather close to him. Her nearness still flustered him, even after all these weeks of her taking care of him – in fact, the effect of her closeness seemed to be getting stronger rather than weaker as time progressed, and he vaguely wondered why he just couldn’t get used to it. Finally they were ready, and they set out together, taking deep breaths of the crisp late autumn air. The trees were bare now, and the sky was covered with clouds, but it was still nice being outside, hearing the fallen leaves crunch underneath their feet, spotting deer tracks on the trail, and generally enjoying each other’s company.</p>
<p>They were just walking across an open spot between the trees where a little wooden pavilion stood, when they felt the first drops of rain coming down, so they hurried to take shelter in the open pavilion. The rain soon came down heavily, and they decided to wait it out. He noticed that Raquel was rubbing her hands together and blowing on them in an attempt to warm them. He shook his head at her.</p>
<p>“You made such a fuss over my gloves, and now you’ve forgotten your own.”</p>
<p>“You’re still recovering”, she said. “I have to make sure you don’t get sick. Sneezing and coughing would <em>not </em>help your broken rib.”</p>
<p>“But it’s alright if you get sick?”</p>
<p>“My ribs are fine”, she smiled. “But oh, my hands are freezing.”</p>
<p>To his astonishment, she came to stand right in front of him, then put her hands in the pockets of his coat.</p>
<p>“What… what are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Getting my hands warm. My coat doesn’t have any pockets. You don’t mind, do you?”</p>
<p>“I… uh… no, of course not.”</p>
<p>“Thank you”, she said, smiling up at him.</p>
<p>She wasn’t touching him, but only just, standing so close to him that he felt a little dizzy. He didn’t know where to look – there was nothing to really focus on outside the pavilion, but the only other option was to look down at her face and… He glanced down and couldn’t look away. She was looking up at him with a smile, her eyes bright, her cheeks red with the cold. She was so close. So close…</p>
<p>He looked up, startled, when a man suddenly appeared out of the rain.</p>
<p>“Lord Marquina!” he said, taking off his hat and making a slight bow. “And Lady Marquina. Good afternoon.”</p>
<p>Raquel quickly took a few steps back, taking her hands out of his pockets, and Sergio felt his cheeks go rather red, though he didn’t know why – he was perfectly allowed to stand close to his wife. He cleared his throat and addressed his gamekeeper.</p>
<p>“Good afternoon, John, how are you?”</p>
<p>“Caught in the rain”, John said rather sourly. “I’m soaked through.”</p>
<p>“Well”, Raquel said, peering out, “it looks like the rain is letting up.”</p>
<p>“Typical”, John snorted, “just as I’ve found shelter. Well, then I won’t keep you. A good day to you both.”</p>
<p>And he walked out again.</p>
<p>“Not very sociable, is he?” Raquel frowned.</p>
<p>“He spends most of his days alone in the woods”, Sergio said. “I like him, though, he’s a reliable man.”</p>
<p>He found himself hoping that she would want to warm her hands some more, so he was rather disappointed when she looked out and said:</p>
<p>“Alright. Shall we go back?”</p>
<p>On the way back to the house, they came through a patch of chestnut trees, and Raquel exclaimed in delight when she found some chestnuts still on the ground. She picked them up and loaded them into his pockets.</p>
<p>“You’re very free with the use of my pockets today”, he pretended to grumble.</p>
<p>She grinned. “You’re my husband—your pockets are my pockets. That’s how marriage works.”</p>
<p>“Really?” he said, amused. “Because I didn’t hear the priest say anything about that when he was marrying us.”</p>
<p>“That’s because you weren’t paying attention”, she said lightly. “He read a long passage about pocket-sharing from the Bible. It’s the basis of any healthy marriage.”</p>
<p>He laughed. There had been a time – really not so long ago – when he so rarely had a reason to laugh, but she had a quick wit and it delighted him. How had he not noticed that this summer? How had he not seen? How had he let her go? It baffled him now. He would not make that mistake again.</p>
<p>She brushed off her hands and they continued on, and when they were almost at the edge of the forest, she spotted something underneath a holly bush.</p>
<p>“What’s that?”</p>
<p>He frowned at the little heap of brown fur.</p>
<p>“Must be a dead animal.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not dead, look, it’s moving! I think it’s a rabbit.”</p>
<p>She kneeled down and carefully extracted the rabbit from the bush. It was very much alive, but clearly hurt.</p>
<p>“Oh, look”, Raquel said softly. “I think it’s got a broken leg.”</p>
<p>“That’s not a wild rabbit”, Sergio said. “That’s a domestic species, it must have escaped.”</p>
<p>“What do we do with it?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” he frowned. “Put it back, of course.”</p>
<p>“But then a fox will get it!”</p>
<p>He had to admit that he didn’t like the thought either, but…</p>
<p>“That’s nature.”</p>
<p>“But look how tame it is”, she said, stroking the rabbit’s ears. “It’s not afraid of me at all.”</p>
<p>She looked up.</p>
<p>“Let’s take it home.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, then nodded.</p>
<p>“Alright, let’s take it home.”</p>
<p>He glanced at her, suppressed a smile and said:</p>
<p>“I haven’t had rabbit stew in a while.”</p>
<p>She looked at him with such outrage that he couldn’t help but laugh, but he quickly stopped as it hurt his ribs. He grimaced and rubbed them, but she showed no sympathy.</p>
<p>“Serves you right”, she sniffed.</p>
<p>“I was only joking”, he smiled.</p>
<p>“You better be”, she said darkly, getting up and keeping the rabbit close to her chest. “Clover here is not meant for consumption.”</p>
<p>“Clover?” he said, amused.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said lightly. “Do you have a problem with that?”</p>
<p>“I assume this means we’re keeping it?”</p>
<p>“We can’t let her out into the forest again if she’s a tame rabbit, even if her leg heals.”</p>
<p>“I suppose”, he shrugged. “I guess this means we have a rabbit now.”</p>
<p>They walked to the house, then Raquel sent a maid to find a suitable box for Clover, and some greens from the kitchen. At that point, there was a knock on the door, and the footman opened it to the doctor.</p>
<p>“I was just passing by”, the man explained, “and I thought I’d look in on you. How are you today, Lord Marquina?”</p>
<p>“Quite well”, Sergio said. “Still some pain in my ribs, but we just went for a walk and it went fine.”</p>
<p>The doctor nodded. “Good. Then I’ll be off again.”</p>
<p>“Just a moment!” Raquel said, holding out the box. “Could you take a look at this?”</p>
<p>The doctor frowned. “That’s a rabbit.”</p>
<p>“Well spotted. Its leg is broken. Can you fix it?”</p>
<p>The doctor looked rather insulted.</p>
<p>“I am a doctor for <em>people</em>, ma’am.”</p>
<p>“Then I’m sure a little rabbit isn’t beyond your powers.”</p>
<p>The doctor shot Sergio a disbelieving look, but Sergio merely shrugged, so the doctor sighed and took off his coat. Half an hour later, Clover had a neatly bandaged leg and was looking much better.</p>
<p>The doctor left, and they went through to the drawing room, where Raquel settled herself and Clover, snugly in her box, on the rug in front of the fire, and started roasting chestnuts. Sergio sat down in a chair on the other side of the hearth to watch her, and gradually his thoughts drifted to how much things had changed. Conversations, and walks, and laughter – he felt like his life had undergone a fundamental shift, somehow – like existence suddenly had more color, more depth, more warmth. Why? Could it be her? He concluded that it must be. Was this why men married? He suddenly wondered why had he been so resistant to the thought of having a wife. He couldn’t quite remember his reasons as she peeled and handed him roasted chestnuts. Then she took Clover onto her lap and asked, with a thoughtful look:</p>
<p>“Do you think animals have consciousness?”</p>
<p>He smiled. He loved how she kept surprising him.</p>
<p>“I don’t know”, he said, “I suppose it depends on how you define consciousness. Is it self-awareness? An ability to direct one’s thoughts? How would we even test for that sort of thing in a rabbit?”</p>
<p>They stayed cozily in front of the fire for hours, discussing the matter and drinking mulled wine. She looked down as she talked, stroking Clover’s fur, and as he watched her face in the firelight, he felt a warm glow that had nothing to do with the fire. No, he reflected quietly. No, having a wife wasn’t so bad at all.</p>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Slaying the Dragon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello lovely people! 💗 I want to say another HUGE thank you to everyone leaving comments and kudos -- your love for this fic makes me so incredibly happy! 🥰🥰🥰</p>
<p>A little warning about this chapter: it is very hurt/comfort, though with an emphasis on the comfort :) I would very much love to hear your thoughts! 💗</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg, for proofreading and encouraging me to pursue this storyline! 💗</p>
<p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for proofreading and ensuring me it was good 💗</p>
<p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proofreading and making me reflect about my writing 💗</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy the chapter! 💗💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>Raquel lay in bed, looking at the morning sunlight creeping across the room, and smiling. Things had changed so much, and she was so grateful. Life with Sergio still wasn’t everything she’d imagined marriage would be, but she was enjoying their time together so much that it didn’t bother her much anymore – she was happy. She sometimes found herself dreaming about him holding her, about waking up in his arms, but she told herself firmly that she shouldn’t want too much, and that what they had was enough. She knew a lot of women who only ever complained about their husbands, and often quite rightly – she thought of Tatiana – so she felt that she was pretty lucky with Sergio.</p>
<p>The only thing that was spoiling her happiness were these constant headaches. The laudanum still helped, but she was starting to wonder if she should consult their doctor one of these days – the headaches had been coming and going continually for weeks now. She got out of bed to take her morning dose of laudanum, which she kept in her room. She wasn’t sure why, except that Sergio had had such a strong reaction when the doctor had left the medicine for him, and she felt that he might not approve of her taking it – but she felt like she had no choice. As she poured some drops into a glass of water, her hand shook and more drops than usual fell into the glass. She hesitated, then shrugged – it couldn’t hurt, and her headache was particularly bad this morning. She drank down the entire glass, then rang the bell for Annie.</p>
<p>As Annie helped her get dressed and did her hair, she slowly felt her headache fade away as the medicine took effect, but she did notice that the dose had been higher than usual – her mind became a little fuzzy, and she felt rather dreamy, but happily so. She went down the stairs in a bit of a daze and went into the dining room, where Sergio was already sitting at the breakfast table.</p>
<p>“Good morning”, he said. “How did you sleep?”</p>
<p>She merely smiled at him. She liked him, he was so nice.</p>
<p>He frowned at her.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Nothing”, she said.</p>
<p>“Are you feeling well? You look a little… strange.”</p>
<p>She kept smiling. “I feel fine.”</p>
<p>He gave her a closer look, then got up and kneeled next to her chair.</p>
<p>“Look at me, please.”</p>
<p>She looked into his eyes. He was so handsome.</p>
<p>An expression of utter dismay appeared on his face.</p>
<p>“Your pupils are contracted! What opiate have you been taking?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Have you taken anything containing opium?”</p>
<p>“Oh”, she said vaguely. “Just some laudanum.”</p>
<p>“Raquel, laudanum isn’t good for you!”</p>
<p>“But ever since London I’ve had this constant headache, and the laudanum helps.”</p>
<p>He got up and his eyes widened in alarm.</p>
<p>“You… you’ve been taking it since London?”</p>
<p>“Well… yes.”</p>
<p>“How often are you taking it?”</p>
<p>She hesitated, the urgency in his voice piercing through the pleasant fog in her brain.</p>
<p>“About… about three or four times a day.”</p>
<p>He looked at her with such an expression of horror that she suddenly felt a little scared.</p>
<p>“What? What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Raquel, you’ve been having headaches <em>because </em>of the laudanum!”</p>
<p>She frowned.</p>
<p>“No, the laudanum makes the pain go <em>away.”</em></p>
<p>“But only for a while! You see, laudanum is a tincture of opium, and your body gets used to it. After a while, you’re going to feel pain every time a dose stops working, so then you take another dose, and another, and another…”</p>
<p>Raquel nodded. Yes, that did sound familiar.</p>
<p>“But why is it a problem, as long as I just keep taking it?”</p>
<p>“Because it’s poison!” he said heatedly, and she stared at him, taken aback.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Frequent and continued laudanum use will kill you! Either it will kill you slowly, by affecting your internal organs, or it will kill you fast, if you increase the dose too much at once.”</p>
<p>His alarm was starting to seep through to her, dispelling her feeling of contentment.</p>
<p>“Then… then I should stop taking it, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said firmly, “at once.”</p>
<p>“And then the headaches will stop too?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said hesitantly, “after… after a while.”</p>
<p>His eyes took on an expression of sadness.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said softly, “it’s not going to be pleasant.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Your body has gotten used to the opium if you’ve been taking it for this long and this frequently. You’ll go through a period of withdrawal.”</p>
<p>“What does that mean?”</p>
<p>He hesitated, then said:</p>
<p>“You’ll experience symptoms as if you had the flu, only… only worse. You’ll feel pain, itching, nausea, shaking and agitation.”</p>
<p>“How come you know so much about this?”</p>
<p>He continued as if he hadn’t heard her:</p>
<p>“You’ll also feel a desperate need for another dose.”</p>
<p>“How… how long will the symptoms last?”</p>
<p>“About 48 hours, I think.”</p>
<p>She frowned at him.</p>
<p>“Can’t I… can’t I just gradually decrease the dose until I don’t need it anymore?”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“That’s not how it works with opiates, I’m afraid. The only way to get rid of this addiction, is to stop immediately.”</p>
<p>He gave her a serious look.</p>
<p>“Raquel… I think we need to do it today.”</p>
<p>“Today?!”</p>
<p>“Yes. The longer we wait, the worse it will get. The sooner we get this over with, the better. There’s no sense in postponing it.”</p>
<p>She swallowed hard, and he kneeled before her again.</p>
<p>“I’ll be with you. You won’t have to do this alone.”</p>
<p>She nodded her gratitude.</p>
<p>“So… so what do we do?”</p>
<p>“First, you need to hand me any laudanum you still have.”</p>
<p>She got up and went to her room, then took the nearly empty bottle down and handed it to him. He looked at it with a bitter expression, then turned and smashed it into the burning fireplace with surprising vehemence, so it shattered against the stones of the hearth.</p>
<p>He turned back to her, and took a deep breath to restore his calm.</p>
<p>“It’s going to take a while for your current dose to stop working. We’ll have to wait for that. I want to explain to you what will happen, but I need your mind to be clear for that. Are you sleepy?”</p>
<p>“A little”, she said. “I accidentally took more than usual this morning, and I do feel a bit drowsy.”</p>
<p>“Then go sleep”, he said gently. “You’re… you’re going to need it.”</p>
<p>She went up to her bedroom. She was a little worried, but the laudanum was keeping her calm, and the moment she lay down on her bed, it dragged her under and she was asleep.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>She woke up several hours later with a vague headache. Her thoughts went immediately to her bottle of laudanum, but then she remembered that Sergio had smashed it, and that she shouldn’t take any more. Suddenly, she felt a stab of worry. Now that her head was clear, the things he had said were really starting to get through to her, and she was afraid of how bad the withdrawal would be. Like the flu, he’d said, only worse. Well, she thought, resolutely swinging her legs out of bed, the flu wasn’t fun, but it was bearable. She would be able to handle this as well.</p>
<p>She went down to where he was sitting in front of the library fire. As she came in, she stopped for a moment – he wasn’t reading, he was just sitting there with his head in his hands, despair visible in the lines of his shoulders and his bent head.</p>
<p>“Sergio?” she said tentatively, and he looked up. When he saw her, he smiled, but she felt that it cost him.</p>
<p>He got up and came towards her.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>“I have a slight headache.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “It’s starting, then. Come, please sit down. I want to talk you through what’s going to happen.”</p>
<p>He sat her down in one of the chairs in front of the fire, and she looked at him with apprehension as he moved his own chair closer so they were close together and face to face.</p>
<p>“Alright”, he said in a low voice. “In a minute, we’re going to go up to your bedroom. That’s the place where you feel most comfortable, it has its own bathroom, and you’ll be able to lie down, and sleep if you can. Once we’re in there, I’m going to lock the door, and we won’t leave until it’s over.”</p>
<p>She stared at him.</p>
<p>“You’re going to lock the door? Why?”</p>
<p>He gave her a pained look.</p>
<p>“Because at a certain point, you’re going to want to go out and buy more laudanum, and I can’t let you. I… I really don’t want to have to physically restrain you, so a locked room is our best option.”</p>
<p>She stared at him. Physically restrain her? It couldn’t be that bad, could it? And yet, even as she was thinking it, her head throbbed, and she felt again the automatic impulse to reach for the familiar little bottle. She pushed it away.</p>
<p>He leaned forward in his chair. She had never seen him so serious.</p>
<p>“Are you seriously committed to quitting this? Do you give me permission to lock the door and… and not let you out under any circumstances?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she whispered, a sense of dread in her stomach.</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said, his voice low. “This is going to be hard, but I believe you can do it. The Chinese call taking opium ‘riding the dragon’. Today, we’re going to fight that dragon… and we’re going to defeat it. Together. Yes?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said, feeling a steely sense of determination take hold of her as she looked into his eyes. “Yes, we will.”</p>
<p>He inclined his head solemnly.</p>
<p>“Then let’s go.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Sergio rang for the servants and informed them about what was going to happen. They all looked at Raquel with concerned expressions, and she felt a little embarrassed, but of course they needed to know why their lord and lady would disappear for the next 48 hours. There was a back and forth as the servants carried up enough food for two days, gallons of cold tea, basins of water, towels, firewood and more. Once everything was in place, the servants went back downstairs, and the two of them were left standing in her bedroom.</p>
<p>It was so strange – how often she’d wished that he would enter this room with her, yet now they were here under completely different circumstances, which she’d never wanted or imagined. The irony was rather painful. He closed the door.</p>
<p>“Do I have your permission to lock this?” he asked again.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she said, and he turned the key, then took a thin silver chain out of his pocket. He put the key on the chain, then hung it around his neck and tucked it away underneath his shirt.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you just put it in your pocket?”</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>“That way, you could take it out too easily in case I fall asleep.”</p>
<p>She stared at him.</p>
<p>“Sergio, I’m agreeing with this. I <em>want </em>to get rid of this problem. I’m… I’m not going to try to steal that key.”</p>
<p>He looked down at the ground, avoiding her eyes.</p>
<p>“Let’s just say I’m not taking any risks.”</p>
<p>They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a moment, then he said:</p>
<p>“You should eat something while you don’t feel nauseous yet, and we can read a bit. The less you think about it, the better.”</p>
<p>She did as he said, and they both took up a book and sat down in front of the fireplace. Time passed slowly, and gradually she started feeling worse. Her headache became quite bad, and her muscles started aching. A little while later, she felt the nausea start, then a feeling of agitation so intense she couldn’t sit still. She put down her book.</p>
<p>“I can’t focus anymore”, she sighed.</p>
<p>“You can get up if you want”, he said quietly, putting down his book too. “Move around a bit, it will help.”</p>
<p>She walked around the room a few times, forcing her aching muscles to move. It was all rather unpleasant, she thought, but no worse than having a bad cold or the flu. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. She could handle this. She would be fine. They were fighting a dragon, and she wasn’t scared. She could already feel it stirring inside of her, but she wouldn’t let it consume her.</p>
<p>And then the itching started. It began with a tingle on the inside of her elbow, and she scratched it absentmindedly, more focused on her various aches. He looked up immediately.</p>
<p>“Don’t do that.”</p>
<p>“Do what?”</p>
<p>“Scratch.”</p>
<p>“Oh”, she said in mild surprise. “I didn’t even realize I did. It was just an itch.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said somberly. “That’s how it starts.”</p>
<p>When the next tingle occurred on her other arm, she ignored it, but it didn’t go away. It grew stronger and stronger, and she felt more tingling start up: on her legs, her back, her stomach. She clenched her hands into fists and set her jaw to keep herself from scratching, but after a while the itching was all she could think about, and it was driving her insane.</p>
<p>He got up, an expression of worry on his face.</p>
<p>“Don’t do it, Raquel.”</p>
<p>“But it… it itches so badly.”</p>
<p>“This is just a phase, it will go away again, but if you start scratching now, you won’t stop until you bleed.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, she said, her voice strained, “I can’t help it.”</p>
<p>She started scratching her arm, but it only made the itching worse – yet she couldn’t stop.</p>
<p>“Raquel!” he said urgently. “That won’t make it go away!”</p>
<p>She wasn’t hearing him anymore – this was unbearable.</p>
<p>“Alright”, he said, steering her towards her chair and pushing her down into it, then drawing his own chair close to hers so their knees were touching. Then he took her hands in his and held them firmly.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, he said. “But I can’t let you hurt yourself.”</p>
<p>He was holding her hands. For a moment everything else fell away as she focused only on the feeling of it – of his strong hands, warm around hers, holding on tightly but gently at the same time.</p>
<p>“Am I hurting you?” he murmured.</p>
<p>“No”, she whispered. “Don’t let go.”</p>
<p>He looked at her.</p>
<p>“I won’t.”</p>
<p>She suddenly became aware of the prickling of her skin again – it felt like she had rolled in a patch of nettles – and she started shaking slightly with wanting to scratch and not being able to.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said, “look at me.”</p>
<p>She looked up into his eyes, and they were clear and steady.</p>
<p>“You can do this. If you can hang on for just half an hour, it will go away again.”</p>
<p>She drew strength from his gaze, from his hands around hers. She gritted her teeth and nodded, then asked:</p>
<p>“How… how do you know all of this?”</p>
<p>He gave her a long look, and she could see that he was considering whether he should tell her something or not. Then he seemed to come to a decision, and he started talking in a low voice.</p>
<p>“When I… when I was twelve, my mother became very ill. The doctor prescribed laudanum, for the pain and to help her sleep. She took a little of it. Then she took a lot.”</p>
<p>He was speaking softly, and she was listening intently, her discomfort momentarily forgotten. He’d never spoken about his mother before.</p>
<p>“After a while, she couldn’t live without it anymore. By the time I was fifteen, she was taking the highest possible dose. Many days, she was barely conscious. So… so we tried to get rid of it, she and I. Andrés was rarely home, even then, and my father was on a year-long trip to the Americas. The doctor wouldn’t take the problem seriously. It was just my mother and me in the house.”</p>
<p>A feeling of dread displaced the nausea in her stomach as she sensed where this was going.</p>
<p>“I tried… I tried to get her through it, but… I couldn’t do it. We tried three times, but each time she… she begged me to get her more laudanum and… and I gave in… I wasn’t strong enough.”</p>
<p>“You were a child”, she whispered. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”</p>
<p>He looked down as he continued.</p>
<p>“After the third time… when I got her a new bottle… she… she took too much. She wanted to get rid of the pain so badly that she took too much. She fell asleep and I couldn’t wake her. She never woke up again.”</p>
<p>Raquel looked at him and her heart bled for him.</p>
<p>“Sergio… I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“I failed her”, he whispered, but then he looked up at her and she saw unshakeable determination in his eyes. “I won’t fail you.”</p>
<p>She looked down at their hands.</p>
<p>“Let go”, she said softly.</p>
<p>“No, Raquel, I can’t…”</p>
<p>“I won’t scratch”, she said calmly. “I promise.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, then let go of her hands. She didn’t scratch, but took his hands in hers and looked into his eyes.</p>
<p>“We’ll make it”, she said earnestly. “I… I don’t know what’s ahead, and I’m sorry if you’ll have to be strong for the both of us. But we’ll make it. I’m sure of it.”</p>
<p>He nodded, then lifted one of her hands to his lips and kissed it.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>The dragon inside her was roaring. This wasn’t a fairytale dragon, brave and magnificent, ready to do honest battle, but a slimy and scaly beast, yellow-eyed and breathing poison, and it clawed and thrashed as she tried to fight it. The pain was bad, and she was curled up on the bed with her jaw clenched, one hand holding Sergio’s so tight she knew she must be hurting him, but he didn’t complain. She wouldn’t give in. She wouldn’t give in.</p>
<p>He was talking to her continuously, his voice soft and soothing. She could only occasionally focus on what he was saying, but his voice and presence were comforting nonetheless, and he was the main source of her strength as she resisted her dragon hour after hour. She was vaguely aware that it was dark outside and had been for a while, but time had lost all meaning. There was only this moment, this breath, this pain – his hand in hers.</p>
<p>When the sun came up, she was so tired she could cry. The pain didn’t lessen, but her exhaustion was so great that she drifted in and out of consciousness for the next few hours, every moment she wasn’t fully awake a blessed relief. Sergio was always by her side, helping her sit up and take sips of water when she asked for it, cooling her down by pressing damp cloths against her cheeks and forehead, or generally just talking to her when he noticed she was awake. His voice was hoarse by now from talking all through the night, but he didn’t stop, though in one of her clearer moments, she could see that he was pale with exhaustion too.</p>
<p>“You should sleep”, she tried, but her voice broke on the words.</p>
<p>He still understood her, and shook his head.</p>
<p>“No, I’m fine. Raquel”, he said, squeezing her hand. “You’re doing so well. So, so well. We’re halfway through now.”</p>
<p>She smiled at him, but the smile turned into a grimace as the pain seized her again. She curled in on herself and groaned.</p>
<p>“Will it… will it get worse than this?”</p>
<p>“Not the pain”, he said. “But… but the feeling that you <em>need</em> the laudanum will get bad.”</p>
<p>She groaned again – she already felt like she would sell her soul if it would get her a single dose. She couldn’t imagine it getting any worse. After a while, the pain subsided again to a dull throbbing, and she immediately felt her exhaustion pull her down into a blissful oblivion.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>She woke up gasping. The dragon was breathing fire in her chest – at least, that’s what it felt like – being on fire from the inside. It was so bad that she couldn’t even cry out, she could only lie still and gasp in breath after breath. She couldn’t – she couldn’t take it anymore. Where was Sergio? Why had he let go of her hand? When the pain lessened a fraction and she could move again, she turned her head and saw that he was slumped forward on the bed, sleeping. She glanced at the door, then back at him, then she shook her head at herself, bitter. If that key hadn’t been around his neck… she knew perfectly well that she would be trying to take it out of his pocket now to try and go to the pharmacy, or convince one of the servants to go. Anything – anything for another dose. Anything to make this stop. He had been right to be careful with the key. She turned her face away from him and tried to fall asleep again, but she couldn’t. The pain overwhelmed her again and she let out a stifled sob.</p>
<p>He woke up and immediately reached out to take her hand again.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry”, he murmured. “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.”</p>
<p>She shook her head, grateful that his hand was back in hers.</p>
<p>All they could do was wait. The pain didn’t get any worse – but the cravings seemed to grow by the minute. Oh, she’d never wanted anything so badly in her life – not even close – nothing compared to this. The only thing she could think about was that little bottle of laudanum, and how she would give anything in the world to have it. She wanted it desperately – she <em>needed </em>it, she was sure she would die without it. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore.</p>
<p>“Sergio”, she said, clutching at his arm and looking up at him. “Sergio, I can’t do this.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said firmly. “You can.”</p>
<p>“No”, she said, and she could feel tears start streaming down her face. “No, I really can’t. You have to help me.”</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said, his voice shaking slightly. “Listen to me. You’re strong. You can win this fight.”</p>
<p>“I’m not strong”, she said, more tears sliding down her cheeks. “I’m really not. Please… please go get it for me.”</p>
<p>He gave her a desperate look.</p>
<p>“I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Please”, she whispered. “We can do this some… some other time. I… I promise I’ll be stronger next week, just… just not now. I can’t, Sergio, I <em>can’t.”</em></p>
<p>“You can”, he repeated. “I believe in you. Just… just hold on to me, alright?”</p>
<p>After that, she lost consciousness, and when she woke up again, he was gone. The door to the bathroom was closed, so she got out of bed on shaking legs, then rushed towards the door, desperately trying to get it open. It didn’t work, of course, and she was too weak to stay standing. She sank to the floor, curled in on herself, and buried her face in her hands.</p>
<p>The next thing she knew, strong arms were lifting her and carrying her back to the bed. He got onto the bed with her and held her while she cried.</p>
<p>“Hold on, Raquel”, he whispered against her hair. “Hold on. We’re almost through the worst of it. It will pass, I <em>promise </em>it will pass.”</p>
<p>“I just want it to be over”, she sobbed. “Please get me a bottle, Sergio, I don’t care if it will kill me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that”, he said, his voice breaking as he held her tighter. “You’re stronger than this. Please Raquel, please hold on. I… I can’t lose you.”</p>
<p><em>I can’t lose you</em>. Even through the pain, those words reached her, and they helped to return her will to keep fighting – just a little – just enough. She took a deep breath and leaned against him, felt his warmth and strength, his arms around her, and a little flame of resolve kindled in her chest. He was right. She was stronger than this. She wouldn’t let this monster win. If he said that she could do it, she could – she trusted him to know the way even though she couldn’t see the road. She held on to him, and the flame inside her burned higher, brighter, hotter, rivaling the fire spewed by the dragon – a flame fueled by her anger at the pain, by her wish to be strong for him, and by a sheer, utter stubbornness that wouldn’t let her give up. She would fight this dragon with everything she had – and she would win. As long as he was with her, she would win.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>In the evening, the pain finally started to subside – little by little, the agony made way for a dull ache, and her desperate longing for more laudanum faded until only a whisper of it was left. Her mind cleared. The dragon was retracting its claws and pulling its teeth out of her flesh, its days of fire breathing over – and towards midnight, she knew that the battle was won. The fight had left her tattered and exhausted, and now that the fire inside her had burnt out, a bone-shaking cold was taking hold of her.</p>
<p>Sergio had fallen asleep in his chair next to the bed, but he woke up when she crawled under the sheets, shivering uncontrollably.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” he asked immediately.</p>
<p>“B-better”, she said, her teeth chattering. “But v-very cold.”</p>
<p>He looked over at the fireplace in alarm.</p>
<p>“Oh no, I’ve let the fire go out. I’m so sorry!”</p>
<p>He put more wood on and blew on the glowing embers until they kindled back into flame, but in the meantime, the freezing night air had crept into the room, and even underneath the blankets, Raquel was shaking hard.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry”, he said again, rushing to the closet and pulling out another blanket, which he spread over the bed. “So sorry, Raquel.”</p>
<p>He took her hand and felt it, then looked at her in worry and dismay.</p>
<p>“You’re ice cold! Goddammit, you haven’t just gone through all of this just so I could give you hypothermia!”</p>
<p>He hesitated, but only for a moment – then he took of his jacket. She stared at him. Was he… was he going to do what she thought he was going to do? He took off his shoes too. Even despite the shivering, her mind was clear enough now to realize what was happening. He wanted to get in the bed with her. Underneath the sheets. To keep her warm. Oh.</p>
<p>He hesitated by the bedside, still fully dressed in shirt and pants, but <em>still</em>.</p>
<p>“Can I… can I get in with you? It will help you get warm much faster.”</p>
<p>“Yes please”, she whispered, and he tentatively joined her in the bed.</p>
<p>She was fully conscious again, but for a moment, she thought she must be dreaming – she’d dreamed so often that he would come to her bed, and he never had, and now… and now here he was. She knew nothing could happen, of course, but it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter in the slightest as long as he was in this bed with her, and if he intended to keep her warm, would he… <em>yes – </em>he shifted closer to her, lying on his side, and opened his arms to her.</p>
<p>“Come here”, he said softly, and she was so exhausted that the emotions filling her now almost made her cry.</p>
<p>When he had carried her to the bed earlier and held her, she’d been too deep in the pain to really realize what was happening – she’d only registered that he was there for her, and that was all she needed to know. But now she was perfectly aware of everything, and she fully intended to savor the moment. She was still shaking as she shifted into his waiting arms, and the next moment she huddled against his chest and then – then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, and the trembling stopped.</p>
<p>“You’ll get warm again soon now”, he murmured.</p>
<p>She could only nod – she didn’t doubt it – she could already feel herself get warm from the inside out, a warm, glowing sense of joy in her belly. <em>Oh</em>, the delights of being held. She nestled herself closer against him and heaved a sigh of contentment as she focused on his warmth, his nearness, his arms around her. This was exactly what she needed right now. She leaned her face against his chest and tried to be subtle as she breathed him in – he smelled so nice.</p>
<p>“Is that better?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yes”, she sighed, but then quickly added: “Though I’m still cold. Stay… stay a little longer, please.”</p>
<p>He tightened his arms around her.  </p>
<p>“Of course. How are you feeling now?”</p>
<p>“Much better”, she whispered.</p>
<p>“Raquel”, he said softly, “I think you did it. You beat it. You were so brave. I’m so proud of you.”</p>
<p>The glow inside her grew stronger, driving the last of the cold and ache from her limbs until she was soft and warm and happy. She felt drained and exhausted and terribly weak, but also strangely clean, and her mind was clearer than it had been in weeks. She knew she wouldn’t have been able to do it without him. She drew back just a little and looked up at him.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>He looked down at her, his arms still around her, and shook his head.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to thank me. We take care of each other, you and I. In sickness and in health, right?”</p>
<p>“Right”, she smiled. “In sickness and in health.”</p>
<p>She felt a little breathless as they kept looking at each other, his eyes so warm. She felt so drawn to him – she wanted nothing more than to lift her face and press her lips to his – it just felt so right in this soft moment they were sharing… but making him uncomfortable would be a poor way to repay him after everything he’d done for her. So she looked away and buried her face against his shirt, then pressed a light kiss to his chest, so soft that he wouldn’t feel it, but a kiss nonetheless.</p>
<p>She expected him to get out of bed any moment now – of course he’d be able to feel that she was warm again – but he made no move to do so. Minute after minute, he stayed, just holding her, and she gradually felt the exhaustion take hold of her. Her pain gone, she could finally relax. It was over. She’d made it. They had made it <em>together</em> – and with that thought, she could feel herself sink into a healthy sleep.</p>
<p>The next morning, she woke up in her husband’s arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh wow, I am so overwhelmed and filled with gratitude at the response to yesterday's chapter! Thank you all SO much, I can't tell you how happy it made me to read that you liked the chapter so much -- your lovely messages made me cry 🙈 I am so sure that I have the loveliest readers in the world, and I love you all!! 💗💗💗 I haven't been able to answer any comments yet, but I promise I will get to them over the next few days! </p>
<p>It feels weird to post a chapter about Christmas when it's 35 degrees out, but well :) You'll notice that the way Christmas was celebrated in 1815 was a little different from how we celebrate it now -- the biggest difference probably being that they didn't have a Christmas tree, and they didn't really celebrate New Year's Eve. </p>
<p>I do have some bad news 🙈 Work has been keeping me busy, and I haven't had much time to write :( I'm very sorry, but I won't be able to post the next chapter until Sunday... In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one!</p>
<p>A big thank you to Meg, for being such a lovely proofreader! 💗</p>
<p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for saying that this chapter is magic :) 💗</p>
<p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for suggesting improvements, and encouraging me to make the chapter longer :) 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raquel needed several days to recover from her ordeal. The pain had gone, but she was weak and shivery, and she slept most of the day. Whenever she woke up, no matter what time of the day or night, Sergio was by her side. She urged him to go to bed and get some decent sleep himself, but he stubbornly refused and simply napped in his chair. Several times, she was sorely tempted to ask him if he wanted to come sleep next to her again, but she knew he’d only done that because of exceptional circumstances, and she didn’t want to ask too much of him. Still, it didn’t keep her from remembering how wonderful it had felt when he had taken her in his arms, and she desperately wished it could happen again – that he would lie close to her again, and hold her, or at least hold her hand again. But he hadn’t touched her since they had woken up together, and he’d turned very red and apologized and hurried out of bed. She knew she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him – she knew it was hopeless, but the way he had cared for her over the past few days had made her feelings for him so much stronger, and she didn’t know what to do about them except ignore them and hope they’d go away. Every once in a while, though, she was awake while he was sleeping in his chair, and then she watched his face in the firelight, and wished that she could kiss him.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>He watched her sleep for hours and hours. His relief that she’d recovered was immeasurable – the thought of losing another person he cared for to this horrible drug had been unbearable to him, and though he knew it had been a thousand times worse for her, the withdrawal had been hard on him too. Again and again, he remembered how she’d cried, how she’d held on to him so desperately, how she’d asked him to help her, and his heart broke all over again – if he could have taken on the pain instead of her, he would have done so in a heartbeat. But he also remembered getting in the bed with her, he remembered how she’d curled up against him and how she’d fit so perfectly in his arms. He’d never held another person like that, so close and intimate, and every time he thought back to that night, he was filled with a curious longing to do it again – but unfortunately he had no excuse anymore now that she felt better. He felt like he’d already overstepped her boundaries by staying in the bed with her all night, but he hadn’t wanted to wake her when she was finally sleeping soundly – at least, that’s what he told himself.</p>
<p>After three days of recovery, she was finally able to get out of bed again, just in time for the family to arrive. They came to celebrate Christmas with him every year, arriving a few days beforehand and staying for three weeks. It was a time he always looked forward to, as Tatiana and the children always decorated the house and filled it with singing and laughter, and it was the one time of the year when his brother actually stayed with his family the entire time. All in all, it was a time of the year he was very fond of, and he looked forward to sharing it with Raquel. The De Fonollosa household arrived in a whirlwind of noise and luggage and enthusiasm for the festivities, and Sergio hugged his brother and received a kiss from Tatiana, then Delia slipped her little hand in his and wouldn’t let go again. He watched Raquel kiss his brother on the cheek, then hug Tatiana.</p>
<p>“My dear Raquel”, Tatiana smiled. “It’s so good to see you home again.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Raquel smiled back. “It’s good to be home.”</p>
<p>Sergio felt a warm glow in his chest as he watched his family – all the people he loved together under his roof. It would be a wonderful three weeks.</p>
<p>To the utter delight of the children, it started to snow a few hours after they arrived, and it didn’t stop snowing all night – it looked like they would have a white Christmas this year.</p>
<p>On the day of Christmas Eve, the women stayed home putting up candles and decorations of folded paper, while the children went out into the forest with Sergio and Andrés to select a tree that would serve as the Yule Log – a tree trunk that would be placed in the hearth of the drawing room, and that would burn for days, bringing good luck to the house. The children chose the tree, and Sergio and Andrés took turns with the axe until it fell down, then they attached ropes to it, and the smaller children rode on the log as they pulled it home through the snow. The older children skipped alongside and collected evergreen boughs to decorate the house with – branches of holly, ivy, hawthorn, and Christmas Rose. When they got home, they hung up the branches all over the house, and the smell of the greenery mingled with the delicious smells coming from the kitchen to create a truly festive atmosphere. In the evening, the Yule Log was lit with a lump of charcoal left over from last year’s log, which Sergio had kept safe in a box all year, and they all sat around the fire and played games as the log blazed away.</p>
<p>On Christmas Day, they all went to church together, then came home to the Christmas feast – the table in the dining room was absolutely covered with dishes, including several types of sweets, and the children ate until they were bursting, then they flopped down in front of the fire and fell asleep in a heap, except for Delia, who had fallen in love with Clover, and spent an hour quietly on the hearth rug stroking the rabbit’s velvety ears. In the afternoon, they all bundled up warm and went outside to play in the snow. Building snowmen quickly turned into throwing snowballs at each other, and soon there was an all-out war going on between Andrés and the boys on one side, and Raquel and the girls on the other, while Sergio and Tatiana stood to the side and watched it all unfold with amusement and raised eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Children really are little savages, aren’t they?” Tatiana remarked. “Though our spouses aren’t much better.”</p>
<p>“I don’t see the charm of it”, Sergio said, shaking his head. “Throwing snow in each other’s faces.”</p>
<p>He was looking at Tatiana as he said it, and he paid dearly for his moment of inattention – before he knew what was happening, a big snowball had hit him on the side of the head, and he turned around in surprise to see Raquel and Delia bent over with laughter.</p>
<p>“Oh, very funny”, he pretended to complain as he wiped away the snow. “Throwing missiles at a man still recovering from a bullet wound and a broken rib.”</p>
<p>“You’re perfectly fine”, Raquel grinned, then she hurriedly ducked behind a tree to avoid a snowball from Andrés, pulling Delia with her.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe it”, Sergio grumbled. “From my own wife, no less.”</p>
<p>Tatiana gave him a look.</p>
<p>“You seem happy that she’s home.”</p>
<p>“I am”, he said, and he couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you came to your senses”, she said drily. “It took you long enough.”</p>
<p>“I know”, he said, embarrassed. “I don’t know why.”</p>
<p>“Can I enquire as to the status of your relationship?”</p>
<p>He hesitated.</p>
<p>“What… what do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Let me put it this way: can Delia expect a cousin to play with at some point?”</p>
<p>He felt himself go red.</p>
<p>“We’re friends.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“Good friends.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“It works for us.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>The way she was looking at him made him distinctly uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“I feel like you have more to say, Tatiana.”</p>
<p>“No, no”, she said lightly. “I’ll let you figure things out on your own.”</p>
<p>At that point, Raquel hit Andrés straight in the face with a snowball, and he wiped the snow out of his eyes and laughingly admitted defeat. They all trooped back inside to change out of their wet clothes, then the children insisted that there was still time for presents before dinner. They sat down in front of the brightly burning fire, and the children unwrapped the toys that Raquel had carefully picked out for them – Delia was especially happy with her new doll. Raquel sat among the children on the hearth rug and she exclaimed in delight at each unwrapped present they showed her as if she hadn’t bought them herself. Sergio couldn’t take his eyes off her – the way the firelight covered her face in a golden glow, the way her eyes lit up as her laughter mingled with Delia’s… he truly had a lovely wife.</p>
<p>He had prepared a little surprise, and he was filled with a feeling of eager anticipation as he looked at his wife, but he waited patiently until the children had unwrapped all of their gifts. Finally, he said:</p>
<p>“Raquel… I have a present for you too.”</p>
<p>She looked at him in surprise – usually only the children received presents.</p>
<p>“Really?” she said. “Where is it?”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to come outside.”</p>
<p>They all got up and went outside, the children speculating excitedly about what it would be, while Raquel kept looking at him with an expression of utmost curiosity. He tried to suppress a smile – oh, he hoped she would like it.</p>
<p>He led them all to the stables, and when they entered, the children exclaimed in delight, while Andrés let out a low whistle. In one of the boxes stood a white mare, tall and lovely, who cocked her ears forward inquisitively as they entered and regarded them with intelligent eyes.</p>
<p>“That”, his brother said appreciatively, “is a magnificent horse.”</p>
<p>But Sergio only had eyes for Raquel. The expression on her face was everything to him – she was looking at the mare with eyes full of wonder and delight.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” he asked her, smiling.</p>
<p>“Oh Sergio”, she whispered. “She’s <em>beautiful.”</em></p>
<p>She went forward and held out her hand to the horse, who bent her head and sniffed at it, then allowed herself to be stroked.</p>
<p>“She’s like a unicorn”, Delia whispered in awe, and Raquel smiled and nodded.</p>
<p>“Yes, she’s exactly like a unicorn.”</p>
<p>She ran a hand over the mare’s neck, then looked back at Sergio.</p>
<p>“What’s her name?”</p>
<p>“Freya.”</p>
<p>“Perfect”, Raquel nodded. “But <em>why, </em>Sergio? I already have a horse.”</p>
<p>Sergio shook his head.</p>
<p>“Belle is much too calm for you, you’re too good a rider. You need a horse with a little spirit. I… I thought we could go out riding together, you and me.”</p>
<p>She looked up eagerly.</p>
<p>“You want to go out riding with me?”</p>
<p>He smiled. “Every day, if you want to.”</p>
<p>She came over to him and looked up at him with a radiant smile.</p>
<p>“Thank you. This is such a lovely gift.”</p>
<p>He looked at her shining eyes, and he couldn’t be more pleased.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Over the next few days, the weather turned very cold, and to the children’s delight, a nearby pond froze over completely, so one day they headed out to skate. Sergio wasn’t planning to go out on the ice – he didn’t even have any skates – but Raquel was almost as excited as the children, and Sergio wasn’t surprised at all that she turned out to be an excellent skater. He stood at the edge of the pond and watched her in admiration as she flew over the ice, sure-footed and graceful, then slowed down to help Delia, who was a little scared, and soon the two were skating hand in hand. After a while, the two eldest children, Andrew and Rose, challenged Raquel to a race, so they went out into the middle of the pond and set out for the shore where Andrés, Tatiana and Sergio stood waiting. Raquel let the children win, but she was still going very fast as she approached the shore, and though she tried to slow down in the end, she didn’t manage it completely. Just in time, Sergio opened his arms and caught her, and they fell backwards together into a big pile of snow.</p>
<p>The snow made for a soft landing, but he still had the breath knocked out of him. She was lying on top of him, her light body shaking with laughter, and he couldn’t help it – he laughed too.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry”, she finally gasped. “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>She lifted her head to look at him, and he stopped laughing as he looked into her eyes.</p>
<p>“Yes”, he said, wondering if he’d ever felt more alright in his life than he felt right now.</p>
<p>“I didn’t hurt your ribs, did I?”</p>
<p>He still had his arms around her, and suddenly he was reminded so vividly of holding her in the bed that one night. He swallowed.</p>
<p>“No”, he said, “my ribs are fine.”</p>
<p>“Good”, she said, looking back into his eyes, seeming a little breathless. He suddenly wondered if she was thinking about that night too.</p>
<p>“Yes”, he whispered – oh, he didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. Her eyes were so bright, and her cheeks were red, and her face was so close to his.</p>
<p>Then she seemed to shake herself – she blinked and smiled.</p>
<p>“I’ll get off you now.”</p>
<p>For a moment, he thought about not letting her go, about simply not opening his arms and keeping her close – but of course that was ridiculous. So he opened his arms and tried to ignore the stab of disappointment he felt as she took his brother’s hand and he pulled her upright again.</p>
<p>He got up too, and she smiled at him.</p>
<p>“You have snow in your hair.”</p>
<p>She reached up a hand and brushed it away, and he felt a swooping sensation in his stomach that he couldn’t quite place. Then he looked around and noticed that the children were all on the ground because they were laughing so hard.</p>
<p>“Don’t laugh”, Tatiana chided them, though Sergio could see that she was suppressing a smile herself. “They could have been hurt.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for catching me”, Raquel winked at him, and he smiled and followed her with his eyes as she raced off again. She could run into him any day – he would always be there to catch her.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>The next day, they let the children run wild in the garden while the adults sat in the drawing room and talked. Peace and quiet lasted for about an hour, then the children came storming back in, red-cheeked and dragging in snow, and shouting excitedly. The adults got up to see what the excitement was all about.</p>
<p>“Mistletoe!” the children yelled. “We found mistletoe!”</p>
<p>Rose was carrying the branch, and she got up on a chair behind her parents and dangled the mistletoe over their heads.</p>
<p>“Now you have to kiss!” she said triumphantly.</p>
<p>Andrés grinned, wrapped his wife in his arms and dipped her, then kissed her dramatically until the children cheered and clapped. Sergio and Raquel were laughing – but then Delia took the branch from her sister and got up on a chair behind them and held up the mistletoe.</p>
<p>“Now Uncle Sergio and Aunt Raquel.”</p>
<p>Sergio’s eyes went wide, and Tatiana took a step forward to intervene, but Raquel held up a hand to signal that it was alright. She was smiling as she turned and looked up at him.</p>
<p>“Do you trust me?”</p>
<p>He looked at her. Did he trust her?</p>
<p>“Yes”, he whispered.</p>
<p>Her smile widened.</p>
<p>“Then close your eyes.”</p>
<p> He hesitated. She was looking at him with a clear, steady gaze.</p>
<p>“Close your eyes”, she repeated encouragingly.</p>
<p>His heart was beating fast. He trusted her. He closed his eyes.</p>
<p>He heard her come closer, then he felt her place a light hand against his chest and lean in close. His mouth was dry, his heart was beating in his throat, he didn’t know what he was hoping for, and then… she pressed her lips against his cheek in an infinitely soft kiss. It only lasted for a moment, then she pulled away again, and as he opened his eyes, he realized he’d been holding his breath. Maybe that was why he felt so dizzy. The children were cheering – all kisses were the same to them – and he felt his cheeks go a vivid, burning red. Raquel was still smiling as they sent the children back outside and sat back down in front of the fire, but Sergio had trouble following the conversation. He could still feel the place where she had kissed him hours afterwards.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>That evening, they were gathered in the drawing room as usual to listen to Tatiana play the piano. After a while, Andrés suddenly turned to Raquel.</p>
<p>“My dear Raquel, won’t you sing something for us? I crave a little variety in the entertainment.”</p>
<p>Raquel looked up in surprise.</p>
<p>“Me?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I seem to recall your sister telling us that you have a good voice.”</p>
<p>Raquel hesitated.</p>
<p>“Oh… I… I don’t know about that. I’ve been taught to sing, of course, but…”</p>
<p>“Perhaps”, Tatiana said, getting up from behind the piano, “with a different accompanist?”</p>
<p>She turned to him.</p>
<p>“Sergio?”</p>
<p>He hesitated.</p>
<p>“I’m not as good as you are, Tatiana.”</p>
<p>“Nonsense”, she said. “You play charmingly.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t played in so long, I’m probably a little rusty.”</p>
<p>“You don’t just forget how to play.”</p>
<p>Delia turned to him.</p>
<p>“Please, Uncle Sergio?”</p>
<p>Well, that did it. He looked questioningly at Raquel, who smiled and shrugged, then got up. He got up too and went to sit behind the piano. The moment he positioned his fingers on the keys, he remembered again how dearly he loved to play, how much joy it brought him to evoke sounds from the instrument. Why did he do it so rarely? He looked up at Raquel. Why did he have so much trouble recognizing the things that brought him happiness?</p>
<p>The song she chose was one of his favorites, and for a moment he felt some apprehension – he was very sensitive to it being sung just right. But then she nodded at him and he started playing, and he was caught up immediately by the music. Tatiana was right – he hadn’t forgotten how to play at all. His fingers were effortlessly gliding over the keys, and the music was flowing smoothly around him.</p>
<p>When she started singing, he was surprised at the warm, pleasant sound of her voice, and he gradually realized to his delight that she sang the song just the way he liked it – clear and strong when he played louder, soft and gentle where he preferred to take it back himself. He hadn’t played with another person for years, and the experience was strangely intimate despite the listening family members – for a moment, it was just the two of them as her voice intertwined with the music he was making in hauntingly beautiful harmony. After the last note had faded away, he looked up to see her smile at him with shining eyes, and as he smiled back, he just couldn’t look away from her.</p>
<p>Suddenly he became aware of his brother loudly clearing his throat, and he blinked in confusion and looked at him.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Andrés was grinning broadly.</p>
<p>“I <em>said</em> that was nicely done, but I don’t think you heard me.”</p>
<p>“Oh”, Sergio said. “Well, thank you.”</p>
<p>He got up from behind the piano and went back to his chair.</p>
<p>“I think the two of you should play together more often”, Tatiana said.</p>
<p>“Yes”, he murmured, looking at Raquel, who sat back down in her own chair with a rather dreamy smile. “Maybe we should.”</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>The next evening, Delia came inside from the cold with a cough and a fever. Tatiana took her up to bed, and brought up some soup for dinner. After dinner, she came to tell Sergio that her daughter requested his company – or rather, she had asked after Uncle Sergio <em>and </em>Aunt Raquel.</p>
<p>Raquel smiled.</p>
<p>“Of course we can go keep her company. Let’s take Clover, that might cheer her up.”</p>
<p>They went upstairs to Delia’s bedroom, where the girl’s eyes lit up at the sight of the rabbit.</p>
<p>“Clover!”</p>
<p>Raquel deposited the animal in Delia’s lap, then she joined them on the bed, wrapped an arm around the girl, and looked expectantly at Sergio.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you read us a story?”</p>
<p>“Yes please!” Delia said.</p>
<p>Sergio sat down in a chair next to the bed and selected a book.</p>
<p>“How about The Rabbit and the Carrots?” he said. “That seems appropriate.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, Delia sighed, and Sergio noticed how she leaned her head against Raquel in the most trusting way. Seeing them together like this produced a curious feeling in his chest, but he shook it off, opened the book, and started reading.</p>
<p>The story was rather long, and as usual when he read to her, Delia was asleep before it was done. He glanced up and saw that Raquel was looking down at the sleeping girl with the softest expression in her eyes. The feeling in his chest returned – it was a sweet, slightly melancholy longing, but try as he might, he couldn’t define what it was for. He frowned. He must have had too much wine at dinner. Then Raquel looked up at him, her eyes still soft, and she gave him the sweetest smile, and the feeling swelled until it filled his entire chest.</p>
<p>He suddenly had a vague sense that they could be more than this, he and Raquel, that there were other possibilities that he had refused to acknowledge up until now but that were there nonetheless, should he choose to explore them. It was only a half-formed thought, and he pushed it away before it could take root. What they had now – unconventional as it was – was <em>good.</em> He didn’t want anything else, because what they had now worked for them, no matter what Tatiana might think. Anything <em>else </em>would be messy and complicated and potentially painful, and he refused to even entertain the possibility. As long as she was with him – as long as she didn’t leave him again – as long as she was <em>happy</em> – that was enough. And she did look happy. Yes, he told himself. That was enough.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>On New Year’s Eve, everyone was tired from the many days of celebrating and play. There would be more celebration on New Year’s Day, but there were no traditions to observe for this evening, so both the children and the adults went up to bed at their usual hour. Raquel was in her room with Annie, who helped her out of her dress and into her nightgown, then Raquel sat down in front of her mirror so Annie could take the pins out of her hair. Before the girl could start, however, there was a knock on the bedroom door. Raquel frowned – it must be Tatiana. Was something wrong with one of the children? She got up and put on her dressing gown, then opened the door. Her eyes went wide when she saw Sergio standing there.</p>
<p>“Excuse me”, Annie murmured immediately, then tactfully left the room.</p>
<p>Raquel’s first feeling was a rush of hope, but of course that was ridiculous, so she settled on worry instead.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“No”, he said softly. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.”</p>
<p>“You’re not disturbing me.”</p>
<p>“It’s just that… I was looking out of my window, and it’s a full moon tonight. It’s very bright out. I was wondering… would you like to come out for a walk?”</p>
<p>She looked at him in surprise, then smiled.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would love that. Let me just get dressed again.”</p>
<p>He nodded, and she closed the door and took off her dressing gown and nightgown, still smiling. He seemed so steady and predictable, and then every once in a while, he did something like this. She suspected that there was an element of whimsy and playfulness to his character that might come out more under the right circumstances, and she wondered if she would ever be able to create the right circumstances. She put on her dress again, doing up the buttons in the back, but there were a few between her shoulder blades that she just couldn’t reach. Calling back Annie for three buttons would be silly, so she opened the door and asked Sergio:</p>
<p>“Could you just help me with some buttons?”</p>
<p>“Oh”, he said, and she smiled at the flustered expression on his face. “Well… yes, of course.”</p>
<p>He came into the room and into the light of the candle, and she turned around so her back was to him. He stepped closer and she felt a little tingle in her stomach as his fingers started on the buttons – oh, how she wished that he was <em>un</em>doing them instead. But button by button, his hands traveled upwards instead of down, and soon he was done.</p>
<p>“There”, he whispered.</p>
<p>She turned around and smiled at him.</p>
<p>“Thank you. Let’s go then.”</p>
<p>They went downstairs with the lit candle and found their coats and scarves and gloves, then they stepped out into the cold, clean air of a perfectly clear night. The ground was still covered with snow, and the light of the full moon reflected on it to create a bright, silvery light that allowed them to see almost as well as during the day – but the atmosphere it created was very far removed from the prosaic light of day. They walked across the garden in silence, side by side, the snow crisping underneath their feet, and Raquel marveled at the beauty of the night, of the deep black sky arching overhead, covered with tiny pinpricks of light, contrasting wonderfully with the pure white snow on the ground. This was a rare sort of night, an extraordinary night – a night to believe in magic.</p>
<p>It seemed that Sergio’s thoughts had been going along the same lines, because when they entered the forest and followed the path winding among the trees, he quietly said:</p>
<p>“My nurse used to tell me stories about snowy nights under a full moon. She said that those were night when the lines of reality blurred a little, when the boundaries between the realms faded and the fairies would come dancing in the snow.”</p>
<p>Raquel had heard similar stories. She had never believed them, but tonight… tonight they seemed possible.</p>
<p>“She also said”, Sergio continued, “that the fairies are always looking for the loveliest maidens to take home with them, to dance at their courts.”</p>
<p>He looked sideways at her and gave her a slight smile.</p>
<p>“So I’d better keep an eye on you.”</p>
<p>She laughed softly, pleased, and they walked on in silence for a while. Suddenly, there was movement among the trees, and Sergio held out a hand to stop her.</p>
<p>“Look”, he whispered.</p>
<p>Through the trees, a line of deer approached them, impossibly slender and graceful, delicately picking their way through the snow without making a sound. They passed by the humans without seeming to notice them, so close that Raquel was holding her breath, her eyes wide with wonder. At the end of the line came a majestic male, strong and noble, carrying his antlers with pride. When he passed them, he stopped and regarded them, and for just a moment, Raquel had no trouble believing that he was a fairy king in disguise.</p>
<p>Then the deer went on, and Sergio and Raquel looked at each other in amazement.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you asked me to come out”, she whispered, and he nodded and smiled in agreement.</p>
<p>They walked on and reached the open spot with the pavilion where they had once sheltered from the rain. They needed no shelter now, so they didn’t go in, instead walking in slow circles around the snowy clearing.</p>
<p>“It must be almost midnight”, Raquel said. “Almost time for a new year to start.”</p>
<p>“It’s been such a strange year”, he murmured. “Last year at this time… I never would have thought I would start the next year with you.”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she agreed, “it’s been a strange year for me too.”</p>
<p>He stopped and looked at her.</p>
<p>“Raquel… do you regret marrying me?”</p>
<p>She considered him, then shook her head.</p>
<p>“No. I don’t.”</p>
<p>He smiled.</p>
<p>“I’m glad.”</p>
<p>She didn’t want to ask him if he regretted marrying her, because she was afraid that his reaction might tell her things she didn’t want to hear, but he simply said:</p>
<p>“I don’t regret marrying you either.”</p>
<p>She felt a warm glow at his words, which only increased when he continued:</p>
<p>“I’m very glad I’m starting this new year with you.”</p>
<p>Perhaps he would never be in love with her, but he did care for her – she was sure of that. It was enough, she told herself. It was enough.</p>
<p>They looked up at the clear sky, where the stars seemed to shine more brilliantly than usual. Suddenly, as they were watching, a bright flash of light streaked across the sky, just for an instant. They smiled at each other in delight.</p>
<p>“A shooting star”, he said. “Now you can make a wish.”</p>
<p>She looked at him. She couldn’t resist. She closed her eyes and wished that he would kiss her.</p>
<p>The moment she opened her eyes, the sound of church bells started up in the distance, ringing in the new year.</p>
<p>“You know”, he said, looking down and shuffling slightly, “my nurse also used to tell me that it is good luck to start the new year with… with a kiss.”</p>
<p>Her eyes went wide. That star was <em>fast. </em></p>
<p>He tentatively looked up at her.</p>
<p>“If I may?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, she whispered, wondering if this was really happening, if perhaps the lines of reality <em>were </em>blurring a little. She must be dreaming, she would wake up any moment now, in her bed, alone – but the cold air nipped at her cheeks, and the smile her gave her was warm and real. And on a night like this… anything could happen.</p>
<p>He came to stand close to her and looked down at her, and she felt completely breathless as she looked into his eyes. For a moment, they just looked at each other, on this beautiful night, with the church bells still ringing in the distance, and the promise of what could happen filling the air between them. He seemed to hesitate, then come to a decision, and the next moment he bent his head. She closed her eyes and her heart skipped a beat… and then he softly pressed a kiss to her cheek. A feeling of distinct disappointment mingled with the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach.</p>
<p>“Happy new year”, he murmured.</p>
<p>She swallowed hard, then whispered:</p>
<p>“Happy new year.”</p>
<p>“Shall we go back?”</p>
<p>No, she thought, looking at him, no, I want to stay here and live in this perfect night with you forever. I want you to wrap your arms around me to keep me warm and I want you to kiss me properly.</p>
<p>Out loud, she said:</p>
<p>“Yes, let’s go back.”</p>
<p>He held out his arm to her and she took it, and as they walked back together, she felt her cheek tingle, and she reflected on how shooting stars were sneaky little buggers, and that the next time, she would be <em>a lot </em>more specific in her request.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Second Ball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello lovely people! Thank you for your patience waiting for this chapter! I really miss writing and posting every day, but unfortunately it's no longer possible due to work. I will post the next chapter on Wednesday. </p><p>The wonderful heartunderfire made an amazing Spotify playlist for this fic! 😄 Thank you, my sweet friend! 😘 You can find it here:<br/>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/26Jnj2tk2heHTBvNhVe0Be?si=We4D-FJ0TF2G9KtQDdGb7A</p><p>I want to thank Meg and heartunderfire for proofreading, for discussing this chapter with me and for always being so amazingly supportive! 💗💗</p><p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas for spending hours helping me figure out the direction of the story, for proofreading and suggesting improvements, and for always believing in me 💗💗</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy the chapter! 😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Once the family left, life for Sergio and Raquel returned to its normal rhythms. They fell into a routine together that felt so comfortable, Sergio could barely remember what his life had been like before she became a part of it. How had he spent his days in almost complete silence? How had the relentless monotony not driven him crazy? How did he used to get through the day without seeing her smile, without hearing her voice, without talking to her and laughing with her and making music with her? How? January turned into February, and he could no longer imagine his life without her. He never would have thought that having a wife would be so… wonderful.</p><p>The only thing that worried him slightly was his health. He had been noticing some strange, seemingly disconnected symptoms that stubbornly persisted over the weeks. One morning, he came down to breakfast, yawning, and she shot him a questioning look.</p><p>“Were you up reading again all night?”</p><p>“No”, he said, “I just couldn’t sleep. It’s been happening more and more often.”</p><p>“Do you have anything on your mind?”</p><p>“No”, he said vaguely, putting food onto his plate, “I don’t think so. I just can’t stop thinking.”</p><p>“About your studies?”</p><p>“No, just about things we talked about throughout the day. It’s very strange.”</p><p>“Hmm”, she said. “You should have a good breakfast if you haven’t slept much.”</p><p>“I don’t know…” he said, looking down at his food. “I haven’t had much appetite lately either.”</p><p>She frowned in concern. “Are you getting ill?”</p><p>“Maybe I am”, he sighed. “I’ve been experiencing some weird sensations in my stomach.”</p><p>“Nausea?”</p><p>“No, it’s… difficult to describe. I’ve never felt anything like this before.”</p><p>She looked truly concerned now.</p><p>“I think you should consult the doctor.”</p><p>“Yes”, he sighed, “it’s been weeks now, perhaps I should. Though I don’t <em>feel </em>ill. In fact, I feel great most of the time.”</p><p>She smiled. “Then it won’t be anything too bad. Just some indigestion, probably. I wouldn’t worry about it.”</p><p>She opened her newspaper and scanned the headlines, then her eyes went wide and she said:</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Look… look at page two.”</p><p>He opened his own newspaper, and immediately saw what she meant.</p><p>
  <em>Spanish Count Killed in Illegal Duel.</em>
</p><p>He quickly read through the article, which confirmed that it was indeed Count Vicuña, fatally shot in a duel with the husband of a certain Mrs. Mary Blackhill, whom he’d been having an affair with. Sergio looked up at Raquel.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said, looking a little dazed. “I can’t believe he’s dead. I… I don’t know how to feel about that.”</p><p>“I understand”, he said softly. “You did care for him.”</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“I only cared for the man he was pretending to be. He… he wasn’t a good person. He killed a man and drove a woman to suicide. He shot you! And come to think of it, he was the one who first gave me laudanum, so…”</p><p>He looked up sharply.</p><p>“He gave you the laudanum?”</p><p>“Yes, just for my headache, I’m sure he didn’t mean…”</p><p>“Did he give you more than one bottle? Did he encourage you to keep taking more?”</p><p>“Well… well, yes.”</p><p>A terrible suspicion was forming in his mind.</p><p>“Raquel, I think he was trying to cloud your judgment.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Did you notice that it became harder to think clearly when you were taking it?”</p><p>“Yes, I did.”</p><p>“He was giving you the laudanum to make you easier to influence!”</p><p>He had never felt so angry in his life. He thought back at the two days they had spent locked in her room – how she had suffered, how pale she’d been, how she’d cried. The thought that someone had done that to her <em>on purpose </em>made him furious. He wished she’d never met that man, he wished she’d never gone to London – but then a terrible realization dawned him. She’d only met the Count… she’d only been in London… because of him. He felt his anger fade and turn into something more painful. <em>He </em>was the one responsible for this. He’d never meant to drive her away, of course, but he’d done it anyway, because he’d been inattentive, and self-centered, and unconcerned with her happiness. Indirectly, it had been <em>his </em>fault that she’d started taking laudanum, and that she had to go through that terrible withdrawal. He closed his eyes. He had so much to atone for. How could he ever make things up to her?</p><p>Raquel, meanwhile, was connecting the dots.</p><p>“So… so it wasn’t entirely my fault that I went with him?”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“If the laudanum was clouding my thoughts, then… then <em>that’s </em>why I went with him. I always wondered – I could never really remember what made me decide…”</p><p>He nodded. “Yes. You weren’t entirely in charge of your mental faculties.”</p><p>She looked so relieved.</p><p>“Oh”, she said. “That’s… that’s so good to know. I was so ashamed.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I should have known better.”</p><p>He firmly shook his head.</p><p>“No. Even if it hadn’t been for the laudanum… this wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“Let’s just say we both made mistakes.”</p><p>“But…”</p><p>“Sergio”, she said, giving him a slight smile. “Let it go.”</p><p>He hesitated, then nodded.</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>He looked down at the newspaper article again, and his anger returned.</p><p>“Well… the Count got what he deserved.”</p><p>“Yes”, Raquel said quietly. “I think he did.”</p><p>She looked up at him.</p><p>“Let’s never talk about him again.”</p><p>“Agreed”, Sergio said, folding the newspaper and putting it away. “Let’s talk about happier things.”</p><p>But the thought that he had caused her so much pain wouldn’t let him go. Over the next few days, he kept coming back to the idea of atonement, of trying to make right what he had done wrong. He examined his daily actions and he could say with a clear conscience that, yes, he was doing everything he could to make her happy, and he thought she <em>was </em>happy. But he also realized that there was one big part of her life that she had halted completely in order to accommodate him: since she had come back home, she’d been declining all invitations to social events, and she hadn’t invited anyone but Elena and her mother and sister to come and visit them, either. He knew she enjoyed socializing and dressing up and dancing, and she must be missing it now. He thought back to last summer, and to the moment he had failed her so badly. He wanted a second chance – and this time, he would do it right.</p><p>So one morning at breakfast, he turned to her, took a deep breath, and said:</p><p>“I think we should have a ball.”</p><p>Her eyebrows shot up.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“I think we should invite people and… and have a dance.”</p><p>Her eyes were wide with disbelief.</p><p>“Are you serious? After what happened last time?”</p><p>“<em>Because </em>of what happened last time”, he said, feeling himself go red. “I want to make up for embarrassing you, Raquel.”</p><p>“What makes you think it would go better this time?”</p><p>“I’ll try harder”, he said earnestly.</p><p>She gave him a soft look.</p><p>“Sergio, you don’t have to do something you’re so uncomfortable with for me.”</p><p>“But you’ve been completely out of society for months now, for me.”</p><p>“Well… yes…”</p><p>“Don’t you miss it?”</p><p>She hesitated.</p><p>“A little.”</p><p>“And what about your reputation as a hostess?”</p><p>She gave him a slight smile.</p><p>“What do you care about that?”</p><p>“<em>You </em>care”, he said firmly. “Which means <em>I</em> care.”</p><p>She looked at him.</p><p>“Are you really serious about this?”</p><p>“Yes”, he said earnestly. “Let’s try this again. Let’s… let’s overwrite the awful memories we have from last time.”</p><p>He could see that she wanted to say yes. Finally she nodded.</p><p>“Alright, but we need to find a way to make it work for you too. It’s nice that you have good intentions, but I don’t want you to be miserable all night.”</p><p>“What do you propose?”</p><p>“You greet the guests with me, you socialize for an hour or so, but if it gets too much for you, you go to your study and rest. As long as you come out again to see off the guests with me when they leave.”</p><p>He nodded gratefully.</p><p>“That sounds perfect, thank you.”</p><p>She suddenly gave him a bright smile, her eyes sparkling.</p><p>“Alright. Let’s have a ball, then.”</p><p>…</p><p>They set a date, then invitations were sent out and Raquel started work on the arrangements. Unlike last time, Sergio took an interest in the preparations and helped wherever he could, and Raquel appreciated that. She was very apprehensive about the event, afraid that it might lead to another fight between them, but once the invitations were sent, there was no turning back. Moreover, it was true that she had been neglecting her duties as a hostess, and this ball would be a good way to show people that she wasn’t trying to isolate herself from society. To her relief, most invitations were accepted. Tatiana sent her apologies, saying that baby Robbie wasn’t well and she needed to stay home, and Elena was needed in London, but to Raquel’s delight, Monica accepted.</p><p>Last time, both she and Sergio had worn their wedding clothes, but it had been such a disaster that it felt like bad luck to do it again, so they went into London together for a day to have new clothes made. They visited Tatiana and Andrés, bringing presents for the children, and all in all had a wonderful day in town. Soon, everything was ready for the big day. Raquel felt more nervous now than she had for her first ball, and she was grateful when Monica arrived in the morning to help with the last preparations.</p><p>The evening of the ball was cold but dry, and Annie helped Raquel put on her new dress – a lovely shade of green, with a low neckline and delicate little flowers on the sleeves – then Annie pinned up her hair in an elaborate way that looked very elegant. She went downstairs rather breathless with anxiety, but the moment she saw Sergio waiting for her at the foot of the stairs, she felt better. She realized she always felt better when she was near him, and tonight especially. He looked calm and composed, and not nearly as reluctant as last time. When he saw her, his eyes lit up and he smiled at her, and she felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach.</p><p>“You look… you look beautiful.”</p><p>“Thank you”, she smiled back, pleased. He looked so handsome himself, and she would give anything to be able to reach up and kiss him.</p><p>He gave her an earnest look.</p><p>“Thank you for giving me a chance to redeem myself. I won’t embarrass you tonight.”</p><p>“I appreciate that. Don’t forget to leave if you’re too tired – nobody will notice you’re missing when the room is full.”</p><p>He nodded, then offered her his arm, and they took up position by the door. The guests started to arrive, and Sergio greeted them all with perfect politeness. Raquel kept a close eye on him, but he was holding up much better than last time, his manners impeccable. After the guests had all arrived, they separated for a while to talk to their neighbors, and Raquel was happy to see that he was actually talking this time – he still looked a little uncomfortable, but he was clearly making an effort, and she deeply appreciated it. After about an hour, she saw  him come towards her, probably to excuse himself and withdraw to his study, she thought. Instead, he stopped in front of her and held out his hand.</p><p>“Will you do me the honor?” he murmured, looking over at the dance floor.</p><p>She stared at him.</p><p>“You want to <em>dance</em>?”</p><p>“That’s what people do at balls, isn’t it?”</p><p>“But… but you hate dancing.”</p><p>“It’s not my favorite thing to do, but I’m… I’m not <em>bad </em>at it. I took lessons, like any young nobleman. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the steps.”</p><p>His eyes were warm as he looked at her, still holding out his hand.</p><p>“I would love to dance with you, Raquel.”</p><p>She couldn’t quite believe it – this was so much more than she’d expected from him. But of course, she wasn’t going to complain if he volunteered, so she gave him a radiant smile and took his hand. He led her to the dance floor, and they waited for the song to end and a new one to start. Then he took her hand in his, and put an arm around her waist, and she felt more butterflies than ever as they started to dance.</p><p>…</p><p>His heart was beating fast – he hoped so desperately that he wouldn’t make a fool of himself, or her – but the moment the music started, he realized to his relief that he did indeed still remember the steps – he barely even had to think about them. That left him free to focus on <em>her</em>, and he reflected that she really looked extraordinarily beautiful tonight, and that she was an excellent dancer, moving lightly across the floor, seemingly without any effort. They stepped and spun around, and he noticed how easy it was to dance with her, how well they moved together, how natural his arm felt around her waist. He forgot to be embarrassed, he forgot to feel self-conscious in front of all of those people – he was completely lost in her eyes, in her smile, in her nearness. When the music stopped, he didn’t let go of her. They stood looking at each other, both a little flushed and out of breath, and as he looked down at her bright eyes, her slightly parted lips, he realized with a sudden perfect clarity that he wanted to kiss her.</p><p>The thought took him completely by surprise, but there was no mistaking it: he wanted to pull her closer, and bend his head, and kiss her, and never let her go again. But they were in a room full of people, and they were supposed to be friends, so he let go of her and took a step back, feeling more flustered than he ever had in his life.</p><p>“I… would you… would you mind if I went to my study now?” he murmured, desperate to get some distance so he could think.</p><p>He thought he could see disappointment in her face, but the next moment it was gone as she smiled and nodded.</p><p>“Yes, of course. Thank you… thank you for this.”</p><p>He gave her a slight bow.</p><p>“It was my pleasure.”</p><p>He turned and hurried out of the room, and into the quiet refuge of his study. The moment he got there, he closed the door, then sat behind his desk and took a few deep breaths. What had just happened? Had he just… gotten caught up in the moment? But no… no, as he thought about it, he realized that he had wanted to kiss her for a long time, and he just hadn’t realized it. The thought baffled him. Never in his life had he wanted to bring his face that close to another person’s, yet now… now all he could think about was the way she had looked up at him just now, and he couldn’t help but wonder how soft her lips would be, or… or what she would taste like. He blinked in consternation. What was wrong with him? Why did he want nothing more than to go back out there, and take her hand, and lead her to a quiet place and then press his lips against hers and…</p><p>It hit him like a blow over the head. The insomnia. The loss of appetite. The heart palpitations and strange sensations which only seemed to occur when she was near. The way his heart leapt when she smiled at him, and the way he always seemed so much happier when she was in the room. The way she brightened his life. He stared unseeingly at the wall. This was impossible. This couldn’t be happening – not to <em>him. </em>Yet if he put two and two together, it was the only thing that made sense. Yes – he thought, feeling dazed and overwhelmed and <em>so </em>confused – there was only one logical conclusion… he was in love with his wife.</p><p>Everything suddenly made so much sense, and he couldn’t <em>believe </em>that he hadn’t realized it before. He had just never thought of it as something that might conceivably ever happen to him, but of course, <em>of course </em>he was in love with her. He thought back to the night he had spent sleeping next to her, how he hadn’t been able to bring himself to leave the bed, even though he knew he should. He remembered looking at her in that snowy field on New Year’s Eve, and thinking she was the loveliest thing he had ever seen. He remembered the way his breath had hitched when she came down the stairs earlier that night. <em>Of course </em>he was in love with her – how could he not be? She was… extraordinary.</p><p>He spent a long time sitting behind his desk, just trying to make sense of things, going over the past few months and all the time they had spent together, seeing it all in a new light now. It was hard for him to really accept that he was in love – it went against everything he had ever believed about himself, and it was difficult to process. Finally he decided to go back out there – he had to see her, he had to make <em>absolutely </em>sure of what he was feeling.</p><p>When he came back into the ballroom, he almost bumped into her at the door, and once again his heart leapt at the sight of her, and he immediately got the confirmation he needed. Yes, now that he knew what to look for, he finally recognized the feeling for what it was: he was most definitely in love with her. He looked at her, and his heart started beating madly. <em>Deeply </em>in love.</p><p>She smiled at him.</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered. “Yes, I think I am.”</p><p>“Good. You’re right on time – people are starting to leave.”</p><p>He blinked. Oh, of course, they were still in the middle of a ball, and he had to perform his duties as the host. He suddenly remembered that this was where he had failed her last time, so he pulled himself together, turned away from her with the greatest effort, and started shaking hands with the departing guests. People streamed out in an excruciatingly slow trickle, and he couldn’t <em>believe</em> how long this was all taking – he just wanted to be alone, he needed time to figure out what this <em>meant. </em>He kept glancing at her – he just couldn’t help himself – and every once in a while she looked back at him and smiled, and every single time his heart skipped a beat. Oh, he was in trouble.</p><p>Finally, only Monica was left – she would be staying the night. She came up to them and embraced her friend.</p><p>“Oh Raquel”, she said, “that was a <em>wonderful </em>night! Congratulations!”</p><p>“Thank you”, Raquel said, smiling. “I’m glad that everything went so well.”</p><p>“And congratulations to you too, Sergio”, Monica smiled.</p><p>“Thank you”, he said. “I… I think I’m going up to bed.”</p><p>“Yes”, Raquel said, “you must be tired.”</p><p>He nodded, though he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep for hours. He wished the ladies goodnight, then turned around and headed out. When he reached the foot of the stairs, however, he heard Raquel call his name, and he turned around to see her come up to him.</p><p>“I just wanted to say thank you”, she smiled. “You were wonderful tonight.”</p><p>She put a hand on his arm, then stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek, which produced a feeling in his stomach exactly as if he’d missed a step on the stairs.</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>She turned and went into the drawing room with Monica, while he stood there, his heart racing, his breath held, his cheek tingling, all because she’d given him a kiss. God, he was in <em>so much </em>trouble.</p><p>He went up the stairs and into his bedroom, where he let himself fall fully clothed on the bed and rubbed a hand over his eyes – this wasn’t good. They had agreed to be just friends after she came back – he could still hear her say that her feelings for him were gone now. And yet, he couldn’t help but think… they had grown a lot closer over the past few months. If… if he had been falling in love with <em>her</em>… couldn’t there be the slightest possibility that she’d been falling in love with <em>him </em>in return? He tried to think, tried to remember if there had been any signs… They spent a lot of time together, but well, they <em>did </em>live in the same house. He knew he was terrible at reading people. He thought he could detect that she liked him, but how much? Then he remembered the way she’d looked at him after they danced, and how he thought he saw disappointment in her face when he pulled away. Could she… could she possibly have feelings for him too?</p><p>The thought of it made something sing in his chest, and suddenly a whole vista of glorious possibilities opened up. They were <em>married</em>, after all. The implications of this were astounding… they could change his entire life. Because if she reciprocated his feelings… there was nothing keeping them apart. There was nothing that would stop him from talking to her – not… not <em>now</em> of course, but maybe in a few days? Maybe at some point he could tell her how he felt and… and kiss her. The mere thought of it made him dizzy with confusion and longing – the thought of wrapping his arms around her and pressing his lips to hers… <em>oh. </em>And then his thoughts went even further, because… because perhaps she would ask him into her bedroom? Perhaps he could sleep next to her again, like he’d been wanting to do since that one night? Perhaps… He swallowed hard at the thoughts that were crowding into his mind. Oh no, he couldn’t think of doing <em>that </em>yet, but oh, if he could hold her, just hold her, that would be perfection.</p><p>But there was no need to hurry anything, he would take his time, see how he felt around her over the next few days, get used to the idea. After all, he had to be careful. There was the possibility that she didn’t feel the same way about him, and he would hate to make her feel uncomfortable around him – or worse, <em>obligated</em> in some way to do things she might not want to do because she was his wife. No, he would have to be very careful. Over the next few days, he would observe her closely and see if he could detect any signs that she might be in love with him too, and only then would he consider talking to her. He dared to be carefully optimistic, but he needed to be certain, both about his own feelings and about hers. Just a few days, and then he would know for sure. That evening, he lay awake for hours, thinking about her and smiling, still reeling a little from the realization, but also curiously happy, and more hopeful than he had ever felt in his life.</p><p>…</p><p>The next morning, Raquel and Monica went down to breakfast a little early.</p><p>“It really was a wonderful night yesterday”, Monica said as they sat down at the table.</p><p>“Yes”, Raquel smiled. “And I’m so glad Sergio held up better this time.”</p><p>Monica gave her a close look.</p><p>“Raquel”, she said. “How are things between the two of you?”</p><p>“Good”, she said carefully. “We… our arrangement works really well for us.”</p><p>“So you’re still just… friends?”</p><p>“Like I told you in my letters, yes.”</p><p>Monica hesitated.</p><p>“Raquel, forgive me, but… is that really what you want?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Raquel said, evading the question.</p><p>Monica gave her a soft look.</p><p>“I watched you last night when you danced with him. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”</p><p>Raquel swallowed. Had she been that obvious? She didn’t reply, and Monica continued:</p><p>“And I think he’s in love with you too.”</p><p>Raquel stared at her.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The way he was looking at you… I’m not sure, of course, but it did seem…”</p><p>Raquel was shaking her head.</p><p>“No”, she said firmly. “No, he might care for me, but he’s not in love with me.”</p><p>“How can you be sure?”</p><p>“He told me, Monica. He told me that he’s not capable of that kind of love.”</p><p>“Maybe he just didn’t know that he is?”</p><p>“He’s a grown man, he should know by now.”</p><p>Monica smiled.</p><p>“You might be surprised what grown men aren’t aware of sometimes.”</p><p>For a second, hope flickered in her chest. Could Monica be right? It was true that she and her husband had grown so much closer over the past few months, that he seemed to appreciate her company, that he had cared for her when she was sick, that he often smiled at her.</p><p>“I really think he might feel the same way you do…” Monica encouraged her quietly. “Perhaps you should talk to him?”</p><p>She looked at the open door – should she go find him? But no, <em>no, </em>suddenly the memory of the conversation she had had with him after the last ball came back to her so clearly – how she’d as good as confessed her feelings for him, and how he’d looked at her with pity, and how humiliated she’d felt. She couldn’t stay in the house with him after that – she couldn’t let that happen again – she could not make that same mistake.</p><p>“No, Monica”, she said, her voice shaking slightly. “I know he cares for me, I’m sure of that, but only as family. As friends.”</p><p>“Raquel…”</p><p>“I’m not doing this again!” she said, feeling tears burn behind her eyes. “I’m not going to <em>hope </em>that… that I might be more to him than that – I’ll only end up hurt again. We have something so great now, I… I can’t risk losing that.”</p><p>Monica was looking at her, and Raquel hated the pity she saw in her friend’s eyes, so she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, and said decidedly:</p><p>“And besides, you’re wrong. I’m not in love with Sergio anymore.”</p><p>“Alright”, Monica said soothingly, “alright, of course you know best.”</p><p>The servants came in with the breakfast dishes, and Raquel was just wondering where Sergio was when a footman came in saying that Lord Marquina had decided to skip breakfast this morning and was taking a walk instead. Raquel frowned in concern – was he not feeling well? But no, it was perfectly like Sergio not to be in the mood for company after last night. He probably just needed some time alone.</p><p>…</p><p>Sergio had barely slept, but he woke up full of nervous energy, and his first thought was Raquel. He couldn’t wait to see her. It was still hard to really wrap his head around the fact that he was in love with her, and he knew he needed some time to really come to grips with it. But there was no reason to rush things – he would take things slowly, test the waters, see how she felt. The thought that he might have to talk to her about his feelings at some point was scary… but on the other hand, there was the image of holding her in his arms, and the thought of that was so strong, so appealing, that he knew he would take the risk eventually. He would not let his fears keep him from her – for once in his life, he would be brave.</p><p>He got out of bed and dressed with care, then went down the stairs, his stomach churning and his heart beating fast at the thought of seeing her. Monica would be leaving soon, and then they’d spend the day together, as usual, and he could try to see how she felt about him. It would be weird to be around her now that his perception of her had shifted so drastically – but at the same time, she was still the same wonderful person with whom he felt so at ease.</p><p>He walked towards the open door of the dining room, and as he came closer, he heard that the women were already at the table. He was almost at the door when he heard Raquel’s voice, clear as day:</p><p>“… can’t risk losing that. And besides, you’re wrong. I’m not in love with Sergio anymore.”</p><p>He froze.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>He heard Monica reply something, and then the servants walked past him with the breakfast dishes. He stopped one of the footmen, said he was going for a walk, then turned around and walked away – he needed to process this. He couldn’t – he couldn’t see her now, so he put on his coat and walked out the door, headed for the forest.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>She wasn’t in love with him.</p><p>He shook his head, suddenly angry at himself – <em>of course </em>she wasn’t, why had he been fooling himself? After the way he had treated her? After she had spent months away from him, and after she had fallen in love with another man? Of course her feelings for him were gone – she’d said so herself.</p><p>He felt empty. Well, he tried to tell himself, at least now he knew. At least he hadn’t made a fool of himself by confessing anything to her. It was good that he’d found out this way, now things wouldn’t have to be awkward between them. He shook himself and firmly resolved not to give her any reason to suspect how he felt about her – he would try his hardest to respect her wishes and her boundaries, and not to make her uncomfortable.</p><p>Really, he thought, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, this changed nothing. They could still go on as they had before – and he had been <em>happy</em> with the way things were going. He could still be happy. They would still live together, he would still get to see her every day and talk to her and go out walking and play chess with her. That was so much more than he had ever hoped to gain from this relationship in the beginning, and he should be grateful for that – he <em>was </em>grateful for that. Nothing had changed. He would still try his hardest to make her happy. He walked among the trees, not caring where he was going, and repeated it to himself, over and over again: nothing had changed. And yet, there was a small voice in the back of his mind that told him that, for him at least, nothing would ever be the same again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You didn't really think I was going to end the slow burn without some pining for Sergio, right? 😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Hunt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! 💗 I want to thank all of you SO much for your enthusiasm for this story, both in the comments and on Twitter! I haven't been feeling great, and I can't tell you how much your messages mean to me and how much they brighten my days! I love you all 💕</p><p>In this chapter, there will be a fox hunt. Don't worry, however: there will be no mentions or descriptions of animal death.</p><p>The next chapter will be up on Sunday.</p><p>A big thank you to Meg, for proofreading and generally being a lovely friend 💗</p><p>A big thank you to heartunderfire, for proofreading and for being so supportive, never failing to make me feel better about my chapters and my writing 💗</p><p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proofreading and for helping me to be a better writer 💗</p><p>I hope you enjoy the chapter! 😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Nothing had changed, and yet everything was different. They still spent almost all of their time together, and it was wonderful and terrible. Now that he was aware of his feelings for her, Sergio was able to enjoy the time he spent with her much more consciously, appreciating how lucky he was that he could spend his days in her company, talk to her, play chess with her, look at her as much as he wanted – and he never wanted to stop looking at her. On the other hand, it was torture. He couldn’t focus on what she was saying because he got caught up in her eyes, he got dizzy if she stood too close to him, and a hundred times a day he was struck by a sudden longing to kiss her, to hold her, a longing so strong that it overwhelmed him, to the point where he sometimes had to excuse himself from the room just so he could breathe again.</p><p>He had to monitor his own behavior constantly and meticulously, and it exhausted him. He had briefly considered trying to distance himself from her, but had almost immediately discarded that idea. He was afraid that, if he did, she would get upset and leave him again, as she’d done last time, and the mere thought of it terrified him. And besides that, he didn’t think he’d have the strength to stay away from her. So he tried to strike a balance between spending time with her and being friendly, while also trying not to show how he felt about her, since that could only lead to awkwardness.</p><p>At night, he lay awake for hours and cursed himself for being the stupidest man on earth. <em>I’m not in love with Sergio anymore. </em>Anymore. That meant she had been in love with him before, last summer – in fact, she had <em>left </em>because he didn’t reciprocate those feelings. All summer, she had wanted to be with him, while he had done nothing but ignore and avoid her. If only he hadn’t been so blind – if only he could have opened his eyes and <em>seen </em>her, they could have been together – but instead, he’d been an absolute idiot and now he’d missed his chance. Now, every time he wanted to kiss her and couldn’t, he was faced with the fact that he could have kissed her at any time last summer, that she had probably <em>wanted </em>him to kiss her, and he just… hadn’t. His own stupidity astounded and frustrated him so much that it was keeping him awake, and he stared up at the canopy of his bed throughout the night, filled with regret.</p><p>But life went on, and he had to find a way to live with these feelings, because he had a sense that they weren’t just going to go away again. He tried suppressing them, but it was hopeless – he couldn’t control his thoughts anymore, and he couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster when she was near, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling whenever she smiled, or looking at her when she wasn’t looking. He just tried not to be too obvious about it. It was hard.</p><p>After the ball, return invitations for social events in the neighborhood came streaming in, and for a moment, Sergio feared that they would start taking up all of their time again, but to his relief, Raquel sifted through the pile every morning at breakfast, and they decided together which ones they wanted to accept. No to big dances, yes to music evenings in small company, and that way, his life remained bearable and their routine wasn’t disrupted too much. To his surprise, Sergio noticed one day that he didn’t even really mind going out anymore, because he could go out with <em>her, </em>and he was so proud whenever he could go somewhere with her on his arm, so proud that she was his wife. She never left him alone on any of these events, and often they ended up having a wonderful time just talking to each other.</p><p>Once, when she was in the bathroom, he overheard two ladies saying that Lord and Lady Marquina really seemed madly in love, and it made him smile rather sadly. Well, they were half right. Every once in a while, he thought he saw something in her eyes – something in the way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him – but interpreting other people’s feelings had never been his strong suit, and he knew his wife was a very friendly person… He told himself he shouldn’t start imagining things. If she had told her best friend that she wasn’t in love with him, there was no reason why he should doubt her words.</p><p>…</p><p>One morning at breakfast, Raquel was going through the invitations as usual, when suddenly her eyes lit up.</p><p>“Sergio.... Lord Knightley is inviting us to a fox hunt next week. I want to go.”</p><p>He nodded. It was customary for the ladies to ride out to the meeting place and then back home, while the men did the actual hunting.</p><p>“Of course. You can ride to the meet, I’m sure Lady Knightley will be there too, and you can ride home together for lunch.”</p><p>She shook her head.</p><p>“I don’t just want to ride out to the meet this time. I want to join the hunt.”</p><p>He frowned at her.</p><p>“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”</p><p>She bristled.</p><p>“Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be allowed…”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“No, no, I’m not saying anything about you being <em>allowed </em>to do anything, but a hunt means a lot of running around and jumping over things, and you’d have to ride sidesaddle. You could fall and hurt yourself.”</p><p>“I’m a good rider.”</p><p>“I know, but… I just want you to be safe.”</p><p>“What if I’m very careful and I don’t let Freya jump over anything?”</p><p>He hesitated, visions of her being thrown off Freya battling with the eager expression on her face.</p><p>“You’d really like to go?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said, her eyes shining. “I’ve always wanted to join a hunt. The stories I’ve heard always sound so exciting.”</p><p>He sighed – he had no right to deny her anything anyway.</p><p>“Well, then you should go. But please… please be careful.”</p><p>She looked surprised that he would let her go.</p><p>“So you don’t mind that it would be… unconventional for me to join the men?”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“Who am I to tell you what you can or can’t do?”</p><p>“You’re my husband”, she said, amused.</p><p>“I don’t see what that has anything to do with anything.”</p><p>“Don’t you mind that people would talk?”</p><p>“I’ll survive.”</p><p>“They’re going to say you have no control over your wife”, she warned him.</p><p>He chuckled at the thought of him controlling her.</p><p>“And they’d be quite right. So?”</p><p>She looked at him.</p><p>“I think you should come with me.”</p><p>He grimaced. “I don’t enjoy hunting.”</p><p>“Your horse’s name is Hunter.”</p><p>“He was named that when I bought him, he wouldn’t respond to anything else anymore. But I’ve never seen the charm of hunting. Running around through the forest all day, chasing a poor terrified animal.”</p><p>“I don’t want to actually kill anything, I just want the excitement of the chase. And if you come with me, it will seem like you agree with my decision.”</p><p>“I <em>do</em> agree with your decision.”</p><p>“But if I’m there alone, that’s not what it will seem like.”</p><p>He hesitated, and she put her hand on his and said:</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>Hunting suddenly sounded rather pleasant.</p><p>“Alright”, he said, “I’ll come with you.”</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>…</p><p>The weather was clear on the day of the hunt, though cold for the time of year. They dressed in their warmest riding clothes and set out together. Since he had gotten her Freya at Christmas, they had gone out riding together every clear day, and he had quickly realized that she was a better rider than he would ever be – not that that surprised him. He watched her on Freya that morning and thought again that he’d made the right choice for her present – woman and horse moved together wonderfully, and they seemed equally eager for the ride. They rode down the drive at a steady trot, then they reached a stretch of straight, open road, and Raquel said:</p><p>“Let’s race to that tree over there!”</p><p>Sergio smiled and agreed, and they both spurred their horses to a gallop, the cold wind rushing past as they raced – though it wasn’t much of a race – Freya easily outstripped Hunter, and Raquel stood waiting for him at the tree with a triumphant smile.</p><p>“We won!”</p><p>“Well done”, he smiled.</p><p>He loved it when she won. He loved to see her eyes shine like that. He tried not to be obvious about it, but he couldn’t help but admire her as she sat easily on the horse, slightly out of breath from the run, her cheeks red with the cold, a few strands of hair escaped from her pins and framing her face in the loveliest way. His wife was so beautiful, and never more so than when she rode her horse with infinite skill and grace.</p><p>It didn’t take them long to arrive at the meeting place, where men and women were milling around on their best horses, greeting neighbors and discussing the hunt, while gamekeepers were trying to keep the excited dogs in check. Sergio and Raquel were greeted with enthusiasm by Lord Knightley, the host.</p><p>“Marquina!” he said. “I can’t believe you came! First time for everything, eh?”</p><p>Sergio nodded his head in greeting.</p><p>“I’m merely here to accompany my wife.”</p><p>“So you’re riding home with the ladies?”</p><p>“No, she’s joining the hunt.”</p><p>Knightley stared at him.</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“I’m coming with you”, Raquel said brightly. “With your permission of course, Lord Knightley.”</p><p>Knightley shot Sergio a look.</p><p>“Well… it’s not really my permission that matters here, is it? You on board with this, Marquina?”</p><p>“My wife is an adult”, Sergio said calmly. “She makes her own decisions.”</p><p>People were starting to listen in now, and an excited murmur went around the group that Lady Marquina was joining the men on the hunt. Sergio saw young Lady Morecomb put a hand on her husband’s arm and confer with him, then he nodded and she smiled.</p><p>“I would like to join too, Lord Knightley.”</p><p>“Me too”, said Mrs. Churchill.</p><p>The eldest daughter of Lord Knightley drove her horse forward.</p><p>“Can I come too, father?”</p><p>The gathered men were shooting looks at Sergio, clearly blaming him for putting weird ideas in the heads of their women, but he merely gave them a mild smile in return and winked at Raquel, who was grinning broadly. Once again, he was so proud of being her husband. The other men didn’t want to appear less open-minded than Sergio, apparently, so it was a mixed company that set out for the edge of the forest, the women talking excitedly. Sergio spurred on Hunter and drew up next to Freya.</p><p>“Please be careful”, he said to his wife. “Don’t let Freya jump, and stay close to me so I can help you in case you fall.”</p><p>“Don’t worry”, she soothed him, “I haven’t fallen off my horse since I was a child.”</p><p>He noticed that Hunter seemed nervous – he’d never taken the horse hunting before, and the shouting, the many other horses, and the wildly barking dogs were something Hunter wasn’t used to. Sergio kept a close eye on Freya – if she became skittish too, she might be harder for Raquel to control.</p><p>They all lined up at the edge of the forest, then Lord Knightley’s gamekeeper released the fox into the brush. The animal immediately skittered away, to excited barking from the dogs, and they gave it a few minutes’ head start before heading in after it. The forest was big, and soon the group split up to follow different paths. Raquel and Sergio stayed together, following the sound of the calls of the other hunters and the barking of the dogs. They set a decent pace that wouldn’t exhaust the horses but that still covered a lot of ground. Sergio kept glancing at Raquel, and she was clearly enjoying herself as she ducked under branches and swerved around puddles, spurring Freya on with soft sounds and clicks of her tongue. Hunter wasn’t having a good time – he kept wanting to turn back – and Sergio secretly agreed with him. This wasn’t exactly his idea of a fun Saturday, but if it made her happy…</p><p>Suddenly, a big bird flew out of the brush right in front of them, and both horses startled and swerved sharply, and before Sergio knew what was happening, he was on the ground, watching his horse run home in a full galop – apparently Hunter had had enough.</p><p>“Sergio!” Raquel said in alarm. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yes”, he groaned, carefully feeling at his recently mended ribs. “Just some bruises. Nothing broken, I think.”</p><p>She looked at him, and he could see amusement creep into her eyes.</p><p>“Oh”, she said, clearly trying hard not to laugh. “Oh, and you thought <em>I </em>would fall off.”</p><p>“Yes”, he said succinctly. “I appreciate the irony.”</p><p>“Not as much as I do”, she grinned.</p><p>“Have some sympathy for your poor husband.”</p><p>“My poor husband was pretty patronizing earlier.”</p><p>He felt himself go red as he scrambled up off the ground.</p><p>“You’re right, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You’re forgiven”, she smiled. “So what now?”</p><p>“I suppose I’ll just have to walk back. Hunter must be halfway home by now.”</p><p>“Yes”, she chuckled, “he was about as enthusiastic about this whole endeavor as you were.”</p><p>“You can go on if you want to, but then please find some other people you can stay near.”</p><p>“No”, she said firmly. “We’ll go back together. Freya can carry us both.”</p><p>Sergio looked at the horse. It was true that she seemed very strong, but he couldn’t ride sidesaddle, so it would mean having to get on behind Raquel.</p><p>“I’ll just walk, thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t walk all that way in your riding boots.”</p><p>“Freya is a big horse, how am I going to get up without being able to use the stirrups?”</p><p>Raquel maneuvered Freya until she was next to a fallen tree trunk.</p><p>“There, now you can climb up.”</p><p>Sergio hesitated, looking up at her, but he could see no <em>reasonable </em>reason for refusing.</p><p>“Come on”, she encouraged him.</p><p>He grimaced – oh, there was no way he would be able to do this elegantly. He said a silent goodbye to his dignity, then got up on the tree trunk and scrambled up on the horse behind his wife. Once he was on, he was faced with a problem.</p><p>“Hold on”, Raquel said, but he didn’t see that happening.</p><p>“I’m fine”, he said. “Freya’s back is broad, I’m fairly stable…”</p><p>But Freya wasn’t used to the extra weight on her back, and she put back her ears and pranced nervously, forcing him to wrap his arms around his wife to avoid a second dive into the mud.</p><p>He saw Raquel smile as she patted the horse’s neck.</p><p>“Good girl, Freya.”</p><p>The horse calmed down again, but Sergio deemed it safer to keep his arms around Raquel’s waist – just in case. He tried to keep some distance between them, but as the horse started walking, the movements and the curve of her back made him slide forwards until he was pressed against Raquel, who glanced over her shoulder and gave him an amused look.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>“I’m sorry”, he said, feeling himself go a bright, burning red.</p><p>She grinned. “It’s quite alright. Just make sure you don’t fall again.”</p><p>They walked on, and all he could focus on was the feeling of her in his arms – and oh, she smelled so, <em>so</em> nice – this was excruciating. To his utter consternation, her closeness and the rhythmic movements of the horse were making his body react in a <em>very </em>embarrassing way, and he desperately tried to shift away from her, but with every step of Freya’s, he shifted forward again.</p><p>“Stop fidgeting”, Raquel said. “You’re making her nervous.”</p><p>So he stopped moving and hoped that she wouldn’t notice that he was about to burst into flame with embarrassment. He was thankful that the ridge of the saddle was between them, at least, though it made him damn uncomfortable. He tried to look at the forest around them – anything not to notice how slim her waist was under his hands, how supple she moved with the horse, how she smelled of roses. A strip of skin was exposed between her collar and her pinned-up hair, and suddenly he couldn’t take his eyes off it. What would it be like to kiss her there? How soft would her skin be? He firmly shook himself – <em>stop it. </em>He was not allowed to think about her that way.</p><p>All in all, the ride home was very uncomfortable for Sergio, and he was infinitely relieved when they arrived and he could slide off the horse. She dismounted with grace, then gave him a close look.</p><p>“Are you alright? You seem a little… flustered.”</p><p>He couldn’t look at her.</p><p>“It’s… I… uhm… I’m going to wash off the mud”, he muttered, then fled inside.</p><p>In his room, he washed himself at a basin of water, telling himself that he couldn’t help it – he couldn’t control the way his body reacted to her nearness any more than he could stop breathing. Still, he was so grateful that she hadn’t noticed anything, and he prayed to god that nothing like this would ever happen again.</p><p>…</p><p>He had taken up the habit of reading deep into the night. He couldn’t sleep anyway, so he settled in bed with a candle and a book and read until his eyes literally closed with exhaustion. Tonight was no different – at 2 a.m., the house was completely silent, but he was still up. He tried to get through a tough chapter in one of his physics books, but after a while he realized that he just kept reading the same passage over and over again because really, his thoughts were somewhere else. How magnificent she’d been today on her horse, and he couldn’t stop thinking how it had felt to be that close to her, even if it was just for a while, even if it had made him so uncomfortable. He could still feel her in his arms. What he wouldn’t give – what he wouldn’t give to hold her again.</p><p>Suddenly, there was a soft knock on his door, and he looked up, startled. Who could be at his door at two in the morning? He got out of bed, put on his dressing robe, and opened the door. His eyes went wide when he saw Raquel standing there with a candle, in her nightgown and dressing robe, her hair in a loose braid.</p><p>“Are you alright?” he asked immediately.</p><p>“Yes”, she smiled. “I just couldn’t sleep, so I was reading, and when I went downstairs to get a new candle, I saw that there was still light in your room as well, so…”</p><p>He looked at her. So… what?</p><p>“Do you… maybe want to talk for a bit?” she suggested.</p><p>“Oh”, he said, happy that she wanted his company. “Of course. Shall we go down?”</p><p>“No, it’s cold downstairs, all the fires are out. But your fire is still burning. Can I come in?”</p><p>He hesitated – she wanted to come into his <em>bedroom</em>? But then he reminded himself that she’d been in his room every day for weeks while he was recovering from being shot, and she probably felt quite comfortable there now and didn’t think anything of it.</p><p>“Yes”, he said, stepping aside to let her in. “Of course.”</p><p>She brushed past him, and he saw to his consternation that she didn’t sit down in a chair as he’d expected, but that she settled herself at the foot of his bed. He stood staring at her – what was he supposed to do now?</p><p>She raised her eyebrows.</p><p>“Aren’t you going to get back in?”</p><p>Oh god, while she was on the bed too<em>? </em>That felt distinctly improper… but then again, she <em>was </em>his wife, and she was looking at him questioningly, so he shook himself and got back between the sheets.</p><p>“Alright”, he said carefully, “what do you want to talk about?”</p><p>“Anything”, he shrugged. “Why were you still awake?”</p><p>“I was reading”, he said, half-truthfully. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”</p><p>She gave him a long look.</p><p>“I was just thinking about today”, she said softly.</p><p>He tensed.</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Maybe we should get you an actual hunting horse.”</p><p>He relaxed again.</p><p>“Well, if you really want to start hunting regularly, then maybe I should get a proper horse for that, yes.”</p><p>Even though the fire was burning in the room, it was still rather chilly, and he could see her shiver in her robe. He shouldn’t – he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable – but… but if she was cold? He tentatively gestured to the space beside him.</p><p>“Would you… would you like to get under the covers?”</p><p>Her eyes lit up.</p><p>“Yes please.”</p><p>She moved up to the top of the bed, where she got under the blanket and lay down, pulling it up to her chin and sighing in contentment.</p><p>“That’s much better. Thank you.”</p><p>For a moment, the mad thought entered his head that he could suggest keeping her warm again like he’d done that one night… but after today, he felt it would be better not to get too close to her anymore, especially if they were both only wearing their night clothes. So he didn’t say anything and shifted a little further away from her, to make sure that his body wouldn’t get any funny ideas.</p><p>She was looking at him, her eyes liquid and dark in the half-light, and he couldn’t help but look back at her.</p><p>On an impulse, he asked her:</p><p>“Raquel… are you happy?”</p><p>She considered him, then said:</p><p>“Yes. I am.”</p><p>He smiled in relief.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Are <em>you</em> happy?”</p><p>The question took him by surprise. Was he happy? He looked at her as he thought about it, as he considered the highs and lows of unrequited love: the rush he felt whenever she entered a room, the pain of regretting missed chances, the unparalleled feeling of seeing her smile, the despair at night. It was radiance and agony, glorious and awful, and he was experiencing it all with an intensity he’d never suspected himself to be capable of. But – as long as she was with him…</p><p>“Yes”, he said. “I’m happy.”</p><p>He kept looking at her, until she smiled and said:</p><p>“You look like you want to say something.”</p><p>Yes, he thought. I’m so in love with you, Raquel. I’m so in love I can’t stand it.</p><p>Out loud, he said:</p><p>“Are you feeling ready to sleep yet?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“Would you like me to get you some wine?” he suggested. “That might make you sleepy.”</p><p>She smiled. “Only if you have a glass too.”</p><p>He nodded, smiling.</p><p>“That seems like a decent compromise.”</p><p>He got out of bed and went downstairs with his candle. He had to go down to the cellar for the wine, and he took his time selecting a bottle of red that he thought she’d like. Then he went to the dining room and poured them both a glass. When he came back to the bedroom, however, he saw that she had already fallen asleep. At first he smiled, but then he was presented with a dilemma: what the hell was he supposed to do now? Should he wake her, so she could go back to her own bed? He knew that that was what he <em>should </em>do, but… but he didn’t want to. He told himself he didn’t want to wake her when she was finally sleeping, but the truth was that the idea of having her next to him all night was too appealing.</p><p>So he put down the wine glasses and the candle, then got back between the sheets, very careful not to wake her. He suspected that he wouldn’t be able to sleep while she was beside him, but he didn’t care. He lay down with his head on the pillow, and just looked at her face in the candlelight. How could anyone be this lovely? She looked so peaceful, and the thought that she felt comfortable enough in his bed to fall asleep there caused a warm, soft feeling in his chest. He marveled at how, in such a short time, she had come to mean so much to him. Over the past few months, little by little, she had captured him completely, with her quick wit and her intelligence, with the way she cared for those around her, with her strength and warmth and grace. As he kept looking at her, he knew with a simple clarity that what he felt wasn’t just infatuation, it wasn’t just attraction – he loved her, fully and completely, in a way he had never loved anybody else. That he hadn’t managed to appreciate her before it was too late was the biggest regret of his life, weaving a strand of ever-present sadness through his days and every interaction he had with her, but the pain was a price he was prepared to pay – a price he paid willingly, gladly – for the privilege of spending his life in her company.</p><p>…</p><p>He hadn’t thought he would be able to sleep, but he managed to doze a little after all. When he woke up again, it was getting light out, and her face was only inches from his. He froze, not daring to move, not even daring to breathe. The rosy light of dawn illuminated her face in the loveliest way, and he couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful to wake up to. Suddenly she stirred, and her eyes opened, still soft with sleep. She didn’t seem surprised at all to see him there – she merely smiled.</p><p>“Hi”, she whispered.</p><p>“Hi”, he whispered back.</p><p>The morning light around them held the promise of a new day, filled with new possibilities – it spoke of new beginnings and starting over. Waking up next to her felt like the most natural thing in the world. She was so close. Wouldn’t it also be the most natural thing in the world to finally bridge the gap between them, and kiss her?</p><p>But then she seemed to wake up properly. She blinked, then suddenly sat up, breaking the spell of the morning.</p><p>“I’m so sorry”, she said, turning red. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep… here…”</p><p>“It’s alright”, he said, sitting up too, suddenly relieved that he hadn’t given in to his impulse – what would she have thought of him?</p><p>She laughed, pressing her hands to her face.</p><p>“I couldn’t fall asleep for hours in my own bed, yet I fall asleep within minutes in yours.”</p><p>“Well”, he smiled. “Now you know what to do the next time you can’t sleep.”</p><p>She gave him a radiant smile, but then, to his utter disappointment, she got out of bed, hugging her dressing gown around herself against the morning chill.</p><p>Come back to bed, he thought. Let me keep you warm.</p><p>But he didn’t say anything as she walked towards the door. She opened it, then turned back to him.</p><p>“Thank you for letting me sleep here.”</p><p>“Anytime”, he said earnestly.</p><p>She gave him one last smile.</p><p>“I’ll see you at breakfast.”</p><p>Then the door closed behind her and she was gone, and he let himself fall back into the pillows and sighed. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of having another day with her. The sun was painting the walls gold – outside, the birds were chirping – spring was in the air. All in all, he thought, if he could <em>choose </em>between being in love with her, and <em>not </em>being in love with her, he wouldn’t have to think twice about it. He would choose love every time.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Roses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know I said I'd post the next chapter on Sunday, but it was finished, so I thought I'd share it today :) A huge thank you again to everyone reacting to the story in the comments and on Twitter, I simply can't tell you how much your enthusiasm means to me! 🥰💗💗 I hope you enjoy this chapter! 😘 I really can't tell at this point when I'll be able to post the next, I'm sorry!</p><p>A big thank you to Meg for proofreading and for encouraging me to post this chapter early! 💗</p><p>A big thank you to heartunderfire for proofreading and being so, so supportive! 💗</p><p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proofreading, suggesting improvements, and discussing the chapter with me! You're the best! 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>He watched her go – his love – he watched her drive away in the carriage and something pinched in his chest. She would come back, of course – this time, he <em>knew</em> she would come back – but he still didn’t like to see her leave. He stood on the steps of the front door and watched the carriage go down the drive, and then they rounded the bend and she was gone. He stood looking after her for a moment, but then he shook himself, turned around, and went back into the house. It felt strangely empty without her. He walked to his study and sat down behind the desk. He spent the morning doing paperwork, but he had trouble focusing – his eyes kept getting drawn to her usual chair, where she would normally be sitting at this time of the morning, curled up with a book. He told himself sternly that he was being ridiculous – she had only been gone for a few hours – but the truth was that he missed her already.</p><p>…</p><p>The news had come only yesterday. They had been talking over breakfast, when a letter from her sister had arrived, and he had watched her face grow more and more concerned as she read it.</p><p>“My father is ill”, she had finally told him. “He’s in bed and needs a lot of care. Laura says mother needs help and company, and she can’t do it because she’s going to have her baby soon.”</p><p>He felt his heart sink, but he said:</p><p>“You should go, of course.”</p><p>She shot him a grateful look.</p><p>“You wouldn’t mind?”</p><p>“No, of course you need to be with your family at a time like this.”</p><p>“I might be gone for quite a while… We don’t know when father will recover, but it will probably take several weeks at least…”</p><p>“Stay as long as you are needed”, he said, trying not to show his dismay at the thought that she might be gone for a considerable amount of time – he couldn’t quite imagine not seeing her every day anymore.</p><p>She seemed to sense how he was feeling, however, because she looked at him and said:</p><p>“I don’t <em>want </em>to leave… You know that, right?”</p><p>He nodded, but he was still glad to hear her say it.</p><p>“I don’t want you to leave either.”</p><p>She smiled a little sadly.</p><p>“I’ll come back as soon as I can.”</p><p>She had packed her bags, given instructions to the housekeeper, and then this morning after breakfast, she was ready to go. Annie got into the carriage, and then it was just the two of them, standing by the front door, looking at each other. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell her a thousand things, really, but his throat felt tight and he didn’t trust himself not to accidentally say too much.</p><p>“I’ll write to you”, she said, looking almost as sad as he felt. “When I get there.”</p><p>“Yes”, he said. “Please do.”</p><p>“You better write me back!” she warned him.</p><p>He gave her a half-smile.</p><p>“Try and stop me.”</p><p>She tried to smile too, but then her eyes clouded over, and the next moment she was hugging him, burying her face against his chest. He froze for just one moment, but then he carefully wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. Oh, how often he’d dreamed of taking her in his arms like this – what he wouldn’t give to be able to do it every day – what he wouldn’t give to do this for any other reason than to say goodbye.</p><p>“I’m going to miss you”, she whispered.</p><p>He swallowed hard.</p><p>“I’m going to miss you too.”</p><p>She started to pull back, and he opened his arms with the utmost reluctance. They stood looking at each other for a long moment, and he wanted to kiss her goodbye so badly that it hurt, but then she pulled herself together and walked towards the carriage. He watched her go, feeling words rise up inside of him, words he wanted to say so desperately. When she reached the carriage, he said:</p><p>“Raquel!”</p><p>She turned and gave him a questioning look.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I… I just…” he tried, but then he lost his nerve. “Have a good journey.”</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>“Thank you.” She seemed to hesitate. “Sergio…”</p><p>He took a step closer.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>She sighed and gave him a sad look.</p><p>“Take care of yourself while I’m gone.”</p><p>Then she got in and closed the door, and he was left alone.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>March 29<sup>th</sup>, 1816</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My dear Sergio,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I arrived safely at my parents’ house yesterday. Father is very ill and needs constant care, and Mother is distraught and tired. It’s a good thing that I came, because she needs help. Laura has visited every day until now, but she has gotten so big and she should stay home. I spoke to the doctor today and he said Father will survive, but he will need at least a month to recover. I am grateful that we won’t lose him, of course, but I can’t help but think that a month is a long time to be away from home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is so strange to be back in my old room. One of the first nights after we were married, I cried because I was homesick for this room, yet yesterday I felt like crying too because it no longer feels like home. Home is now, and will forever be, with you. I wish I could write more, but there is so much to do. I’ll write again soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Raquel</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>March 30<sup>th</sup>, 1816</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dear Raquel,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for your letter. I’m glad to hear that you arrived safely, and that your father will recover. If I can be of assistance in any way, please let me know. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Raquel, I never knew you were homesick when we first married. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice. There were a lot of things I didn’t notice back then. Can you forgive me? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please know that home is not the same without you. The house is very quiet, and I’m not used to the quiet anymore. I keep looking up from my books because I want to tell you something, but you’re not there. It’s a strange feeling. Of course you must stay with your family for as long as you are needed, but I cannot help but express the hope that your father will recover quickly, both for his sake, and my own.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do write to me if you can find the time. I promise I’ll write back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please give my best wishes to your family.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yours, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sergio</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>April 18<sup>th</sup>, 1816</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My dear Sergio,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura has had her baby! It’s a boy, Oliver, and both mother and child are in good health. I’m busier than ever now, because Mother is spending a good part of each day with Laura, which means that I have to direct the servants in the running of the house, and care for Father. I’m not complaining though – it makes the time go faster. Father is recovering, but only slowly, and I’m afraid I’ll be here longer than I thought (or hoped) that I would be. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your letters are such a comfort to me. Please keep writing to me, I so look forward to reading your letter every morning – and I admit that I reread it at night before going to bed. It is so good to be reminded that my home is waiting for me. It is even better to know that you are waiting for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Could you take Freya out riding once or twice a week? I hate the thought of her being cooped up in that stable all the time – rather how I’m feeling right now. I can’t wait to go out riding with you again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, and pet Clover for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All my love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Raquel</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>April 19<sup>th</sup>, 1816</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dearest Raquel,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please offer your sister and her husband my sincerest congratulations. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t worry about the animals, they are well. I’ve been taking Freya out riding regularly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have to admit that it pains me to hear that your father is recovering so slowly and that you might have to stay longer than you thought. It’s a very strange thing, Raquel – I used to value my solitude above all else, but these past few weeks, I have found myself missing your company. I try to play piano, but it’s not the same if you’re not there to listen. Meals have become rather somber affairs without your conversation, and I just can’t find any joy in my solitary games of chess anymore after playing with you for so long.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If my letters bring you comfort, please know that yours do the same for me. Your home is indeed waiting for you, as is your husband – more impatient every day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Freya misses you. Clover misses you. Raquel, I miss you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yours, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sergio</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>There was so much work to do – and she was grateful for it, because it kept her busy. Any time that her thoughts weren’t occupied with other things, they strayed to Sergio, and then the ache in her chest returned. When he told her in his last letter that he missed her, she had to use all her restraint not to go straight back home. He had asked her several times if he could visit her, and she desperately wanted to see him, but her mother and father were in no condition to receive visitors, and she felt like she really couldn’t ask him to drive all that way just to take a short walk with her. So she said no and clung to his letters, to every word he wrote to her. She noticed that the way he addressed her had changed from ‘Dear Raquel’ to ‘Dearest Raquel’, and she couldn’t keep herself from wondering if it meant something – anything. She missed him so much it hurt.</p><p>…</p><p>He had been staring at the way she had signed her last letter for an hour now. ‘All my love’. He told himself this was something you could easily write to a friend as well – who knew how she signed her letters to Monica, for instance? Yet it was a change from how she had signed her letters up to now – ‘With love’, which was a neutral way to end a letter – in fact, Tatiana ended her letters to him in just the same way. <em>All </em>her love, though? Could it mean something? He shook his head and put the letter down – he was overthinking every word she wrote to him.</p><p>That day, he wrote her two letters. The first, which he tried to keep short, was sealed and sent. The second expressed what he really wanted to say to her. <em>I dreamed of you again last night. I would ride all day just to see your smile – I don’t know how much longer I can live without it. I love you, Raquel. I love you, I love you, I love you.</em></p><p>…</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>May 6<sup>th</sup>, 1816</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My dear Sergio,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your last letter was disgracefully short – I’m sure you could spare a few more moments out of your day to write to your long-suffering wife. Please, Sergio, I want to come home so badly and your daily letters are the only thing keeping me sane. Don’t make me reread the same ten lines over and over again. I don’t care what you write, just write… more. Tell me about your day, about the things you are reading, or feel free to compose some poetry if the mood strikes you. I’ll read it all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura and the baby are doing well, though he cries often and that makes her bad-tempered. Father is a little better every day, but I really can’t say how much longer this will take. I wish I could set a date to come home, so I could start counting down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I miss you terribly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All my love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Raquel</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>May 7<sup>th</sup>, 1816</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My dearest Raquel,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I all alone beweep my outcast state </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And look upon myself and curse my fate, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Desiring this man's art and that man's scope, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>With what I most enjoy contented least; </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Haply I think on thee, and then my state, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like to the lark at break of day arising </em>
</p><p>
  <em>From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That then I scorn to change my state with kings.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Alright – I stole that, it’s Shakespeare. I’m afraid writing poetry is not one of my gifts, but I’ll happily read and quote you all of Shakespeare if you’d like that. This sonnet is particularly apt, I think, to reflect my current mental state: I’m feeling rather sorry for myself these days, but when I remember that you’ll be home soon (please tell me it will be soon), then I feel better. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I apologize profusely that my last letter was so short. In truth, there are so many things I would like to talk to you about, but I know how busy you are. However, if you would like longer letters, I will gladly provide. I’ve been reading the novels you left for me, and I would love to discuss them with you. I am greatly enjoying ‘Pride and Prejudice’ – mostly, I suspect, because the protagonist reminds me of you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Raquel, I can’t believe that it is spring and you’re not here to enjoy it with me. We should be out riding together to see the new leaves and the flowers. The weather is getting warmer but the house still feels cold – I suspect that will only change once you come back. Soon, the roses will bloom. I hope you will be here to see them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought I might be able to get used to living alone again. Instead, I miss you more every day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yours, always,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sergio</em>
</p><p>…</p><p>He was walking through the rose garden after an early dinner, thinking about her. It was a beautiful, sunny day, the flowers were in glorious bloom, and the air around him was so sweet, but he barely noticed any of it. Today was their wedding anniversary, and he felt so dejected that he had to spend it without her. How much had changed over the course of a year, he reflected. He had been miserable on his wedding day, yet now he looked back on it as the most important day of his life – the day everything had changed, the day that had made her his wife, which he would forever be grateful for. Though the pain of missing her was an ever-present ache in his chest, if he could go back in time, he would marry her all over again.</p><p>These weeks without her had been harder than he ever could have anticipated, and he was devastated that she wasn’t back for their anniversary. He shook his head at himself – he’d lived alone for years, and yet now, without her, he felt completely lost, unable to really enjoy even this perfect day if he couldn’t share it with her.</p><p>And then, suddenly –</p><p>“Sergio!”</p><p>He froze. That voice.</p><p>He turned around and there she was, on the other side of the garden, lovelier than any of the roses that surrounded her. For a moment, he couldn’t believe it. Was she really back?</p><p>They looked at each other, and then she was running towards him, flying into his open arms with such force that she almost knocked him over, but he caught her and spun her around, both of them laughing and clinging to each other. She was back, she was <em>here</em>, she was in his arms. His love. The sun was golden and the roses bloomed, and when she looked at him, her eyes were radiant, and he couldn’t look away. They looked at each other, breathless, and the air was full of things unsaid. The pull of her was so strong, a sheer magnetic force drawing him in, and filled with the euphoria of seeing her again, he suddenly didn’t have the strength to resist her anymore. He lifted his face, and kissed her.</p><p>…</p><p>All throughout the carriage ride back, Raquel had been thinking of Sergio. He didn’t know she was coming – when her mother had told her that morning that she thought she could handle things now, and that she should go home for her wedding anniversary, Raquel had embraced her and then immediately went to pack her bags. She couldn’t wait to see Sergio again. Riding back home, she had been almost bursting with impatience – waiting all these weeks to see him had been so hard, but somehow these last few hours were worse. She kept hoping that they would hug again, like they had done when she left. She could almost feel his arms around her, and she wished the horses would go faster.</p><p>The carriage ride felt like an eternity, but finally they arrived at the house, and she was vividly reminded of how she had arrived here for the first time exactly a year ago. Her marriage was not entirely the way she had expected it would be, but still… she had no regrets. If she could go back in time, she would marry him all over again. Her heart was beating fast as she jumped out of the carriage and went into the house, leaving Annie to deal with the luggage – where would he be? She looked in his study and the library, but it was such a lovely day that she wasn’t surprised when a footman told her he was outside.</p><p>She finally found him in the rose garden, his back turned to her, and she felt tears burn for a moment. There he was. Her husband. How she had missed him – how she loved him.</p><p>“Sergio!” she called out to him, and when he turned, she saw surprise turn to delight on his face.</p><p>He opened his arms to her and she started running, a fierce blaze of happiness in her chest, and then she was in his arms and he lifted her off the ground. She held on tight to him, laughing as he spun her around, and then she looked into his eyes and the world stood still as everything suddenly felt exactly right. They looked at each other and she forgot to breathe, she couldn’t think – all she could see was the way he was looking at her, the air between them charged with unspoken words. And then suddenly, he lifted his face to hers and kissed her.</p><p>She was so surprised that she pulled back and looked at him in astonishment.</p><p>He’d kissed her.</p><p>Sergio.</p><p><em>Kissed</em> her.</p><p>She was so surprised she couldn’t make sense of it for a moment.</p><p>At her reaction, his eyes went wide and he put her down, then took a big step back.</p><p>“I’m so sorry”, he said, “I didn’t mean to…”</p><p>She could feel her heart break.</p><p>“I overstepped. I know you don’t want…”</p><p>What was he saying?</p><p>“I know we said we would just be friends, but… but… oh, I can’t take this anymore.”</p><p>She looked at him uncertainly.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then said:</p><p>“Raquel, I know I shouldn’t say anything, but I’ve missed you so terribly and I can’t keep it in anymore. You… you deserve to know the truth. I told you once that I wasn’t capable of romantic love, and I truly believed that to be true, but… but the past few months have proven me wrong.”</p><p>She looked at him with wide eyes, afraid to make any assumptions about where he was going. He continued:</p><p>“I was so blind last summer, I never really knew who I married. And when I finally got to know you better, I couldn’t help but… but notice how wonderful you are. How much I love your company, how much I love talking to you and going out riding with you and playing chess with you and… and just being with you. You have… made my life so much better in every possible sense. So I have to tell you, Raquel, because you deserve to hear it. I love you. In every way, and with all my heart.”</p><p>She couldn’t believe that he was saying the words she’d been wanting to hear for so long. Was this really true? Was this really happening? She suddenly realized she was crying, that there were tears on her cheeks.</p><p>He looked at her, alarmed.</p><p>“I shouldn’t have said anything, I’ve upset you, I…”</p><p>“No”, she said, wiping away the tears and smiling. “No, you haven’t.”</p><p> “But you’re crying…”</p><p>“Sergio, did you mean that? Did you <em>really </em>mean what you just said?”</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered, looking so serious.</p><p>“You love me… in every way?”</p><p>“Every possible way.”</p><p>“Like… like a husband is supposed to love his wife?”</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered, going a little red. “I’m sorry, I know you’re not in love with me…”</p><p>She looked up in surprise.</p><p>“Why do you think that?”</p><p>“I heard you say it to Monica.”</p><p>Her eyes went wide.</p><p>“Oh no.”</p><p>“Nothing has to change”, he said quickly. “I… I can live with it, just… please don’t leave again.”</p><p>A soft, tingling feeling of joy was manifesting itself in her stomach as the realization sank in, a joy so warm and golden and pure – he loved her.</p><p>“Sergio”, she said softly. “I’m not going to leave. I’m in love with you too.”</p><p>He looked like he couldn’t believe it.</p><p>“You… you are?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said simply, feeling the joy expand as she looked at him, until it filled her completely. “Yes, of course I am.”</p><p>“But what you said…”</p><p>“I was lying.”</p><p>He stared at her.</p><p>“<em>Why?</em>”</p><p>“Because I didn’t want to get hurt again, Sergio.”</p><p>He nodded, looking ashamed.</p><p>“Yes, of course, I understand that.”</p><p>But then he looked up at her, and there was so much hope in his eyes that she couldn’t help but smile.</p><p>“Do you… do you really want me?”</p><p>She looked at him.</p><p>“I’ve never not wanted you, Sergio. I’ve wanted you right from the start. That’s why I married you.”</p><p>“You’re so much smarter than me”, he said, and she laughed.</p><p>They both looked at each other with shining eyes, then he came a little closer to her, hesitantly. As he looked into her eyes, she suddenly felt completely breathless. Oh. Would he? Would he really?</p><p>“Raquel”, he whispered. “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>“Yes please”, she whispered back, and as he came even closer, she felt such a thrill of anticipation in her stomach. How long she’d waited for this moment, how she’d despaired that it would never come and now… now he was looking at her with such longing. Their kiss before had been so unexpected, and over before she’d really registered the sensation, but now he would <em>really </em>kiss her, and she couldn’t wait, wondering what it would be like to kiss her husband – she’d dreamed about doing that so often, and now it was really happening.</p><p>He was standing very close to her now, and she felt her heart beat in her throat as she looked up at him. Oh, <em>oh,</em> she’d never wanted anything more than to feel his lips on hers. He lifted a careful hand and brushed a strand of hair away from her face, then cupped her cheek and stroked it slowly with his thumb.</p><p>“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long”, he whispered.</p><p>Then he bent his head and she closed her eyes as he brushed his lips against hers, just for an instant, the softest, most fleeting sensation. He did it again, and she felt herself begin to tremble – she wanted him so badly. To her utter delight, he stepped even closer, then wrapped an arm around her waist and gently pulled her against him. The next moment, he softly pressed his lips against hers, and it was everything she’d ever dreamed it would be, soft and warm and lovely. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, and pressed herself closer to him as she kissed him back, and <em>oh, </em>it felt so amazing to be this close to him, to lean against him and feel his arms around her, to breathe him in and feel his lips against hers. One soft kiss led to another, and another, and she realized with a rush of joy that kissing was wonderful, kissing was fantastic, and she never, ever wanted to stop.</p><p>And then it got even better. He opened his mouth a little and lightly flicked his tongue against her lips. She realized what he was asking her, so she parted her lips and tentatively touched the tip of her tongue to his. The effect on her body was electric and intense – a shiver shot down her spine and she felt a sudden hot tingling between her legs – oh, she <em>liked </em>this, she liked it <em>a lot, </em>so she did it again, and again, and again, until she felt brave enough to open her mouth a bit further and explore. Her explorations were a little timid at first, as was his response, but she felt so comfortable with him, and this felt so right, that soon her shyness gave way to joy, and she kissed him and kissed him and kissed him until they were both breathless. One of his hands was on her lower back, the other cradling her head, but she couldn’t resist from letting her own hands wander a bit – they were in his hair, stroking the back of his neck, then they were on his shoulders, his back, his chest. She loved that she could finally, <em>finally </em>touch him, after wanting to for a whole year. It hadn’t been easy but oh – he was so worth the wait.</p><p>…</p><p>Kissing her was the most wonderful thing he had ever done. The moment he pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers made up for all of those months that he had wanted to kiss her but couldn’t – and oh, he had been <em>so right </em>to want to kiss her. Her lips were softer than he could have possibly imagined, the scent of her was lovelier than the roses, and there were silver bells ringing in his head as she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned against him. His heart was beating so fast – he couldn’t <em>believe </em>he was holding her, he couldn’t <em>believe </em>that she wanted him. What had he done to deserve her? Her nearness, her lips against his, her body in his arms, it all overwhelmed him in the most wonderful way, and he could barely wrap his head around the fact that this was really happening. At least – he <em>thought </em>it was really happening – if this was a dream, he hoped he would never wake up.</p><p>He would be perfectly content to just keep pressing soft kisses to her lips for all of eternity, but then he remembered Jennie, a year ago now, telling him that he should use his tongue, so he opened his mouth and tentatively brushed his tongue against her lips. When she parted her lips and touched her tongue to his, the immediate reaction of his body took him completely by surprise. He hadn’t seen the appeal of this particular action before, but he damn well saw it now. It made him wonder what other pieces of Jennie’s advice would positively surprise him later. In the meantime, he focused on her kisses, which were becoming more daring, and he was loving every second of it. The taste of her was so sweet, and he explored her slowly, testing, tasting, gently at first, then a little more passionately. He wasn’t quite brave enough to move his hands, but he thoroughly enjoyed her hands all over him, her fingers stroking the back of his neck sending a shiver all the way down his spine.</p><p>After a long, long time, they broke apart and she looked up at him, a little flushed, breathing rather fast, and he still couldn’t believe he was allowed to kiss her now. He did it again, just to revel in the fact that he could. One more kiss. One more. One more. How was he ever supposed to stop? He finally pulled back with a supreme effort of will so he could look at her, his wife, his love, her eyes bright and her lips red from kissing. He softly stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, and then she caught his hand, opened it, and pressed a soft kiss against the palm, making him experience such a rush of tenderness for her that he could barely stand it. He bent his head and leaned his forehead against hers, and they stood like that for a long moment, their eyes closed, their hands entwined. Together.</p><p>…</p><p>Somehow, they ended up on a bench between the roses, his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him as they watched the sunset together, her arms firmly around him. Well, they were <em>supposed </em>to watch the sunset, but really they only had eyes for each other.</p><p>“I missed you so much”, she whispered. “So, so much.”</p><p>“I missed you too”, he said. “I’m so happy you’re back, Raquel, I hope you never have to leave me again. I don’t think I could bear it.”</p><p>“But if being away from me finally made you kiss me”, she said, “it was worth it.”</p><p>“Yes”, he smiled. “I agree.”</p><p>They sank into a slow, sensual kiss for a while, then he pulled back and sighed.</p><p>“I can’t believe how much time we wasted”, he murmured. “A whole year. We could have had a whole year together by now.”</p><p>“But think of all the years we still have left”, she smiled. “We’re <em>married</em>, Sergio. We’ll have so many years together. All the years. A lifetime.”</p><p>He looked at her.</p><p>“I love that. Still… I should have told you I loved you the day I realized.”</p><p>“When <em>did </em>you realize?”</p><p>“When I danced with you at the ball.”</p><p>Her eyes went wide.</p><p>“But that was months ago!”</p><p>“I know”, he grimaced.</p><p>“You should have said something!”</p><p>“I know”, he repeated. “I was a fool.”</p><p>She looked at him in disbelief.</p><p>“So… we were both in love with each other for <em>weeks</em> without realizing it?”</p><p>“Like I said…” he shook his head, “we’ve wasted so much time.”</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>“Make it up to me.”</p><p>He smiled back.</p><p>“Gladly. How?”</p><p>“With a kiss.”</p><p>He pressed his mouth to hers again, softly, lingering for a long time.</p><p>“Hmm”, he murmured against her lips, “I think we may need to catch up on a year’s worth of missed kisses.”</p><p>“I have no problem with that”, she smiled, but then a cool breeze ruffled her dress and she shivered.</p><p>“It’s getting cold”, he said. “Let’s go inside.”</p><p>She looked up at him appealingly, afraid to ask but so, so hopeful.</p><p>“Sergio… Will you… will you sleep in my room tonight?”</p><p>He gave her an earnest look.</p><p>“I would love nothing more.”</p><p>Her heart started beating faster.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Really”, he murmured. “Raquel, I want nothing more than to hold you tonight and wake up next to you tomorrow… and every day after that.”</p><p>She almost started crying again.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he said, concerned.</p><p>“Nothing”, she said, looking up at her husband and feeling like her heart would burst. “Absolutely nothing. Can we go to bed now?”</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>“Yes, let’s go to bed.”</p><p>They went inside, hand in hand, and she felt absolutely dizzy with happiness.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Union</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello my wonderful readers! This is it, the chapter everyone has been waiting for since chapter 3 😄 I know expectations are high, so I have to admit I'm very nervous about posting this chapter 😅😅 I really hope you'll like it!</p><p>There will definitely be some more chapters after this (I promised you fluff and smut, after all!) but unfortunately, I have to take a short break from writing because work is crazy right now 😩 I can't make any promises about when the next chapter will be up 🙈 I'm very sorry! I hope this chapter will leave you satisfied enough to be able to get through the wait :')</p><p>A big thank you to Meg, for proofreading and assuring me the chapter is good! 💗</p><p>A big thank you to heartunderfire for proofreading and discussing certain aspects of the chapter with me! 💗</p><p>And a big thank you to thegirloverseas, for proofreading, for her advice and suggestions, for her enthusiasm and support, and for being the most wonderful friend! 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>They went inside hand in hand, and she felt absolutely dizzy with happiness. She marveled at how fast things had suddenly shifted between them – just one unguarded kiss, one honest conversation, that had been all that was needed to transform them from friends to so much more. When she had left her parents’ house earlier that day, she had had no hopes, no expectations of any of this, and now… she would end the day in her husband’s arms.</p><p>They walked up the stairs together, then they stopped in front of the door of her bedroom and she looked up at him and smiled.</p><p>“This is where we stood exactly a year ago”, she said. “I was so confused when you walked away from me.”</p><p>He grimaced. “I’m so sorry. I genuinely thought you didn’t want… I made an assumption. I should have talked to you.”</p><p>“Yes”, she smiled. “You should.”</p><p>He looked at her, and his eyes were warm as he bent his head.</p><p>“But I’m not walking away from you anymore. Not now, not ever.”</p><p>He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and she reflected that there couldn’t be a bigger difference between now and last year. A year ago, they had stood here, perfect strangers, having barely spoken to each other. She had already wanted him to come into her bedroom then, but mostly because she knew that it was expected from married couples, and she had wanted to do things right. Now, she was standing here with the man she loved, and she wanted nothing more than to be close to him.</p><p>“Can I come in?” he whispered.</p><p>She had waited a full year to hear those words… and yet she hesitated. She had had a long journey, and she wanted to wash, and she needed Annie to unpin her hair.</p><p>“I just need some time to get ready.”</p><p>He nodded. “How much time?”</p><p>“About half an hour.”</p><p>He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close, and brushed his lips against hers.</p><p>“That’s a long time.”</p><p>“We’ve waited a year, you can survive half an hour more”, she smiled.</p><p>“I don’t know”, he whispered against her lips. “Can I?”</p><p>His closeness was too much to resist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned against him, and they sank into a long, tender kiss that went on for minute after minute, neither of them willing to let the other go.</p><p>Finally they broke apart only because a chambermaid entered the hallway, giving them a curious look as she passed by. They smiled at each other.</p><p>“So…”, he said. “Ten minutes?”</p><p>She laughed. “I said half an hour.”</p><p>“Ah”, he sighed, “it was worth a try.”</p><p>She stood up on her toes to kiss him again, both of them smiling, then his expression turned more serious.</p><p>“Raquel”, he said softly, “I know it’s silly, but I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. We’ve wasted so much time this year because of me.”</p><p>“I don’t want to be apart from you anymore either”, she murmured. “We’ll make up for wasted time. We’ll make up for it a thousand times.”</p><p>“Yes please”, he whispered.</p><p>Then they shared one last kiss and regretfully broke apart to go into their respective bedrooms. The moment the door closed behind her, Raquel leaned against it and pressed her hands to her face, overwhelmed by a bright, golden feeling of happiness. It was finally happening. In half an hour, he would be in her bedroom, and they would sleep in the bed together. He would take her in his arms and kiss her, and tomorrow she would wake up next to him. She felt a thrill of both nervousness and anticipation as she thought about what else might happen – though she wasn’t sure if he would want to.</p><p>She shook herself – she shouldn’t waste time – then rang the bell for the chambermaids to bring water for her bath, and for Annie to come help her undress. She washed quickly, then Annie helped her into her nightgown and unpinned and braided her hair. Once she was ready, the girl went out and Raquel was left alone. It was a chilly night, so the chambermaids had laid a brightly burning fire which made the room nice and warm, and Raquel lit several candles on the bedside tables to give them a little more light. Then she waited, breathless with anticipation.</p><p>Finally there was a knock on her door and he came in, wearing only his pants and shirt, and at the sight of him, her heart leapt. Some part of her – a small, scared part that had been disappointed too often – had feared that he might not come after all, but here he was, here he really was. He closed the door behind himself and they stood looking at each other for a moment, breathless, then she flew into his arms and he lifted her off the ground as he kissed her. He carried her to the bed and put her down gently, then joined her, and she felt like she could cry at the thought that she would finally, <em>finally</em> sleep next to her husband, and not by accident this time, but because they both chose and wanted it.</p><p>“I can’t believe you’re really here”, she whispered between kisses.</p><p>“I can’t believe it either”, he whispered back. “Raquel… while you were gone, I dreamed of you almost every night. I’m afraid I’m dreaming again.”</p><p>“Then please”, she said, “keep dreaming.”</p><p>He kissed her again, and she couldn’t remember ever being happier than she was now, with him next to her after all of those months of longing, saying everything she had so wanted him to say, and which she had thought she would never hear.</p><p>There was only one thing – she <em>had </em>to ask, she <em>had </em>to know, she couldn’t bear to be disappointed again.</p><p>“Sergio”, she said carefully. “You said you love me in every way. Did you mean that?”</p><p>“Of course”, he said earnestly.</p><p> “Then… then I want to be your wife… in every way.”</p><p>His eyes were so serious.</p><p>“Tonight?”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered.</p><p>“Are you sure? Don’t you want to wait a few more days?”</p><p>She put a hand against his chest.</p><p>“I’ve waited a <em>year</em>, Sergio, I don’t want to wait anymore. I want our marriage to be a real marriage.” She looked down. “Unless… unless you don’t want to.”</p><p>He bent his head and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, then whispered:</p><p>“Of course I want to.”</p><p>She looked up at him.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes, but Raquel…” he hesitated. “Do you… do you know what that means? Do you know what will happen?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said. “Monica told me.”</p><p>“Did she also tell you that… that it will hurt?”</p><p>She nodded. “A little.”</p><p>He gave her a pained look.</p><p>“It… it might be more than a little. I would try to be careful, of course, but… but you might bleed.”</p><p>That made her feel a little nervous but…</p><p>“Monica said it only hurts once and then never again. We’ll just have to get through it.”</p><p>“Raquel”, he whispered, his eyes full of concern, “I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>Oh, she loved him so much. She drew his head down for a kiss.</p><p>“I know. But we’ll have to do it some time, right? And… and I want to do this with you, even if it would hurt.”</p><p>He pressed another soft kiss to her lips.</p><p>“I want to do this with you too”, he murmured.</p><p>She could see that he meant it, but he seemed nervous too. Last year, she had assumed that he had done it before, but since then she had learned how uncomfortable he felt about being touched, so she wasn’t so sure anymore.</p><p>“Sergio…” she asked, “have you… have you done this before?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>She nodded – as she’d suspected.</p><p>“Do you know what to do?”</p><p>He went a little red.</p><p>“Uhm… in theory.”</p><p>She smiled. “The way Monica told it, it didn’t sound very complicated. I’m sure we can figure it out together.”</p><p>She reached down to lift the skirt of her nightgown, but he stopped her hand.</p><p>“No, wait”, he said softly. “Before we… do that, I just want to kiss you for a while.”</p><p>She hesitated. She was nervous now and if it was going to hurt, she’d rather get it over with. He seemed to sense her hesitation.</p><p>“Raquel”, he said seriously, “we’ve waited so long for this. I want to do it right, and I don’t want to hurt you. I… I don’t have any experience, but I do know some things that should help to make it hurt less, and kissing is one of them.”</p><p>She looked at him, then nodded. She trusted him. If he said kissing would make it better, then she believed him – and besides, she didn’t need much persuasion for more of his kisses. So she smiled and drew his head down, and he softly pressed his lips to hers. It still felt so fresh, so new, every aspect of the sensation an utter delight, and after that first kiss, she felt so hungry for more. She parted her lips and he started exploring her, slowly, sensuously, and soon she had forgotten all about being nervous as she lost herself in the kiss. She twined her fingers into his hair and kissed him back, and their kisses became more daring, more passionate, until she was absolutely breathless and she felt a sharp tingling between her legs. She wondered how his kisses could make her feel so much down <em>there</em> – she hadn’t understood it when he said kissing would make it hurt less, but apparently there was a connection she hadn’t been aware of. As he kept kissing her, the tingling became stronger, a delicious, tantalizing sensation that made her long for him to touch her there.</p><p>She pulled back and looked up at him questioningly, a little out of breath.</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>Sergio looked down at her and thought back to the advice Jennie had given him a year ago. He still wasn’t sure how much of it he should believe, but the advice to use his tongue when kissing had been excellent, so he was inclined to want to try the rest, except… some of it was so unusual that he wasn’t sure if he’d have the courage to apply it. How would she react, for example, if he asked her to undress? But then he shook his head – they weren’t strangers anymore – they loved and trusted each other – he could just talk to her.</p><p>“Raquel”, he said, “how would you feel about… about taking off your nightgown?”</p><p>She gave him a doubtful look.</p><p>“I thought you’d just… lift it.”</p><p>“We could, but… I think it would be nicer to take it off.”</p><p>She looked a little surprised.</p><p>“So I’d be… not wearing anything?”</p><p>“I know it’s a little strange, but we <em>are </em>married. I… I do think it’s not improper.”</p><p>“That’s true…” she said, and he could see that he was swaying her.</p><p>“Raquel”, he said softly, “I would love to see you.”</p><p>“Will you take off your clothes too?”</p><p>“Yes”, he nodded. “If you would like that.”</p><p>She gave him a rather shy smile.</p><p>“Yes, I would.”</p><p>He sat up.</p><p>“How about I start?”</p><p>He reached for the first button on his shirt, but she put her hand on his.</p><p>“Can I?” she asked tentatively.</p><p>“Of course”, he smiled.</p><p>She opened the buttons with nimble fingers, and he was reminded of the time when she had done this every day to change his bandages after he got shot. She was clearly following his thoughts, because when the last button was undone, she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and looked up at him with sparkling eyes.</p><p>“I’ve always wanted to touch you”, she said, “and now I can.”</p><p>She ran light fingers over his chest, then over his shoulder and down his arm, and he shivered at the feeling of her hands on his bare skin. He marveled at how he usually didn’t like to be touched, but when she did it, it was one of the nicest things he’d ever experienced.</p><p>Raquel was enjoying herself, running her hands all over him the way she had wanted to do so badly whenever she took care of him before. His shoulders were broad and strong, and she loved running her fingers over the muscles of his arms, through the hair on his chest, down his stomach. She stopped as she reached his pants – she was desperately curious, but she didn’t know what he would be comfortable with, so she pulled back her hand.</p><p>“Alright”, she said, feeling a flutter in her stomach as she looked down at her nightgown. “My turn.”</p><p>“Only if you want to”, he said earnestly.</p><p>She considered him for a moment. Annie was the only person who had seen her naked as an adult, and she hadn’t considered that Sergio would ask her this – Monica had told her that her husband just lifted her nightgown. She felt a little self-conscious about baring herself completely to a man… but then she looked into his eyes. This wasn’t just any man, this was her husband, the man she loved more than anything, and he made her feel warm and comfortable and safe. Suddenly she didn’t need to think about it anymore – she undid the laces at the front of her gown and let the fabric slip off her shoulders, then she pushed it down over her hips and off the bed. She lay down, feeling rather vulnerable as his gaze roamed over her body, but then she noticed how soft his eyes were. The way he was looking at her made her forget her vulnerability – he made her feel so…</p><p>“Beautiful”, he murmured. “You’re so beautiful.”</p><p>He couldn’t believe how lovely she was. Except for a drawing in his anatomy book, he had never seen an undressed woman before, and he was enchanted by the soft lines of her body as the candlelight flickered over her skin – the gentle curve of her hips, the fullness of her breasts, the delicate pink of her nipples. He felt humbled and honored that she was showing herself to him like this, open and vulnerable and completely natural.</p><p>“Raquel”, he said softly. “Will you unbraid your hair? I’ve never seen you with your hair down.”</p><p>She smiled and sat up, then undid the ribbon at the bottom of her braid. She quickly untangled the strands, and then her hair flowed freely over her shoulders, framing her face in a way that took his breath away. He hadn’t thought she could be any more beautiful. He’d been wrong.</p><p>“Raquel”, he whispered, leaning in to kiss her and running his fingers through her hair. “You are so lovely, and I’m the luckiest man in the world that I get to see you like this.”</p><p>She felt a warm glow as he kissed her back down into the pillows, his hand in her hair. He kissed her more deeply than before, and it awakened a peculiar longing in her to feel his hands on her, for him to touch her the way she had touched him before. He was stroking her cheek, and she sensed that he was hesitant to let his hands wander downwards, so she pulled back and smiled at him.</p><p>“You can touch me”, she whispered, and he smiled back.</p><p>“Tell me if I do anything you don’t like”, he murmured, then brushed his fingers down the side of her neck, over her shoulder, then down the side of her body, making her shiver. As he stroked her stomach and then her hips, she felt her skin come alive under his hands – his fingers were drawing tingling paths down her body, and every caress made her long for more.</p><p>“Oh”, he sighed. “You’re so, so soft.”</p><p>His hand moved upwards over her stomach, and he carefully cupped a breast.</p><p>“Is that alright?” he murmured.</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered.</p><p>Then he brushed his thumb over her nipple, and she drew in a breath at the sensation.</p><p>“How does that feel?”</p><p>“Really nice”, she smiled, noticing that her nipples were hard even though she wasn’t cold.</p><p>He did it again, and she shivered in delight. He kept stroking her nipples as he kissed her again, and she twined her fingers in his hair and sighed softly against his lips – oh, this was all <em>so </em>nice. She had entirely forgotten by now that she was supposed to be nervous, that she had wanted to get it over with – as far as she was concerned, this could go on forever. She had no idea what was coming next, but if it was half as lovely as his kisses and his touches so far, she was entirely on board.</p><p>He moved away from her lips to press soft kisses to her cheek, then along the line of her jaw, and then he moved further down. When he reached her neck, she tilted her head and hummed in contentment – oh, that made her feel all kinds of things, all of them wonderful – tickles and tingles and a soft, warm hum in her lower belly. When he pulled back, she made a little sound of complaint.</p><p>“No, don’t stop yet.”</p><p>He smiled, his eyes warm.</p><p>“You like that?”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered. “Very much.”</p><p>So he dipped back down and pressed warm, tickling kisses to her throat and the side of her neck until she was breathing fast and feeling flushed, the hum in her belly stronger and more insistent now. She didn’t quite understand the reactions of her body – never would she have suspected that him kissing her there would have such an effect. She wondered if there were other places he could kiss her that would make her feel like this. As if he’d read her mind, he moved his kisses down over her collarbone, then he kissed her chest and her breasts.</p><p>Suddenly he looked up.</p><p>“Uhm… Raquel… can I try something?”</p><p>“What do you want to try?” she said, curious.</p><p>He went a little red.</p><p>“Just something that someone… someone told me some women like. But if you don’t like it, you can tell me and I won’t do it again.”</p><p>“Alright”, she said, even more curious now. “Show me.”</p><p>He bent his head and kissed her nipple, and then, to her surprise, he closed his mouth around it and sucked. She gasped loudly as the sensation shot right through her with a completely unexpected intensity.</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>He drew back immediately, his eyes wide.</p><p>“I’m so sorry!”</p><p>“No”, she said, flustered by her own reaction. “No, I… I think I liked it.”</p><p>“Really?” he said, looking at her closely.</p><p>“Yes”, she said, a little breathlessly. “Do it again, please.”</p><p>He bent back down, a little hesitantly this time, and closed his mouth around her nipple and sucked again. The intensity of the sensation startled her a second time, and she gasped again, then quickly twined her fingers in his hair to keep him from pulling back.</p><p>“A… a little more…” she breathed, then a whimper escaped her lips as he sucked harder.  </p><p>Oh, what was happening to her body? She couldn’t stay still anymore – her hips started moving of their own accord as he awakened sensations in her that she had never experienced before – a little flame kindled between her legs and suddenly she felt a deep, aching longing like nothing she had ever felt – oh, she wanted… she <em>needed</em>… something.  </p><p>She pushed his head away as the sensations suddenly became too much, and he quickly came up to kiss her.</p><p>“Was that alright?”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered against his lips, slightly out of breath. “Oh, Sergio, you’re making me feel things…”</p><p>“Good things?”</p><p>“Yes”, she breathed. “Yes, wonderful things.”</p><p>He smiled, pleased.</p><p>“I’m glad.”</p><p>The longing inside her hadn’t faded in the least, so she looked up at him appealingly.</p><p>“Can we… can we do it now?”</p><p>“Hmm”, he murmured, “in a little while.”</p><p>She bit her lip.</p><p>“There’s more?”</p><p>“I… I think so. Are you ready for the next step?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said eagerly. “So ready.”</p><p>He looked down at her shining eyes, and he reflected that this was turning out to be so much more enjoyable than he had thought it would be. He hadn’t expected her to react with such… enthusiasm. Jennie’s advice about the nipples – as bizarre as it had seemed to him at first – had clearly been spot on, so now he felt like he should try out the last piece of her advice as well. He had been skeptical when she had talked about women having a button… down there… but Jennie had assured him it would make the experience better for her, so he felt like he owed it to Raquel to try and find it.</p><p>He bent his head and kissed her, then let his hand drift down her stomach, and she opened her legs to him in anticipation. He lifted his hand, then brushed his fingers lightly over the inside of her thighs.</p><p>“Can I touch you?” he whispered.</p><p>She smiled. “Sergio, you’re my husband. Of course you can touch me.”</p><p>He immediately withdrew his hand.</p><p>“No”, he said seriously, “I don’t want you to say yes because you feel like you <em>should. </em>I only want to touch you if you <em>want </em>me to touch you.”</p><p>She caught his face between her hands and drew his head down for a kiss.</p><p>“I want you to touch me”, she said softly as they broke apart. “So, so much.”</p><p>He smiled and nodded, then let his hand move down over her stomach again. His fingers brushed past soft curls, and then… oh, she was silky and warm, and he felt a little dizzy with desire as his fingers dipped down and he felt something wet. He remembered Jennie telling him that he had to make her wet so it would hurt less, so he took this as a good sign. She closed her eyes and sighed softly as he explored her, so, so carefully, barely touching her – it all felt so delicate, he was afraid to hurt her. He tried to find the place Jennie had talked about, but it was all rather confusing, and there was nothing that felt like a button to him. Oh, this was embarrassing – did it even exist?</p><p>“Raquel”, he whispered, and she opened her eyes and smiled at him.</p><p>He swallowed.</p><p>“Do you… can you help me find…”</p><p>He hoped she would know what he was trying to say, but he saw no recognition at all in her eyes.</p><p>“Find what?”</p><p>He remembered Jennie saying that most women didn’t even know they had this particular body part.</p><p>“Never mind”, he said quickly. He briefly considered abandoning his quest, but he wanted so desperately for it to be good for her. So he gathered all of his courage and asked:</p><p>“Raquel… this may sound strange, but… can I look at you?”</p><p>She frowned at him.</p><p>“You mean…?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Oh. Why?”</p><p>He kissed her.</p><p>“Because I would love to know every part of you.”</p><p>She considered him. This was all turning out so much more intimate than Monica had led her to believe it would be – but it had all been so lovely so far that she was inclined to let him do whatever he wanted to do. She supposed that he was curious, just like she was curious about him.</p><p>“Alright”, she smiled. “Go ahead.”</p><p>“Thank you”, he said earnestly, giving her another kiss before moving down.</p><p>She opened her legs wider so he could lie between them, feeling herself go a little red at baring herself so completely to another person – but this was Sergio, <em>her </em>Sergio, and she loved him. She pushed herself up on her elbows and watched his face closely, and she couldn’t help but chuckle as he studied her intently.</p><p>“Are you looking for something?”</p><p>“Yes”, he said, looking up. “Raquel, would you allow me to… to kiss you?”</p><p>She looked at him in amazement.</p><p>“There?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“You… you want to put your <em>mouth</em>… there?”</p><p>The idea was so bizarre to her. He went a little red.</p><p>“I know it sounds strange. You can say no if you want to, I just… I would like to try something.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I… I have reason to believe that it will feel good for you if… if I kiss you there. If you don’t like it, I can stop immediately.”</p><p>She remembered how it had felt when he kissed her neck, and then how it had felt the last time he had tried something and used his mouth on her nipple. Despite her misgivings, she felt a little thrill in her stomach at the memory of the sensations. Maybe it couldn’t hurt to let him try another thing?</p><p>“Alright”, she said carefully. “You can kiss me.”</p><p>She held her breath as he lowered his head, then she shivered as he pressed his mouth against her. He pulled back.</p><p>“How does that feel?”</p><p>“Nice and warm”, she said. “I like it.”</p><p>“Can I do it again?”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered.</p><p>He pressed his mouth to her again, and this time, she felt to her surprise how he started exploring her with his tongue. She tensed for a moment, but the sensation was really lovely, so she relaxed again and let out a soft sound of contentment. Then, suddenly, his tongue hit a particular spot and she gasped.</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>He looked up.</p><p>“Did that make you feel something?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said, looking at him in surprise. “I’m… I’m not sure what… Could you do it again?”</p><p>He dipped his head and applied his tongue again, and she gasped a second time.</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>He looked up at her again and she thought she could detect a hint of triumph in his smile.</p><p>“Do you trust me?”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered, tense and breathless with anticipation now. She had no idea what was coming – all she knew was that she wanted nothing more than for him to use his tongue again.</p><p>He pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh, then he pressed his mouth to her again, and this time he didn’t pull back. He felt around with his tongue until he found the right spot again, and when he applied more pressure, her eyes went wide and she drew in a sharp breath at the sudden stab of pleasure that went through her. He started moving his tongue in a steady rhythm, and the pleasure increased tenfold, making her fall back into the pillows, gasping, rendered helpless by the sensations he was evoking.</p><p>“Oh!” she gasped. “Oh Sergio, how… how are you doing that? <em>Oh!”</em></p><p>She couldn’t <em>believe </em>how good that felt, his tongue eliciting a deep, glowing tingling like nothing she had ever felt before, warm and golden and <em>utterly</em> delicious, and as he continued, she felt to her consternation like she had lost all control over her body. Involuntary moans were escaping from her lips as her back arched off the bed and her fingers clutched at the sheets, desperate for something to hold onto. She didn’t think the pleasure could increase even more, but with every passing second it seemed to grow more and more intense until she was absolutely speechless. Oh, what was happening, how was he making her feel… <em>this? </em></p><p>Soon her entire body was tensed, every muscle taut, her breathing fast and uneven, the movements of his tongue building a pressure inside of her until she thought she couldn’t stand it anymore. Still he kept going, caressing the same spot over and over again, asking her a question she didn’t know the answer to – until she did. When she tilted her hips, the pressure inside her suddenly crested and broke, and pleasure beyond anything she had ever experienced coursed through her, a fiery tingling radiating out from her core, and her hands tightened on the sheets, her head thrown back as she cried out his name. She was shaking uncontrollably while wave after wave broke over her, drawing more cries of ecstasy from her lips as the sensation consumed her completely. When it finally receded, it left her trembling and gasping and feeling more elated and more flustered than she had ever felt in her life.</p><p>He pulled back, and the next thing she knew he was next to her and took her in his arms, and she held on tight to him as she pressed her face against his chest. <em>How</em>? How had he undone her so completely?</p><p>“Oh my god”, she whispered against his skin. “<em>Oh my god</em>, what… what <em>was </em>that?”</p><p>She looked up at him to see an expression of absolute delight on his face.</p><p>“You finished.”</p><p>“Was… was that <em>normal</em>?”</p><p>“Yes”, he smiled.</p><p>“Sergio, <em>how </em>did you do that?”</p><p>“Well”, he said smugly, “you see, you have a button down there…”</p><p>“A <em>what?”</em></p><p>“I don’t know how else to call it. It appears that, with the right stimulation, it will bring you to… well, orgasm.”</p><p>She blinked. She wasn’t familiar with the term, but if there was a word for it, it couldn’t be a unique phenomenon.</p><p>“Does… does that mean… you can do this again?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Yes, I think so.”</p><p>Oh, life had never seemed so sweet – she was still tingling – the thought that she would experience that again was incredible. He was looking at her, smiling.</p><p>“Did you like it?”</p><p>In answer, she drew his head down and kissed him, over and over and over again until he was laughing.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes?”</p><p>“Yes”, she breathed, “yes, yes, <em>yes</em>. Oh, I can’t believe how good that felt.”</p><p>She shook her head in astonishment. Monica had told her it felt nice. <em>Nice! </em>They clearly needed to have a talk about the definition of that word. She had wanted him to come into her bedroom before, but she’d never suspected that it would be anything even remotely like this – she was rather glad she hadn’t known, or the waiting would have been even worse. She shivered at the remembered sensation – oh, she didn’t think she’d ever get over this – and she knew they weren’t even done, she knew there was more to come still.</p><p>Sergio couldn’t possibly feel more pleased. Her reaction had been beyond anything he could have hoped for, and he was so grateful for Jennie’s advice now, because he knew he <em>never </em>would have figured this out on his own. He looked down at his wife, her face flushed, her eyes bright, her hair tousled on the pillow, and he couldn’t help but kiss her because she was so wonderful. In every possible way, she was making him feel things he had never felt before – an aching tenderness that she had surrendered herself to him so willingly, so completely – a deep sense of wonder at the intimacy they were experiencing together – and a sweet, insistent longing to be even closer to her. He remembered the way her body had moved, the sounds she had made, and oh – he had never felt the kind of desire that he now felt for her, a yearning of such depth and intensity that it took his breath away.</p><p>And yet, when she looked up at him questioningly, he hesitated.</p><p>“Sergio… can we do it now?”</p><p>He saw nothing but anticipation in her eyes, but he hadn’t forgotten what else he had heard in that brothel a year ago, and in the warm tenderness they had created together, he wanted to hurt her less than ever.</p><p>“Raquel… what if we waited a few days for that?”</p><p>She gave him a disappointed look.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because… because it’s been so amazing so far, and I don’t want to end this evening by hurting you.”</p><p>She gave him a soft look and reached up a hand to stroke his cheek.</p><p>“I think you’re focusing too much on that one thing”, she said. “Won’t it feel good for you?”</p><p>“I’m sure it will”, he said, “but my pleasure isn’t worth your pain.”</p><p>She gave him a thoughtful look, and he could see that she was trying to find a way to express herself, so he let her think. Finally, she shifted closer to him and stroked his chest.</p><p>“Sergio… when you were a child, did you ever make a blood pact with someone?”</p><p>“Yes”, he said, wondering where she was going with this. “My brother and I made a pact once when I was ten, though I don’t remember what for.”</p><p>“And you cut your hand to do it?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Why did you choose to deliberately hurt yourself to make a pact?”</p><p>“Because it strengthens the connection between… oh, I see what you mean.”</p><p>She smiled at him.</p><p>“Yes. Don’t you think this would strengthen our connection? Even if it hurt a little? Don’t you think it would be very meaningful? Don’t you think it would be worth it? Because I do.”</p><p>Oh, she was so wonderful.</p><p>“But aren’t you scared?” he whispered.</p><p>She gave him a sweet kiss.</p><p>“No”, she whispered back. “I’m not scared, because I’m with you.”</p><p>She left him speechless. He felt so honored by the trust she put in him, and he so wanted to live up to it. In the end, he realized, there was only one truth: he would do anything she asked of him. He bent his head and kissed her, softly, slowly, trying to convey through his kisses all the tenderness, all the love he felt for her. He just hoped she could feel it.</p><p>When he drew back, she looked up at him.</p><p>“Yes?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes”, he replied, and she gave him a radiant smile and reached up to kiss him again.</p><p>“Will you take off the rest of your clothes, then?”</p><p>He swallowed – the thought of taking off his clothes in front of another person made him feel terribly vulnerable. But this was Raquel, this was the woman he loved, and she had shown herself to him so freely, she had allowed him to see her and touch her and witness her most intimate moments. With all the rest of the world, his dignity was of the utmost importance to him, but with her… being vulnerable seemed like such a beautiful thing.</p><p>So even though he could feel himself go red, he took off the rest of his clothes, then lay down next to her. He was a little worried about her reaction, but there was only curiosity in her eyes, perhaps mixed with a little surprise.</p><p>“Oh”, she said. “That’s not really what I expected. Though I’m not sure what I expected – Monica’s description was very vague.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but smile. She looked very interested.</p><p>“Is it always like that?” she asked him.</p><p>“No”, he said, a little embarrassed by the topic, but pleased that she felt comfortable enough to ask questions. “Usually it’s… it’s smaller, and soft.”</p><p>“Can you show me?”</p><p>He let out an embarrassed chuckle.</p><p>“No, I have very little control over it.”</p><p>“Why isn’t it soft now?”</p><p>He looked at her.</p><p>“Because of you”, he said softly. “Because you’re close to me.”</p><p>She looked up in surprise.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered. “It means… it means I want you.”</p><p>She gave him a bright smile.</p><p>“Well that’s convenient. So that way I can tell if you want to…?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Yes. Raquel, do you know what will happen next?”</p><p>“Yes”, she said. “That part Monica explained to me.”</p><p>She gave him a tentative smile.</p><p>“Can I touch it?”</p><p>He swallowed, the mere thought of it making his heart beat faster.</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered.</p><p>She reached down, and he closed his eyes as she touched him, running light fingers up and down his length. The feeling of it made shivers run down his spine, and his breathing accelerated as she explored him – oh, that felt so wonderful. Her tentative touches were sweet and exciting at the same time, making his desire flare until he was so hard it was almost painful.</p><p>“Does that feel good?” she asked him, and he nodded.</p><p>“Yes”, he breathed. “Yes, so good.”</p><p>She kept stroking him a little longer, until he had to push her hand away because he just couldn’t stand it anymore.</p><p>She gave him a hopeful look.</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>He looked into her eyes.</p><p>“Are you sure you’re ready?”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered, “yes, I’m ready.”</p><p>He hadn’t thought that he would ever be here, that he would ever want to do this with another person – something so private, something so incredibly intimate. But she had entered his life and turned it upside down, making him re-evaluate every conception he’d had about himself and his wants and needs – including this one. He had never felt comfortable with his body, had never seen it as anything other than a burden, but now it was so much more than that. It was a way to connect to her, a way to be close to her, a way to give and receive pleasure that he had never felt any desire for before – her kisses and her touch were sparking a fire inside of him that had never been lit, and an activity that had never held any appeal to him before was now an experience that he deeply wanted to share with her.</p><p>She let herself fall back into the pillows, a flutter in her stomach that was a little due to nerves, but mostly joy. It was finally happening – a year after their wedding, they were finally officially sealing their marriage. She felt this as a moment of great significance, a way to affirm their commitment to one another, and if it had to hurt a little, so be it. She opened her legs and he came to lie on top of her, and she sighed happily – oh, this was wonderful, lying skin to skin with him, the warmth and the weight of his body on hers an unexpected joy. She wrapped her arms around him and looked into his eyes, and though she saw a little apprehension there, there was also love, and a clear, open longing that struck an answering chord inside her. She was suddenly so glad they were doing this now, at this exact moment. If they had done it a year ago, she knew he would have felt terribly uncomfortable and it would have been horribly awkward, but now they loved each other so completely that it felt exactly right. Waiting a year had been hard, but in the end, she didn’t regret it. They had needed that year to find each other.</p><p>He bent his head and pressed his lips to hers in the softest kiss, and she felt her body respond to his touch, to his nearness, to having him between her thighs. There was a longing deep inside of her, a sweet aching, an insistent hum of desire that was just begging to be satisfied. Yet she didn’t want to rush things, she wanted them to take their time, so she responded to his soft kisses with equal tenderness, just enjoying this moment, reveling in the fact that, after all this waiting, it was here.</p><p>He drew back just a little and looked at her, his eyes so serious.</p><p>“Raquel”, he said quietly, “I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone but you. I love you.”</p><p>There was such a warm glow in her chest as she caught his face between her hands and kissed him.</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>They shared one more long, slow kiss, then he gave her a questioning look and she nodded breathlessly. He lifted himself a little and reached down, then guided himself to her.</p><p>“If it hurts too much”, he said, “please tell me. We can stop at any time.”</p><p>“Alright”, she whispered, her heart beating fast. What would it feel like?</p><p>He exerted a gentle pressure and she felt how he entered her. There was some resistance and she drew in a breath as she felt a little discomfort, but then it was gone and he pressed in deeper, slowly, slowly filling her. The sensation was beyond anything she’d expected – a delicious pressure that glowed and tingled as he touched places that had never been touched before, producing a feeling so exquisite that she clutched at him, gasping.</p><p>He halted and gave her a look full of concern.</p><p>“Am I hurting you?”</p><p>“No”, she gasped. “No, it feels… oh, it feels so good.”</p><p>“Really?” he said, looking very relieved.</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered. “Now don’t stop. <em>Please</em> don’t stop.”</p><p>He pressed in deeper and the feeling intensified until she pressed her face against his shoulder and moaned.</p><p>“Raquel, are you sure…?”</p><p>“Yes”, she breathed, so overwhelmed by the sensations that it was hard to speak. “Oh, Sergio. <em>Oh!”</em></p><p>He pushed in the last inch, then stopped, and she closed her eyes and held on tight to him, reveling in the feeling of having him inside of her – a feeling so profound, so intimate, so utterly, utterly <em>right. </em></p><p>“How does that feel?” he murmured.</p><p>“Wonderful”, she whispered. “Just… so, so wonderful.”</p><p>He had been so focused on her, so afraid of causing her pain, that he had barely registered anything outside of it, but at her words he felt the tension leave him, and in its absence, the most sublime sensations flooded him. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but nothing like <em>this – </em>the way she received him so completely, warm and soft beyond anything he could have imagined, enveloping him with a gentle pressure that felt almost unbearably good. He pulled back a little and carefully pushed in again, and the pleasure was so intense it made him gasp.</p><p>“Oh”, he breathed. “Oh, <em>Raquel</em>.”</p><p>He bent his head and kissed her, and when he pushed in again, she moaned softly against his lips, a sound that so clearly expressed her pleasure that he almost lost control of himself. He took a deep breath – he couldn’t bear for it to be over yet, he wanted this to last, this perfect moment when the world was reduced to just the two of them, entirely wrapped up in each other as they were joined in rapture. He felt closer to her than he had ever dreamed of being to another person, and he never wanted this feeling to stop, this feeling of absolute connection, of utter and complete <em>rightness. </em></p><p>They started rocking together, slowly and carefully at first, their arms around each other as he brushed his lips against hers, trying to feel out a rhythm that worked for them. Soon, they found it, and soft moans escaped her lips with every thrust, driving him to the very edge of his restraint. Her hands were in his hair, then on his shoulders and back – how he loved to feel her hands on him, how he loved it when she touched him, when she kissed him, how he loved being skin to skin with her<em>. </em>He had never suspected that anything could feel this good, that his body was capable of experiencing such pleasure, and he knew that it was happening because this wasn’t just a physical experience, but a deeply emotional one as well, adding so many rich layers to the sensations.</p><p>As he kissed her, as he reveled in the feeling of being inside of her, as close to her as possible, he felt a pressure build and build. He knew once it was released, this would be over, so he held it off moment after moment, but finally he couldn’t take it anymore. Her hands on his back made a shiver run down his spine, and suddenly he gasped as he felt himself tip over the edge and into absolute ecstasy. He buried his face in her hair and held her tight as the most exquisite sensation rushed through him, again and again, making him lose all sense of reality as he pushed in deeply one last time, and for one soft, golden moment, they were one.</p><p>She held him close as he caught his breath, enjoying the feeling of his weight on her, smiling blissfully as she pressed soft kisses to his cheek. She couldn’t quite believe how wonderful it had been to share this with him, how good he had felt inside of her, how he had made her feel things she’d never even dreamed of, leaving her slightly out of breath in the best way, feeling dreamy and warm and more satisfied than she’d ever felt in her life. Then he lifted his head and looked at her with shining eyes.</p><p>“Raquel”, he whispered. “That was… <em>oh.</em>”</p><p>“Yes”, she whispered back. “It really was.”</p><p>“Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yes”, she smiled. “Yes, perfectly.”</p><p>He bent his head, and she stroked his hair as he kissed her, a soft, slow kiss that they sank into together, basking in the afterglow of the experience they had just shared, an experience that had transcended hopes and expectations and the very boundaries of personhood, forging an unbreakable connection between them, uniting them in a very real sense, pure and serene and beautiful. They kept kissing for a long time in the warm, glowing intimacy of this moment that belonged only to the two of them, just like they belonged only to each other. How he loved her. How she loved him.</p><p>Finally, he moved off of her to lie next to her on his side, and he opened his arms to invite her in. She cuddled up to him so they were chest to chest, her legs entwined with his, his arms around her, then she lifted her face so she could kiss him, feeling like her heart would burst. After all this time, they were finally truly husband and wife.</p><p>“Raquel”, he murmured, “I’m so glad I could share this with you.”</p><p>She nodded. “Me too.”</p><p>Then she looked up at him with sparkling eyes.</p><p>“When can we do it again?”</p><p>He laughed.</p><p>“I’ll need a little time to recover, I’m afraid.”</p><p>“How much time?”</p><p>“At least half an hour. But aren’t you sore?”</p><p>“Just a little sensitive.”</p><p>He gave her an earnest look.</p><p>“I really think we should wait until tomorrow to do it again. It might start hurting otherwise.”</p><p>She sighed, but she supposed that he was right. Then she gave him a close look.</p><p>“You <em>do </em>want to do it again, right?”</p><p>“Yes”, he whispered, bending his head to kiss her. “More than anything.”</p><p>She couldn’t be happier as she kissed him back.</p><p>“Who would have thought we’d be here tonight?” she murmured.</p><p>“I dreamed of holding you”, he whispered. “Every night, for so long. I can’t believe you’re in my arms now.”</p><p>“I’m so glad you kissed me.”</p><p>“I should have done it months ago.”</p><p>They kissed again, long, slow kisses they could really sink into, caressing each other with gentle hands.</p><p>“Raquel”, he finally whispered. “This was the best day of my life.”</p><p>She nodded her agreement, unable to speak as her throat suddenly felt tight. He continued softly:</p><p>“I never thought I was meant for this. I wanted to spend my life alone. I was such a fool. You have made me so much happier than I ever thought I could be, you’ve made my life so much better.”</p><p>A tear trickled down her cheek and he kissed it away.</p><p>“Thank you for marrying me, Raquel. Thank you for seeing something in me that I didn’t even see myself.”</p><p>She lifted her face and kissed him, kissed him, kissed him. Then they leaned their foreheads together and just held each other close, talking softly about fate, about the past and the future, about things worth waiting for. And through it all, whispered over and over again in ears and against lips: <em>I love you, I love you, I love you. </em></p><p>The night was long and it was theirs, and they filled it with kisses and soft caresses, with warmth and tenderness and joy. Neither of them wanted to sleep, unwilling as they were to waste a single moment now that they were finally together – they had to make up for lost time, after all. The candles were burned down to the wick and the grey light of morning started creeping through the window by the time she sighed and said:</p><p>“I suppose we should get some sleep.”</p><p>“Yes”, he murmured, “I suppose we should.”</p><p>“Can I sleep in your arms?”</p><p>“Yes please”, he whispered.</p><p>He turned onto his back and she nestled herself against him, her arm across his chest, one leg over his, her head in the hollow of his shoulder. They fit together as if they were made for each other.</p><p>“Hold me a little tighter”, she whispered, then she sighed with bliss as he tightened his arms around her. “Yes, perfect. Now don’t let go.”</p><p>“My love”, he whispered against her hair. “My love, believe me. I’m never letting you go again.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. A New Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! 💗 I'm so happy to be back with a new chapter! I've really missed sharing my writing with this wonderful fandom 💗 I so hope you'll like this chapter!</p>
<p>My mental health still has its ups and downs, so I'm not able to make any promises about the next chapter. I'm writing again, but at a much, much slower pace. I still have ideas for several more chapters for this story, and I do intend to continue it, but I also have ideas for a different story. I might work on that for a bit if it feels better -- any writing is better than no writing, right? :)</p>
<p>As always, I'm so blessed with my lovely beta readers. A big thank you to Meg, heartunderfire and thegirloverseas! </p>
<p>Enjoy the chapter! I love you all 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>Sleeping next to her husband was everything she had dreamed it would be. Throughout the night, she kept waking up, just a little bit, to shift closer to him, or because he shifted closer to her. There were delights that she had never imagined: curling up against his back and pressing her face against his shoulder, breathing him in; fitting themselves together, legs and fingers intertwined; feeling him wrap a sleepy arm around her waist to hold her close. They hadn’t put on any night clothes, and together, their bodies created a warmth that was somehow warmer and softer than any heat generated by fires or blankets, and she basked in it in utter contentment. Wrapped in his arms, she slept better than she ever had, suffused with a feeling of deep happiness, of peace, of belonging. She had never felt so safe. She had never felt so loved.</p>
<p>She finally woke up because he was pressing soft kisses to her neck and shoulder. The sun was filling the room with bright golden light, but it wasn’t nearly as bright or as golden as the feeling that spread through her as she turned around in his arms and looked at her husband, whose eyes were soft and warm as he shifted closer and pressed the sweetest kiss to her lips.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” she whispered back, and for a moment she had to close her eyes tightly to keep back tears. This moment. All year, she had dreamt of this moment, and now it was here and it was everything she had ever hoped it would be, delicate and soft and beautiful. Yesterday morning, she had woken up in her parents’ house, alone, and now she was waking up next to the man she loved so dearly, the man who was now, finally, truly her husband.</p>
<p>When she opened her eyes again, he was looking at her with an expression that made something flutter in her chest – like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He reached out a hand and stroked her cheek.</p>
<p>“I had such wonderful dreams tonight,” he murmured. “But waking up next to you is better than any dream I’ve ever had.”</p>
<p>Her heart felt so full.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she whispered. “For me too.”</p>
<p>“Did you sleep well?”</p>
<p>“Amazingly,” she smiled. “I loved sleeping next to you.”</p>
<p>He gave her the shy smile she loved so much.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for waking you,” he said. “I just couldn’t help myself.”</p>
<p>“Is that so?” she smiled.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said, giving her such a soft look. “I woke up and you were right there and… and I just <em>had </em>to kiss you.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t possibly feel more delighted as she moved even closer to him.</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said, very seriously. “I had no choice, Raquel. It’s far beyond my power to resist you.”</p>
<p>In response, she pressed her lips to his for a longer kiss, humming softly with contentment as he pulled her gently against him and they let the kiss go on for minute after wonderful minute. It still filled her with so much wonder that she could just <em>kiss </em>him now, that she could just give in to the impulse when she had had to resist it so often in the past. It was still so new to her – the lovely feeling of his lips on hers, the joy of it, the utter delight of being so close to him, of being allowed to touch him, to feel his skin, to run her fingers through his hair.</p>
<p>He pulled back just a little and echoed her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Oh, I love kissing you.”</p>
<p>“Then why are you stopping?” she smiled.</p>
<p>He smiled back.</p>
<p>“Because I love looking at you too. You’re so beautiful. I love your eyes, and your mouth.” He reached out a hand and stroked her hair. “I love seeing you with your hair down.” His fingers moved down to caress her shoulder. “I love how soft you are.”</p>
<p>She reached out and brushed her fingers against his cheek, and he closed his eyes to savor her touch. They lay close together and slowly reaffirmed the connection they had formed the day before through sweet caresses, gentle fingers gliding over skin, carefully exploring the contours of arms and shoulders and cheekbones, until he caught her hand and pressed kisses to her wrist, her palm, her fingertips. As they caressed each other, they kept whispering to each other, over and over again, the three words that seemed more important, more significant than any words they had ever spoken: I love you, I love you, I love you. They had spent months keeping in those words, and now they couldn’t stop saying them, letting them spill from their lips unchecked, an outpouring of love, of tenderness, of joy at finally being together like this.</p>
<p>It all felt like a dream, and the happiness she felt from sharing these soft, intimate moments with him was unparalleled, unmatched by anything she had ever experienced before. Yesterday had been wonderful, but it had all been so breathtakingly new and unexpected that she had been entirely caught up in what was happening. Now, she was better able to relax into the moment, to experience it all much more fully, to bask in the unutterable satisfaction of having a year-long desire fulfilled.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” he asked.</p>
<p>She smiled. “How happy I am.”</p>
<p>He gave her a soft look.</p>
<p>“I’m glad. I want you to be happy.”</p>
<p>“Do you know what would make me even happier?”</p>
<p>His expression turned more serious.</p>
<p>“Tell me.”</p>
<p>“Another kiss,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Ah,” he smiled. “Let me see what I can do.”</p>
<p>He moved closer and she closed her eyes as he brushed his lips against hers, teasingly light.</p>
<p>“How’s that?”</p>
<p>“That’s hardly a proper kiss,” she said in mock indignation.</p>
<p>“Hmm… then how about this?”</p>
<p>This time, he pressed his lips to hers for a few moments.</p>
<p>“Better,” she smiled, “but I think we can still improve on it.”</p>
<p>He gave her a thoughtful nod.</p>
<p>“I think this calls for a different approach.”</p>
<p>She laughed in delight as he rolled her onto her back and came to lie half on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked up at him with sparkling eyes.</p>
<p>“Well this is very promising.”</p>
<p>“Let me see if I can live up to your expectations this time.”</p>
<p>She tilted up her face to his, suddenly hungry to feel his mouth on hers, and he finally obliged her with a proper kiss, pressing his lips against hers, then opening his mouth and lightly flicking his tongue against her lips, causing a delicious flutter in her stomach. She opened her mouth to him, and when he touched his tongue to hers, a little jolt shot right through her. She sighed softly and pressed herself closer to him, and as they lost themselves in deeper kisses, his hands were slowly caressing her side and stomach, and she felt her body attune to him in the most wonderful way. His fingers left tingling paths on her skin wherever he touched her, and there was a warmth spreading all through her. Her breathing quickened, her hips started shifting involuntarily, and a low hum of desire started up in her lower belly.</p>
<p>When he had evoked these feelings in her yesterday, her desire had been directionless and unformed – she had wanted something without knowing what it was – but now she knew <em>exactly </em>what she wanted.</p>
<p>“Sergio,” she murmured against his lips, “it’s tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” he murmured back.</p>
<p>“You said we could do it again tomorrow…”</p>
<p>A slow smile appeared on his face.</p>
<p>“Oh… and do you… want to do it again?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she whispered, a little breathless already at the very thought. “Yes, please.” Then she gave him an apprehensive look. “That is… if you also want to?”</p>
<p>He gave her a warm look.</p>
<p>“I’ve never wanted anything more.”</p>
<p>“Good,” she smiled broadly. “I would have been heartbroken if you’d said no.”</p>
<p>He looked at her, then said:</p>
<p>“I’m really looking forward to it. I can’t wait for tonight.”</p>
<p>Her heart stopped.</p>
<p>“Tonight?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said earnestly. “That’s something to do in the evenings. We have to get up now.”</p>
<p>She looked at him in utter dismay, but then she saw the mischievous light in his eyes and she laughed.</p>
<p>“Oh! For a moment, I really believed you.”</p>
<p>He chuckled, then kissed her.  </p>
<p>“I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t survive until tonight,” he whispered against her lips. “I want to make love to you right here, right now.”</p>
<p>“Thank God,” she smiled, then twined her fingers into his hair and pulled him down to kiss him deeply. They explored each other slowly, thoroughly, then he dipped his head to kiss her throat, making her shiver in delight and tilt her head back to grant him better access. As he pressed his mouth against her skin, she started remembering in vivid detail the things he had done yesterday, and her heart started beating faster as she recalled how it had felt, as she remembered how he had made her gasp, how he had made her tremble, gripping the sheets, her head thrown back… Oh, <em>oh</em>, she wanted that again. The mere memory caused a sharp, insistent tingle between her legs.</p>
<p>“Sergio,” she breathed, and he looked up. She hesitated, not sure what the proper way to behave was. Should she just let him take the lead, or was she allowed to make requests?</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?”</p>
<p>“Anything.”</p>
<p>“Will you… will you do the thing with your mouth again?”</p>
<p>“Do you want me to do it again?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said eagerly. “Yes, very much.”</p>
<p>He smiled. “Then of course.”</p>
<p>She bit her lip in delight and let herself fall back in the pillows as he started trailing kisses down her chest. His warm breath playing over her skin was making shivers run down her spine, and when he kissed her breasts, she remembered how he had taken her nipple in his mouth yesterday and she fervently hoped that he would do it again.</p>
<p>He glanced up at her.</p>
<p>“Would you like me to…?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yes,” she whispered.</p>
<p>As he closed his warm mouth over her nipple and sucked, she threw her head back and moaned softly, marveling at how the sensation shot right through her, how it thrilled her, how it made her feel <em>so much</em>. She twined her fingers into his hair to keep him there, and he sucked a little harder, intensifying the tingle between her legs until she was gasping, until she absolutely couldn’t bear it anymore and she pushed his head away, breathing hard, positively <em>aching </em>for more. He took her cue and started pressing kisses to her stomach as he inched his way down, making her squirm a little in breathless anticipation as she spread her legs.</p>
<p>He took his time approaching her, pressing kisses to the inside of her thighs first, then making her shudder as he lightly touched her with his tongue, exploring her slowly, carefully, and she joyfully surrendered herself to him with a happy sigh. When his tongue hit a particular spot, it elicited an involuntary ‘yes!’ from her, so he stayed there. <em>Oh</em>, it felt so good – she couldn’t help but smile, because this time, she knew this wasn’t even all of it, she knew it would get even better. Now that she knew what was coming, she knew what feeling to search for, and she recognized the soft thrum of tension as it started building inside of her. He was trying out different things with his tongue, and while it all felt <em>amazing,</em> she realized that there were subtle differences and some things felt even better than others, so she started whispering to him to move a little higher, a little faster, a little more pressure, until it was just <em>perfect </em>and she couldn’t talk anymore, she could only clutch at the sheets and moan, every muscle tense, waiting with bated breath, longing so intensely for a feeling she hadn’t even known she was capable of experiencing until yesterday. She tried to tell herself that her expectations were too high, that she was misremembering it – it couldn’t possibly feel as good as she remembered it… could it? But then suddenly it was there and she gasped as it surprised her all over again –  the rapture of it, the unimagined ecstasy, the exquisite fire consuming her entirely, making her cry out, shaking, completely and utterly lost in the moment.</p>
<p>When the feeling slowly tapered off, she was left breathless and tingling and with an intense desire to hold him close.</p>
<p>“Sergio,” she whispered, tugging softly at his hair, and he immediately understood and moved up. She pulled him on top of her, the feeling of his body on hers so wonderful, so warm and strong, and she hummed happily as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down for a kiss.</p>
<p>“That was amazing,” she said, and he smiled, clearly very pleased.</p>
<p>“Good,” he said, his eyes warm. “Now do you want to rest for a bit, or do… other things?”</p>
<p>“Other things,” she said immediately. He was pressed close against her, and feeling him hard against her hip was making her ache with longing.</p>
<p>He didn’t move immediately, however, just looked into her eyes with the softest look.</p>
<p>“I love you,” he whispered, and she felt a sudden rush of emotion and tilted her face up to kiss him again.</p>
<p>“I love you too.”</p>
<p>He lifted himself slightly and moved a hand between them to guide himself to her, and as he slowly pushed in, the feeling inside of her threatened to overwhelm her for a moment, making her gasp and clutch at him, speechless. It was still so new, and she was so acutely aware of him, of how he moved and smelled, of how he felt inside of her, of how he filled her up and made her feel complete. The bliss of being this close to him was intense, and when he started moving, she closed her eyes and gave herself over to the sensations, moaning softly. There were a few moments of just feeling each other out, and then they found a rhythm, slow and sweet, and they moved together effortlessly. It didn’t take very long before she felt him tense in her arms, then he buried his face in her hair and she held him close as he groaned softly, hoping that it was every bit as good for him as it had been for her earlier.</p>
<p>She gently stroked his back as he relaxed and caught his breath, then he lifted his head and pressed the softest kiss to her lips. She twined her fingers into his hair and kissed him back, marveling at the depth of feeling that she was experiencing. What a beautiful thing this was to share with him, only with him, only the two of them, and what a profound and meaningful connection it created. He moved off her to lie next to her on his side, opening his arms to her, and there was such a wonderful feeling inside of her as she cuddled up against his chest and he closed his arms around her and held her close. She sighed and closed her eyes to savor it. This – this must be what heaven felt like, and if she could stop time now she would, to live forever in the warm golden glow of this moment.</p>
<p>They stayed like that for a while, dozing a little and sharing soft, sleepy kisses, murmuring sweet things to each other. To her dismay, though, she finally realized that she had to go to the bathroom, so she gently started to disengage from him. He immediately looked up and pulled her back in against him.</p>
<p>“Where do you think you’re going?”</p>
<p>“To the bathroom,” she smiled.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” he said, giving her a thoughtful look, “I’m not sure I can let you go.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>“Is that a promise?”</p>
<p>“A solemn promise.”</p>
<p>“Alright then.”</p>
<p>He let her go, and she slipped out of bed and into the bathroom. As she came out again, she looked at him in her bed – her husband – and she felt like her heart would burst. He looked back at her and smiled, then opened his arms, and though she had only been out of bed for mere minutes, she suddenly couldn’t bear to be apart from him for another second. She rushed towards the bed and jumped in, and he pulled the sheet over them and wrapped her in his arms, and she reflected that it had been worth getting out of the bed just for the sheer bliss of returning to him, warm and waiting for her.</p>
<p>“Finally,” he sighed. “That took forever.”</p>
<p>She laughed. “I was only gone for five minutes.”</p>
<p>“Still,” he said, “I missed you.”</p>
<p>“Let me make it up to you,” she smiled, then pressed her lips against his for several long moments. “Better?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he whispered. “Much better.”</p>
<p>He gave her a long look, then said:</p>
<p>“We’ve only been like this for a few hours, Raquel, but I already can’t remember how I did it all those months.”</p>
<p>“How you did what?”</p>
<p>“Not kiss you,” he said quietly. “Not hold you. It seems impossible now.”</p>
<p>She nodded, such a soft feeling in her chest.</p>
<p>“I know what you mean.”</p>
<p>They cuddled close and shared more kisses, and she had completely forgotten that there was a world outside of their bedroom, but then she noticed how far the rays of the sun had crept across the room, and she sighed regretfully.</p>
<p>“I suppose we should get up soon.”</p>
<p>“No,” he murmured, tightening his arms around her, “no, I don’t think so.”</p>
<p>She smiled in delight, but felt obligated to say:</p>
<p>“But it’s already past breakfast time.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care. I want to spend all day in bed with you, talking to you, and holding you, and kissing you.”</p>
<p>“We can’t do that,” she laughed. “What will the servants think?”</p>
<p>“Yes”, he murmured, nuzzling her neck. “What <em>will </em>the servants think? That I’m in love with my wife? That, now that we’re finally in bed together, we don’t want to get out again? That I can’t resist you?”</p>
<p>He looked at her and smiled. “I’m fine with them thinking all of that. It’s all true.”</p>
<p>Her eyes were sparkling.</p>
<p>“But don’t you have things to do?”</p>
<p>“Things more important than kissing you? I don’t think so.”</p>
<p>“What about your studies?”</p>
<p>“You know,” he said thoughtfully, trailing his lips along the line of her jaw to her ear, “I think I’ve found a new area of study I’d like to focus on for a bit. <em>You </em>are quite the most interesting thing I’ve ever encountered, and I think the bed is the perfect place to conduct a very, <em>very </em>thorough investigation.”</p>
<p>She laughed in delight as he buried his face against her neck and pressed tickling kisses there.</p>
<p>“What would that look like?” she asked, a little breathless.</p>
<p>“Well”, he mused, running his fingers lightly down her back, making her shiver, “I would like to get to know every inch of you. I want to find out where you like to be kissed and how, where you’re ticklish and where you like to be stroked and how you like to be held, and a thousand other things.”</p>
<p>She nodded earnestly.</p>
<p>“Hmm, very interesting. What will be your research method?”</p>
<p>“Very practical,” he said seriously. “I think it should involve a lot of kissing you all over and a lot of time in bed. What do you think?”</p>
<p>“That sounds like an excellent experiment,” she concurred, then they laughed and kissed each other.</p>
<p>“Seriously though, Raquel,” he said softly, leaning his forehead against hers. “This has all been so amazing so far, but I feel like we’ve only just started. I feel like there’s so much more to discover in every way.”</p>
<p>She felt a flutter in her stomach at the thought of discovering more wonderful things with him, of spending hours upon hours in each other’s arms, slowly exploring each other, growing even closer than they already were. She was ready to start right now, but then a soft rumbling sound coming from her stomach made him look up.</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re hungry.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter,” she said.</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to be hungry.”</p>
<p>“But now that you’ve said all of that, I don’t want to get out of bed anymore.”</p>
<p>He smiled. “Then stay here, and I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>She looked at him curiously as he got out of bed and pulled on his shirt and pants, then left the room. Without his warmth next to her, she soon felt a little chilly, so she put on her nightgown and sat up against the pillows. A big smile spread across her face as he came back in ten minutes later, carrying a tray with bread and jam, tea and some fruit.</p>
<p>“How did you explain that to the footmen?” she asked.</p>
<p>He grinned at her.</p>
<p>“I don’t have to explain anything, this is our house, we can do what we want. I just said we wouldn’t be coming down for breakfast today.”</p>
<p>She laughed. “That’s going to cause some commotion in the servants’ quarters, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>“Let them talk,” he said, putting the tray down on the bed and getting in himself, immediately leaning in for a kiss. “I couldn’t care less.”</p>
<p>She kissed him back, humming contentedly as he pushed her down into the pillows, his hands wandering downwards.</p>
<p>“Why are you wearing your nightgown?” he murmured against her lips.</p>
<p>“Because I was cold.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” he said, shifting to lie on top of her. “Let’s see if I can get you warm again.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure that won’t be a problem,” she whispered, then pulled his head down for a deeper kiss, and they sank into it without thinking, giving free rein to their desire for each other.</p>
<p>After a few moments, though, he pulled back.</p>
<p>“No,” he said, looking a little dazed. “We were going to eat.”</p>
<p>She wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her head to brush her lips against his.</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said, with very little conviction. It only took another brush of her lips against his for him to whisper: “No…” and bend his head to kiss her deeply again.</p>
<p>“What are you doing to me?” he murmured against her lips. “Why can’t I stop kissing you?”</p>
<p>“Because it’s so much fun,” she smiled. “And because we have so many months of unkissed kisses stored up.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he said, “you’re right. Let’s set that straight.”</p>
<p>And he kissed her again, and again, and again. Finally he sighed.</p>
<p>“I suppose we really should eat, though.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said, glancing over at the tray. “The tea must be cold by now.”</p>
<p>“But are you warm again?” he smiled.</p>
<p>“I am,” she smiled back.</p>
<p>“Then it was worth it.”</p>
<p>They regretfully let go of each other, then settled cross-legged on the bed and happily shared their breakfast, talking and laughing. They kept reaching out for little touches, kept leaning in for kisses between bites, and she wondered about it – this magnetism between them, drawing them together over and over and over again, making any distance between them seem forced and unnatural. The moment the food was gone, they immediately gravitated towards each other again, and she was so relieved that she could just give in to the pull of him now whenever she wanted – after all these months, she was so, so tired of resisting him, and she didn’t plan on doing much resisting from now on, feeling instinctively that the attraction between them would be a dominant force in their lives for a while, and she couldn’t be more thrilled about that.</p>
<p>They put the tray aside and lay down again, quietly, just looking at each other and sharing soft touches, and Raquel felt utterly content just to be close to him.</p>
<p>“This has to be the best feeling in the world,” he said softly.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You have made me feel so many new things, Raquel,” he continued. “Things I never thought I was capable of feeling. I thought I was reasonably happy with my life before I met you, but now I realize I didn’t even know what happiness <em>was. </em>You’ve shown me. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to marry you, out of all the women in the world.”</p>
<p>She smiled and kissed him, but then she said:</p>
<p>“You were just lonely before. I’m sure if you’d married someone else, you would have been happy too.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure that’s true,” he said solemnly. “We ended up here entirely thanks to you – because you refused to give up on me, because you gave me a second chance. We are here because you are uniquely kind, and understanding, and forgiving, and because you’ve had infinite patience with me. Maybe I would have been able to live with someone else, but not like this… never like this.” He looked into her eyes. “Raquel… I really believe that what I’m feeling for you, this exact feeling, I could never have felt for someone else.”</p>
<p>She tenderly stroked his cheek, the most wonderful ache in her chest.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I could have felt this for someone else either.”</p>
<p>They shared a soft kiss, and when they broke apart, he said:</p>
<p>“I just have one regret.”</p>
<p>“Only one?” she smiled, and he chuckled.</p>
<p>“No, you’re right, I have many regrets. I regret not trying to get to know you right from the start. I regret that it took me so long to see how wonderful you are. And then I regret every day that I didn’t kiss you, every day that I didn’t tell you how I felt. But I have one particular regret today.”</p>
<p>“Tell me.”</p>
<p>He gave her a soft look.</p>
<p>“I regret that we’re already married. When I married you a year ago, I didn’t have the slightest inkling of how lucky I was. What I wouldn’t give to marry you now, in the full knowledge that I was the luckiest man in the world. How happy it would make me now to say those words.”</p>
<p>“Then let’s say them,” she smiled. “Let’s get married again, just for you and me.”</p>
<p>She placed her hand against his chest, and he put his own hand over hers.</p>
<p>“Today,” she said, “I once again take you as my husband, in the good days and the bad, and I promise to love you forever. Do you promise to love me forever?”</p>
<p>“With all my heart,” he whispered.</p>
<p>The look in his eyes pulled at something inside of her, making her lean in and press her lips against his.</p>
<p>“Then I hereby declare us to be more married than we were before.”</p>
<p>“Good,” he said, his eyes warm. “I would like to marry you a bit more every day for the rest of my life.”</p>
<p>“I’m not opposed to that at all,” she smiled.</p>
<p>He pulled her closer and kissed her, and she couldn’t remember ever being happier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Living Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! 😘 I always planned to come back to this story after Safe House was out of my head, and here I am! 😄 It was really nice to dive back into the TWQ universe 😊 Please don't expect too much of this chapter, though -- it's just fluff and smut! 😄</p><p>I have some ideas for more chapters and currently I'm inspired to write them, but I'm not going to commit to a strict updating schedule. I usually love to update regularly, but life is busy and unpredictable right now, and I need to be able to write without pressure for a bit. If you want to be notified of new chapters, I suggest you subscribe to the fic, or follow me on Twitter (@Evendale12). I'm also not committing to a fixed number of future chapters for this story -- I'll just see where inspiration takes me :) </p><p>I hope you'll enjoy the chapter! 😊😘</p><p>As always, I have to thank thegirloverseas for being such a generous and supportive beta reader! 💗</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>They spent the entire morning in bed, and Raquel couldn’t be happier. They stayed close together, lying skin to skin and caressing each other as they talked softly, often stopping to share sweet kisses which they sank into for minutes at a time. After all those months of longing for a closeness exactly like this, neither of them was willing to end it, neither of them was willing to let go of the other and get out of bed, so they stayed between the sheets for hour after hour, basking in each other’s presence and their newfound connection. There were delights that Raquel had never even dreamed of, and it was pure joy to discover them now. She never could have imagined the intimacy of lying close together and just looking at each other without speaking, communicating without words. When he came to lie on top of her to kiss her, she never would have suspected how lovely it would feel simply to have his weight on her. And oh, how wonderful it felt to cuddle up to him, to press her body against his, warm and solid, and to drape her arm across his chest because he was hers now, he was hers completely and he would always be.</p><p>At a certain point, she turned onto her stomach and he started stroking her back, running light fingers up and down her spine, and she sighed in delight, closing her eyes to savor the sensation. She had wanted him to come to her bed ever since the beginning, but she hadn’t known what exactly it would entail – how incredibly intimate it would feel – what a joy it would be to share all of this with him – how he would introduce her to a whole new world of feeling, of sensations that were sweeter and lovelier than anything she could ever have dreamed. Being touched by him had been a revelation in so many ways, and he had satisfied a hunger in her that she hadn’t even been aware of before. She shivered at the memory of his hands and his mouth on her – she still couldn’t quite fathom how he had seemed to know her body so much better than she’d known it herself.</p><p>Actually… now that she had some time to think about it, she did wonder about that. She turned to look at him.</p><p>“Sergio? Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Of course,” he smiled. “Anything.”</p><p>She pushed herself up on an elbow.</p><p>“Last night… and this morning… how did you know what to do?”</p><p>The dreaminess left his expression, and he looked away from her.</p><p>“Uhm… what do you mean?”</p><p>“Well… you made me feel things that… that I didn’t even know I could feel,” she said, feeling a tingle in her stomach at the memory. “How did you know how to do that? Did you read it in a book?”</p><p>He was still avoiding her eyes, and as she noted the guilty expression on his face, she realized with a sudden sense of dread that she might not like the answer. She sat up.</p><p>“Sergio?”</p><p>He sat up too and sighed, then he looked up at her.</p><p>“I don’t want to lie to you, Raquel. I… I knew what to do because… before we were married, Andrés took me to a… to see…”</p><p>He was turning red as he cast around for the right words.</p><p>“… to see a… lady of ill repute.”</p><p>She felt a terrible sinking sensation in her stomach as she shifted away from him. She’d known that some men did… that… but she’d never have suspected it of her husband.</p><p>“Oh,” she whispered, trying to hold back the awful disappointment of knowing that last night hadn’t been as special to him as it had been to her. “I… I thought it was your first time too. You told me…”</p><p>He quickly looked up.</p><p>“It was,” he said. “Of course it was my first time.”</p><p>She gave him an uncertain look.</p><p>“But you just said you knew what to do because you saw a… a lady… for that.”</p><p>“No, no!” he said emphatically. “I didn’t sleep with her! I didn’t even touch her. We just talked.”</p><p>“You just talked?” she frowned. “Is that… is that usual?”</p><p>He gave an embarrassed smile.</p><p>“No,” he admitted. “But I… I really didn’t want to… do that, with her. So she just explained to me what to do.”</p><p>She felt a sense of relief steal through her.</p><p>“Really?” she whispered.</p><p>“Yes,” he assured her, such an earnest look in his eyes that she couldn’t help but believe him. “I swear.”</p><p>“Then why were you looking so guilty before?”</p><p>He ran an embarrassed hand through his hair.</p><p>“Because… because I shouldn’t have been in an… establishment like that in the first place,” he mumbled. “I swear I only went because Andrés made me. I never would have gone there on my own.”</p><p>“I believe you,” she said gently. “And actually… I’m glad you went there.”</p><p>He gave her a look of surprise.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, shifting closer to him again to settle herself against his chest, and he gratefully wrapped his arm around her waist. “If you hadn’t talked to this lady, would you have known what to do?”</p><p>“No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, I never would have figured that out on my own.”</p><p>“Well then,” she smiled. “I can only be happy about that.”</p><p>He gave her a soft smile as he brushed her hair behind her ear.</p><p>“You’re so wonderful,” he murmured. “So wonderful, Raquel.”</p><p>She lifted her face, and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips as he pulled her closer.</p><p>“You have to know,” he whispered, “that I never would have wanted to share this with anyone but you.”</p><p>She lifted a hand and stroked his cheek.</p><p>“Me neither,” she whispered back. “This is something that’s only for you and me.”</p><p>He nodded and kissed her again, and she moved closer to him and kissed him back, her hand in his hair, and soon they were entirely lost in the kiss. When he’d first kissed her, out in the rose garden yesterday, it had been so amazing, so sweet, that she hadn’t thought that it could possibly become even more wonderful – and yet it had. This was something new for both of them, and after they had spent several hours on the activity last night and this morning, Raquel clearly felt how they were starting to become more attuned to each other, learning the other’s rhythms and preferences, and each kiss seemed to be even lovelier than the last. It made her wonder if the other things they had done would also become even better with time and practice… She could barely believe it – but then again, she wouldn’t have believed it of the kisses either. Merely thinking about it made something stir in her stomach, and she moved her hand down to his chest, thinking that she rather wanted to start practicing right away.</p><p>But then the hallway clock outside her bedroom door sounded the hour, indicating that it would soon be time for lunch, so she regretfully pulled back from him and sighed.</p><p>“I suppose we should get dressed and go downstairs.”</p><p>He only pulled her closer in response and nuzzled her neck.</p><p>“I don’t want to get dressed,” he said softly. “I don’t want to go downstairs. I don’t want to do anything except kiss you.”</p><p>She sighed in delight as he kissed her neck.</p><p>“I know,” she whispered. “I want to stay in bed with you too.”</p><p>But then she pushed him away, smiling.</p><p>“But we already had breakfast in bed. If we don’t come down for lunch either, the servants will make sure that we’ll be the talk of the entire neighborhood tomorrow.”</p><p>“Who cares,” he murmured against her skin.</p><p>She laughed.</p><p>“I care! I want to be able to look my neighbors in the eye.”</p><p>He looked up and gave a regretful sigh.</p><p>“Yes, you’re right. Of course you’re right. We can’t stay in bed forever. It’s just…”</p><p>He gave her such a soft look as he cupped her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb.</p><p>“It’s just that I’ve been dreaming of this for so long, and I thought it would never happen. I… I thought that I would never kiss you, so now I just don’t want to stop. I thought I would never hold you, so now I just can’t bring myself to let you go. I… I hope you don’t mind that.”</p><p>There was an unbelievably tender feeling in her chest as she leaned into him and kissed him again.</p><p>“Of course I don’t mind,” she whispered, leaning her forehead against his and stroking the back of his neck. “Oh, my love, I feel the exact same way.”</p><p>Then she looked at him and smiled.</p><p>“But you know what the wonderful thing is? We’re <em>married</em>. We get to spend the rest of our lives together. We can kiss all the kisses we’d ever want to kiss, and hold each other every night.”</p><p>His eyes were warm as he smiled back at her.</p><p>“That’s a wonderful thing indeed.”</p><p>She pressed another kiss to his lips.</p><p>“So for now, let’s get dressed and have lunch and be sensible adults for a while, and we can make up for missed kisses tonight.”</p><p>She saw him steel himself.</p><p>“Alright,” he said. “Sensible adults. I can do that.”</p><p>They finally got out of bed and Raquel rang the bell for the chambermaids to bring up water for a bath. Sergio pulled her close and they shared one last, deep kiss, then he slipped out the door and she was alone, unable to stop smiling as she went to her wardrobe and selected the dress she wanted to wear today. When the chambermaids came in with buckets of steaming water, they threw her some very curious glances, and she felt herself go a little red, but she was too happy to really care. She washed herself in the tub, then went into her bedroom again, where Annie was waiting for her to help her dress and do her hair.</p><p>“Good morning, my lady,” Annie said, clearly trying hard to keep a straight face. “I trust you slept well.”</p><p>Raquel felt herself blush again at the knowing look in the girl’s eye, but she still couldn’t stop smiling.</p><p>“Yes, Annie,” she said. “I slept very well indeed.”</p><p>The girl smiled broadly.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that, ma’am.”</p><p>Raquel sat down in front of her mirror so Annie could brush her hair, and she could clearly see that Annie was curious. She knew it wasn’t entirely proper, but she couldn’t help it – she desperately wanted to talk to someone.</p><p>“You can ask me,” she smiled.</p><p>The girl shook her head, blushing.</p><p>“No, it’s not my place.”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Raquel said. “We’ve known each other for so long, Annie. I like to think that… that we’re friends.”</p><p>Annie looked up, clearly pleased.</p><p>“I’m glad you feel that way, ma’am.”</p><p>“So what did you want to ask me?”</p><p>“Well…” Annie said, “We all know that Lord Marquina spent the night here. Did you… are you…”</p><p>She hesitated, then continued delicately.</p><p>“Are you properly married now?”</p><p>“Yes,” Raquel smiled, her eyes shining. “Yes, we are.”</p><p>“Finally,” Annie said, then she clapped a hand in front of her mouth. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t…”</p><p>But Raquel was laughing.</p><p>“No, you’re absolutely right, it took us long enough.”</p><p>Annie gave her another curious look.</p><p>“What was it like?”</p><p>Raquel felt herself go soft and dreamy as she replied.</p><p>“It was… Annie, I never expected it to be anything like it was.”</p><p>“In a good way?” Annie asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Raquel sighed. “In a <em>wonderful </em>way.”</p><p>She suddenly turned around and looked up at the girl.</p><p>“Annie, if you ever get married… Come and talk to me beforehand. There were things that… that I never knew, and I’m so glad I know them now.”</p><p>The girl was blushing, but she nodded.</p><p>“Alright, I will.”</p><p>Raquel gave her a close look.</p><p>“Are you seeing someone, Annie?”</p><p>Annie’s blush deepened, telling Raquel all she needed to know, and she felt a sudden stab of concern for the girl.</p><p>“You’re not doing anything that could get you pregnant, are you?”</p><p>“No,” Annie said immediately. “Definitely not.”</p><p>There was something to Annie’s expression that made Raquel feel like there was more to the story, but she felt like it wasn’t her place to pry.</p><p>“Good,” she said, then she hesitated still looking closely at the girl. “Annie… if you ever want to talk to me, about anything… please know you can.”</p><p>For a moment, it looked like Annie wanted to take her up on the offer, but then she seemed to decide against it.</p><p>“Thank you, ma’am,” she merely said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”</p><p>Raquel decided to drop the subject. She turned back towards the mirror and gave Annie a sly smile.</p><p>“So… was there a lot of talk in the servants’ quarters?”</p><p>Annie suppressed a smile.</p><p>“Perhaps.”</p><p>“Perhaps?” Raquel laughed, and Annie laughed too.</p><p>“Alright, yes, there was. But we’re all very happy for you.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Raquel said. “I’m very happy too.”</p><p>Her eyes met Annie’s in the mirror, and they both smiled, and Raquel felt so grateful that she had someone to share her happiness with.</p><p>…</p><p>Sergio was the first one down, his hair still damp from his bath. He nodded at the footmen who were waiting to serve the meal, then sat down in his usual chair at the dining room table. Try as he might, he just couldn’t stop smiling, and he felt a little light-headed. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he was – how <em>happy </em>he was. Until yesterday, he’d been so abjectly miserable, missing her so much while she was at her parents’ house, and now… now all of his dreams had suddenly come true, and it had been better than he had ever even imagined it could be. Holding her, and touching her, and the kisses – so, so many kisses – were delights that he’d been dreaming about for so long, but he could never have fully grasped the wonder and satisfaction of actually living the experience.</p><p>He waited impatiently for her to come through the door – why was every minute feeling like an eternity? Finally, she walked in, and his heart skipped a beat. Oh, she looked so lovely, and he wanted nothing more than to get up and kiss her, but the footmen were still standing silently in the corner, waiting to serve them, so he merely settled for a longing look and a smile, both of which she returned. The footmen filled their plates, then went back to stand by the wall, and Sergio tried to eat, but it was hard to focus on the food. He kept glancing up at her, and she kept glancing up at him, and whenever their eyes met, they couldn’t help but smile.</p><p>This all felt so surreal – for <em>months</em>, they had sat here for every meal, just like this – and even though everything looked exactly the same now, it couldn’t be more different. Now, he could look at her and, instead of wondering what it would be like to kiss her, he <em>knew </em>what it was like – he could just remember all the kisses they’d shared last night and this morning. He could look at her lips and know what they tasted like, he could look at her hands and feel the ghost of them on his skin. One thing hadn’t changed, though: the aching longing to hold her close – except now, for the first time, he could experience it in the knowledge that the desire would be satisfied – that it would only take a few more hours before she would be in his arms again. The mere thought of it filled him with so much happiness he could barely contain it. He wanted nothing more than to get up and kiss her, but it would be extremely improper to start kissing in front of the servants, so they made an effort to maintain a conversation about neutral things, catching up after having spent several weeks apart.</p><p>After lunch, he would have preferred to take her to a secluded corner in the rose garden to kiss her breathless, but the morning’s clear skies had made way for clouds, and it was drizzling slightly, so they couldn’t go outside.</p><p>“How do you want to spend the afternoon?” he asked her.</p><p>“Shall we just go to your study as usual?” she proposed. “I’d like to write a letter to Monica, and I’m sure you’d like to return to your studies.”</p><p>He honestly couldn’t care less about his studies right now, but he felt that she was right – they should probably try to keep to their usual routines. Still… when the door of his study closed behind them, he wanted nothing more than to sweep her into his arms and press his lips against hers, but then movement in front one of the low windows caught his eye – a gardener, clipping the bushes outside.</p><p>“Why is this entire house full of people?” he grumbled, and she laughed.</p><p>“We’ll just have to try to be strong,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “No matter how difficult it is.”</p><p>They shared one more longing look, then he went to sit behind his desk, while she settled down behind her writing table and started a letter. He took up the book he’d been reading yesterday – was it really only yesterday? Had his life really changed beyond all recognition in less than twenty-four hours? – and started reading. He really tried very hard to focus on what he was sure was an interesting chapter, but every few sentences, his eyes were drawn to where she was sitting, and he had to shake his head and sternly reprimand himself before he could get back to his book.</p><p>He finally really steeled himself, and he succeeded in keeping his mind and his eyes on his book for several pages before he glanced up at her again. She was still writing busily.</p><p>“That letter is getting quite long,” he said, and she looked up and grinned.</p><p>“I have a lot to tell Monica.”</p><p>He smiled, but then his eyes widened.</p><p>“Wait… what are you telling her, exactly?”</p><p>She winked at him.</p><p>“Everything.”</p><p>He suddenly felt rather hot around the collar.</p><p>“Uhm… everything?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, smiling. “I feel like it’s my duty to tell Monica what I know now. Every woman should know that.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but feel a little pleased.</p><p>“So you… you really liked it?”</p><p>She gave him a very warm look.</p><p>“Yes,” she whispered. “I loved it.”</p><p>They looked at each other for a moment, and from the look in her eyes he realized that they were thinking about the same thing – his face buried between her thighs, her back arched off the bed, her moans in his ears… oh, the very thought of it made his heart race, and he couldn’t wait to do it again. They shared a look of utter longing, then they both glanced at the window at the same time, only to see that the gardener was gone. The very next moment, she was on his lap and kissing him fiercely, and he didn’t even think about it – he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back, his brain absolutely flooded with the bliss of it. Oh, kissing her was the most wonderful thing he had ever done. He never would have thought that something so seemingly simple and small could make him feel so good, or that it could be so impossible to resist.</p><p>They were so absorbed in their kiss that they didn’t hear the clock strike for tea time, so they were entirely caught by surprise when a footman knocked and then entered with a tray. They quickly broke apart, but it was too late.</p><p>“Oh!” the footman said, his eyes wide, then he quickly backed out of the room and closed the door again.</p><p>Raquel and Sergio shared a look, then burst into stifled laughter. Raquel got off his lap and straightened her dress, then she went to the door and opened it.</p><p>“It’s alright, Philip,” she said. “You can come in.”</p><p>The young man walked back in with the tray, very red in the face and avoiding their eyes. He put the tray down on the desk, then hurried out of the room again.</p><p>“Well,” Raquel said, smiling broadly as she closed the door and walked back over to the desk. “That will give them something to talk about.”</p><p>Sergio felt torn between amusement and embarrassment.</p><p>“Maybe we should instate a new rule for the servants,” he said. “No more entering rooms unless we tell them to come in.”</p><p>Raquel laughed.</p><p>“Oh, I think after this they’ll be instating that rule themselves.”</p><p>To Sergio’s surprise, she dropped herself back onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck again. He leaned back.</p><p>“What are you doing?” he laughed. “Don’t you think we should be a little more careful?”</p><p>“Nobody’s going to come in until dinner time now,” she murmured, leaning into him and kissing his cheek. “I think we can risk it.”</p><p>Her nearness was making his resistance crumble faster than he’d thought possible. What was happening to him? He’d always seen himself as a man in control of his urges, but now she was undoing his self-control so effortlessly, and so completely. He just couldn’t help himself – he gave in and kissed her. She pressed her body close to his, and as their kiss deepened and turned more passionate, he felt his body react to her automatically and with embarrassing enthusiasm. Her hands were in his hair, then on his shoulders, his chest, while his own hands were on her back, and as his fingers brushed past the buttons of her dress, he needed all of his restraint not to undo them. She pulled back, a little breathless, her eyes liquid and dark with desire, and he knew they were thinking about the same thing again.</p><p>“Do you… do you want to go up to the bedroom?” she whispered.</p><p>He couldn’t help but give her an amused look.</p><p>“I thought we couldn’t stay in bed all day?” he murmured teasingly. “I thought we had to be sensible adults?”</p><p>Her hand slid down his stomach, and he inhaled sharply as she touched him through his pants. She gave him a mischievous smile.</p><p>“You want to as well,” she whispered. “You told me if it gets like this, that means you want me.”</p><p>He swallowed hard.</p><p>“We can’t just give in to every urge we have, Raquel, we’re… we’re civilized people.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said, her eyes dancing. “I’m feeling rather <em>un</em>civilized today.”</p><p>She dipped her head and bit his earlobe, and he laughed.</p><p>“But what about the neighbors?” he teased her. “If we go to our bedroom in the middle of the day, the servants will definitely talk.”</p><p>She smiled and brushed her lips against his.</p><p>“Maybe I don’t care about the neighbors anymore,” she whispered. “Maybe there are more important things in life…”</p><p>She stroked him through his pants, and he groaned softly.</p><p>“I want you, Sergio,” she murmured in his ear. “I want you so badly.”</p><p>How could he possibly resist her when she said things like that? He’d been resisting her for so many months because he’d thought she didn’t want him, and now that she showed so clearly that she <em>did </em>want him, he wasn’t planning on doing any more resisting whatsoever. He kissed her deeply.</p><p>“My love,” he whispered. “I’m yours.”</p><p>…</p><p>They went up the stairs hand in hand, and Raquel felt like her stomach was full of butterflies. It had only been a couple of hours, and yet all she could think about was that she wanted to run her hands over his skin, that she wanted his mouth on her, that she wanted… She blushed a little and her heart rate increased at the very thought. Was this usual for newly-weds? Was it normal to want him – to want <em>that – </em>this much? As they opened the door to her bedroom, she decided not to worry about it for now – she just wanted to enjoy it.</p><p>The moment the door closed behind them, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground in his enthusiasm as he kissed her back. The thought of what was about to happen was causing a hot, insistent tingling between her legs, and she felt the stirring of a deep, aching hunger for him that just begged to be satisfied. When he put her down again, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and unbuttoned his waistcoat, then she pulled him towards the bed.</p><p>“Wait,” he said, a little breathlessly, “your dress…”</p><p>“We can just lift it,” she said, feeling rather breathless herself. “I don’t mind if it creases.”</p><p>But he took her wrist and stopped her.</p><p>“No,” he said softly, pulling her close to him. “No, I don’t want… I don’t want to rush. I don’t want to do it with… with all these clothes between us.”</p><p>He bent his head and brushed his lips against hers.</p><p>“I want to see you,” he murmured, drawing his fingers down her spine. “I want to touch you.” His mouth was at her ear now. “And I want to kiss you… all over.”</p><p>She shivered in delight and tried to push down her impatience – she wanted all of those things too.</p><p>“Alright,” she whispered. “But I can’t undress by myself.”</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>“Then let me.”</p><p>He turned her around so her back was to him, but instead of immediately starting on the buttons of her dress, he wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing her neck. She sighed and tilted her head – oh, it was such a lovely feeling to be held like this – she loved how strong he felt as she leaned back against him, how his mouth against her skin was making her feel <em>so much</em>. He moved his hands up to cup her breasts, and she remembered vividly how good it had felt before when he had touched her nipples, but now, because of the thick material of her corset, she couldn’t feel anything – and oh, how she craved the feeling of his hands on her skin.</p><p>“Take it off, Sergio,” she whispered. “Please take it off.”</p><p>The buttons of her dress were high up between her shoulder blades, so she was entirely dependent on him for their undoing, and the same was true for the lacing of her corset. He took his time, however, undoing each button painfully slowly.</p><p>“I can’t believe I get to undress you,” he murmured. He pushed her dress off of one shoulder and kissed it. “I feel so lucky, Raquel. So <em>unbelievably </em>lucky.”</p><p>She smiled and turned her head to kiss him over her shoulder.</p><p>“I feel lucky too,” she said, then her smile broadened. “But I’d feel even luckier if you could hurry a little.”</p><p>He chuckled and pressed another kiss to her shoulder.</p><p>“Patience, my love,” he said. “We have several hours until dinner. Let me enjoy this… I’ve never undressed you before, I… I want to take my time.”</p><p>He slowly pushed her dress off of her other shoulder too, so it dropped down and pooled at her feet. She stepped out of it, then he started undoing the lacing of her corset, still tantalizingly slowly, making her bite her lip in impatience. Finally, the corset dropped away as well, so she was only wearing her light linen shift. When he wrapped his arms around her now, she could feel his warmth through the thin fabric, and she sighed with contentment. He moved his hands up to her breasts again, and she gasped as he touched her hard nipples.</p><p>“Better?” he murmured in her ear.</p><p>“Yes,” she breathed, leaning back against him as she felt her knees go weak. “Much better.”</p><p>He kissed her neck again, and she moaned softly as he squeezed her nipples and caused another sharp tingle between her legs, even stronger than before. When he kept it up, she felt herself begin to tremble with desire. Oh, how was this possible? How could this longing for a thing which she’d discovered only yesterday consume her so completely? Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She turned around and threw her arms around his neck to kiss him, and they fell backwards onto the bed.</p><p>“Alright,” he laughed. “No more waiting.”</p><p>She was on top of him and she kissed him deeply, while her fingers nimbly undid the buttons of his shirt. He sat up so she could push it off his shoulders, and she sighed in satisfaction as she could finally run her hands over his warm skin, over the muscles of his chest and shoulders – oh, he had <em>such </em>nice shoulders. He let himself fall back onto the bed, but she stayed sitting up on her knees to pull her shift over her head in one fluid movement, leaving her naked. When she looked down at him, she noticed that his eyes were very soft.</p><p>“God,” he whispered. “You’re so beautiful, Raquel. So, <em>so </em>beautiful.”</p><p>She suddenly felt a little exposed, a little vulnerable, sitting on top of him like this, and she almost got off him to lie beside him instead, but the next moment he pulled her down and kissed her, and the feeling passed as he wrapped his arms warm around her. It felt so wonderful to be skin to skin with him again, and she pressed herself closer to him to savor the sensation. As she did so, she felt him hard between her thighs, and something suddenly occurred to her.</p><p>She pulled back to look down at him, her eyes sparkling.</p><p>“Sergio,” she said. “Do you think… do you think we could do it like this?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” he said.</p><p>She felt herself go a little red at her own audacity, but she was very curious.</p><p>“Well…” she explained, “last night and this morning, you were… you were lying on top of me. And I loved that! But I was just wondering if… if I could be on top of you too?”</p><p>He blinked in surprise, but then he smiled.</p><p>“I think that should work, yes.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t mind?” she asked him carefully, wondering if it might be improper of her to even suggest it.</p><p>His eyes were warm as he looked up at her.</p><p>“No,” he said softly. “No, I don’t think I’d mind at all.”</p><p>She smiled and kissed him, feeling a little giddy with anticipation.</p><p>“Alright,” she said, “then take off your pants.”</p><p>She got off him for a moment so he could take off his pants and underwear, then he lay down again and she straddled him on her knees. They looked at each other and laughed a little, both a bit shy and uncertain at the newness of the situation, but full of excitement too.</p><p>“Are you… uhm… are you ready?” he asked her carefully.</p><p>She wasn’t sure what he meant.</p><p>“I think so?”</p><p>He gave her an embarrassed look as he pushed himself up on an elbow.</p><p>“Well, the… the lady I talked to said that you should be… she said a lady should be… wet, before… Because otherwise it will hurt. Can I… can I feel?”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, catching on. “Yes, of course.”</p><p>She swallowed hard as he dipped his hand between her legs, then let out a soft sound of longing as his fingers brushed against her. Oh, she wanted him so badly. He touched her carefully, then he smiled up at her.</p><p>“I think that should be alright,” he said.</p><p>“Good,” she smiled. “Because I don’t think I can wait much longer.”</p><p>She bent down and kissed him, then she ran her hand down his chest and stomach, feeling another tingle between her legs as she touched him. She was wondering how best to go about this – he’d been lying on top of her before, so should she lie down on top of him now? She wasn’t sure how he would get… where he was supposed to be. He was clearly following her thoughts.</p><p>“I think it might work better if you sit up,” he said. “I think, that way, you’ll have more control and you’ll be better able to… to guide me.”</p><p>She nodded and sat up, looking down to see that he didn’t stand straight up as she’d thought he would, so she carefully took hold of him.</p><p>“Don’t go too fast,” he said softly, stroking her hips. “A little bit at a time. If it feels uncomfortable, we can stop and do it the regular way.”</p><p>“Alright,” she whispered, her heart beating fast.</p><p>She lifted her hips and guided him to the right spot, and then slowly, very slowly, she lowered herself down onto him.</p><p>She gasped as he entered her, once again surprised by how good it felt to have him inside of her, by how strong the sensation was, how vivid, how <em>utterly </em>wonderful. She slowly sank further down on him, and she had to close her eyes as a soft moan was drawn from her lips.</p><p>“Oh,” she whispered. “<em>Oh.”</em></p><p>“Is that alright?” he asked her, and she opened her eyes again to see him looking at her with a concerned expression.</p><p>“<em>Yes,” </em>she breathed. “Yes, it feels… it feels… oh, <em>Sergio.”</em></p><p>She could see him relax, and she moaned again as she lowered herself further down, taking in his hard length inch by inch. When he was buried all the way inside of her, she had to stop for a moment, overcome by the deliciousness of the sensation. She wondered if she could bend down while keeping him inside her – she tried, and it worked, and she was so glad that she could kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as they kissed each other and just basked for a moment in the feeling of connection.</p><p>“Raquel”, he murmured against her lips. “I love you. I love you so much.”</p><p>“I love you too,” she whispered back, stroking his cheek.</p><p>The words were still so new for them, and it still felt so good to say them. They kissed again, sinking into it for several long moments – then she pulled back and smiled at him.</p><p>“Let’s give this a try.”</p><p>“Yes please,” he whispered, his eyes warm.</p><p>She tried to move up and down on him, but she pulled back a little too far and he slipped out of her. They both laughed, and she couldn’t help but kiss him again. She loved that she felt so at ease with him – they had been building their friendship for months and now there was no embarrassment or awkwardness between them, but only love and laughter and an open willingness to try things out together.</p><p>“Alright, so not like this,” she said, and she sat up. “Let’s try it this way.”</p><p>She lifted her hips and sank down on him again, sighing at how good it still felt. Sitting up, she had more control over her movements, and this time when she started moving up and down, he easily stayed inside her. She moved slowly at first, carefully, trying to see what worked and what felt good. He put his hands on her hips and guided her movements, and after a while they attuned to each other and fell into a rhythm, and Raquel really started to enjoy herself as she focused on the sensation of having him inside of her, putting such delicious pressure on places of which she’d never known that they were so sensitive, or that they could feel so good. When he’d been on top of her, he’d moved slowly and carefully, and it had felt wonderful, but now she found that she could go a little faster, which only increased the pleasure she felt until she threw her head back and moaned.</p><p>Sergio looked up at her and he couldn’t believe how amazing this was. It never would have occurred to him that she could be on top of him, and he was so glad that she was more imaginative than he was. Yesterday and this morning had been so wonderful – slow and sweet and intimate, and he’d loved that – but this was a very different experience. She was completely in control, so he didn’t have to worry about hurting her, and he was able to relax more and surrender himself completely to the experience as she started moving faster than he would have dared.</p><p>There were other significant advantages as well: he loved, loved, <em>loved </em>that he could see her now while it was happening, that he could see her entire beautiful body moving in such a sensual way. He still couldn’t quite believe that he was allowed to see her naked now, and he just couldn’t get enough of looking at her – at the soft and lovely lines of her body – at the way her lips were slightly parted, little sighs of pleasure escaping from them – at the way her breasts bounded a little every time she moved down on him. His gaze roamed down her body and he groaned softly as a stab of arousal shot through him at the sight of how their bodies fit together, as he could see himself disappear inside her again and again and again. It was quite the most stimulating thing he had ever seen, and he had to look away in order not to lose control of himself. He didn’t want it to be over yet – he wanted it to last.</p><p>He moved his eyes back up, and suddenly he realized that there was another big advantage to this position: when he’d been on top of her, he’d needed his arms to support himself, but now… now he could touch her. He reached up a hand and cupped a breast, brushing his thumb over her nipple. She let out a soft little moan in response.</p><p>“Does that feel good?” he asked her, a little breathless.</p><p>“Yes,” she whispered, her eyes dark with desire. “Do it again.”</p><p>He brushed her nipple again, then he took it between his fingers and squeezed, delighted when she arched her back and moaned again. She kept moving up and down on him as he added his second hand and massaged both of her nipples at once, and she showed her pleasure by closing her eyes and tipping back her head. Oh, she was so incredibly sexy, and the soft curve of her throat was irresistible – he sat up and pressed his mouth against it, and she murmured her approval and twined her fingers in his hair, keeping him there for several long moments. Then he trailed his kisses down her chest, took a nipple in his mouth, and sucked, and her fingers tightened in his hair.</p><p>“Oh,” she moaned. “Oh, <em>yes. </em>A little… a little more.”</p><p>He sucked harder, and he was rewarded with more moans – oh, how he <em>loved </em>the way she reacted to him, how he <em>loved</em> sounds she was making – he wanted more of them, and louder, the way she had sounded when he was using his mouth on her. He couldn’t do that now… but maybe he could try something a little different.</p><p>She made a little plaintive sound when he withdrew and lay down again, but he was intent on seeing if his gamble would work. He moved his hand between her legs and felt around for her button, knowing he’d found it when she gasped. When he started moving his finger up and down over it, she let out a low, shuddering moan.</p><p>“Oh! Oh <em>Sergio</em>, that’s… that’s… <em>so good…</em> oh! Don’t… don’t stop…”</p><p>He wouldn’t even dream of stopping when she was making sounds like that. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her – her cheeks and chest flushed, her back arched, her face lit up with pleasure as she kept moving up and down on him, and as he kept stroking her between her legs in the rhythm of their movements. That she was reacting to him with such enthusiasm, with such obvious pleasure, was beyond his wildest dreams, and it felt like such a privilege to be allowed to witness her like this. She was breathing fast now, her moans becoming louder and more frantic, and he realized with a thrill that she was close, that it might actually happen like this. The thought made the tension inside of him rise to an almost unbearable peak, but he gritted his teeth and kept a tight rein on himself. Suddenly, she reached out and took his free hand, and he intertwined his fingers with hers as she held on to him.  </p><p>Her eyes were tightly closed and she looked like she was completely lost to the world as she started shaking, and then suddenly her hand tightened in his as she gasped, then let out a loud cry as the feeling rushed through her. To his surprise, he felt her contract around him – oh, to <em>feel </em>her come like this when he was inside of her was hotter than anything he could ever have imagined, and it immediately undid the last of his restraint. He sat up, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her shoulder, and she held him tight in return as he shuddered and moaned against her skin, the feeling coursing through his veins impossibly bright and thrilling, rocking him to his core and reducing the entire world and all of his thoughts to this one moment, this one feeling, this one word: <em>Raquel.</em></p><p>When it passed, they fell back onto the bed together, tingling and breathing hard. She lay on his chest, soft and warm, and he held her close as they both caught their breath. Oh, what had he done to deserve her? When in his life had he done something so right that he now got to experience <em>this</em> with her? So often over the past few months had he wished that he could hold her, that he could, perhaps, experience that deepest kind of intimacy with her – but he could never have thought… he could never have <em>dreamed</em> that it would be <em>anything </em>like this – the joy of it – the utter, breathtaking pleasure – and the love he now felt for having shared this experience with her. He closed his eyes and held her tighter, pressing his face against her hair and breathing her in.</p><p>She finally tilted her face up to him, and she looked exactly the way he felt: a little dazed and filled with wonder.</p><p>“That was amazing,” she whispered. “So amazing.”</p><p>He could only nod and press his lips against hers in a soft, slow kiss – and then another, and another, and another. He never wanted to stop kissing her. He never wanted to let her go. He wanted to hold her like this forever, and bask in the golden afterglow.</p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, just kissing and murmuring sweet things to each other as he caressed her back. Finally, she slid off him to nestle herself close against his side, pulling the blanket over them, and he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her hair. She started stroking his chest with light fingers, and he had the feeling that she was contemplating something.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” he asked her after a while.</p><p>She lifted her head and gave him a considering look.</p><p>“I was just wondering…”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“About the lady you talked to before we got married.”</p><p>He felt himself tense. He’d thought that they were done with that subject and that she was alright with it – would it become a problem after all?</p><p>“I really didn’t sleep with her,” he said, but she shook her head and smiled.</p><p>“No, no, I believe you. I was just wondering… was she nice?”</p><p>That wasn’t the question he was expecting, but he answered honestly.</p><p>“Yes, she was very nice. She didn’t laugh at me for not knowing… well, anything.”</p><p>“And she gave you good advice?”</p><p>He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at his wife and remembered her moans, the way she’d gasped when he found her button, the way she’d trembled and contracted around him.</p><p>“Yes,” he said warmly. “Very good advice.”</p><p>She nodded, a thoughtful look in her eyes. Then she looked up at him and took a deep breath.</p><p>“I want to talk to her.”</p><p>He blinked.</p><p>“Uhm… <em>what</em>?”</p><p>She sat up, looking rather determined.</p><p>“I want to talk to her.”</p><p>He felt a stab of alarm as he sat up too.</p><p>“You want to <em>talk </em>to her?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said matter-of-factly. “You got to talk to her, so I don’t see why I can’t.”</p><p>He looked at her in utter disbelief.</p><p>“Raquel… you <em>do </em>realize what she does for a living, right?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, blushing slightly. “I do.”</p><p>“Well then you <em>have </em>to realize that she’s not… she’s not proper company for a lady like you.”</p><p>She lifted her chin in a defiant way.</p><p>“She wasn’t proper company for a gentleman like you either, but you still went to see her.”</p><p>“Only because Andrés made me!”</p><p>She ignored that, stubbornly repeating:</p><p>“I want to talk to her.”</p><p>“But… but <em>why?</em>”</p><p>She looked down, and her blush deepened.</p><p>“Because… because I want to learn, and she’s an expert.”</p><p>He felt so confused.</p><p>“What do you want to learn?”</p><p>She looked up with a slight smile.</p><p>“I’m not entirely sure,” she said. “But I know there must be <em>something </em>she can teach me to… to make it even better.”</p><p>“Make what better?”</p><p>She gestured at the bed, and at the two of them.</p><p>“You know… this.”</p><p>He could only stare at her as he thought of the experience they’d just shared.</p><p>“How… how could it <em>possibly </em>get even better?”</p><p>She gave him a delighted smile and leaned in to kiss him.</p><p>“You liked it?” she murmured against his lips.</p><p>He shifted closer to her and lifted a hand to stroke her hair.</p><p>“I loved it,” he said softly. “I <em>loved </em>it, Raquel. Please… <em>please </em>don’t think you need to do… anything else. It was… it was perfect.”</p><p>She smiled and kissed him again, but then she pulled back and gave him a bright look.</p><p>“But aren’t you curious?”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“Well…” she said slowly, seeming to look for the words. “Until an hour ago, I hadn’t thought about the possibility that we could also do it with me on top. Had you?”</p><p>“No,” he said, seeing where she was going.</p><p>“And this morning you said that she’d told you things you never would have figured out on your own, right?”</p><p>“Right,” he admitted.</p><p>“Well then,” she smiled. “Don’t you think she might be able to tell me some interesting things? Things we might not think about?”</p><p>He gave her a soft look.</p><p>“You know you don’t have to do this for me, right? It’s all been… so incredible so far. I really don’t need anything else.”</p><p>Her eyes were sparkling.</p><p>“Maybe you just don’t know any better.”</p><p>He laughed and shook his head, then pulled her close for another kiss. What a woman.</p><p>“Do you <em>really </em>want to talk to her?” he murmured.</p><p>“Yes,” she whispered. “I really do. This isn’t something I could just ask my friends about. I have a strong suspicion that Monica knows even less about this than I do.”</p><p>“How would you even see this lady?” he asked. “I can hardly take you to a brothel.”</p><p>“Send a carriage,” she said promptly. “Bring her here.”</p><p>“<em>Here? </em>To our <em>house?</em>”</p><p>“Why not? I’m assuming she’ll dress appropriately, and her profession isn’t written on her face. Nobody needs to know who she is.”</p><p>He stared at her in amazement – until yesterday, she’d been so innocent about these matters – he’d had to show her everything. And <em>now… </em>But then he considered the matter and suddenly it made sense: she hadn’t known anything yesterday – it had all come as a complete surprise to her. Wasn’t it normal, then, that she wanted to know more now? Wouldn’t he want more information if he was in her place? He’d often admired how smart and curious and eager to learn she was in other regards – so wasn’t it logical that she would show the same traits in this context?</p><p>He took a deep breath and nodded.</p><p>“Alright,” he said.</p><p>She looked up, her eyes shining.</p><p>“I can talk to her?”</p><p>He frowned at her choice of words.</p><p>“You never needed my <em>permission </em>to talk to her,” he clarified. “That’s your choice to make. I just meant that I’ll find a way to get her here.”</p><p>She grinned in delight and kissed him.</p><p>“You’re the best husband.”</p><p>He laughed.</p><p>“I think you’re the first wife ever to say that in the context of her husband bringing a prostitute to the house.”</p><p>“Well,” she smiled. “Our marriage has always been a little unusual.”</p><p>He smiled back at her.</p><p>“That’s true. And there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it works for us.”</p><p>They lay back down. He opened his arms and she cuddled up to him, sighing happily. He held her close and softly stroked her shoulder, and he marveled at how natural it already felt to hold her, how impossible it seemed that they hadn’t been doing this right from the beginning. He thought back over those months of longing for her – they felt very far away now.</p><p>“Raquel,” he murmured. “Do you regret the time we lost?”</p><p>“A little,” she said, looking up at him. “But really I think it was for the best. I think we needed that time.”</p><p>He gave her a rueful smile.</p><p>“You mean <em>I </em>needed that time.”</p><p>She smiled and reached up a hand to stroke his cheek.</p><p>“Maybe. But it was good for me too.”</p><p>She shifted a little closer to him and looked into his eyes.</p><p>“What we have now,” she whispered, “that’s not something we could have had right at the beginning. It needed time to grow, time to become… what it has become. So no, my love, I don’t regret the time we lost, because we didn’t really lose it. It brought us so much closer, and yesterday and today were a thousand times more amazing because of that.”</p><p>She smiled at him.</p><p>“I mean, of course I’m glad the waiting is over now.”</p><p>Then she gave him a soft look.</p><p>“But you were so worth the wait.”</p><p>There was an ache in his chest as he bent his head and kissed her, so certain that he had the most wonderful wife in the world.</p><p>“Raquel,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. “I can’t… I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,” she whispered back. “Because I feel the exact same thing for you.”</p><p>When she cuddled even closer and kissed him again, he realized that he had never, in all of his life, been this happy – and that he’d never expected to be. She had brought such unimagined joy into his life – such softness – and a love that was warm and bright beyond imagining, that filled him up until he couldn’t contain it anymore and it spilled out of him in kisses, in soft touches, in whispered words of adoration. <em>I love you, I love you, I love you. </em>They spent the entire rest of the afternoon in bed, and he couldn’t be happier.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! 😘 If you want to know what Annie is hiding, check out thegirloversea's wonderful fic 'Downstairs' 😄</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Jennie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! I have a VERY smutty chapter for you today 😄 I hope you'll enjoy it! If you want more chapters like this, feel free to let me know in the comments 😊</p><p>I'm still writing without a schedule, and I really can't predict when I'll be able to post the next chapter. If you want updates on my writing progress, you can follow me on Twitter (@evendale12) 😊</p><p>As always, a big thank you to thegirloverseas for beta reading and for being the most wonderful friend! 💗</p><p>Enjoy the chapter! 😘😘</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Raquel stood on top of the steps at the front door, waiting a little nervously in the chilly wind of a grey day. Sergio came out of the house behind her and kissed her on the cheek.</p><p>“I’ll be in my study,” he said.</p><p>She smiled up at him.</p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want to join the conversation?”</p><p>He looked down at the ground and shook his head with a slight smile.</p><p>“No, thank you. The conversation I had with her a year ago caused me enough embarrassment to last me a lifetime. I mean… I’m glad I had that conversation, but I don’t necessarily want to repeat the experience.”</p><p>“Alright,” she nodded. “You don’t have to be there.”</p><p>He looked up at her and hesitated.</p><p>“But could you… could you ask her something for me?”</p><p>“Of course,” she smiled. “What do you want me to ask?”</p><p>He came a little closer to her.</p><p>“Ask her… ask her if there’s anything she didn’t tell me last year. If there’s anything else I could be doing that… that you might like.”</p><p>She gave him a delighted smile. She loved how focused he was on <em>her </em>enjoyment, rather than his own. She threw a quick look around – there was nobody in sight – then she stepped closer to him and pulled his head down for a kiss, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close as he kissed her back. They sank into it for several long moments, then she drew back slightly and looked up at him with shining eyes.</p><p>“I can’t wait for tonight,” she murmured.</p><p>He gave her the shy smile she loved so much.</p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>He pressed one more soft kiss to her lips, then they let go of each other and he went back into the house, leaving Raquel to wait for the carriage. She knew it should arrive any moment now, and she felt a little thrill of excitement at the thought. It would be so nice to have someone to talk to about this thing that had suddenly become such a big part of her life. She’d been sending letters back and forth with Monica, and that had been nice, but Monica didn’t know anything more about it than she did herself – in fact, judging by her last letter, she’d been quite surprised when she’d asked her husband to apply Raquel’s advice.</p><p>Raquel was rather looking forward to talking to an expert now, wondering what Jennie might be able to tell her. The past weeks had been so wonderful – she and Sergio had spent hours upon hours in bed together, making love slowly, exploring each other, getting to know likes and dislikes and sensitive spots. It had been everything Raquel had been longing for and so much more, and she had loved every minute of it, feeling how it brought them closer than ever. Every day, they were more comfortable with each other’s bodies, and by now she felt entirely ready to take things to the next level and experiment a little, and she hoped that Jennie would be able to suggest some things in that regard.</p><p>It had taken them a while to find Jennie. Sergio had written a letter to the madam at the brothel where he’d talked to Jennie a year ago, but she was no longer working there. Apparently, a young nobleman had fallen in love with her and had taken her as his mistress, setting her up in her own apartment in a nice part of town. Madam Strauss had sent them the address, so Sergio had written to her there, asking if she’d be willing to come out to the country to talk to his wife if he sent a carriage to collect her. To Raquel’s delight, she’d said yes.</p><p>They’d sent out the carriage several hours ago, and now Raquel was waiting for it to return. All the servants knew was that a friend from London was coming over for tea, so the drawing room had been prepared like it would have been for any visitor. Raquel was a little nervous, wondering what Jennie would be like. She’d never talked to a lady like that, and she’d had some unflattering prejudices about them being coarse and vulgar, but Sergio had assured her that Jennie was a nice girl. Suddenly, the carriage came into sight around the bend of the drive, and Raquel straightened up and smoothed out her skirts, a little flutter in her stomach.</p><p>The carriage pulled up at the front steps, and the coachman jumped down to open the door and help out the person inside. The young woman who stepped out was a few years younger than Raquel, with blonde hair that was carefully pinned up and an expensive-looking dress after the latest London fashion – clearly the nobleman whose mistress she was didn’t mind spending money on her – if Raquel had met her on the street, she would have taken her for a proper lady. The girl looked up at Raquel with soft grey eyes and gave her a smile.</p><p>“Lady Marquina?”</p><p>“Yes,” Raquel said, holding out her hand. “Thank you for coming, Miss Stopes.”</p><p>The girl took her hand and shook it.</p><p>“You can call me Jennie.”</p><p>Raquel smiled.</p><p>“And you may call me Raquel.”</p><p>They went into the house together, where a footman took Jennie’s hat and gloves, then Raquel led the way into the drawing room. She rang the bell for tea, and the two women waited in silence in the chairs in front of the fire, throwing each other nervous smiles as the servants came in to serve the tea. Finally, they were left alone, and Raquel cast around for a way to start the conversation.</p><p>“Thank you for coming,” she said again.</p><p>Jennie was looking at her curiously.</p><p>“I was surprised to get your invitation,” she said. “I might no longer… do what I used to do, but everyone still knows I’m a… fallen woman. There aren’t many ladies who would invite me into their homes.”</p><p>Raquel gave a slight shrug.</p><p>“That doesn’t really matter to me. We don’t get to choose the life we’re born into, so I feel like it’s not my place to judge another woman for her life’s choices.”</p><p>Jennie gave her a soft look.</p><p>“That’s very kind of you.”</p><p>They smiled at each other, and Raquel felt a little more at ease.</p><p>“Do you remember my husband?” she asked, and Jennie’s smile broadened.</p><p>“Yes, of course. He’s the only person who ever paid me just to talk. Is he going to join us?”</p><p>“No,” Raquel said, “he has some… business to attend to.”</p><p>Jennie gave a soft laugh.</p><p>“You mean he was too embarrassed to see me again. I get that. I don’t think he particularly enjoyed our conversation last year – he looked like he was going to die of embarrassment.”</p><p>She threw Raquel a curious look.</p><p>“You know, I’ve always wondered… did he follow my advice on your wedding night?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” Raquel smiled. “We… we didn’t consummate our marriage on our wedding night.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“There were some… misunderstandings. We barely knew each other. It took us some time to… to find our way to each other.” She felt herself blush slightly. “In fact, we only started… sleeping in the same room a few weeks ago.”</p><p>Jennie merely nodded as she picked up her teacup.</p><p>“That doesn’t really surprise me. He didn’t seem to like the idea of it much when I explained it to him.”</p><p>“Well,” Raquel murmured, her blush deepening. “He likes it now.”</p><p>Jennie laughed.</p><p>“That’s good. And did he follow my advice?”</p><p>“Yes,” Raquel said, smiling to herself at the memory. “He did.”</p><p> “Good for you,” Jennie said in a satisfied tone, then she gave Raquel a questioning look. “So why did you ask me here?”</p><p>Raquel shifted slightly in her chair.</p><p>“I just… I don’t know anything about this,” she admitted. “And neither do any of my friends. I was… I was wondering if I could ask you some questions.”</p><p>“Of course,” Jennie smiled. “Ask away.”</p><p>Raquel wondered how to start. There was something she’d been worried about, but it was embarrassing to talk about, even to a woman like this. This wasn’t the time to be shy, however, so she pushed aside the embarrassment she’d been taught to feel about the subject and took a deep breath.</p><p>“I… I really like it,” she whispered, looking down and feeling her cheeks burn. “I want him… all the time. Is that normal?”</p><p>She looked up to see Jennie smile at her.</p><p>“It’s different for everyone,” she said. “Some women don’t want it that often, others do, especially in the beginning and especially if they love their husbands. It’s perfectly normal either way.”</p><p>Raquel felt a sense of relief.</p><p>“So there’s nothing wrong with me?”</p><p>“No,” Jennie said kindly. “Not at all.”</p><p>“Can it… can it hurt if we do it… often?”</p><p>Jennie’s eyes were sparkling with amusement, but Raquel could sense that she wasn’t actually mocking her.</p><p>“No,” the girl said again. “As long as you’re both enjoying it and it doesn’t hurt, you can do it as often as you like.”</p><p>That was the answer Raquel had been hoping for rather fervently, and she smiled.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Anything else you want to know?”</p><p>“Yes,” Raquel said promptly. “When you talked to my husband, you gave him some advice about… about things that women like. I was wondering… could you tell me something about things… that men like?”</p><p>Jennie’s smile turned a little mischievous.</p><p>“Ah. I thought you might ask me that. Yes, of course I can tell you certain things, but it depends on what you’re willing to do.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Raquel asked.</p><p>“Well,” Jennie said carefully, “I haven’t talked to a lot of ladies, but I’ve talked to a lot of gentlemen, and most of the time they came to me because there were things their wives didn’t want to do.”</p><p>“Like what?” Raquel asked curiously.</p><p>“Like different positions, for example,” Jennie said. “How would you feel about being on top of him?”</p><p>Raquel smiled and blushed.</p><p>“We’ve done that already.”</p><p>“Good!” Jennie said. “What about other positions?”</p><p>Raquel blinked.</p><p>“Other positions?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jennie smiled. “There are plenty more options. I can talk you through some of my favorites, if you want.”</p><p>Raquel felt her blush deepen, but she was very curious.</p><p>“Yes, I’d like that.”</p><p>“Alright,” Jennie said. “We’ll do that in a bit. Are you open to doing other things as well?”</p><p>“I think so?” Raquel said, though she had no idea what Jennie was getting at.</p><p>The girl seemed to sense her confusion.</p><p>“Well,” she said, “if your husband followed my advice, then has he used his mouth on you?”</p><p>“Yes,” Raquel said, blushing furiously now. “He has.”</p><p>“How would you feel about using your mouth on <em>him?”</em> Jennie suggested.</p><p>“Oh,” Raquel said, surprised that the thought hadn’t occurred to her. She considered it for a moment. “Do you think he would like that?”</p><p>“Most men do,” Jennie nodded. “But it has to be done right. If you’re just going to put your mouth over him and move up and down a bit, you can just as well do it the regular way.”</p><p>“How… how would I do it right?” Raquel asked carefully.</p><p>Jennie smiled.</p><p>“It’s a bit of an art, really. Would you like me to teach you?”</p><p>Raquel thought about how good it felt when Sergio used his mouth on her. The experience was so uniquely lovely, and the pleasure so absolute, and she decided that she wanted to give him that pleasure in return if she could.</p><p>“Yes,” she said resolutely. “Yes, I want to learn.”</p><p>Jennie’s smile broadened.</p><p>“Alright. Good thing I came prepared for that.”</p><p>She picked up her bag, and to Raquel’s utter surprise, she drew out a small cucumber.</p><p>“Why did you bring a…” Her eyes suddenly went wide as understanding dawned on her. “Oh!”</p><p>Jennie laughed.</p><p>“I thought this would work best,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “Unless your husband would like to join us.”</p><p>That made Raquel laugh too.</p><p>“I think we’d better use the cucumber,” she said. “Sergio didn’t even want to be here to <em>talk</em>, let alone anything else.”</p><p>“That’s fine,” Jennie smiled, then she straightened up and assumed a more businesslike manner. “Let’s get started then. Now, the first thing I need to tell you, is that every man is different, so the most important piece of advice I can give you is to <em>talk </em>to him while you’re doing this, especially the first time. Ask him what he likes and what he doesn’t like, ask him if what you’re doing feels good. A lot of people seem to be too embarrassed to talk in the bedroom, but it’s really the key to having a good time.”</p><p>Raquel nodded seriously.</p><p>“Alright,” she said. “I’ll remember that.”</p><p>“Good,” Jennie said, holding up the cucumber. “The next piece of advice I want to give you, is to use both your hands and your mouth when you go down on him. Again, this is something you have to check with him, but most men like a firm pressure on their… cucumber.”</p><p>They looked at each other for a moment, then they both burst out laughing, stifling the laughter behind their hands. Oh, Raquel thought, this was going to be an <em>interesting </em>afternoon.</p><p>…</p><p>Sergio was having trouble focusing on his studies. He kept looking at the door, wondering what on earth the women could be talking about for – he glanced at the clock – <em>three hours</em>. He was half-regretting his decision not to be part of the conversation, because he was desperately curious, but he still remembered vividly how deeply uncomfortable he’d been talking to Jennie the last time, and he knew Raquel would tell him everything afterwards anyway – or even better: show him. The mere thought of that made him feel distinctly hot around the collar.</p><p>It was right before dinner time when their visitor finally left and his wife entered his study, her eyes shining and her cheeks a very interesting shade of scarlet.</p><p>“How was it?” he asked her immediately as she closed the door behind her.</p><p>“Very informative,” she grinned, walking over to him and dropping herself onto his lap. “I learnt a lot.”</p><p>He swallowed hard.</p><p>“Like… like what?”</p><p>She gave him a mysterious smile, then brought her lips close to his.</p><p>“How about I show you after dinner?”</p><p>As always, her nearness and her scent made him feel a little light-headed. He automatically wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer.</p><p>“That sounds like an excellent idea,” he murmured.</p><p>He’d just pressed his lips against hers when there was a knock on the door.</p><p>“Milord, milady…” a voice sounded outside. “Dinner is served.”</p><p>Raquel laughed as she got off his lap.</p><p>“See, I told you the servants would learn soon enough not to just walk into rooms anymore.”</p><p>Sergio grinned. He felt a little embarrassed that their staff now had to take measures like that, but it was a price he was willing to pay if it meant that he could kiss his wife whenever and wherever he wanted – which, if he was honest, was ‘always’ and ‘everywhere’.</p><p>He kept shooting her curious glances over dinner, wondering what Jennie could have taught her, and very eager to find out. Usually after dinner, they would go to the library for a few hours to play chess or to talk, but today they went upstairs the moment they were done eating, smiling at each other, a little giddy with anticipation.</p><p>The moment the door of the bedroom closed behind them, they started undressing each other, and soon they fell into bed together – oh, how he loved this moment, when she pressed her naked body to his and he could run his hands over her skin and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her to his heart’s content. His body responded to her immediately, but he preferred not to rush things, he preferred to take his time, letting his hands wander to all of his favorite spots and kissing her all over. Today, however, she pushed him down into the pillows and looked at him with sparkling eyes.</p><p>“Do you want me to show you what I’ve learnt today?”</p><p>“Yes please,” he smiled.</p><p>He had no idea what to expect, but he was more than ready to find out. He hummed his contentment as she started kissing the side of his neck, then moved down to kiss his chest. She hesitated for a moment, then she stuck out her tongue and, to his surprise, lightly ran it over one of his nipples. He shivered at the unexpected sensation.</p><p>“Do you like that?” she asked him curiously.</p><p>“I… I’m not sure,” he said. “Do it again?”</p><p>She obliged him, lingering a little this time, and he was unprepared for how deep the sensation went – he didn’t just feel it on his chest, but all the way down.</p><p>“Oh,” he shuddered. “That feels nice.”</p><p>She smiled and switched to his other nipple, making him inhale sharply as the sensation shot through him a second time. She spent some time there, licking and sucking softly, and he closed his eyes and enjoyed it, feeling himself get harder and harder until he was hoping that she would get on top of him soon and take him in. He thought that Jennie might have taught her some tricks about that as well, and he was more than ready to experience them.</p><p>To his surprise, however, she started kissing his chest again – and then she dipped down and started trailing her kisses down his stomach. He felt a sudden stab of alarm as he pushed himself up on an elbow and made her look up with a hand under her chin.</p><p>“What are you doing?” he asked her.</p><p>She smiled and flicked her eyes down at him, and he quickly sat up and shifted away from her, astonished that Jennie would have even <em>suggested </em>that. He’d trusted her to know better.</p><p>“No,” he said. “No, you can’t do that.”</p><p>She gave him a questioning look.</p><p>“Why not? Jennie said men like that.”</p><p>He was vehemently shaking his head.</p><p>“No, that isn’t something a lady should do, and Jennie should have known that! Maybe it was a bad idea for you to talk to her after all…”</p><p>She clearly didn’t understand.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>He cast around for the right words to explain.</p><p>“That’s… that’s something very… indecent,” he said. “It’s something men pay women to do in London, it’s not something you do with your wife.”</p><p>She was frowning.</p><p>“How do you even know that?”</p><p>He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.</p><p>“When I… when I was younger, Andrés took me to his club a few times to talk with his friends. That’s the sort of thing they talked about. Things you can’t do with your wife.”</p><p>She was still frowning.</p><p>“But <em>why</em> can’t I do it?”</p><p>“Because it’s not proper,” he said, trying to make her understand. “It’s something prostitutes do, not respectable women.” He felt himself go red. “You can’t… you can’t put your mouth… there.”</p><p>She gave him an uncomprehending look.</p><p>“But… you put your mouth there with me.”</p><p>“That’s different”, he said firmly.</p><p>“How is it different?”</p><p>“It just is!” he said. “If you would do that, it would just be… wrong.”</p><p>She was giving him a considering look, and he gave her some time to think. Finally, she nodded her head.</p><p>“Alright, let’s talk about this. Why do you think it’s wrong?”</p><p>“Because of what Andrés and his friends said.”</p><p>“Please don’t take offense at this, Sergio, but your brother is something of a cad, so I’m going to assume that his friends are too. Are you really going to take their opinion on a matter like this?”</p><p>“But that’s exactly my point,” he frowned. “These were hardly the best men in London, or the most respectful. So if <em>even they </em>felt like this was something you couldn’t let your wife do, then it must be really bad.”</p><p>She nodded, looking thoughtful.</p><p>“I see what you mean,” she said, “but Sergio…”</p><p>She shifted closer to him and took his hand, looking up at him with an open, earnest look.</p><p>“I don’t believe for a second that those men had the kind of relationship with their wives that <em>we </em>have. We trust each other, don’t we? We respect each other.”</p><p>“Of course,” he said softly, stroking her hand with his thumb. “But that’s just it: I respect you too much to let you do this.”</p><p>She gave him an unimpressed look.</p><p>“Excuse me, but stopping me from doing something I <em>want </em>to do, completely voluntarily, isn’t ‘respecting me’. It’s patronizing.”</p><p>He went a little red as he realized how true that was.</p><p>“You’re right,” he said contritely. “I’m sorry. I… I suppose I can’t fully believe that you’d really <em>want </em>to do that.”</p><p>“But I do,” she said earnestly.</p><p>He looked into her eyes.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>She considered him for a moment, then asked him a question in return.</p><p>“Why do you do it with me?”</p><p>He didn’t have to think about that.</p><p>“Because you enjoy it,” he said. “And I enjoy it too.”</p><p>“Well,” she smiled. “Why would it be any different if I did it?”</p><p>He smiled back at her, and for a moment he wondered what it would feel like… but then he quickly pushed the thought away and shook his head.</p><p>“Raquel, it’s just not a proper thing to do for a lady.”</p><p>She patiently stroked his hand.</p><p>“My love,” she said. “I care about propriety too, of course I do – but only when we’re out in public. In here, it’s just you and me. Nobody else. So why should we care about what other people think is proper if nobody even knows about it?”</p><p>He gave her an amused look.</p><p>“Are you saying propriety is relative?”</p><p>“Of course it is,” she said calmly. “Propriety is constructed by society, and people only adhere to it because everybody else does.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but admire her logic – he knew she’d been reading a lot of philosophy over the past few months and it showed.</p><p>“You’re saying it’s ‘wrong’ for me to do this,” she continued, her brows furrowed in concentration. “But who gets to decide that? There are, of course, things in life that are inherently wrong, like hurting other people. But do you think there’s an inherent morality to the things we do with our bodies, as long as we both want it and we’re not hurting anyone?”</p><p>He blinked.</p><p>“That’s… well, that’s an excellent point.”</p><p>She smiled at him.</p><p>“Thank you. So what do you think?”</p><p>He thought about it for a moment, considering the question. Then he shook his head.</p><p>“No, I don’t think something we do can be inherently wrong if it doesn’t hurt other people and it’s consensual.”</p><p>“Good,” she smiled. “Then you agree that the propriety or impropriety of this matter is a social construct and we can just ignore it if we want to?”</p><p>He laughed.</p><p>“Yes… I suppose I’d have to agree with that.”</p><p>“Good,” she repeated, her eyes sparkling. “So… can I?”</p><p>She’d made an excellent logical argument, and he had to admit that he was very curious, but… he still found himself hesitating.</p><p>“I… I don’t know, Raquel…” he said. “It might not be morally wrong, but… but it still <em>feels </em>a little wrong to me.”</p><p>“Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “I understand. It’s not easy to change the way we feel about something with logic.”</p><p>She shifted closer to him and gave him a tantalizing smile as she put her hand on his chest.</p><p>“But you know…”</p><p>She slowly moved her hand down his chest and over his stomach.</p><p>“I learned a lot of interesting things today.”</p><p>She brushed her fingers against him and he felt himself harden again immediately. He swallowed hard.</p><p>“Uhm… really?”</p><p>“Yes,” she smiled, brushing her lips against his. “Really.”</p><p>She started stroking him, and he had to close his eyes. She’d touched him before, of course, but those had been soft, light touches as she’d explored him with careful fingers, a little uncertain of what to do. Now her movements were much more deliberate: she was running her fingers up and down his shaft, and then she wrapped her hand around him and squeezed, making him inhale sharply.</p><p>“Do you like that?” she murmured.</p><p>“Yes,” he whispered.</p><p>She started moving up and down, holding him tightly, and he groaned.</p><p>“Oh, Raquel…”</p><p>But she wasn’t done yet. She took her thumb and started moving it over the tip of him, making him shudder.</p><p>“Does that feel good?” she asked him, and he nodded eagerly.</p><p>“So good.”</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>“Well then… aren’t you curious what else I’ve learned?”</p><p>She had him there. The way she was touching him now was in no way comparable to the way she’d touched him before, and it made him <em>desperately </em>curious to find out what else Jennie had taught her. Her touches and her nearness were fast breaking down his resistance, but there was just a hint of it left, and she sensed his hesitation. She pulled back her hand and put it against his chest, looking up at him with an open, earnest gaze.</p><p>“My love,” she said, “of course we don’t have to do this if it makes you uncomfortable. I just think… if two people love each other the way we do… then the things we do out of love, and in the privacy of our own room… they can’t really be wrong, can they?”</p><p>He looked into her eyes, and he felt such a rush of tenderness for her as he finally felt the truth of what she was saying.</p><p>“No,” he whispered. “No, they can’t be wrong.”</p><p>He pulled her closer and kissed her softly.</p><p>“You’re amazing, Raquel,” he murmured against her lips. “Truly amazing.”</p><p>She gave him a soft look as she stroked his cheek.</p><p>“I just want to share this with you… in every way,” she said. “And give you some of the pleasure you’ve given me.”</p><p>He felt the last of his qualms disappear.</p><p>“Alright,” he murmured. “I… I think I’d like to try it.”</p><p>She smiled in delight and kissed him again.</p><p>“Good,” she said. “Let’s just try. If you don’t like it, or if it doesn’t feel right, we can stop.”</p><p>He nodded and touched her hand.</p><p>“The same goes for you,” he said earnestly. “If you find you don’t enjoy it, please don’t feel like you have to continue.” He smiled. “There are plenty of other things we can do that we both enjoy.”</p><p>“That’s very true,” she smiled back.</p><p>They lay down together and he pulled her close – he wanted to kiss her for a bit first, and for several minutes they sank into a slow, sweet kiss that reaffirmed their closeness. This time, when she started trailing her kisses down his chest and stomach, he didn’t stop her – he just took a deep breath and wondered what it would feel like. He supposed that it wouldn’t feel very different from when they did it the regular way, but he was still curious.</p><p>“Can I sit between your legs?” she asked, so he opened his legs and she came to sit between them.</p><p>They looked at each other for a moment and smiled, both a little nervous.  </p><p>“Tell me if I do something you don’t like,” she said. “Or if anything feels uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Alright,” he nodded. “Uhm… will you be careful? It’s just that it’s all rather sensitive and… well… teeth.”</p><p>She gave him a reassuring smile.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll be very careful.”</p><p>She bent down, and he expected her to just take him in her mouth, but she didn’t. Instead, she stuck out her tongue and licked the tip of him. Her tongue was soft and wet, and it sent a shiver straight through him.</p><p>“Is that alright?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes,” he whispered, hoping she would do it again.</p><p>She smiled and bent down again. She carefully took hold of him, and then she applied her tongue in the most wonderful way: licking and exploring, running it all over the tip of him, along the little ridge underneath, and over the sensitive frenulum. He was completely taken by surprise by how good it felt: her tongue so warm and soft exploring this most sensitive part of him was a sensation he’d never even imagined, and he let out a shuddering breath.</p><p>“Oh,” he said, “oh, that feels… that feels so nice.”</p><p>She looked up at him and smiled, then she continued, and he realized that there was another thing about it that he hadn’t expected: the sight of her running her tongue all over him was incredibly hot, and he pushed himself up onto his elbows to see it better. The way she was giving such close attention to that part of him felt so incredibly intimate, in the best possible way, and he couldn’t remember anymore why he’d been so hesitant before. The sensations she was evoking were making him tingle and squirm, incredibly tantalizing, making him long for more – because he sensed that there must be more, and his entire body was tense with anticipation to actually feel her mouth around him.</p><p>She took her time to discover him, however, and he was painfully hard by the time she finally looked up at him and raised her eyebrows.</p><p>“So… are you liking it so far?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said immediately, nodding eagerly. “Yes, please go on.”</p><p>She gave him a delighted smile and bent back down, and this time she took the tip of him in her mouth, and he sighed with bliss as she closed her lips around him. For a moment, it felt rather similar to being inside of her, and he thought that that was it – but then suddenly she sucked, and he gasped.</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>She started moving down on him, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she took him in – he’d never seen anything so incredibly sexy. He groaned as she started moving up and down – oh, that felt <em>amazing </em>– and then she moved up a little and focused on the tip, doing something with her tongue that made him gasp and grip the sheets until his knuckles whitened.</p><p>“Oh god! Oh, Raquel, how… how are you doing that?”</p><p>She kept it up for a few moments, the sensation of it taking his breath away, and then she pulled back and he let himself fall back into the pillows, breathing fast.</p><p>“My god,” he whispered. “That was amazing.”</p><p>To his surprise, she gave him a broad smile.</p><p>“I’m only getting started,” she said. “Are you ready for more?”</p><p>He stared at her in disbelief.</p><p>“There’s… there’s more?”</p><p>“Well,” she said, “it depends on how sensitive you are in… certain areas.”</p><p>She reached down a hand.</p><p>“Do you like to be touched… here?”</p><p>She brushed her fingers against his balls, and he shivered and pushed himself back up on his elbows.</p><p>“I’m… I’m not sure,” he said tentatively. “That’s very sensitive.”</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>“I’ll be very careful,” she assured him. “Can I try?”</p><p>He swallowed hard and nodded. He expected her to touch him, so he was surprised when she bent back down instead, and he bit his lip as he realized what she was about to do. When her tongue touched him there, impossibly warm and soft, his entire body shuddered, and he had to close his eyes at how good it felt. She ran her tongue all over him down there, and he thought nothing could <em>possibly </em>feel better – until she went a step further and took one in her mouth, sucking softly, and he was rendered speechless.</p><p>“Oh!” he gasped. “Oh, <em>Raquel!”</em></p><p>She kept it up for a few minutes, alternating between licking and sucking, and he’d never felt anything like it – it felt like heaven – absolute heaven – and he leaned back and enjoyed it, shivers running up and down his spine, his breathing shallow and uneven.</p><p>Finally, she came back up and smiled.</p><p>“Good to know that you like that,” she said. “Now, I’d like to try something that Jennie suggested, if it’s alright with you…”</p><p>“Anything,” he said weakly. “You can do anything you want.”</p><p>She laughed softly.</p><p>“Alright. I have a feeling you’re going to like it.”</p><p>He had no doubt about that at all, and every muscle in his body was tense with anticipation as she wrapped her fingers around him the way she had done before.</p><p>“What kind of pressure do you like?” she asked him. “Like this?”</p><p>“A little… a little more,” he said, then he groaned softly as she tightened her grip. “Yes, just like that.”</p><p>She bent down and put her mouth over him again, and then she started moving up and down, using both her hand and her mouth, and the contrast between the tightness of her fingers and the softness of her mouth was <em>incredible. </em>When she then used her other hand to cup his balls and started massaging them very gently, he thought he was going to pass out from the bliss of it. The combination of the sensations was unbearably exquisite, and all he could do was lie back and surrender to her, his eyes tightly closed, his hands gripping the sheets, whispering her name over and over again.</p><p>He wished it could last forever, but it just felt <em>too good</em>, and all too soon he was breathing fast and he felt himself tense as a familiar pressure started building inside of him. He tried to resist it as long as he could, but finally it rose to a point where he felt like he was about to lose control, so he pushed himself up on an elbow and touched her hair.</p><p>“Stop,” he said, “Raquel, stop, I’m going to…”</p><p>She pulled back and gave him a smile.</p><p>“That’s alright.”</p><p>But that was a line he wasn’t prepared to cross.</p><p>“No,” he said. “No, I don’t want that.”</p><p>“Jennie said it can’t hurt.”</p><p>He was shaking his head.</p><p>“No,” he said. “No, Raquel, I… I want to be close to you when that happens.”</p><p>She gave him a soft look and he opened his arms to her, and the next moment she was cuddling up to him and he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair with a happy sigh.</p><p>“Oh,” he murmured. “Oh, my love, that was <em>so</em> amazing.”</p><p>She looked up and smiled.</p><p>“You liked it?”</p><p>“I <em>loved </em>it,” he said, feeling like words couldn’t even <em>begin </em>to capture it. “<em>God</em>, Raquel, it felt… the things you did… you were <em>incredible</em>.”</p><p>Her eyes were sparkling.</p><p>“So… can I do it again sometime?”</p><p>He swallowed hard at the very thought.</p><p>“Yes please,” he whispered, and she laughed and drew his head down for a kiss.</p><p>He pulled her closer and kissed her deeply. He let his hands wander down her back, and when he started caressing her hips and buttocks, she pressed herself against him and he felt a sharp stab of desire for her. She pulled back and he saw the same desire mirrored in her eyes as she looked at him.</p><p>“Do you want to continue?” she asked, a little breathlessly.</p><p>“More than anything,” he replied, stroking her thigh.</p><p>“Do you want to be on top?”</p><p>“No,” he said, “I want you to enjoy it too.”</p><p>She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled at him.</p><p>“I do enjoy that.”</p><p>He smiled back and moved his hand to the inside of her thigh.</p><p>“You know what I mean,” he murmured. “I want to be able to touch you.”</p><p>Her eyes started sparkling again.</p><p>“Well, Jennie had some interesting suggestions about that too. You see, I don’t necessarily have to be on top for that.”</p><p>“You don’t?” he said curiously.</p><p>“No,” she said, blushing slightly. “Jennie said there are… other ways. For example, I could… I could get onto my hands and knees and you could get behind me.”</p><p>He blinked in surprise as he pictured it.</p><p>“Isn’t that a little… uhm… animalistic?”</p><p>She chuckled.</p><p>“Animalistic?”</p><p>“Well…” he said, blushing too. “Isn’t that how… how dogs and horses do it?”</p><p>She laughed softly.</p><p>“Maybe the dogs and horses are on to something,” she winked. “Jennie said it can feel really good. Can we at least try it?”</p><p>Her eyes were shining, and he couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.</p><p>“Alright, let’s try it.”</p><p>She kissed him happily, then they broke apart and sat up. He wasn’t expecting much, but then she got onto her hands and knees and he immediately saw the appeal. The sight of her like that, offering herself to him, was one of the most arousing things he’d ever seen, and he felt such a stab of desire for her, such a longing to push himself inside of her. He swallowed hard as he got behind her and cupped her buttocks with both hands, savoring her soft curves as he ran his hands down to her thighs.</p><p>“Oh, Raquel,” he whispered. “You look…”</p><p>She looked back over her shoulder and smiled at him.</p><p>“So do you want to…?”</p><p>“Yes,” he whispered, still looking down at her, mesmerized. “In a minute…”</p><p>The soft pink folds between her legs were irresistible. He gently spread them with his thumbs, then he bent down and ran his tongue along her in one slow, broad stroke that made her shudder. He did it again, and again, until her breathing quickened and she was moaning softly. She was already wet, and oh, how he loved the taste of her – he wanted more of it. He pushed his tongue inside of her, and as he explored her, she started trembling.</p><p>“Oh,” she whimpered. “Oh, Sergio, I want you.”</p><p>He wanted her too – he was absolutely aching to be inside of her, so he straightened up and guided himself to her, then he took hold of her hips with both hands and groaned as he pushed in slowly, savoring the sensation of her warmth and softness enveloping him fully, his brain flooding with the bliss of it. She let out a long, low moan and arched her back, and he loved the sight of the lovely lines of her bottom and back as he started taking her with slow, deep strokes.</p><p>“Hmm,” he murmured, “I see the advantages.”</p><p>He reached forward with both hands and cupped her breasts, and she moaned again as he started massaging her nipples, amplifying her pleasure as he deeply pressed into her at the same time.</p><p>“Harder,” she whispered. “I want it… harder.”</p><p>He put his hands back on her hips and obliged her, increasing the pace and pushing into her with more force.</p><p>“Oh!” she moaned. “Oh, yes! Harder, Sergio, please…”</p><p>“I… I don’t want to hurt you…”</p><p>“You won’t,” she said breathlessly. “Really. I just… I need… I <em>need</em> more…”</p><p>He gripped her hips more tightly and thrust into her at full force, drawing a sharp cry from her lips.</p><p>“Yes! Oh, yes, just like that!”</p><p>He started taking her harder than he ever had before, and she was clearly loving it, moving her hips in time with his movements and moaning loudly every time he pushed into her. God<em>, </em>this was <em>amazing</em> – he let go of his usual restraint and took her with abandon, thrusting into her up to the hilt again and again until they were both breathing hard and she was begging him.</p><p>“Sergio,” she panted, “Please, I want… I want to…”</p><p>He knew what she meant – he moved his hand around her hip and slipped it between her legs. When his fingers reached the right spot, she let him know immediately, and he started stroking her there, while still taking her deeply. The combined sensations soon had their effect on her, and he saw her tense, her fingers gripping the sheets as she started to shake.</p><p>“Oh!” she suddenly cried out, and he felt her contract around him. “Oh yes, yes, <em>yes!</em>”</p><p>There was nothing in the world that was sexier to him than seeing and feeling her like this – knowing that <em>he </em>was making it happen, knowing that she was coming for <em>him. </em>He needed all of his strength not to lose control himself, but he wanted to focus on her, make it last, so he kept up exactly what he was doing as the feeling rocked her, pressing himself deep inside of her with every thrust, making her moan and moan.</p><p>Finally, he felt her relax, and he eased off gradually and stroked her hips as she recovered. She took a few shuddering breaths, then she looked at him over her shoulder, her eyes warm and dark.</p><p>“That was amazing,” she whispered. “Do you want to go on?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said immediately, rather desperate by now for his own release, feeling like he was about to burst.</p><p>“Go on then,” she smiled, and he gratefully thrust into her again.</p><p>She felt so good, and he knew it wouldn’t take long – but then she suddenly went down onto her elbows, changing the angle of her hips, and he gasped as she was suddenly so tight around him.</p><p>“Oh! Oh, that feels…”</p><p>It only took one, two, three more strokes before the tension inside of him peaked and broke, and he groaned and held on tightly to her hips as the sensation swept through him in a fiery wave, making him shake and tingle all over, taking his breath away.</p><p>The next moment, they collapsed onto the bed together, panting, their hearts racing, and he rolled onto his back and pressed his hands to his face.</p><p>“<em>God,</em>” he breathed. “That was incredible. <em>Incredible, </em>Raquel, all of it, I… I can’t even…”</p><p>He reached out to her and she shifted closer to him, settling herself against his side and draping her arm over his chest with a very satisfied feeling.</p><p>“So…” she smiled, “do you still think it was a bad idea for me to talk to Jennie?”</p><p>“Lord no,” he said immediately. “I didn’t know what I was saying before. It was an excellent, <em>excellent </em>idea.”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, feeling warm and happy as she stroked his chest. “I agree.”</p><p>They spent a few minutes just lying close together, recovering, basking in the afterglow. Then he bent his head and murmured in her ear.</p><p>“Alright… now you really have to tell me… did Jennie mention anything else that I could do that you might like?”</p><p>She smiled – she loved that he hadn’t forgotten about that.</p><p>“As a matter of fact, she did,” she said.</p><p>He turned towards her with an attentive look on his face.</p><p>“I’m all ears.”</p><p>She felt herself blush a little.</p><p>“Well,” she started slowly. “You know how you need some time to recover… afterwards?”</p><p>“Yes,” he nodded.</p><p>“Well, Jennie said that women don’t need… that much time. Or any time at all, in some cases.”</p><p>He perked up.</p><p>“You mean… you could go again? Right now?”</p><p>“Yes,” she said, blushing furiously. “Jennie said some women can… can finish… twice in a row, and now I… I wonder if I could…”</p><p>She trailed off into a laugh as he rolled her onto her back and started pressing tickling kisses to her neck.</p><p>“Now that is <em>very </em>interesting information,” he murmured against her skin. “And I feel that it calls for a <em>thorough </em>and <em>immediate </em>investigation.”</p><p>He looked up at her and smiled.</p><p>“That is… if you want to?”</p><p>“Yes,” she whispered, biting her lip. “I want to.”</p><p>He started trailing kisses down her chest and she sighed happily as she settled herself comfortably among the pillows – this had been <em>exactly </em>how she’d hoped he would react, and she could have known that he wouldn’t disappoint her. After all, he was just as curious about the things her body could do as she was herself – maybe even more. He slowly moved his kisses down her body, and she spread her legs so he could lie between them. She hadn’t been sure if she could get aroused again so quickly, but when he started kissing the inside of her thighs, she felt an immediate thrill of anticipation at her core, causing a sharp tingle between her legs, and she realized that she was more than ready to go again. She hummed in contentment as he inched his way higher up her thigh, and when he pressed his mouth to her, she closed her eyes with a sigh and surrendered to the feelings he evoked so effortlessly.</p><p>His tongue quickly found the right spot, and she realized that she was more sensitive there than usual – probably because it had only been a few minutes since she... The memory of how he had made her come before caused another sharp tingle between her legs, and she moaned softly as his tongue started moving, so warm and soft, making her feel <em>so good. </em>In fact, she thought that it felt even better than usual – every movement of his tongue was amplified by the new sensitivity, and soon her breathing quickened and her hips started moving rhythmically. She felt herself get lost in the feeling… but then she suddenly remembered something.</p><p>“Sergio,” she said, and he looked up as she pushed herself up on her elbows.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Jennie mentioned something else you could do,” she started, but then she hesitated.</p><p>“What is it?” he asked, clearly curious.</p><p>She felt herself go red again as she suddenly wondered if this was a good idea.</p><p>“We don’t have to…” she said quickly. “I’d have to… instruct you, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re in school…”</p><p>He laughed softly and kissed the inside of her thighs again.</p><p>“I don’t mind a little instruction,” he said. “Instruction is what got me this far, after all. It was very awkward getting instructed by Jennie last year, but I don’t mind it at all when it’s you.”</p><p>“The thing is…” she said, feeling herself go even redder, “I’m not quite sure about it either. Jennie described it to me, but she said it can be… it can be hard to find, and maybe we’d have to… just try for a bit.”</p><p>He gave her a soft, steady look.</p><p>“That’s alright,” he murmured. “I like trying things with you.”</p><p>They smiled at each other, and she felt a little braver. Giving him explicit instructions felt very brazen and a little awkward, but Jennie had assured her that the payoff could be worth it, and she was too curious not to try.</p><p>“Alright,” she said tentatively, mustering her courage. “You’d have to… you’d have to put your fingers… well… in.”</p><p>He nodded, reached out a hand and stroked her gently, making her experience a sudden rush of desire to feel him inside of her again.</p><p>“How many fingers?” he asked.</p><p>“Jennie said to start with one and then maybe add more if it felt good. Palm up.”</p><p>He slipped one finger inside her, but he’d already been inside of her before and she was very wet, so that didn’t make her feel very much.</p><p>“Try two,” she instructed him, then she sighed with pleasure as he added a second finger. “Yes, that’s better.”</p><p>“More?” he asked her, and she bit her lip and nodded.</p><p>“Let’s try one more.”</p><p>He carefully added a third finger, stretching her so deliciously that it drew a soft moan from her lips, his fingers causing a pressure and fullness that felt <em>amazing. </em></p><p>“Is that alright?” he asked her.</p><p>“Yes,” she breathed, “yes, it feels really good.”</p><p>It took her a moment to gather her thoughts to remember Jennie’s next instruction.</p><p>“Now… now move up to about your second knuckle.”</p><p>She moaned again as he pushed in further, filling her up.</p><p>“Yes! Now you should… curl your fingers a little and see if you can find a spot… Jennie said the texture should feel a little different.”</p><p>She shivered as she felt him curl his fingers inside of her and explore her.</p><p>“Hmm,” he murmured. “I think… maybe here?”</p><p>“Push up,” she instructed him, very curious to know if she’d feel anything, and if so, what it would feel like.</p><p>He pushed upwards against her, and she thought she felt… something.</p><p>“Try a little lower,” she whispered, so he shifted a little and tried again. This time she <em>definitely </em>felt something, and she quite liked it.  </p><p>“Here?” he asked, and she nodded.</p><p>“I think so. Push a little harder?”</p><p>He pressed his fingers against her, hard, and she gasped and clutched at the sheets in surprise.</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>“Is that good?” he asked her quickly, and she nodded eagerly.</p><p>“Yes, that’s… that’s <em>very </em>good. Now… now do it again, but in a rhythm, like you do when… when we…”</p><p>He nodded his understanding and started pushing upwards in a steady rhythm, and she fell back into the pillows with a moan, helpless before the delicious sensation he was evoking inside of her. The feeling of it went deeper than anything she’d ever felt before, as he stimulated a new part of her, and she was struggling to speak.</p><p>“Now… now use your mouth again,” she gasped, then threw her head back with a moan as he obliged her.</p><p>The combined sensations of his fingers and his tongue were <em>exquisite</em>, and she surrendered to them completely, her face flushed, her breathing fast and uneven, her fingers twisted into the sheets as she held onto them for dear life. He was kindling a fire deep inside of her and as he continued, it started burning brighter than ever, more insistent than she’d ever experienced it before, and after a while she wasn’t even aware of the sounds she was making anymore, feeling like her body was outside of her control now – like she was entirely at his mercy. When he picked up the pace with both his fingers and his tongue, the flames inside of her rose to a pitch that was nearly unbearable, and she was gasping his name, her back arching off the bed, every muscle tense – and then the feeling swept through her like a wildfire, and she rose up out of the pillows with a cry as it consumed her entire body, unimaginably vivid, making her tremble and shake and gasp for breath. It lasted longer than usual, keeping her burning, sparks flying, for several endless moments, until the fire slowly died down to smoldering embers, and she collapsed back down into the pillows, completely out of breath.</p><p>“Oh,” she panted, her voice shaky. “Oh <em>Sergio</em>!”</p><p>He came up and took her in his arms, and she curled up against his chest, pressing her face against his skin with a soft moan. He gently stroked her back as she recovered.</p><p>“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice full of concern, so she turned her face up to him and smiled, feeling rather dazed, but in the best way.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” she whispered. “Yes, that was…”</p><p>“Good?” he smiled.</p><p>“That doesn’t even <em>begin </em>to cover it,” she said, pulling his head down.</p><p>He laughed softly in delight and kissed her.</p><p>“So… better than usual?”</p><p>She tried hard to find the words to describe it.</p><p>“It was… more intense,” she said. “And usually it feels focused around one specific point, while now I felt it… <em>everywhere.”</em></p><p>She shivered at the memory and pulled him in for another kiss. They sank into it for a while, their bodies pressed together, his arms around her and her hands in his hair. She loved these moments right after, when she felt closer to him than ever, when they were basking together in the wonder of the experience they’d just shared.</p><p>Finally, she pulled back slightly.</p><p>“Do you still have Jennie’s address?” she asked him. “I want to send her a note to thank her, and… I don’t know, I feel like we should send her flowers or…”</p><p>“Diamonds?” he suggested, and they both laughed.</p><p>“She’d deserve them!” Raquel said appreciatively. “I don’t know how else we would have learned about all of this. I’m sure we would have figured out some of these things eventually, but some of it I never would have guessed. Like the spot you found with your fingers just now, or the fact that women can go more than once…”</p><p>She stopped as he suddenly gave her an attentive look.</p><p>“Wait,” he said. “More than once? Earlier you said that she’d told you women can finish twice in a row. Did she actually say <em>twice </em>or did she say <em>more than once</em>?”</p><p>She thought about it.</p><p>“More than once, I think. Does it matter?”</p><p>The way he was looking at her caused a flutter in her belly.</p><p>“What?” she smiled.</p><p>“Well,” he said slowly, letting his hand wander down her back. “<em>More than once </em>doesn’t have to mean <em>twice</em>, you know. It could be… three times. Or four. Or five. Or even more.”</p><p>She felt a little breathless at the mere thought.</p><p>“Do you really think…?”</p><p>“Only one way to find out,” he smiled. “If you’re open to some… experimentation, of course.”</p><p>She looked up into his shining eyes and she felt her stomach flutter again. Oh, she loved his curiosity, and his eagerness to discover and explore her body, and how generous and selfless he was. She drew his head down and kissed him.</p><p>“Yes,” she murmured against his lips. “I think I’m <em>definitely </em>open to some experimentation.”</p><p>He smiled, then kissed her deeply, and she felt the familiar unmistakable tingle between her legs. She could barely believe it – she already wanted him again. She sighed happily as he started kissing her neck, then moved further down, and soon he had her moaning again. They didn’t get much sleep that night, but neither of them minded at all.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos and comments are, as always, extremely appreciated! 💗</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165485">Downstairs</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirloverseas/pseuds/thegirloverseas">thegirloverseas</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
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